Chapter 168 - 167 - Voice In My Head(Part 1)

I flopped down onto my bed with a strained sigh, grimacing as I stared up at the ceiling with a sense of frustration. It was currently the 2nd of November, sometime in the evening, a little over two days after the end of the combat exam. 

After I killed the Crocsnek and passed out, Bytra had apparently dragged both Johan and I back to the base. At least, she tried to, but we were too heavy for her. Fortunately, the X-Warriors posted at the base rushed over to see what happened...naturally, they had felt the impact of the shockwaves caused by the Mutant and couldn't just ignore it. 

They then took us back to the Sanctuary, where Johan and I were taken to the underground facility in the X-Warrior Zone for treatment. Bytra only had minor wounds thanks to Johan healing her before he passed out, so she just went home after a quick check-up at a regular hospital. 

Johan's injuries were the most severe, with several broken bones and few ruptured internal organs...had we not been found in time, he'd have probably died. 

Kiran's death had resulted in even greater criticism and backlash against the X-Warrior Zone, and it was haunting me...every time I closed my eyes, I could see his severed head, laying there in a puddle of blood, his eyes dull and lifeless. 

After I was taken to the underground facility, I didn't wake up till sometime last night, I'd been unconscious for over thirty-five hours. Normally, draining your XFE wouldn't require such a long recovery time, but apparently, I went beyond that, which shouldn't even be possible. 

According to the researcher that treated me, I'd somehow burnt through my own life force to keep going after I used up all my XFE, and the backlash from that is what kept me asleep for longer than usual.

Apparently, Paragons have an energy core inside them, a non-physical sphere that generates and replenishes our XFE after we use it. That core is also our lifeline, I suppose you could call it our soul. Normally, once all XFE has been entirely used up, the user loses consciousness. 

And thanks to me, now we know why...because trying to force out and use any more than that would drain the user's life force, or in other words, shorten their lifespan. Fortunately, I hadn't used much of it, just barely enough to reduce my lifespan by two or three months at most, according to the researcher that treated me. 

Somehow, during that battle, I'd managed to stay conscious even after using up my XFE, and then burnt through a small bit of my life force to continue tearing apart the Crocsnek. 

Even after I regained consciousness, both Director Silva and Kilella insisted that I stay in bed in the underground facility until I'm fully recovered...and then, just about an hour ago, they finally let me go. 

My sister had insisted on coming over to look after me for at least a day or two, but literally two minutes after walking into my apartment, she passed out on a chair, fast asleep. 

I glanced at her as she began to snore...there were dark circles under her eyes, she looked completely exhausted. She must have been really worried about me, huh...that makes me feel kinda awkward, but also really happy. 

My stomach then rumbled, as I got out of bed and headed for the kitchen with a quiet sigh. I was a little worn out, but since I'd been unconscious for nearly a day and a half, I wasn't all that sleepy. I am pretty hungry though...I think I've got some Nutella left, I'll make myself a sandwich. 

As I took out the Nutella and some sliced bread, I changed my mind and instead tore and dipped a piece of the bread slice right into the spread, before tossing it into my mouth and munching on it...I was too hungry to go to the trouble of making a sandwich, I just couldn't be bothered. 

I then opened my fridge and took out a carton of chocolate milk and some fruits, a bunch of grapes, an apple and a couple of mandarin oranges. And before I knew it, I was wolfing them all down ravenously, stuffing my face as if it was the end of the world. 

And without even realizing it, tears began streaming down my face, as a sense of immense frustration enveloped me, clenching my fist as I chomped into the apple. Damn it...I couldn't do a thing until it was too late. 

Talk about useless...and in the end, I couldn't even stay conscious. Had I taken even a few more seconds to continue toying with that Mutant, I might have passed out without finishing it off, or alternatively, shaved off even more of my remaining lifespan before getting around to killing it. 

I know that agonizing over it isn't going to do any good, it certainly won't change anything...specifically, it won't bring back the dead, not ever. But even so, what else can I do but agonize over it, huh!? 

I can't just brush it off and move past it so easily, even if I wanted to. I...I don't know what I'm supposed to do. What can I do? 

After all, I'm fairly certain that this was my fault...the Crocsnek focused its attention on me after it emerged from the ground, just as it had when it attacked the Sanctuary, which I managed to undo. 

Okay, yeah, no doubt about it...this was definitely my fault. And for all I know, there are more Crocsneks out there, not to mention other Ace Mutants. The warding radiation acts as a deterrent, but is it actually foolproof? 

Damn it...I need to stop. Calm down, I need to be rational. That doesn't mean denying or ignoring my emotions, it just means not allowing my emotions to get the better of me. 

I have to combine rationality with these emotions to get clarity...and I'll use that to get a clear picture in my head, of how to avoid making the same mistakes again. That's it...calm down and think this through, what is it that I should be doing right now? 

Training, obviously...I need to get stronger. Strong enough to take down an Ace Mutant on my own. That's probably easier said than done, even with my Unleash Anomaly form, there's no guarantee that I can take one out...after all, there could be stronger Mutants than the Crocsnek. 

And of course, Mutants are far from the only threat to worry about, there's the Wights too. They have numerous Anomalies, far more than we do, and they have a much better idea of our overall firepower than we do of theirs. 

Oh, looks like I ate everything that I took out...and kinda made a mess. Whatever, I'll clean it up later for once, I just can't be bothered right now. I headed back to my room, where my sister looked like she was about to fall off the chair she was sleeping on. 

I let out a sigh as I walked over and gently lifted her up in my arms, before slowly placing her down on my bed, pulling the covers over her, being careful not to wake her up. I then sat down on the floor and closed my eyes. 

I think I know where I need to start...the thing inside me, I have to talk to it again. I'm sure that wasn't a dream. I didn't tell anyone about it yet, and I won't until I fully understand exactly what it is. The only problem is that, uh...I have no idea how to talk to it like I did before. 

I was closing my eyes and concentrating, but that wasn't doing anything. How did it happen last time? Oh, right, I was unconscious. Is that necessary in order to talk to it? What a pain. 

Hm? Something feels...weird, yet kinda familiar. What is this? I could feel something stirring my XFE, it was a strange feeling...it almost felt like something was trying to guide me, telling me to channel my XFE in this particular way. 

Is it the thing inside me? Well, only one way to find out. I began channeling my XFE in the way I felt it being guided, and-...wait, is this for real? Why am I channeling it to this spot? Am I being messed with or something? Or maybe-...oh, never mind, looks like it worked. 

I was back inside the dimension of darkness I'd been in before, my subconscious. And I could feel that I had to concentrate to stay here, if my focus starts slipping, my surroundings slowly get brighter and brighter, until I wake up. 

It is a bit of a problem that I'm unaware of the surroundings around my body on the outside though, it makes me feel kinda uneasy. 

"Hey, you're back, I see. What's up?" Came that distorted voice. 

"Yeah, I am," I replied, as I turned around to face it, "We need to talk, whatever you are-." 

"Ahem, it's Murderzachs."

"...hell, no, it's absolutely not." 

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