Chapter 141 - Hint Of Insanity

Now that I realized my situation, it was really absurd that I forgot about the blood on my body. After all, it had even dried on my hand, creating an uncomfortable sticky feeling.

Ned was looking at me with widened eyes, concerned about my condition.

I waved my hand dismissively with an awkward smile on my face.

"I'm ok, I'm ok."

Ned blinked a few times in disbelief.

"Are you sure you're ok?"

I scratched the back of my head.

"Well, remember how I could cast that healing spell?"

Ned thought for a moment before nodding.

"Oh, yeah."

I nodded along with him.

"So like, I'm fine. Any injuries I get, I can just heal them."

Ned seemed to be at a loss for a moment, but quickly accepted it.

"Ah, that is a really convenient ability."

I laughed.

"Yeah."

Ned chuckled.

"Why are you even covered in blood in the first place?"

I shrugged.

"It looks bad, but it was just some spell casting."

Ned raised both eyebrows.

"That's just from spells?... And you can cast spells?"

I blinked a few times.

"Uh, yeah. Basically, I can cast spells despite having no talent, but it hurts my body a bit. That's why I have so much blood."

Ned was silent for a moment.

"Huh."

I coughed awkwardly.

"Anyways, do you have any tips for cooking better?"

Ned nodded after a second.

"Oh yeah, I got lots. First of all..."

With that, the two of us began talking for quite a while. The topics shifted every so often and weren't the most meaningful, but it was still enjoyable.

Once the moon came out, we went to sleep like normal people.

As I closed my eyes, I already thought about preparing for the next day.

...

I woke up a bit tired, but early in the morning.

And so, my routine began.

First, I went to the farm, and watered the entire field. By the time I finished, it was nearly afternoon.

Second, I went to help cook a meal with the others. This time, I didn't cook and the others probably wouldn't let me even if I wanted to.

Third, I went up to Mildred's room, casted the healing spell on her, and took fifty coppers.

With that, I reached the palace entrance and peeked out curiously.

Instead of guards, there were people.

I was a little concerned that the fireball I threw outside last time might have caused some panic, but there were no longer guards on the streets. However, one thing I noticed was that some seemed to be in a panic anyway.

There was quite a lot of screaming.

"Why the hell have your prices increased by more than triple?"

"I will take it right now for double the price!"

"Move aside! I have money for this!"

There were a few people fighting to buy food, however, it wasn't anything too drastic. The majority of passersby were simply walking by, as normal as ever.

The people asking for food were noticeably skinnier and dirtier than the others. It seems the patrol made people desperate. I guess some people just couldn't take it anymore and left.

I walked down the streets, on my way to the shop with paper and ink. On the way there, I noticed someone familiar.

It was the man who drew pictures.

Currently, he was slouched down, resting his head on a table. Below him was a single drawing. He was still holding his feather, placed at the corner of the parchment. The ink on it had already dried while a small bottle of open ink remained next to him, also dried out.

I decided to go up and greet him.

"Hey, long time no see."

...

There was no response. I waited there awkwardly for a moment.

He had probably been working too hard, thus wouldn't wake up anytime soon. I decided to first buy the parchment, then see if he was awake when I came back.

And so, I left.

It did not take long for me to reach the shop and push open the door. The shopkeeper had a small smile on his face, probably because of the return of old customers.

I waved.

"Hey, you seem rather happy."

The man nodded.

"Turns out there was a lockdown that prevented the others from coming."

I chuckled.

"Yeah, yeah anyways I'm here to buy another parchment."

Before I even finished, he was pulling out the very thing I requested. As he set it down on the table, he gave me a curious look.

"I never expected someone like you would have connections to the military."

I raised an eyebrow.

"Huh?"

The man laughed.

"You were able to come to my shop despite the patrol, so you must have some sort of connection, no?"

I blinked a few times.

"Ah, yeah."

Thankfully, he came up with a reasonable explanation on his own.

The man rolled his eyes.

"Why did you not tell me about the patrol? That would have been rather nice to know."

I shrugged my shoulders awkwardly.

"...Uh, I guess it didn't come to mind."

The man shook his head.

"Well, it hardly matters now, I suppose. Take your goods now, why don't you?"

I nodded and took the parchment as I set the copper coins down on the table. The man waved, then continued writing poems on a piece of paper.

"See you."

I waved back.

"Yeah, see you."

With that, I left the shop and headed back to the palace. On my way back, I saw the person that made the drawings once more. He still had his head down on the table, sleeping.

I walked up to him and after a bit of hesitation, shook his shoulders.

"Hey, the day is early. It's no time to sleep!"

The drawer's arm slipped off the table, then fell down listlessly along with the feather. After a bit of hesitation, I picked up the feather.

"Oops, sorry about that."

The man was drooling ever so slightly, still deep in his sleep.

...That's when an eerie cold feeling washed over me.

I thought of a different possibility.

With a bit of nervousness, I brought my hand up next to the man's nose.

...He wasn't breathing.

I remained there silent for a little, a bit shocked by what happened. It seemed that I had indirectly killed him, making that patrol happen. As such, he wasn't able to sell his drawings for several days, meaning he had no money to buy any food.

And so, the man starved to death.

I remained frozen for a while, still holding the feather in my hand.

...It was at this point I remembered the purpose of everything I was doing. It was to learn the spell and become strong enough to save everyone. I might have indirectly killed him now, but I would save him in the future.

I would save everyone.

...So why did I feel so guilty?

I put the feather back into the man's hand, letting it rest there, then stood up. A headache began to assault me. My eyes drifted to the last drawing the man made.

Although the parchment should've originally been white, a faint grey coated it. On the left side was a person on his knees, looking upwards. As for what the person was looking towards, it was a black sun. 

The sun had clear flames that danced and was disproportionately large. In a certain sense, it seemed to be consuming the paper. As for the man on the left, he seemed to be asking the sun a question.

How did he end up this way?

I clutched my head with my hand, digging my fingers into my scalp.

My initial expectation was that I would begin crying, or just remain there emptily. However, a hint of insanity seeped into me, making my mouth do something that somehow scared me.

Smile.

It was a strange feeling. Both fear, and a strange happiness seeped into my mind at the same time.

The sensation was hard to explain. Although they were separate emotions, they did not feel separate from each other, as though they were actually distinct. Instead, they merged together to create some sort of variation that was both one emotion, but also not.

Essentially, it was a contradiction, existing naturally, seemingly breaking logic.

Eventually, the strange happiness left me, while the fear grew stronger. For a moment, I thought I jumped into a pool of freezing water.

With a small frown, I hurried on back to the palace entrance, trying to stop myself from thinking about it any further.

Upon getting back to the palace, I stood still for a moment. Suddenly, I remembered I had to learn the spell.

And so, I brought my focus back to it, until I forgot about everything.

Lines, diagrams, connections.

Various concepts and theories flew around my mind like a hurricane. They were scattered and wouldn't make sense to anybody normal.. Yet, in the chaos, lines slowly connected one by one.