Chapter 327 - The Scum Is Dependent

"Yes." Xi Xing's voice when he answered pulled Xi Ming from his thoughts. "If not?" he asked as he tilted his head, seriously staring at Xi Ming's face. 

Xi Ming's brows knitted. "If not…" he muttered as he pondered. Suddenly, he paused and stared back at Xi Xing. "Wait. You're really leaving Gong Xian?!" he asked, his voice and face filled with disbelief. 

Xi Xing frowned, seemingly confused why Xi Ming would react like this. "Yes." He nodded. "What's wrong?" he asked. 

'what's wrong?'?! Xi Ming thought as his eyes widened. How can there be nothing wrong when you're leaving the person you're always sticking to! Did something suddenly possess Xi Xing?! Xi Ming gaped at Xi Xing. "Xi Xing… you…" he spoke when he suddenly thought of something. His eyes brightened and he held Xi Xing's shoulders. "Xi Xing, you… you're leaving Gong Xian for… me?" he said, his voice low and sounded unsure. 

Xi Xing nodded. "Yes. Aren't I going with you?" he asked. 

Xi Ming's eyes seemed to sparkle like the stars. Xi Xing is leaving Gong Xian for me! I'm more important than Gong Xian for Xi Xing! He thought, a wide grin on his lips the more he thought. "Xi Xing." He called. 

"Hm?" Xi Xing muttered. 

"I'm sorry for yelling at you earlier." Xi Ming apologized. "I am just very worried…" he explained. 

Xi Xing looked at Xi Ming's soft gaze and he felt his heart skipped a beat. "Mn." He answered and lowered his gaze. 

"Are you mad?" Xi Ming asked. "Hit me. You can hit me!" he told him as he grabbed Xi Xing's hand and placed it on his chest. "I really didn't mean to yell at you earlier… I just – " he said and bit his lip. He felt frustrated earlier, and also worried for Xi Xing, so he subconsciously and unintentionally raised his voice at Xi Xing, which he never did before. 

But, Xi Xing has some other thoughts. When Xi Ming grabbed his hand earlier, he felt as if his skin was burned when Xi Ming's palm touched the back of his hand and wrist. Xi Ming has held his hand before, but he had never been this sensitive towards Xi Ming's touch. And when Xi Ming's hand placed his hand on Xi Ming's chest, he felt his heart almost burst. His face reddened. 

It was because of Gong Xian. When they have returned to Shanliangde Sect after they left the Feng Hua Palace, he had visited Gong Xian days after they arrived. Then, he saw Gong Xian hugged Ho Yue. Not only that, but their foreheads are touching, because their lips are touching! Xi Xing felt as if he was struck by lightning as he watched Gong Xian licked Ho Yue's neck, while his hands are feeling around Ho Yue's body. 

He immediately left, shaken because of shock and some inexplicable feeling. But, definitely not disgust. He highly respects Ho Yue, and he also likes Gong Xian like an elder brother. He waited for a few hours outside, listening to inexplicable sounds coming from inside the house. Only when the sun was about to sink in the horizon did he see Gong Xian coming out. 

Xi Xing then asked Gong Xian what is happening between him and Ho Yue. Gong Xian answered that he loves Ho Yue, and that what they did earlier is an act between lovers. It's not as if Xi Xing has eaten pork but never seen pigs run. He could understand Gong Xian and Ho Yue's relationship. What he needed is a proper explanation to clarify the fog in his brain. 

It was then that happened: Gong Xian asked him if he has someone he likes. Xi Xing answered he likes Gong Xian and Xi Ming. But, Gong Xian asked him if he has someone that he wanted to do with that act that could only be done between lovers. Hearing this question, Xi Xing fell silent. Gong Xian then told him that the 'like' he has towards him is the 'like' between friends. After he said that, he then made a pause. 

After some time, Gong Xian asked him what he thinks of Xi Ming. He answered him that Xi Ming is the same as Gong Xian for him. Then, Gong Xian asked him if he would want to do that act between lovers with Gong Xian. Xi Xing's face suddenly turned green, and he remembered what he had seen earlier, so he shook his head like a rattle drum. Gong Xian then asked him if he wanted to do that act for lovers with Xi Ming. 

