Chapter 78 - Motherly Advice

I never knew my home could be such a welcomed sight. But after that tragic trip, I was more than ready to go home.

My motion sickness from the carriage ride home completely disappeared when I saw my home. I'm definitely going to stay in my bed for a while.

Well, I wanted to at least. Unfortunately, the universe hates me. It turns out my mother is currently drunk on power.

I thought that if she had her social status returned to her, she would leave me alone. But instead it seems to have given her a power rush.

With her new social standing, she decided to take it upon herself to criticize me in order to make me more "lady-like". I don't think I went a single day without her nagging my ear off.

I strolled down the hallway rubbing my temples.

My mother followed on my heels, "And just where do you think you're going?! You need to listen to me! I am your mother!"

Why is her voice so loud???

She continued, "These bad manners of yours is going to get you kicked out of nobility. Is that what you want?! To be a commoner?!"

I wouldn't mind. After all, I have a lot of money saved up since I've pawned off all your sh*t.

"And another thing! Your relationship with those two boys is unacceptable!"

Wait. What did I even do to make her mad this time?

I opened the door to the dining room and walked inside with my mother still on my heels. I sat at the table with a pained expression. Sitting across from me, my father had a similar expression.

Even my father wasn't a match for her incessant nagging and was rubbing his temples to relieve his headache. Usually he would have shouted at her, causing her to shut her mouth out of fear. However, this time his trick didn't work. It just made her louder.

We both quickly realized that if we just ignore it, eventually she would just stomp away angrily.

She slammed her hands on the table, "Husband! Are you not going to discipline your daughter?! She's going around flirting with the Prince and that Dante boy in public! It's so disgraceful! She will bring dishonor to our household!"

My father looked at Lona weakly, "Lona dear... Could you bring me some headache medicine?"

She nodded, "Right away my lord."

I raised my hand, "Me too Lona."

She smiled and rubbed my head as she passed by, "As you wish."

My mother ignored this and continued her rant, "We have so much to lose now! Our daughter is over here trying to cause trouble with the nobles! Ilene just had her engagement annulled and our daughter didn't even wait to try to seduce the Prince!"

S-Seduce?! I'm 7!

She glared at my father, "Aren't you even concerned?! What if the nobles stop doing business with you?!"

Lona brought out the medicine and he guzzled it down quickly. He rested his hand against his forehead, "I keep telling you. Stop worrying about it. I'll handle it."

She rolled her eyes and spoke sarcastically, "Ohhh right. You'll handle it. I forgot how great you are at handling things. Such a capable man."

He stood up and sighed, "Perhaps I should leave and visit work for a while... I think I've been away long enough..."

My mouth dropped.

YOU BASTARD!! DON'T LEAVE ME WITH THIS CRAZY WOMAN!

My mother sneered, "Yes. Go back to work. After all, it's not like you could leave those men to it. You have to be the one in control after all."

He shook his head too tired to even argue with her. When he walked out of the room, she turned her attention to me again, "I ought to give you more lessons on etiquette. Maybe that'll straighten out your behavior."

You really don't. I'm permanently like this.

She kept yapping her mouth and I shook from irritation. This b*tch really won't shut up.

I slammed my hands on the table, "ENOUGH!"

She looked taken aback for a moment, but then her face returned back to a scowl, "Did you just talk back to me?!"

I stood up abruptly. I strode over to her angrily and shoved her into a chair with all my strength. She blinked astounded by the force. She opened her mouth again.

"Shut it!" I stopped her before she could speak. I stuck a finger into her face, "If you say another word, I swear to GOD I'm going to cut out that tongue of yours."

Her face looked horrified and angry at the same time, but she didn't dare speak.

I put my hands on my hips fuming with anger, "I'm sick of your attitude. I gave you a chance to make your position better, but that idiotic brain of yours can't even stop pissing people off!"

I growled, "I don't need to psychoanalyze you to know what your problem is. It's obvious that you cling to my father like he's your lifeline. So when I was born, in your eyes I stole his attention away from you. So instead of talking it out with him and fixing your situation, you decide to take your anger out on me instead! And since father dotes on me, you only succeeded in making him hate you!!!"

I huffed and pushed the hair out of my face angrily. Lona and Bertram had been shocked by the sudden outburst and looked between the two of us awkwardly. Some other servants heard the commotion and poked their heads into the room to watch.

I calmed myself and looked at her rebelliously, "I thought I could overlook it but your attitude is just too annoying. So shut up and sit there while I teach you a lesson!"

I looked over to Bertram, "Bertram, come here."

He looked surprised to be called on, "U-Uh yes young miss."

He walked over and I smiled, "Great. Okay mother. Here's your first lesson in: How to make a man want you."

Her face twitched, "I don't need love advice from my daughter."

I rolled my eyes, "Oh really? So you're perfectly fine on your own? And how's that going?"

A few servants snickered and she tossed them a glare shutting them up quickly.

I continued on with my lesson noticing her compliance, "Okay, first things first. Men like a good chase. I mean, who would want something so easy? The fun is in the hunt, right? So you need to play hard to get. It's quite simple. Bertram, you are playing the part of my father. Now mother, watch me."

