33 After all

It was the first time he stepped foot inside Liu Sumeng's room. The man had a private collection that was almost a third of the library's size, and Yuan Xuelan was trying his best to focus on that instead of the fact he'd been invited inside. The Ivory Sword Saint went and prepared them tea. It was quiet enough that even the sound of pouring water seemed to fill the room.

Yuan Xuelan cleared his throat but he had nothing to say. Or rather, he still wasn't quite sure how to say what he wanted to say.

Though he was a little surprised that the Ivory Sword Saint spoke up first, "The weather is nice."

And just like that Liu Sumeng's awkwardness overtook Yuan Xuelan's with a simple sentence. It was funny how something as ridiculous as that could make him suddenly feel more at ease. Yuan Xuelan snorted and smirked as he leaned on the table, propping his head up with his hand, "There certainly has to be a better topic of conversation than that, Ivory Sword Saint."

Liu Sumeng faltered, opened his mouth and then looked away with a telling dust of pink on his cheeks. Yuan Xuelan couldn't stand the sight of him anymore unless he wanted his heart to outright leap out of his chest, "I-I was just kidding. Don' look like that!"

A moment of silence stretched. Liu Sumeng still wasn't meeting his gaze and Yuan Xuelan felt an arrow in the ribs. He was already regretting his words. Dammit, wasn't he supposed to be making an apology? "Hey, uh, I was just kidding so," he coughed, "can you just, stop taking everything I say so seriously? It puts me on edge."

The tea set clattered lightly when Liu Sumeng set it down. He took his time to kneel at the table, straighten his robes, and pour out some tea. "I'm sorry," he eventually said, handing Yuan Xuelan a cup.

"I don't even know what you're apologizing for," Yuan Xuelan grumbled, feeling an uncomfortable itch in his throat. "Anyway!" his voice raised in volume, "I suppose the weather is nice. It's been raining and getting colder these days though. I'm worried about my Shijie. It's a lot warmer in Reling."

A slight smile pulled at Liu Sumeng's lips and Yuan Xuelan found he was too afraid to look, "You care a lot about your Shijie."

The tea was still scalding hot and burned his tongue when he wasn't being careful, "Of course! It's only natural."

"You like her a lot."

"Yeah! Shijie is the best. She's the most genuine person I know. A lot of people in the world only know how to act kind without actually being kind. But not my Shijie," he declared proudly.

When he was a young boy, sold off and abandoned by his wild-spirited mother, Chen Anyue was the only person who treated him without pity clouding her eyes and her smile. His Shijie who hit him when he was cruel, who dragged him to the city behind Sect Leader's Chen's back, and laughed even when he didn't know what kindness was, what warmth was. It was from her he learned loyalty and compassion, and it was she who showed him that light existed even in the dark. "If you dare hurt my Shijie, I'll really have to kill you," he said, voice low, tone grave.

But Liu Sumeng mysteriously smiled, brows downturned as if sad and Yuan Xuelan felt like he must have said something wrong again, "S-so don't hurt her, ok? If you can treat her well, I'll accept you."

"I understand," was all he said, sipping at tea with an elegance that Yuan Xuelan couldn't hope to match.

He chewed his lips, remembering the handkerchief he had hidden and the apology he still had yet to give. Too bad Liu Sumeng seemed intent on interrupting up his thoughts that day, "The past few days. Have you been well?"

Was the Ivory sword Saint always this talkative?

Yuan Xuelan fidgeted in his seat, "Yeah well, I've made myself busy." He didn't mention the letter he recently received and the promise he made towards an old friend of his. He'd been busy, crafting in secret. "The Heavenly Sword Sect's library isn't as big as our Ascending Dawn's, but you guys have a bunch of books I've never even seen or heard of before."

"Hm, then I'm glad." Liu Sumeng refilled his cup. The tension in the atmosphere eased.

"So what about you? Why did you suddenly decide to run off on a little adventure alone?" He brought the cup to his lips and like a fool, burned his tongue again with liquid spluttering upon his clothes.

