Chapter 54 - Sylvia

"Your hair is disgusting. Why don't you go bald instead?"

I don't know when, but I have long used to hear someone saying that to me. I had always been bullied for the difference in my hair color. And as if the world is hating me, even my parent discriminate against me. Both of my parents have the same hair color, which is black. At some point, they had a fight thinking that my existence was proof that one of them is cheating. As a child, I didn't know anything and want nothing but love. But just that one thing, I will never have.

When I was thirteen years old, I had been having suicidal thoughts. It was because even when I tried dyeing my hair, the discrimination is still there. And it wasn't just that, my parent... they ended up divorced. None of them wanted to take me in, but eventually, I was handed to my mother. The next thing that happened to me is what escalated me into having such thoughts. A mother who was accused of cheating behind her husband's back; I thought she wouldn't come to hate me since she was the mother who gives birth to me. But here she is, not just simply hating me but she also hits me for the reason that didn't make any sense. Basically, it was child abuse.

But even so, even after all that, I tried my best. I do everything I could, everything for the sake of one day to gain the affection that I so d.e.s.i.r.ed for so long. I guess you could say that I'm a positive type of person. But the world shows me how cruel it still is, because everything I had done, it was all for nothing. Even a positive person like me if faced in such situation many times, would eventually break down, you know?

But again, I didn't give up. I worked even harder than I could likely do. You could say, I was desperate. I don't understand why am I hate, why does everyone hate me just for that one only reason, the difference of hair color. Friend? I don't have any of those. I tried, again and again, but neither of them last. If I could remember the memory of when I was baby, then perhaps that might be the only good memories that I had.

As I said, I was having suicidal thoughts. But I was still scared of death and the pain that follows. I thought that by dying, maybe I would not suffer anymore. But deep down, I was always wondering, what if I wasn't born with different hair color? Would my parents not have gotten divorced and give me the affection that I so badly wanted? Such thoughts occasionally run through my mind.

I never ask for my hair color to be like this. How could I change something that I was born with? But I did, yet why am I still getting the hates? Have I ever wronged you? Why do I deserve this? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why?

I wonder why the sky is so dark today, did it knows that today would be the day that I finally decide to? It's interesting. Yes, it's really interesting to think that I would smile on my final day. Strangely enough, I haven't gotten any bullying for the day, are they considerate to me? Isn't it nice of them? But nothing will stop me. I have decided that today will be my final day. 

Even though the sky is so dark, it is still beautiful. I would have loved to stay here and just admire the sky, but I can't do that. I have already decided. 

Oh? I thought I would be scared when seeing such height, but no such feeling come up. Do I even have any feeling now? Silly me. Anyway, with just a single step, I will finally be able to be free— only one simple step. But again, the world didn't want me to be released from this prison of hell as someone come up behind me and called out my name. I looked behind, but I didn't know who the person was. But I don't care. I didn't care to notice that the girl's hair is in red while having a mask covering their whole face. My only thought was.. to be free.

But why, why is this person keep on calling out my name? Is this person crazy? Can't you see that you're disturbing me? Go away. But what that person said next stopped me.

"Do you really want this?"

"I ask you, do you really want this?"

Seeing as I didn't answer, the person walked forward and continue. 

"I will ask you again, do you really want this?"

"..yes, yes I do!"

"I want this to end, everything and everyone to stop! Why are you stopping me?!"

Finally, I answered with a shout as I looked back at the person.

"Then, do you mind telling me why are you crying right now?"

What? What is this person talking about? Me? This me, of all things, are crying? Stop lying! I.. never in my life did I ever cry! Never! Even after all the abuse, I didn't cry! Even after all that bullying, I still didn't cry! And you said I was crying right now?!

I put my hands on my cheeks and noticed that it was wet, but it was not from the rain. I... Am I crying? Why am I crying now of all times? Is it because I had been bottled up my emotion, and today it decides to burst out all at once? Don't be kidding me! I! I!

"Do you really want to end it like this?"

"You don't understand anything! I!"

"Of course I don't, so why don't you tell me while we seat on the bench right there?"

My name is Sylvia. It was a name given before the discrimination happened; it was before my hair have ever grown as a baby. I think it's a beautiful name but never had anyone call me with it. My mother used to call me with that but since my hair has fully grown, which caused the quarrel and eventually she stopped using my name. 

From I was young, I try my best to make my mother and others happy; I really do my very best. But it never worked. The disdain look in their eyes continued; it was to the point that I've grown used to it. I don't mind and don't care about others, but what broke my heart the most is from my parent. Why give birth to me when you didn't want me? Why am I even born? I ask this many times to myself. But no answer ever come.

I didn't know why, but I ended up saying everything to that person. It's like everything that had been bottled up inside me, once again poured out. And I...ended up crying my tears out on that person's shoulders. And once I was done, that person said something that will change my life onward.

***

Two days before the suicide, In the front gate of M School.

"This is the place, huh?"

Sheila looked in front of her before proceeding to walk inside. The guard didn't stop her, and neither did anyone. That was because she was wearing the school uniform, the other thought that she was one of the students. Ria was the one who gave the student uniform to her; she also wonders where did Ria get her hands on this. But that's not important; she needs to get more information about the individual before she could decide on whether to accept or not.

But what she didn't expect was to learn that human can be very disgusting and annoying. It was to the point that she wished she was not born human due to how ugly their nature is. She was almost on the verge of exploding when she learns the truth from investigating more into it. But it cooled down when Sheila went to her house. That was where she found the source of everything that caused the child to suffer something unimaginable at a young age that no one deserves. It was...

"An evil spirit, huh?"