Chapter 118 - What Would You Give Up?

I furrowed my brows.

I heard a soft feminine voice coming from the courtyard, and it was not one that I recognized.

...Was it a maid?

The voice sounded rather hostile when they said, 'Are you sure about that?', which didn't sound the most maid-like.

It appeared that a conversation was going on in the courtyard. Out of curiosity, I brought myself closer to the cased-opening, but made sure to hide behind the wall.

Those days I spent in the forest suddenly came back to me. My breathing became shallow, while the sounds of my footsteps disappeared entirely.

Although there was little I could do to increase my hearing, it still felt like I was straining my ears to make out the conversation.

"I can't be sure of it, but in terms of right here and right now, I believe it."

It was Ned's voice. I only recognized it after a couple seconds of listening.

The reason was that his tone was far deeper and more serious than anything I've ever heard before.

...Almost like he was a different person.

The unknown young female spoke up mockingly.

"You believe it? It's far too easy to come to beliefs. Frankly, every belief can be shattered at any moment. Even the ones we hold to be absolute."

Ned chuckled.

"...Maybe. But that doesn't change where I stand right now."

The unknown young female giggled mischievously. Her tone resembled a bratty kid, yet also sounded like a condescending princess.

"I wonder how long you can keep that facade of yours up..."

Ned took a deep breath.

"It's... not a facade."

The unknown young female laughed.

"Oh, Ned... I'm sure the both of us know the truth. The only difference is one of us is open about it while the other is trying to hide it."

For a few moments, it was silent.

Ned broke it by laughing bitterly.

"Even if that is true... the answer is no."

The unknown young female's tone became teasing.

"Are you sure?~"

Ned's tone contrasted greatly, as it was dead serious.

"I am sure."

The unknown young female did not seem perturbed by Ned's persistence. She only giggled.

"I wonder... how long can you really last?"

Ned scoffed.

"You sound so confident that I'll break."

The unknown young female hummed teasingly.

"Hah. That's because you're the type of person that always breaks in the end."

It fell silent once more.

Ned sighed.

"Then I guess I'll have to find a way to become a different type of person."

The unknown young female laughed.

"Ah, then what should I call you later, mister changed person? What about Derrick, or Paul?"

Ned laughed.

"You can call me whatever you want to. It doesn't change anything."

The unknown young female sighed.

"Well, Ned... I suppose I shall leave you to your thoughts."

She giggled.

"After all, they already appear to be swarming you. Until we meet again."

Ned clicked his tongue before falling silent.

Beads of sweat formed on my forehead when the person said they were leaving.

...They wouldn't see me as they left, right?

I made sure to look down to the floor, only able to just barely see the dining room in front of me.

Yet...

It was still silent.

A little too silent.

Did that person... leave?

Unable to help myself, I slowly walked towards the courtyard due to my curiosity. I made sure that my footsteps were clearly audible so that there would be no surprise.

The moon was shining faintly upon the grass and trees, caressing it lightly, as though they had a familial bond with one another.

A few calm winds would lazily blow the grass to the side and rustle the tree leaves.

The cobblestone path was the only thing that remained still, not that the other things were moving much either.

But something about it just made it seem more lifeless.

And sitting cross-legged on this cobblestone path was Ned. He was looking up into the stars, as though he was trying to find the answers within the cosmos.

After a few moments of hesitation, I called out.

"Ned?"

Ned slowly turned around and smiled bitterly.

"Ah, Jay. You're up quite late."

I shrugged my shoulders.

"Well, I did sleep a little too much during the day. Now, I can't fall asleep even if I wanted to."

Ned laughed.

"Welp, now both of our sleep schedules are horribly messed up."

I let out a soft sigh.

"And now you're making me scared. Has your sleep schedule been screwed up like this for a while now?"

Ned raised his arms high in the air to stretch them and groaned.

"I've hardly been sleeping at all, haha. I guess there's only me to blame for spending so much of my time awake."

I raised an eyebrow.

"Oh, man... doesn't that mean you get really tired all the time? How do you even stay awake?"

Ned laughed and slapped his knee.

"Oh, come on, you haven't even done one all-nighter?"

I blinked a few times.

"Eh? What's that?"

Ned raised an eyebrow.

"Seriously? You must've been living under a rock to not even know about that."

I laughed bitterly.

"Well, something like that."

Ned shrugged his shoulders and sighed.

"Basically, an all-nighter is when you don't get a wink of sleep. Some people use that time to play games, while others use it to study."

He smiled bitterly.

"In any case, it brings a lot of regret, headaches, messed up sleep schedule, and a bunch of other health problems that I don't really get."

My eyelid twitched.

"Ah... that sounds horrible. Why in the world would anybody do that anyway?"

Ned shrugged his shoulders.

"In an attempt to make up for the little time we have every day, pretty much every student tries to use up those eight long hours we spend sleeping."

He smiled bitterly.

"Though... it's almost never worth it."

I scratched the back of my head.

"Ah, I guess it's something you just try out then never come back to."

Ned smacked his lips awkwardly.

"Well..."

The side of my face twitched.

"...Are you trying to say people just do that over and over again, even when it screws them up?"

Ned shrugged his shoulders helplessly.

"Well, I'm basically doing that right now. Even when I know how bad the effects are first hand."

I blinked a few times in confusion.

"...Isn't that just like, really contradictory?"

Ned chuckled.

"Yes, yes, it is."

I tilted my head to the side.

"Um, then why?..."

Ned laughed bitterly.

"Sometimes, it's just too hard to not do these things even when you know the consequences. Have you never felt like all the time you could've used is now gone?"

...That reminded me of the fact I hadn't practiced the magic spell today.

Simply too many things happened.

In fact, that went for most of the other days too. The farming would take up a decent amount of time, while some other things would crop up.

In the end, so much of the time I would've rather spent on learning the spell was put elsewhere.

In fact, I wanted to stay up longer to study the spell further, but the raging headache just didn't let me do anything about it.

It felt terrible, to say the least.

...So I guess Ned wasn't saying something that bizarre.

I heaved a heavy sigh.

"Time... it always feels like there isn't enough."

Ned closed his eyes.

"...yeah. There really isn't."

For a few moments, we remained silent.

I couldn't help but wonder about whoever it was that was talking to Ned. It seemed like some kind of... disagreement?

They definitely seemed hostile to each other, but didn't actually fight.

I tried to think of various ways I could bring up the topic naturally, so it didn't seem like I was stalking him or anything.

But before I could say anything...

"Say, Jay."

Ned shifted his sitting position so that he could wrap his arms around his legs, giving them a nice hug.

"...How far would you go to protect others?"

I blinked a few times with confusion.

"Um... I don't know. I guess for those I really cared about... I would try my best."

Ned smiled bitterly.

"Just... how much would you pay to do so?"

For some reason, I saw that old man...

The old man I saw in my dreams.

He so desperately asked me for advice when he was at his wit's end. I couldn't help but see his image overlapping with Ned's.

Honestly, I felt a little ashamed for saying 'I don't know' when that old man seemed at his last straw.

But I just...

Didn't know.

I didn't know anything. The entire world still felt so blurry to me, so providing a true answer was too hard for me.

In the end, there was only one thing I could say.

"I don't know."

Ned laughed.

"Yeah... I don't really know either."

I sat down next to him and looked off into the stars with him.

We were quiet for the rest of the night.