(Chpt. 33) Doubts.

Alice.

I looked outside the carriage to see what time it was, the sun was setting, however, the wagon showed no signs of slowing down. Yami informed us that the merchant was actually desperate to reach the capital. Therefore he would 'pull an all-nighter’ I did not know what she meant, but I assumed he would stay driving all night. Which isn’t all that uncommon when things are urgent. 

Yami proceeded to call Fenri over and whispered something in his ear. Fenri ended up giving a slight nod and afterwards, he received a lovable pat messing up his head fur. I wanted to do the same.

“Fenri,” I called over to him while gesturing with my hand. He slowly but carelessly approached me, ending up in front of me. I did not think much of it, but how would I snuggle him? After thinking for a nonexistent amount of time I decided to hug him. 

“Woof.” He gave me a sweet bark, I guess he enjoyed the hug from earlier today as well. He was just so soft and he wasn’t too warm nor too cold. Overall, I would say it was the most comfortable pillow I have ever used in my life. Sadly, even Fenri got tired of my hugging after a while and moved, albeit reluctantly. I think he actually did not get tired. 

Fenri went towards Yami and just laid on the floor acting as a pillow. ‘So that’s how it was.’ I muttered and looked outside from the back again, I could only see the silvery moonlight entering the wagon. I could hear the rustling of the grass and the ever so slightly and creaking wood of the wagon. Before I knew, Yami was gesturing me to come towards her. 

As soon as I arrived next to her, she just hugged me and dozed off. ‘Am I a pillow or something? Well… If that’s the case... I don’t mind being a pillow.’ With those thoughts, I hugged her back as always. 

I mean, getting constantly hugged is not annoying and it certainly cheers me up after ‘that’ happened. However, despite all of the things I have found out about Yami, I can’t help but think she is still a complete mystery. I do remember Aizen calling her Kuro, but that makes no sense. It’s her family name AND a male name. Also, she is the disciple of that person, I don’t get it at all… 

Aizen is pretty mysterious herself, but I feel like even if she were to tell me basically everything, I would still be confused. Yami seems to really be into rocks? I did manage to pick up the conversation earlier, although it was quite awkward... and, I did not understand a lot of the contents. Aizen is going to look into the academy? I wonder how that will turn out… A dragon going into a magic academy… Well, I hope nothing happens that makes us need to leave the capital. 

Now thinking about it, why was Yami interested in the church? I mean I don’t mind telling her, but it was such a sudden thing that it made me nervous. Especially that place. The very thought of it just makes me shiver. I seriously wouldn’t mind telling Yami at all, but she did not seem to want me to tell her unless I was completely sure. I still have my doubts, especially now that she seems a slightly bit more conscious about her beastkin features. 

No matter how I look at the church, it doesn’t make sense. Absolute devotion to God is completely logical, but... When you go deeper, they are not worshiping God, I understand their logic, but it is just weird. But... why justify all of the crusades and everything that I was told regarding its history. Just for items? What can a high tier item do that makes them so special? Yami’s rings are incredibly special, but I cannot see an item going further than that. 

The church is flawed, and I want to see it disappear. But, I can’t help but feel like a hypocrite thinking about it. I could probably go on a rant about everything that is wrong with just the church but in reality, I think the entire world being based around levels and a weird voice of god that resounds in your head is weird. Then again, the first time I heard that voice was… I shouldn’t think about it. 

I shook my head with my last thought. Hitting Fenri’s belly in the process. 

“Sorry.” I murmured to him. 

I can’t believe I accidentally hit Fenri. I hope he knows how truly sorry I am. I just have too many things in mind.  Yami and Aizen are weird even though I like them, and they are better people than almost every person I have met. I still can’t help but worry about what is about to come. Yami is the disciple of that person, what if the word goes out? What if the church comes from hearing about her? What if they find out she is a beastkin? Too many things I need to worry about, yet I am powerless. 

