5-16 Father

Psycholor

I will then be taking a one week break before starting volume 6. Nothing much really to say about it, just taking a short break to prevent fatigue from setting in.

Though it probably sounds cliché, a good night’s sleep did wonders for my mental outlook. When I woke up the next morning, all the stress from the gala felt like a somewhat distant memory. Edith’s admission and crass pep talk probably did wonders as well, though I was a bit worried now that she would double or triple back her words out of some worry over status.

I’ll just need to thank her again and do my best to show that I’m fine now. Though, I also need to make it clear that I’ll be relying on her in the future. As much as I would love to, this is not going to be something I can just force my way through…

Still, now that the worst was behind me, I would have some time to ease into things; I would not be able to hide from people anymore. At the same time, the number of people coming at me all at once would be a lot lower than at the gala. My hope was that it would be much more manageable, and I would be able to overcome my newfound social anxiety before the next massive gathering that was to be my public wedding.

It would be something I would have to work on as I had time though, gradually. There was no way that things would wait for me to move gradually anymore.

I also have no idea how to even begin the process. With [Cold Hearted], I sort of just bashed my head against the wall and eventually managed to figure out the solution. That was a skill though, it had clearly defined rules. This though, the root cause of that anxiety was definitely lingering trauma from what happened with Dominic. It’s psychological, and there is a distinct lack of professional therapists in this world.

The best I could come up with was to continue to stress myself in moderation, mainly by not intentionally avoiding situations that would make me uncomfortable. Situations like the one I presently found myself heading toward. Sasha had given me a scant few hours to prepare for the day before informing me that my plans for today had been unilaterally amended; my father-in-law had deigned to summon me.

As my entourage walked toward the palace’s ancillary audience chamber, the now-familiar knot had situated itself firmly in my stomach. The one saving grace was that we were going to the ancillary chamber and not the main one; the audience would be fairly limited in scope. Ideally, it would be just Rupert, myself, and the king but there was no way that things would work out that perfectly.

Really though! I wish I could say this was a social visit, a case of ‘well you married my son so we should meet.’ But the time for that has long passed. This is definitely a business summons. How the hell does he expect me to be able to get anything done if I don’t have any forewarning?

That last line of reasoning caused me to believe that this was probably also some kind of competency test, a way to confirm that I could produce results. Probably a case of overthinking but given the way his previous two proclamations had unilaterally altered Rupert’s plans it was a distinct possibility. On one hand, I could kind of respect his attitude, and it made sense if one were to assume that Drakan kings sought to act like actual dragons. On the other hand, it was damn irritating to be on the receiving end of his proclamations.

“…Sasha, I know I have asked already, but you really have no idea what this is about?”

“Indeed, and I have answered already; I do not. If I may add, it does not behoove you to repeat yourself.”

“…Thank you.”

“It was my pleasure.”

I still wasn’t quite sure where I stood with her, but it didn’t seem as though we had a bad working relationship. Certainly, the fact that she was willing to be a bit snarky meant that she did not fear for her life should I be offended.

“That may be so, but I cannot help myself for fear of messing up somehow. This is a rather important meeting after all.”

“I imagine there will be several of those in your future, so it would be best to develop a routine.”

Easy enough to just say, but not so easy to actually do… Well, I did ask you to be frank while I learn what is expected of me. If I take that back now because of something like this, I’m sure that I’ll hear something along the lines of “You should not take back what you say, always accept the consequences of your actions.” Besides, having someone willing to express themselves honestly is a good idea; I don’t want to be surrounded by a council of yes men.

It was possible that Rupert had made a mistake when he selected Sasha, but after the confrontation in the hallway I had decided to trust his judgment; he had seemed genuinely surprised that she had taken it upon herself to try and educate me. At the end of the day, I did need to learn and she was willing to teach me. Giving her permission to do so simply had the effect of enabling her to say what she meant, instead of the vague indirect lessons like how she had handled my request with Sieg.

…And I’m distracting myself again, we’re here.

My time would probably have been better spent theorizing about what the king wanted so that I could prepare for it, but I was too nervous so my mind had latched onto what was right in front of me.

“Well, no use keeping his majesty waiting.” After clenching my fists to try and force away a little bit of my trepidation I nodded to Sasha. She stepped forward and knocked thrice on the door, each impact reverberating through the space with an air of finality.

A firm deep voice called out from within, “Enter.”

