Chapter 117: I will never use your feelings against you

After seeing Imogen walking away, Kyrie turns back to look at the garden. The sky has turned dark. Although holding a lamp, Kyrie does not turn it on. Instead, he stands motionless in the darkness and feels the breeze of the night brushing gently at him. He shivers a little from the cold. 

His heart is heavy, but he has made his decisions. From the beginning until the very end, Kyrie will never give up on Ian. If something is blocking his way, he will do anything to overcome it. 

[Ian deserves a happy ending.]

He looks towards the sky, and stars start to brighten as the sky turns darker. He reminds himself that even in the darkest of nights, there are still stars. Even if he cannot see them one night, he might see them in the next. He smiles at the stars even though his heart is bitter and heavy. 

"Kyrie…"

Recognizing the voice, Kyrie turns towards Ian, who has entered the garden to look for him. 

"What is it, Ian?"

Ian stops, putting some distance between them. The hesitations from Ian makes Kyrie nervous.

"I will stay with you. I will not enter into the gate, Kyrie."

Kyrie couldn't see Ian's expressions because it was dark. Maybe Ian stays away from Kyrie for that same reason.

"No, Ian… You should enter the gate. You don't have to worry about me. We could always-"

Ian angrily raises his voice, "Why? Are you really okay being away from me?"

"That is not it…" 

"Then what? Why are you not angry? Kyrie… Why are you not angry that I could just leave you and enter into the gate?" The pressure on his chest is making him breathless.

After seeing what happened to those people in the warehouse, Ian's old desire has lit on fire. His journey so far has been to save the world from destruction. Although he initially has been forced into the situation, Ian has grown to feel the importance of his role. He has been fated to such a role, but this has become who he is. 

He never regretted saving those who needed him.

However, in this loop, he has found the remedy for the ambiguous pain that tormented him day in and day out. He has seen the light that the darkness within him always craved. Now that he has found someone irreplaceable to him, he has become fearful and cowardly. Imogen's suggestion of spending a normal life with the man he loves sounds beyond enticing. He knows he will regret it if he wastes this opportunity. If they fail this round, too, he will not be able to stand back up.

Now, he is conflicted. The man that he loves wants him to go. However, unlike the conflict and sadness that he feels for these few days, the person in front of him does not express any emotions while knowing that they could get separated. Ian wishes maybe a little bit more selfishness said through Kyrie's lips. 

Kyrie has given him so much, but at these times, when he knows that Kyrie would feel dismal, he does not even receive a request of consolation. He wants Kyrie to tell him, ask for him, or act spoiled - anything but holding it inside.

"Why would I be angry at you for that? Ian… What you are doing is not selfish!"

"But… I…" Ian feels breathless, trying to express what is inside him, "How could you not be selfish and ask me to stay? Kyrie… I will be leaving… Are you not feeling the same pain as I am? Does my presence not mean anything to you?"

Kyrie steps towards Ian. 

[That is not it… Ian… I…]

"Stay there… Kyrie… Don't come close…" Ian's voice is shaking. 

The darkness is covering the tears that are flowing from his eyes. 

"How could you expect me to confine you? Your feelings for me… I will never use them to imprison you… You have sacrificed so much! Too much for me to be so heartless and let you stay for my own selfishness."

Kyrie closes their gap and embraces Ian. Ian could feel Kyrie shaking. 

"Of course I am sad. I have been holding myself from not showing you this side of me! I want you forever by my side too! I feel like I will forget how to breathe if I am away from you… But I am not going to use your feelings against you." Kyrie finally tears up, and his voice cracks as he desperately tries to avoid pouring out all his emotions.

"But you can!" Ian grabs Kyrie's arms, "You can tell me what you want."

"I know… That is why I am not telling you."

"Why? Why, Kyrie?" Ian couldn't help but raise his voice in frustration. He is hurt and confused. Is he not reliable enough? Is he not strong enough to shoulder his own decision?

"Because… I have promised you. I have promised to save you. I have promised to save this world alongside you. I have promised to marry you… After that, you will have no choice but to be with me."

Ian loosens his grasp on Kyrie's arms as he steps back, but Kyrie grabs his hands tightly, not letting go. 

"Ian… If you stay, Imogen will have to face that all on her own. She will not be able to get past the gates. Much less against Erebus. And after this, what? You will have to face the same loops all over again. By then… You will be alone… Truly alone. I will not be by your side. I will then have truly abandoned you and left you facing hell on your own. I don't want that! I am not going to leave you alone, Ian… I came here to break this type of fate placed on you… I want you to be happy. I am willing… I am willing to do anything for that day to come!"

Ian sobs as he kneels and Kyrie gets down as well. Kyrie leans into Ian's arms, and Ian locks his arms tightly around Kyrie, burying his face on Kyrie's shoulder.

"Look at you… It's not like we will not see each other again. Just promised me… Promise me that you are going to come back to me safe…"

Kyrie slides his arms from Ian's chest and wraps his arms around. 

"Don't you underestimate me, Ian… Some people have crossed a city, a country, or an entire ocean for their lovers. But I… I was willing to cross an entire world for you. I will not leave you alone facing obstacles that are hard to overcome by yourself."

Kyrie puts his hands on Ian's cheeks while wiping Ian's tears, "Ian… Your days of loneliness will end with me. You have a home to go back to even if you are far away. We will meet again."

Ian leans over to take Kyrie's lips. They taste the tears that flow down from their eyes, yet what they feel is sweet. Ian opens Kyrie's lips with his tongue and lets himself in. Although their lips are just a temporary physical connection, they both know that a permanent one has linked their soul. They are not alone anymore.

Kyrie lets go of Ian's lips with smiles and chuckles. The clumsiness but assertiveness of each kiss is making Kyrie fill his stomach with butterflies. 

Ian's eyes narrow in question.

"My Ian is so cute… I feel like my heart is going to explode."

Ian, with a smile, retakes Kyrie's lips. He has not intended to silence Kyrie with his lips, but every cell in his body wants to claim a little bit of Kyrie. He has become addicted to the softness he feels when pressed against Kyrie's lips. The more he claims the feeling, the more he craves. Each kiss is destabilizing something inside. He feels unease of the unkept desires he has within, but at the same time, he senses that he can claim the world.

Just like the link that they feel in their souls, these two who belong from different worlds have finally given their own thread of fate that links to each other - one end connected to the man who has no fate linked to him, and the other whose fate is destined to cause disruptions. 

Their thread of fate is still weak, but this is the beginning of the original fate. The change and creation of this thread have become the catalyst that will turn the wheels of fate in another direction.

Will this change bring back the peace of the god realm? Will this change end the neverending loops of tragedy? 

Inside a forest covered in eternal snow, all the trees hang innumerable red threads. Karta opens her eyes for the first time in thousands of years. She watches the snow in the forest and understands that it is still not the right time. She is still in the season of snow. 

Hanging on top of millions of threads, Karta watches one gold thread emerge from the sea of red, elongating as many orbs of light like fireflies merge with the gold thread. 

"Things are changing finally to how it should be… I wonder who that kid would choose..."

She smiles at the change before closing her eyes and going back to her slumber.