I walked on foot to the location. Although it was technically part of the Big City, it was more accurate to say it wasn't. This address was listed for the suburbs on the outskirts of the city. A place where there are no buses because everyone has cars.
No wonder I wasn't able to find him. He wasn't technically in the Big City to begin with.
It was unfortunate that there weren't any buses that ran this way, but I didn't mind. I didn't care how far away the address was because I was about to see my baby brother for the first time since that awful day.
Finally all of my hardships and struggles will be worth it!!
I can finally have my family back. Everything I've been through makes it worth it just to have my baby brother in my arms again.
I know he's currently living with someone, but I don't care. I don't care if I have to kidnap him and hide for the rest of my life. As long as we are together, I know we will be fine.
So I headed to my destination fully prepared to do whatever I could to have my baby brother in my arms again.
I approached the house and watched it from a nearby hiding spot. It was surprisingly a really nice house. It had two floors with bright paint on the outside. It was really well kept and tidy. There was a brown fence that covered the back yard for privacy. There was a garage connected to the house and the front yard had several toys scattered around.
After a little while of observing from my hiding spot, the front door opened. A small boy walked out of the door clumsily. He turned to the inside, "Mama! I'm going to play with my chalk!"
My heart melted when I saw him. I knew instantly it was him. It had to be! Even though he had a different father, his clumsy walk was just like Oliver's. I clasped my hands to my chest and breathed shallowly.
He's right in front of me now. Five long years, but he's finally in front of me again.
He crouched down on the sidewalk and started drawing with his chalk. His back was turned to me. I crawled out of my hiding spot and made my way over to him. I held out my hands to him with a large grin of pure elation.
Finally! After so many years, I won't be alone anymore!
Happiness is finally within my grasp!
"Timothy." I called to him alluringly as I gently touched his shoulder.
He turned to me with a confused look, "Whose Timothy?"
I felt an unseen force smash into me, taking my breath away. Under my skin, I felt my soul crack from the unrecognizable look in his eyes. I couldn't accept it. I wouldn't. His eyes looked at me as if I was some stranger.
My lips trembled, "You are."
He shook his head, "No. You have the wrong person. My names Raydon Junior! I'm named after my daddy!"
I felt my chest constrict making it hard for me to breath. My cheeks grew damp from lonesome tears. I crouched down and held my knees. I recognized that name. But... It couldn't be... Could it?
He looked at me suspiciously, "Do I know you?"
I forced myself to speak, "Yes. I'm your older sister."
I smiled at him warmly. Surely he will feel the familial bond between us. He just has to.
However, instead of seeing any warmth in those eyes, all I saw was disbelief.
"I don't have any sisters."
"... What?" I whispered.
Please.
Please stop.
He nodded, "Yup! I'm an only child."
Please I beg you.
Make this pain stop.
He glanced at me, "Are you okay lady?"
I couldn't breath.
I couldn't think.
Why doesn't he recognize me? Was it because the last time he saw me, he was a baby?
But that shouldn't matter! I knew instantly that he was my brother! How could he not know it was me?!
Suffocating.
This feeling is suffocating.
I hate it. I hate it. I hate it.
The boy looked a bit worried, "Lady, should I get my parents? You don't look too good."
"No." I said immediately.
I felt like I was about to shatter into a million pieces. The pain... It hurt too much. I don't like this hollow feeling. I forced myself to shove the agonizing feeling deep down inside of me.
I glanced back up at him with dull eyes, "Your parents... Do you like them?"
He looked relieved to see me look 'normal'. He nodded, "Yup! They are the bestest ever!"
I forced out a smile, "They treat you nicely?"
"Well... Whenever I'm naughty they take away my games..." He pouted for a moment before smiling, "But when I'm good I get to eat ice cream! And they buy me lots of toys!!"
"That's good." I said never dropping my smile, "You deserve to be treated well. Don't ever forget that."
He tilted his head, "You're strange lady."
I gave a weak smile and messed up his hair, "I suppose I am." I stood up and looked at him with a painful smile.
I spoke in a low voice, "Tell your father... Thank you for the candy bar... I will never forget it."
That day, my brother's smile was the brightest. And that memory was sweeter than any candy bar I've ever had.
He looked up at me with sparkling eyes, "You know my daddy?!"
I chuckled and nodded, "I do. Well, I did. It's been several years since then."
"Hehe. My daddy is the best. Isn't he?"
I gave a slight nod and forced myself to step away from him. I needed to leave. I couldn't stay here any longer. I could feel myself about to break.
Before I left, I tossed a quick glance back at him. He paid me no attention and ran back into the house shouting for his father. I let out a pained sigh and continued to walk away.
"Daddy! Daddy!"
His mother stopped him, "Ray! Stop running! What has gotten into you?!"
He looked up at his mother with giddy eyes, "I met a strange lady!"
"Strange lady?"
He nodded quickly, "Yup! She was weird. She was crying and even called me Timothy. I think she was confused."
His father stepped out, "What is it Hun?"
She looked at him, "He said there was a strange lady outside. I'm a bit worried dear. I thought this was a safe neighborhood?"
His face grew firm as he looked at his son, "Son.. Who was this lady?"
"She said she was my sister."
His eyes widened, "What...?"