After a quick glance in my direction to confirm I was ready, Sasha turned the handle and swung open the door. The king was there, obviously, then as I had expected Rupert was present as well. Unexpected was the sole other attendee, Ferdinand, who was supposed to be on the front right now. There was no time to dwell on it, though, and I stepped promptly through the door while noting that my knights had remained outside.

My head bowed, I bent my knees while lifting the hem of my skirt in a manner that had been done dozens, if not hundreds of times before. Yet, in this one instance, I was beyond terrified that my curtsy would somehow be found lacking, “Your highness, it is my pleasure to make your acquaintance directly at last. I am Stahlia von Drakas und zu Ris, by birth your subject and now by law your daughter. May your reign be,”

“Enough. Sasha, do not teach her useless things.”

“My apologies your highness, that was not my intention.”

Wait, she followed me in? None of the others present have servants! And she just spoke directly to the king? I mean, he spoke to her first, so she’d be able to answer without violating her station but still! And he totally knew it was her who told me how I should greet him, like he knew she was the one furthering my social education.

So was it the king that told her to educate me in the first place? No, if he had then she wouldn’t have needed to beat around the bush; she could have been open about her intentions. Then, is he spying on me? Sasha was the one who reminded me to introduce myself… I’m overthinking too much.

It was enough to know that Sasha had some sort of connection to the royal family. In retrospect, my special circumstances all but guaranteed no normal person could be trusted as my head maid.

I’ll question her later, and if she doesn’t give a satisfactory answer then I’ll ask Gustav and Rupert… No, forget Gustav, I’ll just ask Rupert. We can’t have a working relationship if he keeps using a messenger for everything.

Still, the king’s actions had effectively killed any sort of momentum on my end, leaving me floundering. I had only spoken first because introductions were supposed to begin with the lower-ranked party. Now it would be improper to speak unless spoken to. Fortunately, I did not have long to wait.

He gave me a visual once over before speaking, in a tone I had not heard before. Previously he had been commanding, calm, and forceful. Now, he sounded almost… fuzzy, “You can relax; this room is well fortified. I must say that your demeanor is rather unexpected… Not at all how I had thought a woman capable of so completely altering Rupert’s plans and slaying an army single-handedly to behave when confronted with a few petty stares. Still, it does make sense given your abrupt change in circumstances.”

Unfortunately, the way he spoke was so completely outside the realm of anything I could have predicted. To make matters worse, it was apparently outside of what Rupert had predicted as well; out of the corner of my eye, I had seen him go bug-eyed as his father spoke.

“At least in private, you may treat me as you would your father, as long as doing so does not impact your duties and responsibilities. Publicly, of course, take care to maintain the proper etiquette.”

Oh boy, that’s a lot to unpack. It’s probable that he means well, but I can’t just go ahead with what he’s saying, there’s no way. “Treat you as I would my father” well, my father probably wouldn’t be just dandy if I killed Rosin for political gain, and he certainly wouldn’t disown Rosial for questioning him. A viper, or perhaps a tiger that’s what you are. That’s how I’ll have to go about this.

In short, the king was effectively ordering me to treat him like a father. One of those orders pretending to be a permission or request. At the same time, he did not have a great track record with family as far as I was aware. Rupert’s general demeanor of surprise followed by strict stoicism basically confirmed that this was yet another case of the king acting unilaterally.

Truly, the most troubling type of individual. Just what I need with my nerves, a minefield.

“As you wish… father.”

The look of warmth and genuine happiness the king expressed when I said that confirmed that he did in fact mean well at least.

Then, is this a case of the parent really, really wanted a daughter but never got one?

In any case but especially in that case it was bad news for me. When I married into the royal family I was expecting to have to deal with the king, even somewhat expecting it to be a massive pain in the ass. But this was not how I had envisioned it.

“Well then, I am certain you will get over these hang-ups in time, but time is in rather short supply. You will have to abide as best you can; I know you can do it.”

Again with the telling me I can do it if I try. It just isn’t that simple… Whatever, I’ll deal with it as best I can, I don’t have the leeway to wallow in self-pity anymore.

“I shall do my best… speaking of which, is this audience about the future of the Order of Shadows?” that was about the only reason I could think of for Ferdinand being here when he should be on the front.

The king’s face turned solemn at once, “Indeed. Rupert informed me that you have some ideas already.”

Me and my big mouth, I should have waited until after I had a chance to speak with Ferdinand… Though it’s a relief that the king is not going to continue acting like that the whole audience…

The moment I had the thought, my mind went white as I realized the flag I had just raised. Some small mercy it was that it went unfulfilled.

