Book Three – Chapter Twelve – Part Five – The Fleeting Touch of a Friend

RuggyRuggy

This is my favorite part of Book Three.

And I lied. This might also be the longest part of Book Three.

Right as a particular catgirl fell to the seductive gaze of the sandman, her friend stirred awake from a deep slumber. 

How ironic that they missed each other by a span of ten seconds. 

Servi’s red eyes blinked awake, staring at the bed of green leaves blocking the sun from directly warming her face. She raised her left hand and held it close to her face. The tip of her nose slid down the back of her palm. Blinking twice more, she attempted to do the same with her right hand, but it was occupied. It felt heavy and warm, and that was when Servi propped herself off the ground.  

The warm grass felt pleasant between her fingers, but the Singi gripping her hand felt better than that. Just seeing that signature pink hair brought Servi to tears. Servi laid back down, turned on her side, and allowed her left hand to join her right. The two laid there, hands embraced for more than a few minutes. Once Servi’s tears were dried, she whispered a single name.  

“Itarr…” 

As expected, the Goddess did not say anything. Servi still felt her presence deep inside her, but Itarr only stared at the vivid red surrounding their interconnected soul.  

“Itarr, please… Talk to me. I have some questions about the emotional reset...” Servi lied. Something as drastic as resetting emotions would have anyone else asking the most mundane of questions to fully understand the process, but Servi didn’t feel the need to do that. Yes, it was a horrifying process, and she remembered the forty-five minutes of hell she had just endured, but her mind was clear. It was like a hazy fog had been lifted from her mind, allowing see and feel things that were always there but hidden away.

What do you want to know? Itarr murmured, biting at the bait laid before her before remembering that her voice couldn't reach Servi. The tears that had dried up poured from Servi’s face once again. She tried to speak, but her whole body had turned into a sobbing mess.  

Why are you crying? Even if you can't hear me, I knew I shouldn't have spoken. Just imagining the sound of my stupid voice is probably killing you...

“It’s been so long since I’ve heard you… Itarr, I’ve missed the sound of your voice… it’s just as lovely…as ever…” 

Why are you saying that?! My voice isn’t anything like that! Look, it’s making you cry! You said you hated me! Itarr argued back.  

Servi slowly shook her head. “You’re wrong. Can’t you see? I’m crying because I can hear you! And I'm sorry!!! I... I said so many horrible things to you... I can't take those back... I'm sorry for insinuating that you were behind it all... I don't even know what came over me... But... I see the errors of my ways... You never had control over my body... In the end, it was all me... I'm so sorry for putting the blame on you... I'm so sorry...” Servi started to silently cry, her fingers scratching under her eyes to brush away the thick tears. 

I… Itarr was at a startling loss. She never expected that of all things to be the first thing Servi said. What questions do you have? The Goddess felt her heart tear in half when she purposely ignored Servi’s heartfelt statement. The pain was great—greater than the betrayal she committed—but Itarr didn’t want to think someone like her could be forgiven. Even still, she had something to say, but it wouldn't have erased the pain she had caused. I'm sorry as well... It would take more than words to convince the Goddess she could forgive herself. Servi was struck back by Itarr’s forward nature, but it didn’t come as a total surprise.  

“Itarr, how long do I have left? Before I...” 

Only the first part of the healing process is complete. The second part will take far longer. As for when it will happen? It could be anywhere from a few minutes to a couple of hours.  

“Then how long will the process takes once it starts?” Servi knew it was going to be a while, but she only wanted to keep the conversation going as to bless her ears with Itarr’s voice.  

More than a day. There’s a high chance it’ll take a week. And even a month isn’t out of the question. It all depends on a few things, though... I don’t think you'll have conscious control over those factors.  

“So is it like rebooting a computer? Or maybe fixing one is more like it… But who will I be after it’s all said and done? Will I be me? Or will I be a different version of myself? Are the memories I made going to be intact? Or will they be wiped away like formatting a hard drive?” 

Itarr didn’t know what a computer or a hard drive was, so she couldn’t comment on that. In the first place, she didn’t want to share any words with Servi because she felt like she wasn’t deserving of them. But even with that, Itarr found it hard to be quiet. Just talking reminded her of the good ole days, even though, in retrospect, her betrayal corrupted those feelings.  

