Book Three – Chapter Twelve – Part Two – The Fleeting Touch of a Friend

Five minutes before Servi had stopped crying, Itarr tumbled and rolled around inside their interconnected soul. As the unintentional mastermind behind it all, the time to confess was drawing near. She’d have to pay the price for her meddling.  

Who knew that an innocent act of love could spiral out of control and end up costing the lives of over 15,000 people? She groaned, holding a red hand to her heart while whimpering like a frightened kitten.  

Servi’s gonna hate me. She’s never going to want anything to do with me. Why would she? I know I wouldn’t want to be friends with me. It’s mean of me, but I wish this moment-- this right here, when she's still oblivious to the truth-- would last forever. Servi, I… 

At that moment, Itarr felt a disturbance.  

Something had entered her home. She recomposed herself and went out to search for whatever wanted to show up without permission, but she probably already knew who the intruder was.  

Through the twists and turns of the area she dubbed ‘The Cage Lands,’ Itarr passed by a standing reminder of her ultimate sin. Each enclosure was filled to the brim with a specific emotion, which gave off different lights. Red was anger and hatred, which was the most common. Against the red background of their soul, it was nearly impossible to tell where they were, but Itarr knew all of the locations. The next numerous was grief, which was indicated by a deep yellow. They were followed by envy, fear, disgust, sadness, and loneliness, which made up the rest of the colors of the rainbow. 

Itarr slowed her traveling and took in the consequences of her actions by spinning in place. The multitude of colors locked away had the astonishing ability to hypnotize an artist if there was a way to put what she saw to canvas. The emotions they’d feel would be a far cry from the shame circulating through Itarr. She simply sighed and floated away to her destination.  

A few minutes later, she came across one cage that wasn’t of her creation. It was at the outskirts of ‘The Cage Lands,’ overlooking it all like a king would admire his country.  

It was battered and abused like someone had taken an explosive knife to it multiple times. An ugly black chain wrapped around it as if to keep something from getting out. A thick black lock was hooked into the chain, adding on more protection. Crimson liquid flowed from the keyhole at such a force that it wouldn’t be possible to put one in there. Its vertices were ragged and sharp, adding to its damaged appearance. 

I knew it would be you. Itarr said. She closed the distance between her and the cage, placing a hand on one of the thousands of burn marks. It vibrated violently, sending nearly 500,000 tentacles that looked visually identical from the pen they escaped from. Each one was so war-torn that even a wooden stick might’ve been enough to break them. They rushed forward to every cage, injecting them with some type of mysterious energy. Everything Itarr had made since meeting Servi was being altered right before her very eyes. 

She wasn’t scared or upset because she knew how it would play out. Just seeing the enclosed box to her right gave her the strength to push forward with the most difficult choice of her life.  

I know what I have to do. You didn’t have to do it for me, but I appreciate it. It only took a few seconds for the half-million wriggling tendrils to return to base. The cages are so weak that I don’t have to do much to break them. Itarr turned away from the mysterious object to the millions of enclosures below her. A simple flick of her finger allowed a thousand instances of anger to bust free. Her head looked at the intruder, which spontaneously glowed an ominous black. The light it emitted blinded even Itarr, but it only lasted for just a second.  

When it disappeared, there wasn’t a cage left in sight. But the area in front of the Goddess wasn’t empty.  

So you’re the Mad Dog, huh? Itarr’s eyes stared at a large canine. The animal standing in front of her looked like the cage it came from in every single way. 

She knew a dog had fur, four legs, ears, and a tail. That was all. Specific things like breeds were a mystery to her, so she didn’t know what kind of dog it was. Its fur was brown, with a hundred scabbed-over wounds decorated all over its body. Malnourished, the edges of its ribs were clearly visible. It had burnt marks all over its head like someone had extinguished cigarettes on it. The motionless tail was missing over half of its fur, and a long scar spanned the portion that was just skin.

A large chain had been hooked under the dog’s chest and wrapped tightly in the space between each rib. The pitiful beast shook its body and cried, but the multi-linked shackles were fastened tightly by a black lock. It bled blood just like the one Itarr had seen a week ago.