This time, Xi Xing fell into a long silence. Gong Xian gave him some time to ponder. After a while. Gong Xian saw Xi Xing's usually blank face turned beet red. Xi Xing, indeed, feel he could kiss Xi Ming. He didn't know that Gong Xian deliberately asked him that question to help Xi Ming. But, he only asked Xi Xing to sound out Xi Xing's feelings towards Xi Ming. 

Gong Xian never had thought that Xi Xing's feelings towards Xi Ming is actually deeper? And so, he struck while the iron is hot. He told Xi Xing that Xi Ming has informed him that Xi Ming will leave the sect for a long time and asked him to look after Xi Xing. When Xi Xing heard that, he was struck with fear and he panicked. He hastily left and went to Xinfaxian Sect where Xi Ming had gone to. 

Xi Xing felt his heart thumped loudly against his chest. So, he actually likes Xi Ming like how Gong Xian likes elder Ho Yue? He thought as he stared at Xi Ming's face that wore a self-blame expression. The more he stared at Xi Ming, the more he finds Xi Ming pleasing to his eyes. 

He admits that he heavily relied on Xi Ming before when the Xi family adopted him. Xi Ming was the only one good to him and always protected him. Thus, he inevitably became dependent to Xi Ming. But, he never expected this dependency he felt towards him would bloom into love. Thus, he subconsciously started to distance himself from Xi Ming and learn how to be independent. He doesn't want to taint his relationship with Xi Ming, and he doesn't want to be ungrateful to him by having impure thoughts towards him. 

And, he thought he had succeeded suppressing that feeling. He didn't know it was actually just started to grow like the roots in his heart, spreading until it occupied all of his heart. He tried to replace Xi Ming in his heart with Gong Xian. But, he failed. He only feels friendship towards Gong Xian. It has been Xi Ming the one he loves this whole time. He just chose to suppress his feelings, kill them. He doesn't want to be hated by Xi Ming after knowing that the one he treated as his younger brother actually has evil designs towards him. He doesn't want to disgust him. 

"Xi Xing… what's wrong?" Xi Ming asked when he noticed Xi Xing was silent. "Right. Earlier, you said you feel uncomfortable. Where do you feel uncomfortable - ?" he asked when he suddenly saw tears fell form Xi Xing's eyes. He was stunned, and then his heart was eaten by fear. "Xi Xing?! What's wrong?!" he asked as he immediately wiped Xi Xing's tears, but Xi Xing's tears just continued to fall. "Xi Xing, where do you feel uncomfortable? Tell me. Why are you crying?" he asked as he made his voice sound softer, afraid to startle Xi Xing. 

Hearing Xi Ming's soft voice and looking at his gentle expression and gaze, Xi Xing just felt guiltier. He felt himself dirty with his feelings towards Xi Ming. "Ge…" he called, this address he has discarded after he had realized his feelings towards Xi Ming. "I'm sorry…" he said as he lowered his head and sobbed. 

Xi Ming's eyes widened in shock. He had never seen Xi Xing cry before, even when he was a child. Even when Xi Xing was bullied by Xi Ning and Xi Shi, he didn't even flinch. This was the first time Xi Xing cried, and Xi Ming doesn't know the reason. "Xi Xing… what's wrong? Tell me. Don't scare me – " he said as he hugged him. "Tell ge… tell me…" he said as he closed his eyes and tightened his embrace. He was stunned when he heard Xi Xing called him 'ge' again. "Xi Xing… tell me." He whispered. 

Xi Xing sobbed. "Ge… I'm sorry…" he said as he raised his hands and hugged Xi Ming back. He closed his eyes as he felt Xi Ming's warmth. I'll indulge myself in this moment. "I'm sorry… I – " he said and raised his head to look at Xi Ming's face. At the same time, Xi Ming also looked at him. Looking at Xi Ming's ever gentle eyes, Xi Xing felt aggrieved. Thus, he tiptoed for his lips to reach Xi Ming's lips. He doesn't want to see Xi Ming's disgusted look, or hatred. 

He closed his eyes, only to miss to see Xi Ming's stunned look after their lips touched.