Your memories will not be tampered with at all. My word doesn’t mean much, but I promise you, Servi, that you will not change or become someone else. It was as Momo said. You are you. You are no one else but yourself. 

“That’s good. It means I won’t forget you or Momo. I’m so glad… But now that I know I don’t have long left, I’ll use it to grieve for the babies I killed… For the mothers and fathers...” Servi gripped Momo’s hand tighter and silently wailed. The space around her red eyes had gone crimson from her constant crying. Her lips were slightly opened, allowing a few tears to slip inside. Her body subtly jerked with each sharp inhale meant to fuel the whimpers escaping from her mouth. She wanted to cry for them, and crying was what she did.  

Even if Servi wanted to do that, she couldn’t do that and atone for the sins of her past at this very second. That could come later when she was in the second half of the healing process. But until then, Servi had a mission to accomplish, and it involved her very best friend.  

She gently unwrapped her hands from Momo’s iron-like grip and finagled it free. Then she stood up and looked over towards the gravel road. There was a bed that was very out-of-place. “Momo even dropped her bag and sword to drag me away… She’s so sweet,” Servi whispered. She walked over to the bed, using Air Step to travel a few centimeters above ground level so her footsteps wouldn’t wake the sleeping girl up and promptly absorbed the pair of precious items. She did the same with the bed.  

When she went to turn around, her eyes caught a strange flicker nearby. A quick use of Telekinesis later, the mysterious object was floating in front of her eyes. “The nadrium dagger?” she murmured. A slim finger traced around the edge, removing a little bit of blood that had started to dry. She poked at the blade and handle, which showed no signs of any kind of damage. “I guess we're alike in some ways. We both managed to come out from that lightning skill with no lasting damage. But should I keep you? Or should I throw you away? I don’t even think I can look at a nadrium weapon again without feeling sick to my stomach, but it wasn’t your fault. Heh, why am I even saying stuff like that? You’re only a weapon, an object to take lives. I’m the same… 

“But maybe there’s a place in the world for murderous beings such as ourselves. Someone can use you to protect the ones they care about. Maybe I can use myself to keep my friends safe? That’ll be nice… And isn’t that what I said I’d do in the first place? Not even six months later, and I’ve completely forgotten about my promise to protect those who can't protect themselves... I just became the people I hated, doing the same things I've killed people for doing...” Servi continued to stare at the destructive weapon in hand. Though it had help, a large portion of her deaths came from that single weapon.  

Deciding it was better to keep it, she saw it fade away as it found a home inside her ring. She walked—floated—back to the shady spot and gently lifted her sleeping companion by way of 10,000 instances of Telekinesis. Each one had over 75 anchor points for a total of 750,000 points of lift.  

Momo’s body floated like she was relaxing on a bed of invisible clouds. The only part that wasn’t supported was her tail. Servi still didn’t think she could touch it because she felt like permission had to be granted. But lifted or not, Momo's fluffy tail swam through the air, enjoying a cool breeze passing by.  

The former Mad Dog turned on her heels on the Air Step platforms and walked to the nearby sign. Even seeing its brown wood caused a flood of pain to surge through her heart. It was reminded of just how horribly she treated Carrie.  

The part of Servi that wanted to slice off Carrie's tail and suffocate her with it wasn't present. Or maybe it was there, and it only became invisible. Regardless, Servi felt that it wouldn't show itself again, but it did mean she had to live the knowledge that the Mad Dog was probably her primary personality at one point in time. It was also her secondary personality. It was just...her.

Knowing that Itarr was behind its appearance did little to soothe the worry in her heart. Servi figured that Itarr’s presence only accelerated The Mad Dog’s arrival. Did she know that for sure? No, she didn’t. And the only way to learn the truth was from Itarr, and Servi figured it wouldn’t be a good time to press the Goddess. At least not until the second stage of the healing process had started and finished. Servi was happy she was able to speak her apologies to Itarr, but she wanted to do more. Perhaps when she had a body of her own, Servi would promise to do anything and everything Itarr wanted?