He continued, "Oh yeah! She also said to thank Daddy for the candy bar! She said that she would never forget it!" He smiled proudly waiting for his parents to compliment his excellent memory.
His father's face was frozen. The mother looked to him, "What is it dear?"
He didn't wait another second before sprinting out of the house. When he rushed outside, he looked around hectically. He had to find that girl.
But that girl had already disappeared...
________
I stumbled along the road in a foggy state of mind. I was just an empty shell walking. I couldn't feel anything anymore. I felt as if I was a puppet on strings, being marched along mindlessly by an unseen force.
I had no destination.
I had no desire.
I didn't care if I lived or died.
All I had was this hollow feeling.
I walked for days without stopping for food or even to rest. I was no longer hungry. Even when it started raining and I was drenched and cold, I didn't even shiver.
I have nothing left in this world. The very few things I had, I lost.
There really is no point to this meaningless life.
Why am I even still breathing?
What was the point in living if it meant all I would have was this empty feeling?
I arrived back into the suffocating city. I stumbled along the sidewalk until my legs could no longer carry me. Suffering from starvation and dehydration, I sauntered into an alley and collapsed against a wall.
I sat against that brick building with dull eyes. I had no desire to move.
Hah. How cruel life is. Here I am, in the gutter. Just like trash.
Once trash. Always trash.
I glanced up at the moon that was hard to make out from all of the lights. I no longer felt uplifted by the sight of it. It was now just a painful reminder of all the things I had lost.
I just want to die.
In the moonlight, something flashed and caught my eye. I glanced over and saw a book sitting in the trashcan next to me. I gave a weak smile.
Me and this book, we are much alike. We are both trash that has been thrown into the gutter, only to be forgotten.
I used the last bit of my strength to grab the book. I looked at the cover, "The Six Heavenly Gods?"
Huh. That's an interesting title.
I flipped open the page and began to read it. It was the story about a commoner who managed to catch the eye of the cold indifferent Prince just by her own personality. Along the way, she made other men fall for her. Eventually, she realized her feelings for the Prince. He was no longer cold and indifferent, but kind and affectionate. Because of this and because of that, she managed to overcome many obstacles and marry her one true love- The Prince.
And they lived happily ever after.
I clicked my tongue at the final page, "What a sh*t story."
Just then, the door to the alley opened. A man stood in the doorway, startled at my presence. He was an older looking man, probably in his thirties. He had a calm, scholarly look to him. He gave a weak smile, "I didn't know someone was out here."
I stared at him with dull eyes. I knew how I looked in his eyes. I was unnaturally thin from rarely eating, my eyes were sunken from malnutrition and lack of sleep. If anything, I looked more like a skeleton than a living human.
I averted my gaze away from the reflection in his eyes. I responded indifferently, "Sorry. I didn't know this alley was used."
He hesitated seeing that familiar look. Instantly, his heart softened. He took a seat next to me and pulled out a cigarette, "It's fine. I prefer to have company on my break anyway." I only glanced at him, but didn't say a word.
He looked down at the book in my hands, "Oh! You're reading that book."
"I didn't steal it. I found it in the trash."
He let out a natural laugh, "I didn't think you did. So? Did you like it?"
"It was awful." I responded coldly.
He broke into more laughter, "Awful? Well I wasn't expecting that."
I shrugged, "There's a reason why it's in the trash."
"I suppose... But who says trash is all bad? There's a saying: one man's trash is another man's treasure. So it may be trash to one, but all it needs is one person to value it like it is: a treasure."
I looked at him in surprise. For some reason, I felt something stir in my chest. It was almost like he was talking about me and not the book.
Treasure? Could I be considered treasure to someone?
I scoffed. Yeah right.
I spoke in an arrogant tone, "It's trash. The entire storyline is played out and the plot is totally predictable. Every character seems to be weird in some way. There's no way people would be like this in real life. It's just too fake."
"Oh come on. It can't be that bad. Surely there was something you enjoyed about it?"
I hesitated. I felt my eyes light up slightly, "Well... I guess there was one thing."
"Oh?" He egged me on, "What was it."
"One character in particular was my favorite."
"I'm interested to know who could possibly catch your overly critical eye."
"This character Dante." I felt a small smile cross my face, "He was really interesting."
"Oh?"
I started explaining with an animated face, "Yes! He was super cool! He was always there to kill the cannon fodder characters and didn't even care one bit. He was ruthless and a bad person, but his loyalty to the main character was really astounding. She never once looked at him, but he would always be watching over her."
The man nodded in understanding, "I see... So that's why you like him so much."
"No." I interrupted quickly, "That's not why."
He raised an eyebrow, "Then why?"
I gave a devious smile, "Because he killed that b*tch Seri."
"Huh?"
"Seri was the most annoying character! She was more like a mouse than a human being. Her mother would abuse her and she just sat there and took it. How annoying... Then she got bullied by the antagonist and still just stood there and took it! How could she not learn to be more assertive? It's such an embarrassment. Then she went and pushed a bookcase over on the main character, and Dante killed her with a blink of an eye! How awesome!!"
I breathed heavily while I smiled at him. The vigor that had left my body was slowly returning.
The man blinked at me, "So you like him because...?"
"Because he killed that no good Seri!"