Chapter 234

Chapter 234

Amethyst, though sound asleep, tossed and turned in the midst of a dream. She was sitting at a dining table, arguing with two children because they refused to eat their steamed broccoli. Her own food remained untouched, as she did everything she could to get the children to eat. She didn’t blame them, she wasn’t a fan of broccoli herself, but she had to make sure they were getting healthy food. Finally, she gave up and told them, in frustration, that they could just starve.

The scene shifted to the bathroom. She had filled up the tub for the children to take a bath. As they splashed around in the water, she went out to the kitchen to finish the dishes. She had only time to clean two plates before she could hear them fighting. They weren’t able to play nicely with each other for more than a few minutes. They had started shouting in anger and calling her name

She peeled off her rubber gloves and threw them across the room in frustration. Storming to the bathroom, she tried to console both of the kids at the same time, but it was difficult to get them to calm down. She didn’t want to be constantly scolding them, but she also couldn’t condone their behaviour. She just didn’t know what to do with them. She wanted to cry. Was she a bad mother or was this normal behaviour in other families? She couldn’t help but think that she didn’t have the skills to raise children properly. Her confidence was shot and she needed help. She begged them to stop as she cried, rocking back and forth, telling herself everything would be fine.

Being a single mother was too much. Sometimes she wished for the weekend to be over so that she could send the kids back to their father. She never had any time to herself anymore. It was as if she had given over to a life of servitude.

The scene changed again.

In the living room, a man lay on the sofa and played on his smartphone as he always did. He seemed unaware of the mess and chaos around him. There were beer bottles and dirty glasses everywhere. Old food boxes and soiled clothes covered the floor. None of this concerned the man, as he retreated into his own little world. It was as if the sofa and his phone were the only things that existed in his surroundings.

Amethyst got upset while cleaning up the beer bottles, dirty dishes, and food crumbs. She was getting angry at the lazy man on the couch, who wouldn’t even help her with such small tasks. She felt it unfair that she had to do all of the work. I want to disappear, she thought. I want all of this to be over!

If she disappeared, everything would become his responsibility. She wanted to see how he would do without her, to know how hard it was to be in her position. Frustrated, she opened the front door and stepped out to the front porch.

The glow that was cast by the moonlight split and coalesced into the forms of her two small children. They tormented her from the front lawn.

“That’s why you abandoned us?” they said, their voices echoing in unison. “Because you felt frustrated? Because you were tired? Does it feel good that you ran away?”

The voices grew louder in her head, until she couldn’t bear it anymore. “No! I didn’t abandon you!” she yelled at the apparitions. “I wanted to run away, but I didn’t mean for it to actually happen.” She hadn’t thought that she would actually disappear.

Now, in the reality of this new world, Amethyst moaned and tossed in her sleep. If anyone had been present to listen, they would hear her mouth over and over that she was sorry. That she was wrong. Her body shuddered with sobbing, and the memories of this dream would, once again, had her asking for forgiveness as she struggled to wake.

***

It was approaching dawn when Amethyst awoke, and the dull light made shadows out of the objects in her room. Her bed linen was soaked through with sweat, that made her body sticky and uncomfortable.

She took a deep breath and wiped away the tears that hadn’t dried from her eyes yet, relieved to be out of the dream that haunted her every night. Only it wasn’t a dream. It was the reality of her past. She had tried to comfort herself that the memories would become faint over time. Only that didn’t happen. The longer time went by the more painful the memories became. She knew now that this was her penance for the guilt of the family she had abandoned, and she deserved it.

She rose and went into the bathroom to shower away the film of moisture that still clung to her body. Then she stripped the bed sheets to wash. After dressing and fixing her hair, she went into the kitchen to make some breakfast. She had just sat down to a hard-boiled egg and some fruit when there was a frantic knocking on the entrance door downstairs. Amethyst had no idea who would be at the café at this hour, but the knocking seemed quite urgent.

Amethyst headed nervously downstairs, envisioning a thief who wanted to rob her. In the gloom of the morning, she could make out a small figure outside of the entrance.

“Auntie?” The soft voice of Erina called fearfully into the café.

Amethyst quickly turned off the magical security and opened the door. Erina was panicking and tears were streaming down her dusty cheeks. For some reason she was barefoot and didn’t have a jacket in the cool morning.

“Oh my god! Erina, what happened?!” Amethyst quickly ushered the girl indoors.

“Mommy… Mommy’s sick.”

“What? Pauline? How?” Amethyst sat the girl down on a chair and knelt so she was at eye level.

“I don’t know. She’s just moaning.” Erina struggled to hold back more tears.

“Is her body hot?” Amethyst asked.

Erina nodded. Amethyst thought that Pauline had not looked in perfect health yesterday. She held the girl’s hands to comfort her. This whole situation must have been incredibly scary for Erina. How worried she must have been if she ran all the way to the café in bare feet.

“Erina, don’t worry, I’ll come help. You just wait here for a moment. I’ll go upstairs and get dressed and then we can go see your mother. All right?”