The Human with black hair and red eyes nodded her head and read the sign. She then followed the arrow that said ‘Arcton’ and simply traveled down the gravel road towards her new destination. A few seconds into the journey, Servi released Telekinesis and held Momo with her own strength.  

With her hands under Momo’s knees and supporting her back, Servi held her close to her chest like a knight would carry an injured princess. “She’s as light as a feather. And as soft as one, too. It feels like I’m gonna break her… That’s how fragile she feels… But underneath that, there’s a fierce warrior and a loving friend who cares about me... Momo... I can’t believe she actually slapped me… But I needed that. I really did. I think I just wanted to be reprimanded for my actions. Or maybe I just wanted her to acknowledge my efforts. It sounds funny because I hid everything from her, but I know I definitely shouldn’t have done that. It’s only because of her that I found the courage to cry…" 

Once again, the person Servi spoke to remained quiet, locked away in her interconnected home to live out her self-imposed sentence of loneliness. 

“Momo’s dream was Warden, you know,” Servi said, spiraling off in a new direction. She spoke out loud to no one around her, but her words were meant for the one she shared a soul with. “You remember how excited she was the first time we had dinner together? I do. She only had five Potential to spend on learning a skill. She said she wasn’t born blessed, and it feels like most of the people in the world have that advantage, so she was dealt a bad hand to start with. But she didn’t let that stop her. I mean, in a span of a few months, she went from a novice adventurer to being practically the best Rank 10 in Canary. The flame burning within her was a desire to become as strong as her grandpa, and it was burning strong.

“Sure, there was that rocky start with Arty… And before that, there was the situation with Axel, Mossi, and Yellow... But Momo endured those trials life threw at her. And guess what? My best friend came out stronger than ever. If she didn’t, then there was no way she would’ve won the tournament. Momo, you’re my hero. You’re someone I look up to, but it’s my fault you had to suffer for so long…” Servi cried again. “Why didn’t I rescue you when I had the chance?! Why did I put it off even knowing you were so scared? I'm... I'm just a horrible friend... I wished I was someone worthy of your kindness and friendship...” 

Servi looked down through watery eyes and stared at Momo’s peaceful expression. “Mosie, you’re my best friend. You’re my savior. You saved me from… You saved me from my biggest fear… That’s why I won’t let your dream fade away. It’s going to be hard, but we have to go to Arcton’s Warden office. If we just turn it in, you can finally be promoted. I don’t know if it’s still open after the destruction I’ve wrought, but I have to try. If it's not open, I'll whisk us away to Canary... With my speed and Air Step, I can get us there in no time at all...” 

After that, Servi walked for the next ten minutes in complete silence. She didn’t even manage to hear a single leaf ruffle from the birds flying through them. Her attacks on the Mafia and subsequent torture must’ve scared off most of the avian creatures. Still, it wouldn’t hurt the world to at least grant Servi the blessings of seeing a blue jay, would it? 

A simple sigh escaped Servi’s lips, and she looked back down at her precious cargo. Momo’s eyes squirmed and slowly opened, revealing two sapphires of the highest quality staring back at her. The sleepy cat girl moved a hand to her eyes, carefully rubbing them and removing the sandman’s dust. A few seconds later, her mind had kicked into overdrive.  

“Ouch!” Momo whispered after pinching her cheeks. “It’s not a dream? It’s not a dream! Servy!!!!” Momo’s face underwent a series of expressions as she tried to figure out if what she saw was a figment of her imagination.  

It wasn’t a dream or a fabrication of her truest desire. It was authentic as it could get. 

The Singi leapt the best she could from her held state, wrapping her arms around Servi’s neck. Servi lost her balance and fell to her bottom, which only allowed Momo the opportunity to further hug her best friend. She nuzzled her head of pink hair in Servi’s chest. “It’s really you! You’re awake! You’re finally awake!!! Wait, are you hurt? Are you in pain?!” Momo frantically asked. She tried to end her embrace, but Servi didn't want that. She wrapped her pale arms behind Momo’s back and hugged her so tightly it almost hurt.  

