32 The Bitter Taste of a One Sided Love

*Li Wei's Memories*

The story of Li Wei's life was no fairytale. There was no sugar coating, no sweet love, and no happy ending. Walk along a random street and anyone would know of the Villainess of Na'an. This label came to life when she was seven.

It was a cold winter when Li Wei returned with Aunt Rin. Rrom a nobody to a wealthy girl, from an orphanage to a manor, she was like a fish out of water. There was no place for her within the closed and small high society of Na'an. Everyone made sure she was aware of it. The children who were supposed to become her friends called her a bearer of bad luck. Both her parents passed away and she was abandoned, no one dared come close to her.

She started distancing herself, making excuses not to leave home. There were barely words coming out of her mouth, she went on days without saying a word. Years went by with her constantly living alone when Aunt Rin was away on business trips that lasted for months in a row. When she grew and became prettier with each passing day, girls hated her more and boys started eyeing her. She tried so hard to deal with all the bullying by herself, but her efforts were in vain.

The rumors kept coming. Li Wei is a thief, the dress she wore yesterday was stolen. Li Wei is stupid, she keeps talking to no one. Li Wei is misfortune in a person's body, don't get close to her or else your life will be ruined. Hundreds of things were said about her, but the worst of all was-- Li Wei has come to take away what belongs to Li Zhilan.

She didn't do anything, but everything about her had been decided, including who she would become. Her heart became a heart of stone, she could no longer feel and no longer cared. The one wish that still kept her alive was to become the woman by Hua Xifeng's side. He, who pulled her small body from the hands that came for her life, was her savior. He was the only person who was human in her world... But she held no ounce of weight in his world.

Poked a thousand times, looked down upon ten thousand times, she was at her limit. Sure, she would satisfied their cruel imagination. She could no longer get the man she loved anymore. There was no longer any use to being good.

New names were thrown at her-- a seductress, a vixen, a villainess. Out of the three, only the last suggestion peaked her interest. A villainess didn't sound too bad. What an entertaining role to play. Li Wei became a villainess of her own creation.

She was no longer the same person. Poke at her and she would burst in flames. Talk bad about her and she'd make the horror come true. She was like a ticking would that could explode any moment. Better not tempt her.

Li Zhilan, the first leading lady within her story, was quite weak and easy to push around. She couldn't even be considered as an opponent for being the damsel in distress she was. But of course, these types of female leads always had a second male lead willing to sacrifice everything.

Khan Bojing was introduced as a stable boy named Tai when they first met. No one knew about his background, even Li Zhilan only knew of him by his fake identity. From the moment their eyes met across the room, Khan Bojing became Li Wei's mortal enemy. He was the obstacle to obtaining Hua Xifeng's love. The more she tried to get Hua Xifeng, the more Khan Bojing helped Li Zhilan. The alliance between them sparked a fire of hatred within her heart which only grew with time.

Khan Bojing, despite being the prince of Hai'an, forced all circumstances to allow him to stay in Na'an for a year to be by Li Zhilan's side. In name, he was a stable boy, bu no matter what problems Li Zhilan faced, he was there to solve it for her. His love for her was so deep he would never betray her in his life.

Li Wei almost went crazy with her anger. She couldn't hurt Li Zhilan, even the thought of doing something harmful was caught by Khan Bojing. She couldn't reach even the tips of his hair, that was, until Khan Bohai came along.

On the wedding day of Na'an's crowned prince, it was a day of celebration for everyone. All citizens decorated their homes and the streets in red. Everyone wore their best clothes and waited on the streets to catch a glimpse of the royal carriage that would roll through in the afternoon.

Li Wei locked herself in her room, refusing to talk to anyone. Her pursuit of Hua Xifeng was to no success, but the pain had already been inflicted upon those who cared for her. San'er ran away due to her cruel punishments and even Aunt Rin didn't bother to bring sense into her. Aunt Rin had been hurt enough by Li Wei and no longer wanted to be entangled with her viciousness. The close relationship between them were long gone. Li Wei was on the verge of being disowned.

Li Wei finally came out of her room when everyone had gone to sleep. The cold night air was soothing to the touch. In her hands, she carried a jar of wine. Her white dress danced wildly in the air and her long hair flew behind her as she stood on the small dock by the riverside in the back of the manor.

Li Wei's world was toppling over. Her heart had been broken. Why, just why. She looked up to the night sky. The full moon shone serenely admist the stars. Her heart roared in anger. Why was the world still this beautiful when she was literally breaking down?

"Damn the heavens! So useless, so blind to the unfairness in the world," Li Wei cursed under her breath. She held out the jar of wine in her hand towards the sky, as if she was toasting the heavens. A dry laughter followed her absurd action before she tilted the wine into her mouth.

