Chapter 193: Self Doubt and Poor Choices

Fetheion's words kept me awake most of the night for some reason. His tone of voice as he spoke, his dark, sorrowful expression… It left me worried and anxious.

When I finally fell asleep, my night was plagued with nightmares and memories of the souls I'd taken in. 

Come morning, I crawled out of bed and headed to the library. It was empty, but the plates on the low table were what I had come here for anyways. I took some fruit and a sandwich, then left the underground hideout and stepped under the bright sunlight.

I found myself some shade and began eating, only to notice Asher walking towards me.

"Glad to see you're alive." He said as he sat beside me. He was still somewhat pale – he clearly hadn't recovered quite yet. "It's a bit weird," He said, looking at the far away mountains. "I was used to always knowing where you were."

I nodded. "Yeah…" I mumbled. Despite my hatred for it at first, our mental link had served us so well over the time we had it. "How are you doing?" I wanted to change the subject.

He shrugged. "Kind of fine, I think." He glanced at his hands. "I'm almost back to full power." His faint smile didn't reach his eyes.

"That's good," I said after a moment's hesitation. "But that's not why I asked. You seem troubled. Why?" 

He shot me a surprised look. He wasn't expecting me to actually ask, I think. Did he think I only saw him as a tool to use in battle? Did he see the rest of us like that? I took a deep breath and pushed such thoughts to the back of my mind.

"I'm annoyed," He said after a while. "I'm not going to be very useful if this keeps happening every single time I come across a demon." He glanced at me. "Now I fear your magic can have this effect on me too."

I flinched – that possibility hadn't crossed my mind at all. "Is there anything we can do about this?" I asked after a moment of silence. He shrugged. "I'm thinking of somethings. I'll let you know when I figure it out."

His gaze was fixed on the grass, gently swaying in the wind. He was lying. I knew him well enough to understand that. I still nodded since there wasn't much I could say about this.

"How were Rina and Alex?" He finally asked as I finished my breakfast. I sighed and shook my head. "They were fine. It took some effort to convince them though." I explained what happened in detail. 

"Right…" The blonde wizard mumbled after some time. "Well… I can't say much about those two but…" His eyes sparkled with curiosity. "Did you try to do anything with crystals?"

I shook my head. "I didn't really get the chance, you know." I opened my inventory – the only piece of crystal was the one Luhen had given me. A gift from his friend – his last memento of her. "I'll need to get some crystals first."

Asher grinned. "I'll have some ready for you by tomorrow." He rubbed his hands together. "This will be fun." He said with excitement in his voice as he stood up. "I'm off!" He waved and disappeared in the woods.

I stared after him for a bit, then sighed and shook my head. When it came to discovering new things, such as new spells, more information about the history of this world and all kinds of other subjects, he would almost become a different person. It was such a jarring difference than his usual serious and pessimistic self that I was still surprised every time I saw it.

I sat there for a while, then forced myself to get up and look for Lucius. Fetheion's words about him also weighed heavily on me. I wondered – why was he so troubled? Back at home, he was always serious, but also very cheerful. Even when he didn't succeed at something, he'd shrug, say next time and practice like there was no tomorrow until he succeeded. 

So, what was it that had troubled him so much that even a Divine like Fetheion had noticed? 

I looked around inside first. I couldn't find anyone – not even Fetheion. I wondered where he was, but quickly pushed that thought aside as my mind was focused on Lucius.

I left and looked around outside. Eventually, I found him by the lake not too far away. He was practicing his sword forms. As I approached, my steps slowed. He was sweaty, his balance was off and his grip on the sword was too tight, limiting his range of motion and flexibility.

As I watched, he nearly tripped and just barely recovered his balance. 

"How long have you been at it?" I asked as I walked out of the shadow of the trees. I had to cover my eyes as the sun threatened to blind me. A thought gnawed at the back of my mind, but I pushed it away for now. Lucius was more important.

Startled, he quickly turned to face me. "Oh, it's you." He said after a moment. "You scared me, Kai."

I chuckled, though my expression didn't change much. What bothered him so much that he was so sloppy?

"How long have you been at it?" I asked again. He shrugged and glanced at the sky. 

"I don't know… Since dawn. So… Four hours? Five?" His voice was tense.

I approached the lake and washed my face, without saying a thing. "Why?" He asked after a moment. I shrugged. "No real reason – I was just wondering why you seemed so tired." 

He chuckled. "Ah, yeah. I should probably take a break." He also approached the lake and bent down. I suddenly got the urge to push him into the water, but I resisted. 

"What made you practice so much?" I asked as he splashed some water to his face. "Your forms were just fine before."

He froze for a moment, then shrugged. "No real reason," He mumbled, clearly lying. "I just didn't have anything else to do."

I furrowed my brows. Lies.

"Really?" I asked with a slightly elevated voice. "What about getting stronger by levelling up? Isn't that something to do?" 

He glanced at me with a startled expression. "Ah, I did some of that too." He mumbled. Despite his words, I could see he didn't care for levelling up.

"No, you didn't." I said after a moment. "Why were your moves so sloppy, Lucius?" There was no point in dancing around the subject anymore. The young man flinched, then clenched his fists.

"Because I was tired, you said it yourself!" He shouted. 

"I know that's not the only reason – why were you practicing for four hours straight?" I pressed the matter further. "The Lucius I know would stop when he realised he wasn't gaining anything."

"Oh, shut up!" He rose to his feet and grabbed his sword from the ground. "Like I have the luxury of time now!" He shouted. Despite his raised voice and twisted expression, I could see his anger wasn't directed at me. "I'm useless!"

I felt as if someone punched me in the gut. "Why would you say that?" I asked softly. His expression, anger… everything he did reminded me of myself.

"Because I am!" He continued to shout. The startled wildlife scurried away as we stood by the lake. "When was the last time I did anything useful? In every fight so far all I did was stay in the back and let you and Asher fight! And the only time I thought I'd be useful, the creature refused to die!"

I hesitated. He wasn't right, but he wasn't wrong either. As a swordsman, his abilities simply hadn't been very useful until now – not because he was weak, but because our most formidable enemies had always been magic users – be it Delthur, the corrupted demon or whatever else we fought. 

"See?" He asked as I remained silent. "Even you're not saying I'm wrong!" 

I shook my head. "But it's got nothing to do with you," I tried to explain. "What can a sword do against magic? When our opponents can bend reality to their will, a sword can't do much." I continued, choosing my words very carefully. "It's not your swordsmanship that needs improving but your way of choosing opponents is." 

I could see from his expression that I was not making my point clear.

"What I mean is that you need to choose your opponents according to your own strengths. You can't expect to butt heads with a demon and come out on top!"

"Look who's talking," He said with a half grin.

I laughed. "Well, I did die so I might have learned my lesson." I remembered my encounters with the Demon Lord, Vixia, Delthur and Aelith. "Several times," I added after a moment. "Now that I think about it, I chose my battles very poorly."

"Then…" He mumbled after we laughed a bit. "Kai, can we have a duel?" He asked after a moment. 

I raised my brows. "Sure, but why?"

"I want to see how well I do against a magic user." He said with a faint smile. "Me and Asher against you. What do you say?"

I wanted that match!