Momo became slightly alarmed, and her tail whipped accordingly, but she then smiled and returned to her hug. For sixty solid seconds, they laid on the gravel ground. The warm sunlight illuminated their skin, warming them to the touch. Their hearts, finally connected after a week of hell, did all of the communicating. The only thing Servi and Momo needed to do was allow their tears to supplement their emotions.  

“Mosie…” 

“Servy…” 

The two kept whispering into each other’s ears. When all was said and done by the end of the minute of embracing, Servi unhooked her arms and allowed Momo the space to back up. She promptly sat on the ground with a giant smile while wiping the dust from her legs. Servi did the same after propping herself up.  

Though they had a chance to experience a moment in the past right when Momo woke up from Kaasuvuoto, the moment they had just shared was far more personal.

“Servy, I’m so glad you're awake, and I don’t have to watch you die anymore.” Momo thought back to those hundreds of lifeless heads staring up at her. 

“Did you see that? I’m sorry…” Servi glanced towards the ground with a sad look. 

Momo slowly nodded. “I did, but don’t be. I’m your best friend, and you’re my best friend. We don’t need to hide anything from each other because I’ll accept all of you. And when I say all, I really do mean all. There’s no more need for you to hurt yourself anymore. I don’t want to see your heads rolling in front of me.”

Just like that, Servi realized she forced Momo to endure yet another moment of hell. It seemed like terrible situations were always lying in wait to poison everything around Servi. And thanks to True Immortality, Servi had an inexhaustible supply of tears at the ready to stream down her face.  

“I’m sorry… I’m so sorry…” Servi whispered. She buried her face in her shaking hands and wailed. Moans of fear found an escape and took it, reverberating across the open sky. 

Momo crawled towards Servi and wrapped her arms around her. “I will say it was scary, but I was more worried for you. There’s no one else in this world who had to endure the pain you just went through. Are you okay? I meant to ask before, but does it still hurt?” 

Momo’s kindness and caring nature for her best friend, to Servi, was the second reason why her grief became the dominant emotion during her punishment. Servi had betrayed the girl she cared about, putting off her rescue for days. Instead of responding, Servi only cried harder.  

Momo didn’t mind that. She rested her chin on the soft black hair of her weeping friend and sent her feelings down.  

“If it hurts, then share that pain with me. When you hurt, I hurt. If something’s wrong, then tell me. I’m here for you, Servy. I wasn’t there before when you needed me, but I’m here now. If I know you as well as I think I do, and I hope I do, I think I can guess the main reason you’re crying. It’s when you found out my location and didn’t leave right away, right? I remember you telling me that back when you explained everything. I don’t know if you meant to skip past it the way you did, and I didn't want to bring it up then, but… Yeah, your crying just got louder, so I know I’m right. For as mysterious as you are, you’re surprisingly easy to read…” Momo moved her hands from Servi’s back to her head, stroking the mane of black hair as gently as she could. The girl she held tightened her grip around Momo’s back a little bit more. It hurt, but it wasn’t that bad.  

It was something Momo could withstand.  

“I’m sorry, Mosie… I’m so sorry… I'm sorry... I'm sorry!!!!” Sadness overwhelmed Servi, forcing her to cry to make up for the months she was unable to. And now that she was accurately able to feel such negative emotions, she finally had a chance to rid herself of them naturally.  

Momo lowered her voice to a whisper and slightly rocked back and forth.  

Mr. Sun, so high in the sky.  

Makes me want to fly.  

That’s why I’m singing this tune. 

May I touch you soon? 

Mr. Sky, so pretty and blue 

When I look at you, I know that’s true. 

And that fills me with such a boon.  

May I touch you soon? 

Mr. Star, bright, bright, bright.  

At night, you’re always in my sight.  

Even though it’s past June.  

May I touch you soon? 

Mr. Moon, last but not least  

Why don’t you come join us for a feast? 

We can use forks, knives, or spoons.  

May I touch you soon? 

Momo sang a song that meant so much to her. And now? It meant a lot to Servi as well. Those four little verses became an unbreakable link tying the two together.  