A pair of sad, cloudy eyes stared at Itarr’s red mass of energy like it wanted something. Before she knew it, Itarr had sat down while holding out an arm. The dog stumbled over, floating with a pained expression because agony was the only thing it ever felt. 

It all makes sense now. You’re Servi, and Servi is you. She’s the Mad Dog, and the Mad Dog is her. She’s always been the Mad Dog from the day she saved me, but it didn’t break free until recently. When she took her head off, it came out for real... Itarr said while rubbing the beast’s head. Her fingers, covered in red energy, felt the pain erupting from each wound. Her hand moved down the dog’s back, running into the vile restraint hooked around its chest.  

With a flick of her wrist, red particles descended from above and landed on the metal links. The need for a key was futile and useless because the personification of Servi’s trauma was now a part of Itarr. But that didn’t mean she could barge into the root essence of the Mad Dog, nor could she forcefully extract Servi’s sealed memories. She could only tamper with what the seal—the cage—the Mad Dog—allowed. 

The black restraints blazed to life, burning the dog, but it did not yelp. Her power only affected the chain’s strain. Within seconds, its burned ashes scattered, freeing the dog from only a part of its pain. The abused tail slowly wagged, showing the first bits of happiness since it could remember.  

Now that the chain is off, I wonder how that will affect Servi? Will she even change? Or was removing the chain something like a symbolic gesture? I wonder if this is the reason Servi can use more of my power? I had thought it had something to do with her using to the extreme, but... But what if the 'collar' she broke off was doing something to block her understanding of my power? Could it be she was purposely limiting herself from using it all, and that gave her a Human's durability? If it's the same with Telekinesis... But now that the collar's off, her subconscious isn't holding back from accessing my abilities... I suppose this is all just a formality to illustrate that...

When Servi woke up at the bottom of the hole, I'm sure some of my power wasn't there. But I've healed this dog... If it represents her sealed memories, then unlocking the chain should have properly allowed my strength to flow through her. She already had the strength when the collar came off, but maybe there's a little bit more? In either case, that's one mystery almost solved.

Itarr looked down at the dog. It seemed to be a little bit happier. She rubbed its body, now free of any kind of restraining device. It shook like it was wet and rubbed its head against Itarr’s legs. It must’ve felt good because the animal slightly huffed and sneezed. Itarr smiled and doubled her efforts in rubbing.  

Don’t worry, I know what I have to do. Itarr said. It’s so clear to me. Even though I know what’s going to happen to me, Servi's going to hurt more. She’s the one who’s going to endure the physical consequences of my actions, but… No, Itarr, you can’t think that you’re the only victim. The cost of fixing your problem is going to be Servi’s and Momo’s eternal hatred. They’re never going to speak to you again.  

But I think that’s okay. It’s a fitting punishment for me. Who knew my love could be so twisted that it wrapped around into being dangerous? Itarr stopped petting the dog and cried into her hands. No, it’s not okay!!! Servy, I love you! I love you more than anything, and my stupid actions have caused you nothing but suffering!!! Itarr looked at the animal doing its best to console her. Leaping forward, she gave it a big hug and cried into its dirtied, brown fur. 

You’re a part of Servi, so I want to say this to you before she says she hates me. Servi, ever since you saved me, I knew you were the one I loved. You risked it all for me by jumping down when you had the chance to pass on. You’re my savior. I wouldn’t be here if not for your selflessness. And that’s why it’s so hard for me to do this!! She shouted into fur. Her voice was muffled, but it still reached the very depths of her soul.  

Admitting to my mistakes is just another way of saying that I’ve been betraying you for months! If I could do it all over again, I’d beg you not to jump as to prevent you from suffering through this anguish. Even if it meant I’d have to live through another 730,000 years of loneliness, I’d be okay with it! You mean everything to me, Servi. Hurting you was the last thing I ever wanted to do, but somehow, it was the first thing I did. I’m sorry, Servi! I’m so sorry!!!! Itarr’s sadness evolved to an otherworldly wail. She cried and howled until she couldn’t scream anymore. All of her emotions had been flushed away.  