I hope we can just live in the capital or something. That would certainly be nice. I wonder… Yami did say something along the lines of not knowing where she would be, and she still doesn’t seem to have a particular destination in mind. I wonder if we could live in the capital? That would be nice. Getting captured and enslaved is bad, but I think my situation was just misfortune. 

Now thinking about it, why did Cecil get captured? She did mention it having to do with being a mage. But just thinking about it, I can’t think of any particular reason to why would anyone capture you for just that. I do understand Mages are in high demand in the monster killing department. But well, Cecil seems to be younger than me, her being a good enough level for a mage would be impossible. At least that’s what I think, she did not even seem to have a class. At least she said she wasn’t a mage. Well no use thinking much about it, for all I know they just want weak mages for them to act as servants. Elemental magic is a convenient skill to have just to live. Creating fire, water to drink, wind to dry your clothes. Overall, I wish I had those attributes. Instead, I am stuck with [Light]... Well, not like I can complain too much. One is born with their attribute, unlike classes. 

Classes… I remembered now, I have been too busy thinking about Yami and Aizen. But what about me? It’s not like I have nothing to worry about. Ah, well. It should be fine, Aizen and Yami don’t seem particularly worried about their issues. So I guess I should worry less about mine. 

But, well no use in worrying about it, everyone else is now sleeping. I guess I should sleep as well, I kind of wonder how does Aizen manage to sleep whenever she feels like it? Is it a special dragon skill or something? I feel jealous now. I am really trying to sleep but I am just having random thoughts. and I can’t do anything about it. How frustrating! I wonder if other people suffer from the same thing? Aizen certainly doesn’t seem like it, and Yami doesn’t either… 

I decided to slightly lift my head to look for Cecil. ‘How weird,’ I murmured. I could not see her. Before I noticed she was between me and Yami. She was soundlessly asleep.

I guess she doesn’t have the issue either... 

Before I knew it I fell asleep. 

* * *

‘I wonder what she was thinking about?’ I muttered as I saw Ari finally fall asleep. 

I shouldn’t have slept earlier… I kind of regret it now, not being able to fall asleep… I am technically a dragon, no? I think? I don’t get it, I should be able to sleep for days on end… Wait… Am I closer to a human than a dragon? That would certainly explain how uncomfortable it feels to curl into a ball… Well, not like I will stop doing it.

One day without sleep wouldn’t be bad. If I am human now, I should be able to do it. At least every single person that tried to kill me, was able to do it. I should be fine. Sleep is not necessary anyway. I only did it because it was better than looking at a rocky wall. 

With those thoughts in mind, I stood up and just looked outside the wagon, looking at the forest and ever-changing landscape that we were leaving behind. The breeze was cool and left a nice sensation on the skin. I just kept observing the outside. 

I never really bothered with the world. But, I think it is a pity I missed out on views like these ones. The only view I ever had was the one in my cave. That somehow changed during that period of time. I still remember leaving my cave and finding myself in an entirely different place. I don’t know if this is a new world or just a different place. I have no way to check such things anymore. 

But I wonder… Before, there were multiple strong warriors, rather. People that I would consider having reached the limit. Yet there have been no individuals like that since I left the cave. The hero came close, seeing he could stop my careless physical attacks. But, if he had reached the limit, Ruin spell shouldn’t have affected him. Weird. Funny how someone like me, considered the smartest and wisest, no longer knows anything about this world. It shares similarities, but I haven’t recognized any place we have went to, how odd… Well, I am no longer the [Legendary Dragon], at least I can leave those things behind and move forward. 

Wait… Now thinking about it, why do I still have the title of [Legendary Dragon] I am not even a dragon anymore? Can you lose titles? I am pretty sure you can. So, why do I still have it? Am I still considered the same? As much as I hate to admit it. I don’t understand this world. It makes no sense. But regardless if I am still a dragon or not. I have things I did not have before, and I have people I want to protect now.