“See? There’s no need to keep beating yourself over it. If I was mad, I wouldn’t hold you. And I wouldn’t sing to you, either. But I am holding you, and I am singing to you. Believe me, Servy... I’m not mad, sad, upset, or feeling betrayed in any way...

"No... That's not the whole truth. When I realized that I could have been rescued from that hell a lot earlier, it took everything I had to not scream out in rage... I wanted to curse you...hit you...scream at you... In that split second, I had a million things I wanted to scream at you...

"'Why did I have to live through a week of hell?!?! I had to live with the fear of rape, abuse, and an early death! Even worse... I had to live believing you had died!!!!!! Why did you wait so long to save me?!?! Did you want me to suffer just so you can have fun in Arcton? Did you want to pop in at the last second like a hero?!?!?! If you had acted sooner, we could have been back in Canary right now!!!!!'

"Yeah... That's what I wanted to shout instead of being quiet... I... I just felt so betrayed...and scared...and alone... But any negative feelings I had just disappeared a second later. Do you want to know why?"

Servi's wailing increased in intensity, her shrieks nearly bursting the eardrums of the Singi holding her. The tears just kept flooding out like an endless monsoon hellbent on drowning earth. Momo instantly felt bad, realizing that her words had the opposite effect of what she wanted. She quickly spoke, correcting her previous sentence and doing her best to provide relief for her very best friend.

"It's because you were suffering just as much as me... You had your own demons tormenting you... And I don't have the right to demand you to save me because I was the one who ran away... This whole thing started because of me... I’m just so happy we’re together now. I don’t have to worry about whether or not you’re dead because I can touch you with my hands. I can hear you with my ears. I can smell and see you with my nose and eyes. And as long as I can do that, I'll forgive you, Servy... I'll always forgive you..."

Momo’s calming words had finally had a profound effect on Servi’s psyche. The damaged girl halted her whimpering. Her nose sniffled as if she had a cold. Looking up, she met Momo’s lovely face. The two blue eyes stared down with kindness and friendship, not the hatred and betrayal that Servi had feared.

And that was the final barrier preventing Servi from accepting her current circumstances. She wasn’t entirely over the damage she had caused, and it was all but assured there would be many tears left to shed in the future.

“Hiya…” Momo whispered, smiling like she was looking at a puppy. “I was wondering when I would see your eyes again. How are you feeling? Remember what I said before? Sometimes, the only thing you need to do is have a good cry. Speaking of that, I won’t ever judge or think less of you because you cried.” The Singi sat down while removing her hands from Servi, who did the same, albeit more slowly. They still shook with plenty of emotions as they slid down Momo’s slender upper arms until they got to her hands.  

In a move that was as sudden as it was bold, Momo hooked her middle finger around Servi’s left index finger, preventing it from retreating. Momo giggled when she saw Servi’s surprised look, but the Human didn’t do a single thing to stop Momo from interlocking their fingers together. 

"I left you all alone, Servy... I don't ever wanna make that mistake again," Momo whispered, her face budding like a blossoming flower.

For the second time, they allowed their inner emotions to do the talking. While holding hands, their heartbeats seemed to be linked, ticking in rhythm as one. “Umm… I’m sorry for slapping you back then. I hope it didn’t hurt.” 

“Don’t be sorry. I think I deserved that. And in a way, it brought me back to my senses. When I cried right after was the first time I’d shed tears in a long time. Thanks, Mosie. Oh, I have something for you,” Servi quietly said. She squeezed her occupied hand, and Momo squeezed back.  

“What is it?” she asked. Her pink tail slowly moved back and forth, sweeping away the tiniest fragments of dust and gravel. The oh-so-familiar pain in her rear end returned because she sat on a particularly pointy pebble, but ruining the mood because of a simple annoyance was out of the picture.   

A familiar black messenger bag and a thin longsword materialized in front of her eyes. Her face became wide with surprise before being replaced with affection.  

“Grampy’s bag and sword! I must’ve forgotten them back at that bed. You got them for me?” 

“I did. I know these mean a lot to you. I had them ever since…” Servi trailed off as the pair of items slowly floated down. They gently settled to Momo’s left and right, respectively. The Singi herself slightly frowned when she realized the reason Servi stopped speaking. A single sparkle reflected the light of the sun, bouncing it into Momo’s blue eyes.  

