Dark swirls of mist surrounded my vision in a dark and void space with only the faintest occasional glimmer of light visible.
"Hello, is anyone there?"
I don't hear any response, but my voice seems to have caused the lights to move closer at a rapid pace. The first few I catch sight of are some of my earliest memories with my parents and Mira when we were happy, at least before the war tore it all apart.
Only the most memorable ones like Birthday parties and vacations are present. My favorite is when we all went on vacation when I was 8 and went to the national forest near our house, it was too long ago to remember what it was called. All I recall are these towering pine trees the size of skyscrapers, and pinecones the size of my torso. I was so impressed by the size, that I took one home and put it on my dresser for me to wake up and lookt at every morning.
The next memories weren't as enjoyable, I see my parents both leaving to go to war after getting drafted. I remembered the night before hearing them in the kitchen discuss running away with Mira and I to avoid the stupid war, but they came to the conclusion that it wouldn't end well for any of us if we were ever caught. I wished they had taken us and just left to live peacefully, but looking back that probably wouldn't have been a very good option realistically and likely would have ended with us all being executed for desertion.
The next thing I remember is the funeral that was held after my parents apparently got caught int the radius of a bomb blast. There wasn't enough of them left to bury, so all that was put in their respective little gravesites was a cardboard box filled with a few of their meaningful possessions. At that time I was 12 and Mira was 16, we had no family left so we were put into foster care along with the rest of the war-orphans.
That was not a pleasant time in our life, we had to struggle along with the rest of the kids to survive off of the less than sufficient food provided by an overburdened orphanage. There were so few beds that I was forced to share a bed with Mira, which I didn't mind as I found her presence comforting.
I tried to be strong and mature in order to not burden Mira further and so I could protect her. I saw the way that the director and some of the older boys were looking at her, she was one of the few older girls in the orphanage. Most of the other ones had been adopted or "ran away" according to the director.
Around a year had passed and I was 13 and Mira was 17, she was almost old enough to live by herself and bring me along with her acting as my guardian. It had been rough on her this past year, but she had done her best to keep me safe and fed. This led to her being forced to do less than comfortable things with me being used as leverage against her.
I did my best to stay near her and ward off any creeps, but I couldn't always be around her, sometimes I would be sent off to do jobs with the threat of no food if it wasn't completed. I hated complying with his commands, but it was an order from the director, and he wouldn't hesitate to follow through on his threat, after all, there were plenty of mouths that would be happy to get more food.
One day after being sent to go hang up the wash, I came back to see Mira much stiffer and out of sorts than usual. It wasn't odd for her to get sad thinking about our deceased parents, but this was different, she seemed traumatized. No matter what questions I asked or how many times I would beg, she would never tell me what was bothering her.
I wasn't stupid, I knew what went on in this corrupt world, girls being abused or raped especially when in positions of powerlessness was not uncommon. I had been so vigilant about preventing something like that happening to her, I had even threatened a few boys who couldn't seem to keep their eyes to themselves or made suggestive comments about her.
They didn't take me seriously until I pulled out my dad's hunting knife and held it to their junk, they clammed up real quick and did everything they could to make sure I didn't cut it off. I knew that my act know wouldn't stem them from acting forever, so I made sure they understood that I knew when they slept and wouldn't hesitate to make them a eunuch. They seemed to believe me as word seemed to get around and Mira was off-limits to them.
In the past I would have never done something like that, but losing my parents had left me to desperately cling to the only family I had left, and I would do anything to make sure she remained safe and happy.
Anyways, I couldn't help but feel dread at the sight of the coming memory, it was permanently ingrained in my memory as my greatest failure. The closer the image of the event that would forever haunt my memory came, the more I wanted to look away, but I couldn't bring myself to as it worked as a form of sick penance.
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A few days after the incident with Mira, I had been told by the director to go out and buy some more bread from the bakery, which was about a 30-minute walk from the orphanage. I had been getting more and more suspicious of the Director, whose name was Gordon Tiddle.
He was a short and paunchy man with a caterpillar mustache, he was in his late 30's and was already balding heavily. His eyes seemed lascivious any time he looked at a girl, but it had never occurred to me that he might act on his desires that were so prevalent on his face.
He was the most senior member of the staff, and the workers were either too overworked or too scared for their job to say anything about the odd happenings within the orphanage. He would always be "innocently" touching girls on their shoulder or leg, and never bothered to knock when going to their rooms as if he was hoping to catch them undressed.
There had been complaints about him for a while, but there was no evidence and it was only whispers and rumors about what he might have done. I didn't take these to heart until he started to paying attention to Mira, and upon further study realized how right the rumors were about him. I was always cautious about him, or at least I thought I was.
The time of the chore seemed odd to me and was extremely unusual, as it was usually the workers that would pick up any groceries. He handed me money to buy the bread, and I pretended to go out shopping, I had to even leave the actual house as he followed me to make sure I actually left. This behavior made me even more suspicious, and as soon as I left sight of the house, I entered the woods and snuck back to spy and figure out what was going on.
