Chapter 170 - What Do You Think Being Insane Means?

Although it took a little bit of convincing, I was able to get the necklace, paper, and pale grey light to follow behind me. Not that I couldn't have shown them something. After all, there was still that city I once went to.

However, there were many less than likable things about that city that made it hard for me to want to go to it. I'm sure it wouldn't be the most enjoyable tour either. 

I casted the elementary wind spell dash so that while I was walking, it was still at a fairly brisk pace. The others followed behind easily.

As we traveled, the necklace turned to look at the piece of paper.

"Say, how did you figure out how to bring us back to life, honey?"

The piece of paper let out a soft hum.

"It's very complicated. There were hundreds of experiments with countless little nuances depending on the situation. To prepare something like the one we used, it would probably take nearly a year to procure the materials needed."

The necklace trembled.

"Ah! That's a shame. I thought we could've made several more in case one of us died, then we could be brought back once more."

The piece of paper trembled.

"I-I don't think that's a good idea."

I rubbed my chin with my thumb and forefinger.

"Why not?"

The piece of paper mumbled.

"It's just a strange feeling."

My eyebrow twitched.

"...I see."

The necklace sighed.

"But what could possibly outweigh the merit to live a new life all over again?"

I took a deep breath.

"Perhaps something that makes that life no longer worth living. But as for what that could be, I'm not so sure."

After saying that, I snuck a glance at the piece of paper. However, it was simply silent the entire time.

The necklace hummed.

"I don't see what it could be either."

After a few moments, the piece of paper spoke up.

"Maybe... if the person brought back wasn't exactly the person that died."

The necklace turned to the paper.

"Eh? What does that even mean?"

I narrowed my eyes.

"Perhaps certain qualities that made that person special were lost."

The piece of paper bent itself to nod.

"Something like that."

I shrugged my shoulders.

"Do you think that you lost anything?"

The piece of paper let out a soft hum, like it was thinking.

"Huh."

I raised an eyebrow.

"What?"

The piece of paper sighed.

"When I look back on my memories, I just..."

It seemed to be at a loss for words, making several stuttering sounds.

"I-I just can't believe that I went through all of that. It feels like I was just completely insane, caring about nothing other than furthering my research each and every day."

The necklace gasped.

"Honey! You didn't overwork yourself, did you?"

In response, the paper trembled.

"I-I think so? But maybe not? At the time, it felt completely natural. Yet, when I look back at it now, I'm a little scared. As of right now, I don't think I could take it."

The necklace let out a sympathetic sigh.

"Oh, honey. You've worked hard, no need to worry about it now!"

The red piece of paper chuckled weakly.

"No need to be concerned about me, I'm not worrying about it. It's more like... shock that I even did it in the first place."

I put a finger on my chin.

"Is it like... you were someone else entirely?"

The red piece of paper hummed.

"Not exactly. I know for a fact that it happened and that I was the one that did it. I can even remember all the motions. And most notable of it all, was the constant pain in my head from how little I slept."

My lip twitched. I couldn't help but think of the slight fuzzy pain in my head right now. Like I predicted before, this was a pain that wouldn't go away. More than anything, it was irritating. However, the fact that it simply remained with me took a toll on me.

...If it was any worse, I probably wouldn't be able to ignore it anymore.

The necklace trembled.

"Well, the good thing is that it's all over now."

There was no response from the piece of paper.

We continued making our way through the forest on what seemed like an endless trek. The necklace was eager to catch up with her husband, thus made small talk along the way.

"What happened to Patricia, do you know?"

The piece of paper shook from side to side.

"Um, I don't remember anybody called Patricia."

The necklace giggled.

"Oh come on, it was the lady that would always give us an extra free treat when we were kids!"

For a few moments, the piece of paper did not respond, seemingly thinking.

"Oh. I remember now."

The necklace got excited.

"Do you remember what happened to that sweet lady?"

After a few seconds of silence, the piece of paper spoke.

"I think I killed her for the sake of experimenting. Sorry."

The necklace froze up.

"...Oh. Well, as long as we are together, then it's fine."

I rubbed my chin with my thumb and forefinger.

"What do you think being insane means, Noah?"

The red light from the piece of paper dimmed slightly.

"Mm... it's definitely quite complicated, in my opinion."

I laughed.

"I believe so too, that's why I am quite curious about how you see it."

The piece of paper crumpled a little bit.

"My belief is that it stems from an incorrect belief. Something that makes you act in a foolish way."

I nodded slightly.

"And what would you consider to be one of these incorrect beliefs?"

The piece of paper sighed.

"Well, in my case, it should be the belief that I had to keep going on relentlessly, without break."

It let out a soft hum.

"Regardless, I believe that from that incorrect belief, is where illogical actions occur. That in itself isn't what I think is insanity. After all, it is completely natural to not know what is the 'correct' way."

I smirked.

"Haha, I agree. That would be an unfair way to judge when there isn't some sort of method to find out how to perfectly optimize everything we do."

The red piece of paper twirled around a little in the air.

"Yeah. But when you do the incorrect action for long enough, chances are, you will notice it. Experiencing the consequences of such an action time and time again may slowly let one come to realize these things."

It took a deep breath.

"But that doesn't mean that the person in question changes their actions."

I raised an eyebrow.

"Then they would simply be foolish, no?"

The red piece of paper shook its top half, like it was shaking its head.

"No, no. The key difference here is that the person knows that they are doing something wrong. They know that they should change and it usually isn't even that complicated to do so."

It sighed.

"But they don't."

I rubbed my chin with my thumb and forefinger.

"And that is how you see insanity?"

The piece of paper was silent for a moment.

"Sort of. It is a little more complicated than that, but I'm not sure if I can explain it properly."

I raised an eyebrow.

"Ah, just try it."

The piece of paper let out a soft hum.

"Something... something like a routine. Doing it over and over again despite the fact it hurts. When the reason for performing an action is just for the sake of doing it. Something along those lines."

I shrugged my shoulders.

"That does sound pretty crazy."

The red piece of paper twirled around in the air.

"Well, I wouldn't say crazy."

I blinked a few times.

"There seem to be many nuances with the slight word change in your eyes."

The piece of paper laughed.

"Yeah, but I believe that is natural."

It took a deep breath.

"In my eyes, what I was doing for so long was because I had become insane. For nearly each and every waking hour, I would further my research. Logically, I understood that even if I wanted to progress as fast as possible, I needed to take a break."

The red light from the piece of paper dimmed slightly.

"But I didn't. Despite knowing that it made no sense, I let my actions slowly erode my mind."

I scratched the back of my head.

"Guess that's what you meant by doing it for the sake of doing it, huh?"

The necklace got closer to the piece of paper.

"Oh honey, it will all be better now, I promise."

In response, it seemed to nod.

"Yes. At least now, it no longer feeds off my mind."

I took a deep breath.

"...The more I think about it, the more it really does sound insane."

The piece of paper laughed.

"Honestly, I don't even really understand what I said. I'm glad that you seem to have grasped some sort of meaning from it."

I closed my eyes.

"Yeah...."