Servi had started crying again, but then she stopped. She suddenly coughed and cleared her throat. “I didn’t look inside the bag, and I didn’t use the sword. I didn’t stain them with my touch…” 

“Stop it, Servy. Don’t talk yourself down like that. Touching grampy’s bag or his sword isn’t gonna corrupt them in any way,” Momo retorted. She softly swung the hand connecting her with Servy back and forth and left and right. Then she brought it towards her bag and touched it together.

“Just think, Servy… We can put all of this behind us. We can go back home and be with our friends. I can’t wait to see Claire and Dineria. Hey, it’d be nice going out to dinner with them, wouldn’t it?” Momo talked about the future, and it sounded pleasant. “It’d be us, them, Feral and Srassa. And Silverado, Desperado, and Rakkire and Riki, too. We can even invite—” 

“Before we leave, there’s something we have to do,” Servi interjected. She had glanced her eyes towards the ground when Momo was talking and only briefly looked up. 

“Hmm? What do we have to do? Wouldn’t it be the perfect time to go to Canary? I know you wanna get home as soon as possible..."

“Warden… We still need to complete the quest.” 

Momo shook her head. “Servy, I don’t care about the quest anymore. And I don’t really care for Warden right this moment. All I care about is going back home together with you.” 

“Mosie, Warden is your dream. You have to complete the quest. You joined because you wanted to be strong like your grampy. You—” 

“Okay...” Momo squeezed her hand one more time, waiting for Servi to return it before she continued speaking. “To be honest, I didn’t want to go there because Arcton can’t offer anything but bad memories. I’m sure it’s the same with you. But if you’re willing to go back there for me, then I need to show the same resolve. We’ll go there together, and then we’ll leave. We won't spend a second longer there than we need to.” 

Servi nodded, and with great reluctance, unclasped her hand from Momo. The two stood up, and Momo bent back down to retrieve her bag and sword. She silently begged her grandpa for forgiveness for leaving them in her moment of weakness and swore she wouldn’t repeat the same mistake.  

“There's more,” Servi said as Momo adjusted her bag’s strap. She tapped her sword, which had finally returned to her waist, and turned to look at her best friend. Her jaw nearly dropped when she saw that familiar pink canteen with a black cat and backpack with her name floating in mid-air. “I know how much you liked them. I made sure they were safe.” 

Momo hastily grabbed the canteen, slotted it into her backpack, slid that around her back, and gave Servi the biggest hug. “Even back then,” the Singi whispered. “You took such good care of everything I have…” She took a step back and felt the two hands around her back slide down. Just like before, Momo hooked her finger around Servi’s hand, interlocking their fingers together in a showcase of trust and friendship. 

They looked like lovers, that much was plain to see, but Momo didn’t, at the time, think of it that way. She believed she was just showing affection to her literal savior while making up for her drastic mistake. She saw the pain deep within Servi’s red eyes, and doing what she could to bear the brunt of whatever agony festered inside her was the least she could do.  

“Servy, are you ready?” Momo asked. She stood right by her savior and softly smiled. The Human only nodded, and the two best friends, hand in hand, walked towards a city that carried horrible memories. It was entirely possible that the Canary Warden office would have given them an alternate promotional quest, or outright promote them all together, considering what happened.

In Momo’s case, she only focused on the warmth she received from holding her best friend’s hand. Her palm met with a palm that she was so familiar with that she even traced the palm lines in her head.  

For Servi, she also found the situation warming in a way, but that could have been because her body was preparing itself for the second stage of the healing process. In either case, she was sure that the tingling emotions she felt were unaltered. And for the first time, she was sure she was her own person, but as for whether or not that would continue being the case? She didn’t know. Itarr had assured her she wouldn’t change, and Servi wanted to trust her.  

It might have sounded odd, trusting someone who had tampered with the immaterial concepts that defined a person, but perhaps that was the person Servi was meant to be? 

She didn’t know, and she wouldn't know until her mind had the chance to properly heal.