I turned to Bertram and flipped my hair. I looked at my nails with a look of boredom, "Oh? It's just you here? How dull. I was hoping for someone a bit more interesting."

"What?! I can't treat my husband so rudely!"

I glared at her, "No interrupting!" She quickly closed her mouth. I continued, "Basically, you need to pretend that you're not interested in him. His pride won't accept that and he will be start wondering why. The more you're on his mind, the more he will be thinking of you."

I cleared my throat, "Then, after pretending to be uninterested in him, the next step is to make him jealous. For example." I turned to Bertram and made a sultry expression, "Oh my. Bertram that shirt looks good on you."

I walked past Bertram slowly trailing my finger along his chest. He frowned at this.

I smiled at my mother, "It's important to compliment other men and lightly touch them. A slight touch to their arm, a gentle tap on the shoulder, stuff like that. But only do this in front of father. Any other time would be inappropriate."

My mother looked at me confused, "But if I did that wouldn't people think I'm... Loose?"

I nodded, "That's true. But that'll only be the case if you do it too much. It should be done in moderation. And don't do it to only one man or else they'll think you're interested in them." I snapped my finger, "Oh! And it's important to look like you're having fun chatting with other men. Do the giggles and everything. That'll really drive him crazy."

My mother nodded in understanding.

I clapped my hands together, "If you do this, then he's sure to start chasing after you. That's when you'll move on to the next step. Appear to grow distant with him. Ask him to switch rooms for a short time in order to give you some space. This will drive him crazy. He's sure to start annoying you a lot more.

So, when that happens, slowly and gradually start praising him and showing affection. Be careful not to do it so quickly. This stage is the most difficult of all. If he thinks you're too easy to capture, he'll move on. Got it?"

She nodded, "I see."

I continued, "You'll know it's working if he starts seeking you out. He will invite you places and buy you gifts. Then, you can move to the final stage."

Her eyes looked curious, "And what's the final stage?"

I smiled largely, "Be yourself."

Her face fell, "But isn't that the problem?"

I shook my head, "No. The problem is this weird one sided competition you have with your own daughter. It's embarrassing. He's embarrassed for you."

She lowered her head, "Oh."

"Now, usually women would act meek around men. And there's no way you're capable of that. Luckily for us, father is rather progressive. He likes when people challenge him and match his level. I believe that's why he married you to begin with. He was attracted to that fierce attitude of yours."

She blushed slightly, "Oh."

"So you can keep acting that way, just don't treat me like you have been. If it's too hard to do that, then avoid me if you have to."

Her face twisted. Even though she looked displeased, it appeared that she was also considering my words.

I sighed from exhaustion, "Lesson's over."

I left her to mull over my words. I walked to my bedroom holding my head. Lona and Bertram followed me. Lona looked at me curiously, "Does that really work?"

I shrugged, "Who knows. Everyone's different. It can be hit or miss."

"Then why did you tell her to do that?"

I chuckled, "Because it would work on my father. He's simpleminded after all."

Lona sighed, "It's not that I don't want you to improve their relationship, but I worry what the other servants may do if it works."

I raised an eyebrow, "Why would they do something?"

Bertram chuckled, "They'd probably start a church and start spreading-"

Lona covered his mouth with a smack. His eyes watered from the stinging pain. She shook her head at him. I looked at her confused and curious.

She smiled at my quizzical face, "Oh, they'd just come to you for advice, I'm sure."

I nodded ignoring her strange actions, "That's true. I am sort of like a love guru."

Bertram whined, "But young miss... How could you drag me into that? It was quite embarrassing."

"Oh, calm down Bertram."

Lona smiled at me, "Did you perhaps use this technique on Dante and Prince William?"

I frowned, "I don't like what you're implying."

She chuckled, "Naturally I mean the affection they have towards you."

My expression grew dark, "Stop talking nonsense."

____

I walked down the hallway with Bertram in tow. It had been several days since I gave my mother advice. We came to the main hall where my father stood staring dumbfounded at my mother who looked quite disinterested.

"What was that?"

My mother looked at my shocked father, "I said I agree that you should leave. I am looking forward to staying here alone. I think it would be a lot more fun."

He frowned, "Are you trying to say I'm boring?! Is that why you've been ignoring me?!"

She yawned, "I'm sorry. What was that? I'm having trouble focusing on this conversation." She looked over and noticed Bertram. She gave a sultry smile and walked over, "My! Bertram. You look so handsome today. Oh my! Have you been working out more? Your biceps look larger."

She brushed his upper arm slightly, making him tense up. My father looked like he was going to blow up.

"Oi! Why are you touching him?! Wait! Don't walk away! Look at my arms! They're big too!"

He chased after my mother who was walking down the hall ignoring him.

My mouth dropped, "Did she actually take my advice?!"

Bertram sighed, "She did. And she's been torturing us male servants! Why is she trying to incur his wrath on us?! I understand that she's trying to make your father jealous, but he's getting angry at us! He keeps saying we are seducing his wife... It's very stressful..."

I shrugged, "All is fair in love and war."