Bitter. It was bitter. She could only taste bitterness.

Her hand flung the jar against the surface of the port, and a loud bang broke the silence in the air. Her long held tears came streaming down. These were not tears of sadness, but rather, tears of anger and resentment. She had been shattered like the broken pieces of the jar.

How cruel the world was, she thought. Li Wei's fingers desperately picked up a piece of sharp ceramic. Without a second thought, she cut her wrist with the tip of the ceramic. Blood dripped from her fair wrist onto the ground. She had wanted to test whether she still felt pain. The blood and pain from the cut gave a clear indication that she was indeed still alive. She was still human, much to her dismay.

She whirled the sharp object into the river, a bitter laugh filled her lips. Everything had becoming a joke to her. Her footsteps drew away from the river and she walked onto the stone trail in the garden barefoot. The coldness from the stone below brought a sense of comfort to the fire within her.

A figure hidden within the shadows of the willow tree stepped onto her path. Li Wei glared at Khan Bojing, who stood a foot away. He had been watching her and she knew why. He was here to ensure she wouldn't do anything harmful to his precious woman.

Li Wei pretended to be clueless, tilting her head to one side. "What's a stable boy doing here?"

Khan Bojing's lips pursed tightly at the way she had addressed him. "Nothing much now. The grand show I was promised has been cancelled."

Li Wei gave him a malicious smirk, the type she knew he was used to seeing on her face. "I'll send you a personal invitation once it's been rescheduled. You won't miss a second of it."

"Why are you living your life like this?" This was the most efforts he's given in talking to her. "Why are you living your life like the villainess of a book?"

Instead of giving him answers, she demanded answers from him. "Why are you living your life like a righteous second male lead? No matter how good you are, Li Zhilan will never look your way."

"That's funny to hear from you, the villainous of Na'an. I never dreamed of being a second male lead." The lifeless pool of black in his eyes sent a chill down her spine. "Even if you destroy your life with evil, Hua Xifeng won't give you a second glance. Even if you're on the verge of death, you're nothing to him."

"Why does it matter to you what I do, second male lead? Just mind your own business." She could no longer stand talking to him. Her hands tried to push him aside so she could walk past.

Khan Bojing didn't move an inch despite her efforts. "I don't care what you do, but don't hurt anyone else anymore. You've already committed enough sins to last your next lifetime."

"Ahh!" Li Wei yelled as her patience broke. Her hands clenched in tight fists hit against his hard chest. "Whatever good advice you have, share it another day. Just leave me, I want to be alone!"

"Keep this up and you'll be alone forever, whether or not it's your choice. Try to think bigger, open your mind. The world isn't as dark as you're making it out to be--"

"Then can you honestly say you're not hurt? The woman you love just married another man, don't you feel anything?" Li Wei interrupted his sentence with questions of her own. Keep your friends close, but your enemy even closer. She had spent her time studying him. This man, he carried such a strong front, but she knew he was still human. Even if he denied it to the world, to himself, she could see he was in pain. Even if he gave the world to Li Zhilan, he could only stood from afar and watched her dance with another man on top of the world he created. "You sure are loyal. It's too bad you met her too late or else she could've been yours."

"I..." His strong voice trailed off for the first time. He didn't know how to respond.

"You're always so good, isn't it tiring? You're a stable boy, but you have parents. You have friends. Why are you wasting all your goodness into one person? Tai, take a look at yourself. This perfect image of yours will get you nowhere." Li Wei knew she stunned him with her words and as he stood there lost in his thoughts, she easily pushed him to the side. "Don't live in Hua Xifeng or Li Zhilan's shadows your whole life."

"How about you, villainess? When will you stop and walk away from their shadows?" He followed her onto the corridor.

She spared him her last glance. "It's already a miracle I'm still breathing. I've gone down too far."

Khan Bojing looked at the trail of blood she left upon her path from the port. He ripped off a piece of clothing from the sleeve of his shirt. "I... I have never been nice to you. At least allow me to be bandage your wound before I leave Na'an."

Li Wei watched wordlessly as he carefully wrapped the cloth around her wound. This was the first time he had ever touched her without hurting her. His fingers were cautious and light, being careful not to add unnessary pressure. When he finished, he gave her a small smile. His first ever smile he had ever given to her. "There is no one in this world who isn't worthy of a good life."

This time, it was her who couldn't say anything. He, a genuinely kind person, thought she still deserved to live a good life. Was this heaven's joke? When she was at her lowest, why was her mortal enemy the one by her side?

When Khan Bojing turned to go, her hands grabbed onto him. She didn't want this fleeting comfort to go away so soon. It wasn't enough to warm her yet. Li Wei wanted to have a taste of a love she's long envied, even if it meant imagining someone else in his place.