It was odd, but Itarr did feel better after crying it all out. I guess Momo was right all this time. Maybe I should cry more often? Aw, who am I kidding… It’s just going to be me and my tears for the foreseeable future. After hugging the dog one more time, Itarr backed away and sat down.  

The brown beast looked up at Itarr. She returned the gaze and melancholily smiled. “Woof!” barked the dog. As a personification of Servi’s trauma, the dog could be described as being Servi herself. It contained her fears, worries, and memories. Locked away within it, the Mad Dog shouldered the horrors of Servi’s life before she woke up in the forest.  

I guess you’re about to disappear, aren’t you? 

The dog nodded.  

You're not really disappearing, are you? You’re still going to be around here somewhere. It’s just that I won’t know where you'll be. 

Nodding once again, parts of the abused beast became transparent as red particles floated up.  

Goodbye… Itarr waved her hand until her eyes had become wet and cloudy with tears. When she wiped them clear, there was no sign of the Mad Dog. The powerful beast had been tamed by a Goddess who had found the strength to face her imminent punishment. There wasn't any need to worry about it rearing its destructive head in the nearby future. It was impossible to say it had completely vanished because it and Servi were two sides of the same coin, but a period of destruction much like the one Arcton suffered through seemed to now be a practical impossibility. Of course, that was barring an outstanding situation in which the Mad Dog needed to be present to give Servi the push she needed to see whatever incident through to the end.

Itarr was alone inside a soul fit for two. Her only company was the many emotions she caged up out of love, but now they were about to run wild and free. She raised her red hand and looked out at the millions of cages. Instantly, they were divided into nearly a thousand equal sections.  

One by one, the cages in the first few partitions became brittle, cracking at the red vertices. Emotions funneled out from even the tiniest holes at such pressure the entire cage just shattered apart, meaning there was no need to be gentle. The red soul became filled with a cornucopia of colors. Blues plastered against each other, swarming together like a great lake of water. They collided with a cloud of yellow, who went to attack a lush field of green for control over Servi’s emotion, but an invisible barrier prevented the emotional war from starting. Itarr allowed the rival emotions to stabilize the best she could, but she was on a time limit.  

With precise haste, she moved over to the couple of sections and weakened her cages. Doing it in individual parts wasn’t exactly needed because the end result would be the same, but Itarr did it to punish herself. It made her realize what kind of emotion-controlling monster she was. Her sins were on full display, and if she couldn’t bear witness to her mistakes, how could she ever apologize to Servi? 

By the time she had finished while fully acknowledging her wrongdoings, Itarr took total control of Servi’s body for the last time. In a flash, she forcibly shut down her beloved’s body, sending it into a state of unconsciousness.  

Before she could fix Servi, there were two things Itarr had to do.  

One: she needed to remove the invisible separators keeping each group away from each other. Until she did, Servi would act just as she always did when Itarr was actively caging them up. Once they were gone, however, it would be an emotional battle royale. Anger would fight against hate, grief would settle the score against loneliness, and in the end, Itarr believed grief would win, but she didn't want that to happen. As she watched from inside Servi's soul, Itarr saw just how powerful grief could be. Especially when it came to someone like Fisher Jin.

Servi held her own grief, sewn by killing and slaughtering, and it was far more powerful than anger. With that knowledge in tow, it brought Itarr to the most vital part of fixing the broken Servi: Momo.  

The pink Singi was the key to it all. It was all but guaranteed that Servi wouldn’t be in the right state, emotionally, after Itarr removed the separators. There had to be someone to take care of Servi. Itarr couldn’t do it because she didn’t have a physical body, but that wasn’t the only reason.  

The Goddess didn’t think she deserved the honor and privilege of protecting her hero. But Momo? Momo would do anything for her best friend. The plan, admittedly, was misleading at best and rotten at worst, but Servi’s wellbeing was on the line. Even if Momo hated Itarr, and the source of Servi’s problems knew that was a real possibility, she could bear the Singi’s hatred. It would hurt, but it wouldn’t hurt as bad as being the target of Servi’s anguished thoughts.  