"So, I would hear what you have come up with.”

I glanced at Rupert and Ferdinand; the former affected a sympathetic look while the later remained stoic.

Well, at least he’s sympathetic. That makes throwing me to the wolves totally ok, yep no problems here. Well, here goes.

I pulled myself up to my full height while forcibly uncrossing my arms; I knew enough about psychology to understand that crossing one’s arms was a defensive posture. Something I would not allow myself.

“First and foremost, kidnapping children is right out. To say nothing of the morality of the practice, without demonic magic I doubt we would be able to maintain the same level of brainwashing needed to create loyalty. That said, the type of purposes that were normally collected should not be neglected. The abilities lend themselves to crime and subterfuge, so I would still have the church announce those children as purposeless. To publicly announce them as having such a purpose would invite their persecution.”

Rupert nodded once, as did the king. The fact that I would be against kidnapping kids after everything I had been through was pretty damn obvious so I was only stating it as a formality. Of course it also raised a question which the king then voiced by way of a glance at Ferdinand who did the actual asking.

“Then if not these children, where do you propose we source operatives from?”

This was something that I had actually given a great deal of thought; ultimately the choice of wether or not to continue the previous practices was not mine. Even as the spy master, I could be overruled by the king, either the current one or in the future Rupert. While Rupert would most likely allow me a rather large degree of freedom, the current was an unknown.

And the way he switched right to business mode indicates that he won’t give in to ‘the daughter he always wanted’, assuming I’m even right with that assumption, he’s too able to separate personal matters from the affairs of state.

“Even if we did continue the previous methods, it would not be nearly expedient enough. The agents trained by Five are a lost cause; those who still survive are in hiding and pose a clear risk. They must be hunted down and eliminated before they have a chance to stab our back while we are focused on other threats. Training new children from scratch would take too much time; as all of us are aware, the next demon war will be starting before such individuals would be ready.”

Ferdinand glanced at the king then gave a satisfied nod, at least for now it would seem my excuse had been bought. Emboldened, I continued, “What I propose as an alternative source is fairly straightforward; instead of forming an organization of dedicated spies and assassins, we departmentalize. For the information gathering we need not train anyone specifically.”

“Instead, we should utilize a system of sleeper agents. This would be rather similar to the original infiltration model used by the Shadows, but the agents would not need as much combat training. Then, by keeping them somewhat in the dark they can be cut off if needed.”

The last part had been a bit difficult for me personally to add, but I had done so in the end. At the end of the day, there was not a snowball’s chance in hell that my hands would stay clean going forward. What I should focus on instead was an attempt to limit the quality of dirt and blood, for example by nixing the practice of kidnapping and indoctrinating children.

“As for the other departments, the only one I have truly given much thought to would be the enforcers. The assassins. These would be the hardest to find at the moment, but should also be less needed than the spies…” I paused to take a deep breath before continuing; this next bit would probably be a hard sell.

“…for the near future, Ferdinand and I would need to take on an active role in the field. At least until new agents can be recruited and trained, to that end I would like to bring Jacqueline in as a consultant; despite her physical condition she still possesses valuable knowledge in the field of killing.”

The idea of the next queen going out to kill people deemed enemies of the state was ludicrous, but unless a bunch of suitable assassins could be found overnight there was a chance I would have to do it. There was also the question of whether or not I could go through with it in the end.

No, I will go through with it, because if I don’t there is another girl who is fully trained and physically able. I will NOT let them involve Rosial in this.

The king, after waiting a moment to see if I would continue, nodded, “I see. Ferdinand, work with her to refine this outline; it does show promise. Stahlia von Drakas und zu Ris, by my right as king I name you Spy Master. Publically, Ferdinand will hold the title but he will answer to you and you to whomsoever sits on the throne. What say you?”

There was no system notification about me receiving a new title, but that probably had something to do with Ferdinand holding the ‘official’ titles. As far as I was concerned, the arrangement was acceptable so there was only one way I could answer.

Then again, there’s only one answer allowed in the first place, regardless of if I’m ok with this or not.

“Humbly, I accept your highness’ assignment.” I punctuated my statement with a curtsy like how I had begun the audience and this time the king did not interrupt.

Psycholor

A special thanks to Rita152, CypressLB, Loliconhanter, and Plus1 for Beta Reading and for helping to edit this chapter!

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