Liu Sumeng sighed- or perhaps it was a chuckle- and reached into his robes to pull out a baby blue handkerchief embroidered with water lilies and ducks. Yuan Xuelan almost dumped the entire cup of scalding hot tea on himself. "I went to Boling and met some strange people."

"Uh. Yeah? What kind of strange people?" he asked, though his gaze and his thoughts were trained on that stupid handkerchief that he cautiously accepted from Liu Sumeng's hand.

"That's a secret."

There was a sparkle in Liu Sumeng's eyes that Yuan Xuelan believed he had imagined. Cute, he thought, only to be filled with dread at the thought right after it came. He used the cloth to wipe his robes and took his time to gather his courage and say, "Actually, there's something I wanted to say to you."

"...?"

He clicked his tongue, an odd embarrassment overtook his mind but Yuan Xuelan didn't give up. As quickly as he could, he took out a silk handkerchief that was chosen by both Chen Anyue and himself. The embroidery on it was actually rather silly and featured a round, fat dog rolling on its back. Chen Anyue thought it didn't really match Liu Sumeng's image, but Yuan Xuelan didn't agree. He was reminded of the stupid ugly dog they encountered in Zu Village and Liu Sumeng quietly chasing after it for affection. It was appropriate.

But Liu Sumeng was frozen and stared at him with too much emotion for Yuan Xuelan to be comfortable with. "Erm! Well, you see. Shijie was telling me I was being a dick and I guess I was kind of being a dick. I don't want to cause any more trouble, ok? So I got you this. As an apology." He waited for a reaction that didn't come. Yuan Xuelan fidgeted some more, "Don't think badly of me, ok?"

"I don't think badly of you," Liu Sumeng's voice was a little soft, "Nor do you need to apologize to me. Thank you." He took the gift from Xuelan's hand and smiled, "I'll cherish it."

This Ivory Sword Saint! Can't he be a little kinder to Xuelan's heart!?

"Don't thank me! Just take it! Ugh. I really can't stand you sometimes."

Liu Sumeng's smile wavered and Yuan Xuelan thought he really needed to bite his own tongue off. Someone just should just make him shut up. "Why is that? What did I do wrong?" the Ivory Sword Saint asked.

"Nothing! Nothing! You didn't do anything, geez!" He cursed at himself, wondering what terrible things he did in his previous life to land in such an annoying situation; where his heart punched his chest and stomach tied itself into a knot. In front of Liu Sumeng! Chen Anyue's fiance!

"Then, it's my personality."

No, it's your face as well! Yuan Xuelan wanted to scream but he managed to hold himself back. Taking in a deep breath he said, "Second Young Master Liu, did you not listen to a single thing I said? Why are you being so silly? I told you to not take me so seriously!"

"..." Liu Sumeng was not appeased.

Yuan Xuelan cleared his throat, "Sumeng?" he tried, feeling a little brazen, "Are you even listening to me? As long as you don't hate me, I won't hate you either, how's that? Is that ok?"

The Ivory Sword Saint furrowed his eyes. Outside, the day had turned cloudy. The wind picked up with a howl. A chill crept into the room but Yuan Xuelan was still feeling hot. "I don't hate you…" Liu Sumeng said.

"I know," the words came out with a stutter, "so I'm saying that I don't hate you either. And sorry for making you think that I did."

"Oh."

Rain drizzled, but sunlight still parted the clouds. Yuan Xuelan didn't understand where it was he went wrong, or which ancestor of his cursed him out of spite. Because his emotions drummed and white noise filled his ears, his chest filled to the brim. The rain hummed to the tune of his heartbeat and the autumn wind mocked him. For he, Yuan Xuelan found that he could not breathe. Not with Liu Sumeng kneeling there, the silken handkerchief clasped in his hands with a secret smile and rose-dusted cheeks.

Liu Sumeng looked him from the corner of his eyes, peering upwards through lashes, as though shy, "As long as you don't hate me. That is all that I can ask for."

His throat went dry. In the end, Yuan Xuelan thought with gloom, he couldn't get along with this Liu Sumeng after all.