Servi, I swear I’ll fix this. After saying one final sentence, Itarr summoned the stone tablet and flew it over to Momo. 

“Itarr? What’s wrong with Servi?!” she demanded.  

“WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU FROZE HER?! TELL ME WHAT’S WRONG WITH MY BEST FRIEND!!!” Momo shouted at the top of her lungs. She looked crazy and wild, like a feral creature, shouting at something that couldn't argue back.  

I promise I’ll answer everything. I’ll start from the beginning. I purposely put Servi into a state of sleep similar to that of being unconscious. I— 

“Why would you do that?!?!” the Singi panted like a starved animal searching for a hopeful bubble of oxygen. She had just rekindled the flame of friendship between her best friend after learning the truth about her, and now it was in danger of being stolen away.  

I did it because I have to talk to you. The only way for someone to speak to me is by voice. Even Servi has to do that. 

Ahh, that’s why she was talking to herself all those times. Momo thought. She quickly refocused her attention on the tablet in her hands.  

And I need to talk to you about something important. Until Servi is ready for it, I have to keep her out of the loop.  

“Just say she’s gonna be okay!” Momo cried.  

Momo, I promise you Servi will be okay, but I need you to work with me here because I need your assistance. You have to listen to me, okay? 

Just hearing those words of assurance was enough for the worried girl to calm down. She took a deep breath and looked once more at her friend. Momo had hoped the Warden Tournament was going to be the last place she’d see an unconscious Servi. But now that she knew the reason why Servi had passed out in the first place, the catgirl's soul was tormented with the pain of a thousand broken hearts.  

If only I had paid more attention, I could’ve helped her then and there. She was suffering right before my eyes, and I was blind to it. Dang it, Momo, why didn’t you try harder to be the friend you want to be?! At the most inopportune time, Momo’s worst trait reared its ugly head. 

“Okay, Itarr. I’ll listen. Tell me what I have to do to help Servy.” 

Good. But before I do, I have to explain everything. It might take a while, but I promise we have the time.  

“Okay.” 

When Servi told you about her anger issues a few minutes ago, she wasn’t exactly truthful. However, that wasn’t her fault. She believes she has those problems-- that might be the case, but I am partly to blame. Momo, I love Servi more than anything. She’s the one who saved me, after all, and released me from that awful seal. But it wasn’t until we had a talk about the emotion of ‘love’ that I realized I loved her. I wanted to show my love by supporting her in all that she did.  

And to do so, I continued doing something I regret more than anything in the world. I’ve been tampering with Servi’s emotions for a long time for many reasons. Whenever she felt anger or grief at having to kill, I took those emotions and caged them away so they wouldn’t bother her. I only wanted her to experience happiness and joy.  

“What?!?!” Momo exclaimed. She had just been struck clean by a new bombshell.  

At the time, I didn’t know it was wrong. From my point of view, I was just displaying my love. Momo, when I was freed from my seal, I had no emotional knowledge. I was like a blank slate with nothing written on it. I learned all I could by watching people around Servi. I analyzed the happy Singi with wagging tails, the crying Humans with teary faces, and anyone else I could. And when I started to use Servi to help my research, I realized I could sate my hunger and show my love at the same time.  

But after a while, I suddenly started to feel bad. Regret was something that quickly overtook me as the horrors of my actions dawned on me. By restricting what Servi felt, I purposely deprived her of something everyone needed. But I wanted to show my love by protecting her from the harsh realities of grief.  

I was so conflicted.  

“Then why didn’t you stop?! If it was so bad, then just put an end to it!!” Momo shouted. The pressure she felt in her stomach could turn a nugget of coal into a sparkly diamond. She had a bad feeling about what was coming next.   