I snuck back up to our room and put my ear against the door, I had to cover my mouth with my hand to make sure that I didn't give myself away. What I heard confirmed my worst fears and immediately sent me into a rage.
"Come on girly, be nice now and take your clothes off, you know the drill."
The only response was muffled crying, and I heard the rasp of fabric fall to the ground. When that happened I heard the sound of a metal buckle clank and then heavier pants hit the ground as well.
"Come over here and make me feel good with your mouth, it'll be like sucking on candy except maybe not so tasty (chuckles)."
At this point, I couldn't help but reach for my knife and grip it tightly in my hand. I always kept my dad's knife on me, tucked away at my back so that it wouldn't be found and confiscated. It was for protection purposes, but I also used it to threaten bigger boys to steer clear from Mira when I by myself wasn't intimidating enough. It was a solid four inches of Damascus steel with a deer antler handle, it was sharp as a razor and was my dad's most prized possession.
I was about to rush in and stop him from forcing Mira to do anything more when I heard him speak once more.
"C'mon you can do better than that, just think about the food you and your brother will get. If you can't then I would hate to imagine what might become of your brother as young as he is. The orphanage is always in need of funds, I imagine he might fetch a fair price as a labor slave or as a pet from some rich pedophile."
This shocked and horrified me, not only that Mira had been forced to do these things, which was bad enough in my opinion, but that he was using me as leverage against her. I had never hated someone so much in my life, even when I heard that my parents had been killed I was only sad, but this was different. I could feel my face getting red and hot as blood furiously pumped through my body in response to my anger.
It took a second, but all of that rage became contained and I regained my previous calm. I might have outwardly been fine, but I was so angry that I had gone cold and quiet with an inferno raging within me.
It was all so clear yet fast at the same time, I lowered my knife to my side and rushed into the room after slamming the door open. The sight I came onto was Mira naked kneeling in front of the Director Gordon all the while crying as she serviced him.
She looked up with tear-stained and dead eyes, while Gordon turned around with his pants still around his ankles. The surprise and anger on his face was evident, and right as he was about to reprimand me for barging in, he caught a glimpse of the knife at my side. I could see the moment he saw it, as his face became a mask of fear and he desperately backed up with little scoots of his legs as his bunched pants prevented him from moving too much.
I didn't waste any time and methodically stalked towards the dead man walking, I could feel the cold glare of my eyes already boring into him, making him all the more frantic. When I closed in, he had his hands raised out to defend himself while begging for his life. I took care of those quickly with a quick slash on his right hand that he quickly withdrew into his chest.
This was my chance as I closed the gap and thrust my knife up into the stomach of the portly man, and as I did this I also checked him with my shoulder into his sternum making him lose his balance and crash to the ground. This wasn't the end as I sawed the cut wider until his intestines began to spill out. My rage wasn't quelled as I grabbed his intestines and pulled while taking the knife and stabbing him in the chest wherever I could land a blow from my position kneeling at his side on the floor.
Blood was pooling out quickly and it wasn't long before I was covered in it. He ended up looking like a ravaged piece of meat with red staining him and all of the cuts making him more pieces than man. I wasn't remotely sane at this moment, I had completely snapped at the knowledge of him abusing my sister and using me to threaten her. In my mind, there was only one solution to this, and it ended with him dead. I had no thought for the consequences of my actions, I simply wanted the man dead.
With the last breathes leaving his body in hoarse wheezes, I sat down on the blood-soaked ground and just sat there completely numb to what had just happened. It wasn't until Mira came over to me that I was able to think, seeing that she was still naked I went and collected her clothes and helped her put them on.
After that, I decided to call the police and report the crime. It was an odd conversation as the person on the phone didn't quite understand what I was saying at first.
"911, how may I help you?"
"I'd like to first report a r*pe, and also a murder."
"What do you mean?"
"I found the director of the orphanage r*ping my sister and so I killed him."
"Uhh okay, police will be on their way shortly to your location."
With that taken care of, I went over to Mira who was still in shock and just held her close whispering that everything would be okay. I was supposed to protect her, and I had failed, but now she would be safe from him forever.
Eventually, the police came, and after assessing the scene and seeing me soaked in blood with a body on the floor I was arrested. Mira was frantic when she saw I was being detained, it took me a minute or two to assure her that everything would be okay and I would see her soon. I told her to just tell the police everything and I would be fine.
In this moment she was so broken that she was no longer my older sister, but my family who desperately needed my direction and comfort.
I spoke to the police when they interviewed me and told them everything about the event, I may have also added that it was all in self-defense and I was insane at the moment I killed him.
I was deemed innocent of any crime, considering my age and the circumstances surrounding the event. I could not have been happier to be reunited with Mira after a few days in detainment, and she seemed much more stable from when I had last seen her.
With the scene ending in our hugging in the courthouse, I felt a rushing sensation and woke up from my dream with a yell on my lips. Moments later Mira came in to check on me, she knew what I was dreaming about when I woke up from a dream like that. All that was needed for us to reassure each other that we were fine, was just to hug and make sure that we were real and here together.