Chapter 109 - 109 – Lunch On The Roof

Ren realised halfway through the day that something was wrong with Fang. So, during lunch break, he dragged Fang out of the canteen as soon as they had picked up their lunch trays and took him to the terrace instead.

A lot of their new friends were surprised, but no one raised any objections. After all, it was normal for a couple to want to spend some time together, wasn't it?

Fang, on the other hand, was quite taken aback. Ren was usually the more passive one in their relationship these days – and even in general, Ren was more laidback than Fang about most things. So, for Fang, it was quite surprising that Ren had taken the initiative to drag him out during lunch break.

Having dinner on terrace alone with his Ren in college – this was one of the fantasies Fang had always harboured. He had thought that he would bring it up with Ren one day and if Ren was ok with it, they could do it sometimes – but then, he hadn't gathered enough courage for it. Besides, it was quite hot right now, and Fang knew better than anyone else that Ren couldn't take the heat very well. The hotter and sunnier it got, the worse Ren felt and less time he would spend outside of his air conditioned office or air conditioned car or air conditioned home. And this was exactly why Ren often had vitamin D3 deficiency as well. But then again, because Fang knew that Ren would get sick if he was outdoors during a hot day, he preferred to keep Ren indoors until the temperature outside was mellow and pleasant and tolerable for Ren.

Still, unknowingly, Ren had managed to fulfil one of Fang's fantasies without even being told anything about it.

Perhaps this was true love, Fang thought.

Ren frowned a little when they reached the terrace – it really was quite hot. But then, this was also the only way where they would be able to have a private conversation in peace without being interrupted.

Ren flopped down on the terrace floor, much to Fang's surprise. He would never have imagined that the mysophobic and clean freak Ren, who checked a chair or a couch before sitting down on it, would simply sit on the floor just like that! Seeing Fang in a daze, Ren patted the ground next to him and Fang quickly sat down as well.

"So, spill," Ren said to Fang. "What is bothering my big darling nowadays? You're more distracted than usual today. Is it because of what Tom's little girl said in the morning?"

Fang lowered his eyes and stared at the tray in his hands. "Let's eat first," he murmured.

Ren sighed, but didn't object.

The two of them ate silently for a few minutes. Fang was too occupied to look at Ren's tray – or he would have noticed that Ren hardly ate a mouthful, and instead, spent his time observing Fang instead.

Fang ate his food without tasting a single morsel. If someone asked him later what he had eaten, he would draw a complete blank.

The moment Ren saw that Fang was done with his meal, he put his own tray on the side, where Fang would not be able to see it immediately.

"All right, now we are done eating," Ren said, handing a wet napkin to Fang.

Fang was unusually slow in wiping his hands and his mouth.

"Do you not want to talk to me, Fang?" Ren asked archly.

Fang refused to look at him. "There's nothing wrong," he said evasively. "I am all right."

Ren sighed. "Fang, darling, look at me," he said softly.

Fang still refused to look at his fiancé and continued to stare at the ground instead.

Ren sighed. Then he moved quickly and swiftly, and lay down on the floor and put his head on Fang's lap.

Fang was so shocked that he nearly threw Ren off, but somehow managed to stop himself at the last moment.

"Ren – what on earth – what are you doing?" Fang asked helplessly.

Ren looked up at Fang's beautiful and flushed face. "Am I not allowed to lay my head in the lap of my own fiancé?" he asked innocently. "Do you want me to go and put my head on other people's laps?"

"No!" Fang cried immediately. "You're not allowed to put your head on anyone's lap except mine!"

Ren smiled. "Yes, my big darling," he said sweetly. "I'll do as you say."

"Good," Fang said. "And if you dare to do something like with other people, I – I will…" Fang trailed off. He didn't know what he would do. He did know that he would be angry enough to draw blood, though. Even the thought of Ren with someone else was filling him up with a terrible blood lust!

"What will you do?" Ren asked curiously.

"I don't know," Fang said with gritted teeth. "Probably kill someone…"

Ren was alarmed. "Fang?" he asked worriedly.

Fang smiled bitterly.

Ren immediately sat up and pulled Fang into a hug. "Tell your Ren what's wrong, my little darling," he said softly in his ear, while rubbing soothing circles on Fang's back.

Fang sighed heavily and buried his face in Ren's shoulder. "I don't know," he said. "I – I am – I think I am becoming a bad person, Ren…"

"You will never be a bad person, my little darling," Ren said firmly, and kissed Fang's brow.

"I'm bigger than you now," Fang murmured softly. "You can't call me little any more."

"You're my darling, always," Ren said. "Whether you're being a big darling or a little darling, will depend on how you are acting at the time."

"I'm being bad, Ren," Fang cried softly. "I'm feeling so jealous that my intestines are turning green. Every time someone looks at you with a loving glance, as though they want to shove me aside and become your partner instead – I feel this red blood lust rising up from deep inside me and I want to slap them so that they would never dare to cast their eyes on you so covetously ever again!"

Ren sighed. "But you haven't actually done that yet, right? You haven't gone and actually slapped any one yet, right?" he asked.

"I haven't," Fang said. "But I want to, so badly…"

"Well, when you see people looking at me and want to hit them, why don't you declare your sovereignty over me right away – after all, everyone else can look but they can't touch – only my dearest darling Fang is allowed to do that," Ren said, caressing Fang's agitated face with gentle fingers.

A hint of lavender from the wet napkins they had just used still lingered on Ren's fingers.

Fang turned his head and pressed a kiss on Ren's palm.

Then, he said crossly, "If I touched you every time I wanted to hit someone who was looking at you, I would be touching you all day. You don't want me to become that annoying sticky candy that Snow once ate half of and then it got stuck on your jacket and wouldn't come off no matter what, right? I remember you threw away that jacket later…"

Ren caught the tail of the problem. "And you think that I will throw you away later if you stick to me a little too much?" he asked.

Fang remained silent for a while, and then he said in a small voice, "I am not worthy of you, Ren," he murmured. "I thought I could catch up with you when we were in medical school together – but you, you are so far beyond my reach that I don't know what to do, and I am afraid that you will come to realise that I am not good enough and then you will leave me behind and move on with someone else…"

Fang burst into tears and buried his face in Ren's shoulder.

Ren's heart ached so much that he wondered for a moment if he was having a heart attack.

"How will I live if I left you, my little darling?" Ren whispered in Fang's ear. "And you, my dear, are worth two of me."

Fang shook his head, his nose rubbing against Ren's clothes.

Ren sighed. "Ah, Fang," he murmured. "How I wish you could see yourself through my eyes…then you would know how you light up my world, and how, without you, everything is wan and grey and how you are the one that brings colour and light to my life…"

Fang froze.

Ren laughed sadly, and the sound tore at Fang's heart.

"How do I make you see what you mean to me, my little darling?" Ren murmured helplessly. "It's not that you are not worthy of me – rather, it is the other way round. I am the one who is not worthy of you, and you will always be able to find someone better than me in every aspect…"

Fang shook his head furiously.. "What nonsense!" he cried. "There's no one better than you!"