Maybe I need a break or something, I don’t know.

forli

You see, back when I started this story, I was not expecting to get a lot of readers, and with this being my first story I didn't expect people to think that it was good at all. But I just thought that I would ignore the ratings and write the story I wanted to write. I was pleasantly surprised that this ended up being mildly popular and that some people actually enjoyed reading it, and writing proved to be a lot of fun.

But then I became afraid of disappointing all those readers I had gotten, I knew that there were some aspects of my story (mostly the misunderstandings and Arana... ESPECIALLY Arana) that some people could find frustrating, so I stressed myself over how to make it all less annoying while still keeping the story as I wanted it to be, paying a lot of attention to all the complains anyone had.

I also discovered that ignoring the ratings was A LOT more difficult than I initially thought, it's by far the most prominent of all the statistics, the representation of how good of a job I'm doing. If it had been low from the start that would be one thing, but seeing how it started high and then keep lowering very slowly over the months just felt... depressing, it makes it seem like all my efforts are just making things worse. And I know that this is just a personal problem and I should just ignore it, but that's easier said than done.

And then there's the worst part, the real reason for this rant, and that's the people who occasionally read this story that, for a few days, keep leaving comments about how much they hate Arana or how everyone in the story is an idiot, often filled with hyperbole, swearing, and insults (some are worse than others), leaving me feeling like it never mattered how much effort I put into this (I know that it doesn't look like it, but I really do put a lot of effort into making the misunderstandings seem at least somewhat believable and the characters likable, it's just hard to do in a comedy about misunderstandings and I'm not really the best writer around). And before you say something like 'it's just a few people, there are more people who enjoy your story', you have NO FUCKING IDEA how stressful and frustrating it is to go to sleep or to leave home in the morning thinking 'I wonder how many new insults to my story and characters I'll get to read when I wake up/get back home', for a few days each time.

Because of all of that, writing has been getting less and less fun and is starting to become a source of stress.

And now, I have finally reached an important part of the story that I had been looking forward to writing from the start, the conclusion to the 'Arana is a bad friend' side plot (for lack of a better name). Arana was a character that I wanted to be a bit mysterious at the start, making the readers think that she could even be evil. She also likes pranks which would help with the comedy and has a few personality issues that would need to be dealt with eventually, she was manipulated and betrayed when she was young and that led her to become manipulative herself and have trouble trusting others. And at last, in the chapter I was writing now, she and Luna finally get into a fight about Arana trying to kill Kalroth while trying to keep Luna out of it, and Luna confronts her over how despite being friends, Arana keeps trying to manipulate her into doing stuff instead of just asking for help and how she doesn't seem to really trust Luna. Then, after the current conflict is over, they would have a serious talk (and Luna would also realize some of her own flaws).

This is certainly not a point in the story where I would normally consider taking a break, but precisely because it's such an important part, I was stressing harder than usual to make everything feel right. And just as I was writing chapter 80, a complete retard decided to leave the worst of that type of comments I've mentioned so far, with the most hyperbolic swearing and insults yet, for a few days before finally leaving a one-star rating and hopefully fucking off. And that has left me thinking 'do I REALLY need to deal with this crap?' I have to admit that for a moment I was even tempted to just delete the story, but there is just so much I have planned that I still want to write... There's no way I'll quit because of such a stupid reason, so perhaps I should just take a break? I don't see how that would solve anything, but I'm busy IRL now and the last thing I need is yet another source of stress... But none of that probably matters, I'm only feeling this way because I'm being stressed by real-life as well right now, and if I know myself I will probably feel completely different by tomorrow, and I'll say 'what was I thinking? I don't need to take a break at all! And I've been wanting to write this part of the story for so long!' But that's precisely why I'm writing this rant now, because I know that tomorrow I won't want to do it and I just feel like I need to share all of this with someone.

So yeah, sorry for making you read this, I guess that I'll at least give some advice to anyone thinking of writing their own story. Whatever you do, do NOT write characters like Luna and Arana. If you look at the most popular and universally loved novels, you'll see that the MC is always super clever, never makes a mistake, and never forgives or shows mercy to anyone who tricks them or annoys them in any way. And more importantly, any character that is on the MC's side will be completely supportive to them, or else they will have to learn just how perfect the MC is or be revealed to be evil. Do not fall into the trap of wanting to write characters with flaws or relationships that are not completely black or white, it's not worth it.

I'll probably end up deleting this post.