I couldn’t stop because I had to maintain the emotional cages. If their contents leaked out, then something awful could happen. For example, when Servi fought Arty, a little bit of hatred and anger leaked out. That’s why Servi beat him so bad. She passed out because I injected her with sleepinwillo that Fisher used. And speaking of that, Fisher had to use it to calm Servi because of a misunderstanding. I’m sure you know all about that because Servi told it to you, but the cause of her sudden anger was— 

“It was you. I guess even more negative emotions leaked out and corrupted Servi, didn’t it?” Momo whispered.  

…Yes, you’re right. That one example was why I had to keep maintaining the cages. If I stopped for even a moment, everything I wanted to keep away from Servi very well could have swallowed her whole.  

“Then what about after I was kidnapped? Was that the real Servi? Or was she one of your puppets?” Momo’s sharp words spewed out like venom, poisoning Itarr with their sharpness. The Goddess knew she deserved that. She took the pain in stride and hid it behind her words.  

…No, she wasn’t a puppet. To be honest, I don’t fully understand her mental state during the last week. But from what I surmised, the Mad Dog she’s been talking about IS her true form. It’s very complicated. I believe it has to do with her memories. They’re locked up in a type of mental seal that I’m unable to break. Even if I could, I don’t want to intrude on her privacy. But I did meet with the physical representation of the Mad Dog, so I believe things have cooled down on that front.

“Is there a chance for—” Momo cut herself off. She didn’t want to say those words. Itarr had to finish the question and answer it.  

Is there a chance for her to go berserk? No, you don’t have to worry about it. Now that you're saved, the Mad Dog-- her going berserk-- should not happen again. But past that, I have a way to fix everything. It involves you, Momo. That’s why I couldn’t use it before.  

“Why me?” 

Because I need you to be there for her. You need to support her because I know Servi won’t ever speak to me again. I’ve done nothing but cause her more suffering.  

“…” 

To repair her emotional state, I will have to break every cage at the same time. That means her mind will be a jumble of emotions until they’ve all had their say. Her body will probably act out whatever emotion has dominant control. For example, if anger was winning, she’d probably smash trees and break rocks. If sadness was in the lead, I’d imagine she would sit down and cry.  

And after that?  There would probably be a period of rest, then the second stage will begin. Her mental state will be like that of a newborn child. It will take time for her to properly sort and categorize everything relating to emotions. In a way, it’ll be like how I was when I was freed, but I fear it will be much worse for her. I don’t know how long it’ll take. With the damage I caused…it could take weeks or months. Her recovery will be an extended process that can’t be rushed.  

Momo blinked when she saw something splash against the ID. She looked up, but there were no rain clouds in sight. There weren’t even any clouds. The sky was as blue as a vibrant sapphire. Her hand went to crack her cheek, and that was when she became aware of her crying.  

“Was the joy Servi felt when we spent time together fake? Did you manipulate that too?!!” 

NO! Momo, I promise you that I wasn’t involved when she was with you. The emotions running through her body were what she naturally felt. Momo, Servi was definitely happy. She confessed to me multiple times that you were her very best friend in the world. Momo, she depended on you.  

Momo sat down and breathed an exhausted sigh of relief. She wasn’t clearly thinking when she asked such a loaded question, but the answer Itarr gave her eased her growing worries. If there were any manipulation going on behind the scene, then it was likely Momo’s heart would have shattered along with the mind of her best friend.  At least the time we spent was genuine. I’m really her best friend, and she’s really mine.  

With renewed vigor, Momo wiped her runny nose and formed a confident fist. “I’ll do it! I’ll watch over Servy until she’s well again because I’m a true best friend! Wait—Itarr, I—” The quick-talking Singi spoke faster than her mind could follow and only realized how harmful her words could be once it was too late. That one sentence suggested Itarr was anything but a friend, and she couldn’t handle that on top of her own emotional baggage. For the first time, she exploded into a bout of anger, taking it out on the girl who tried to apologize.  

However, Momo became tongue-tied and suffered the full verbal wrath of a Goddess with nothing to lose.  

Would a best friend run away and leave Servi when she was in her most vulnerable state? No, they wouldn’t. Guess who’s been there? Me! I was there by her side every step of the way while you ran away from her! I never once turned my back on her because I— 

“Because you love her? No, how dare you try to turn it back on me! If you were her best friend—if you claim to love her—then how could you betray her like that?! You’ve been manipulating her like she was some toy!” Momo shot back. She wanted to immediately apologize for her harsh words. But Itarr’s comeback ignited a fiery spirit within the Singi. Her tears dried up like that of a lake near an active volcano.  

You betrayed her, too. It was worse in your case! When she joined the Mafia, I had a front-row seat to her actions. She may have told you the horrors of what she had to do TO SAVE YOU, but I was right there with her! I SUFFERED WITH HER!! I saw the faces of every single person she killed!!!

“Well, guess what?! I’LL SHOW YOU THAT I’M BETTER THAN YOU!!! I’LL BE A BETTER FRIEND THAN SOME MANIPULATING GODDESS!!!! I’ll never forgive you for tampering with her mind!!” Momo screamed. She crawled over to Servi’s unmoving body and held her close. Her salty tears dripped down like meteorites, soiling Servi’s flawless skin. 

Damn… Itarr cursed and used her ID to physically push Momo away until she fell back on her rump.  

“Wahh!!!” she screamed, coming out of that little physical engagement unhurt and uninjured. Her facial expression instantly turned to anger, but that dissipated like sugar in water when Servi groaned awake. She used a hand to lean up. The other hand held her head while her eyes scanned the floating ID.  

“Itarr...” Servi finally spoke after what felt like an eternity of reading. The growing silence became odd and awkward. Momo couldn’t act without knowing how much Itarr had confessed, so she sat there like a lost lamb. “Did you really do that? Please... You’re lying to me…right?” 

Servi was appalled, to say the least. Servi had thought she was her own person, but she couldn't define what was and wasn't her. Did she love Itarr? Was that feeling her own, produced by her own body? Or was it some twisted joke that was the product of a Goddess?

I’m sorry, Servi. It’s all true.  

“Then… I’m not a monster...? What about my anger problems? What about my feelings for my friends? If I’m not who I thought I was, THEN WHO AM I?!?!?!?” Servi slammed the ID on the ground, sending up a cloud of red smoke. It was promptly absorbed by her body. Momo only sat still and watched. She held her arms close to her chest and whimpered.  

“WAS EVERYTHING I EVER FELT A LIE?  What about my whole spiel about the Mad Dog? Did you do that? Did you make me do those things?!?! I'm not a murderer, right? I didn't kill those children! I didn't kill those babies! You did it!! It was you, right? So... I'm not to blame, right?! Right? Right? Right? I was never in control!

"What about my hatred? Why did you make me angry?! Wait, once you go through with my emotional reset, who will I be? I'm me who I am so if I'm not me then who will I be if I'm not myself when my emotional composition makes up the current me? What will I be if I'm gone?! What if I’m not the same?” Servi punched the ground hard, sending a wave of fissures that radiated out from the point of impact. Momo silently wailed as she used her natural Singi-given agility to keep steady as the energy dispersed. Her pink tail assisted by acting as a makeshift fulcrum. It kept her weight evenly distributed.  Trees in the distance shook and fell as a small fissure formed beneath them. Momo found herself both afraid and in awe of just a sliver of her best friend’s true power. 

Servi placed both hands on her head. She gripped tightly, shaking from left to right. Her mind ran a kilometer a second, thinking about how her newfound knowledge challenged everything she knew. 

“AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" she screamed to the high heavens and smacked the ground again with her palm, sending out another few shockwaves. More trees fell in the distance.

Am I me? Who am I?! I don't know what I am!!!! I don't know who I am?!?! I... don't even know if I'm me right now...” said the weeping girl. Two parallel streams of water flowed from her eyes like a rainstorm in a hurricane. Unimaginable sadness plastered her confused face.

RuggyRuggy

Before people freak out about Itarr and Momo and their argument, just wait for the book to be over. Remember, the last part goes up on August 24th.

That really weird run-on sentence four paragraphs above this author's note is on purpose.

And yeah, Servi is cracking at the seams. It seems that after all she's been through, the she's finally starting to break down.