87 He felt disgusting

Warning: s*xual abuse, dub-con, Emperor Taixu being a terrible person in general.

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Liu Sumeng was giving him a look. The one that was a little confused and perhaps a little judgemental.

Regret seeped into Yuan Xuelan's bones. He was really regretting a lot of things lately and yet still couldn't get used to the emotion. He shrank a little, preparing for the blow that would come out of Liu Sumeng.

"You two, are together."

Yuan Xuelan almost bit his tongue off. He wanted to scream, wait, wait, wait, wait! He and his Shijie!? What!? Since when, since where, since how!?

He was so shocked that not a thing came out of his mouth and he only stared like a goldfish. Liu Sumeng had veered his gaze back at the water and didn't see Yuan Xuelan's stupefied appearance. The Ivory Sword Saint continued, "It is not proper. With Nan Chang."

Not- What- So- Wait- What?

Yuan Xuelan's thoughts stuttered, broken. There were so many things wrong and so many things he wanted to shout and ask. So this was the reason why he was so disapproving with Nan Chang!? How in the world did Liu Sumeng even come to this conclusion!?

And when he decided to call off the wedding was it-

Was it…because of this!?

His mind was reeling and he remembered when Liu Sumeng told him how it was for Anyue's sake.

It had been for her sake.

And…

What if...

What if the Ivory Sword Saint knew that it was all a big misunderstanding and then what?

Yuan Xuelan's heart sank. And he forcefully held back all the questions he desperately wanted to ask, deciding that it was better not knowing the answer.

He only sat there quietly. The hot spring wasn't feeling so comfortable anymore. The steam made the air thick and stuffy and the water turned his fingertips coarse with wrinkles.

His silence didn't go unnoticed. "Xuelan?"

A question was at his throat and he, a fool, asked, "Do you like my- Do you like Chen Anyue?"

And he shouldn't have turned around to look. Shouldn't have seen how Liu Sumeng smiled that gentle smile under the moonlight's ethereal glow. How beautifully the water droplets sparkled that dripped down his hair, his neckline, his collarbones. "I do."

The air around the hot spring in the midst of summer felt terrifyingly cold. And when dread turned to heartbreak, shame bloomed and festered as well. Yuan Xuelan didn't even dare to bat an eyelid, didn't even dare to breathe.

He was an idiot.

A whole, fucking idiot.

Liu Sumeng saw Yuan Xuelan's discomfort, but had no idea about the cause. So he, though awkward, looked down submissively and said, "She's yours."

"Oh," Yuan Xuelan replied stiffly, "Okay."

It was awkward after that. Even after they returned back to their room, Liu Sumeng became keenly aware of the strange tension and silence that settled between them. He was wrought with worry and wondered what mistake he could have made this time. What was it that he said that made Xuelan unhappy?

After all, he even called off the wedding for Xuelan's sake so why…?

Why was this happening…

Was Xuelan perhaps unhappy that Liu Sumeng likes Anyue? Should he not have said that…?

Confusion and regret continued to plague him, even when Yuan Xuelan put out all the lights.

He wanted to say something, anything and ask, and explain himself. But he didn't know what. Didn't know how to word it or even where to begin with questions. Liu Sumeng laid his head down on the pillow and closed his eyes.

Sleep did not come easily.

His thoughts haunted him, thoughts about Chen Anyue and Yuan Xuelan.

In a different life, he was already married at this age.

Atop Wangyun Peak, Liu Sumeng had planted an enchanted peach blossom tree next to the koi fish pond in a spot so that it could be seen from his window. It only took a month to fully grow and blossom.

Chen Anyue had laughed when she'd seen it, her eyes held that gentle sparkle and called him a romantic.

He had thought it was a little awkward and a little embarrassing but did it for her anyway. Because it would remind her of home and the peach blossom courtyard they had in Reling.

"It's very sweet of you, Liu-ge. You're a lot kinder than I'd thought you'd be." Her cheeks matched the shade of the petals that fluttered into her hair.

It gave him the urge to kiss her brow, so he did. And she giggled in his arms.

Their love was as such. A gentle spring breeze that came and went. And perhaps there was a time where he thought their love might blossom into passionate summer-like heat. But that fantasy was long dead, scorched away by the fire of tragedy and hatred.

It was only then his fate became entwined with one Yuan Xuelan.

Before then he had suspected feelings between his wife and her Shidi. But he also had selfishly ignored any flickers of guilt. It wasn't his problem. Chen Anyue was his wife, and he, her husband. And all Yuan Xuelan had been to him at the time was that one rude little Shidi that barked around Chen Anyue's heel.

That had been a whole lifetime ago.

Liu Sumeng opened his eyes and it was dark. There was an itch in his skin that he couldn't scratch, a strange anxiety that refused to quell.

Sleep was out of reach so he slid out of bed, slowly to not disturb Yuan Xuelan.

He had no idea when Huo Tang had returned but she was sleeping on a little silk pillow, her little body glowing a soft pink light.

He made sure his movements were feathered when he reached down to retrieve Mingshui from his bedside. Before walking out the door, he stopped by Xuelan's bedside.

Boys grow quickly. He looked so much more mature in mere months, brows thicker and cheekbones more pronounced. His hair was around his face like a mess and Liu Sumeng resisted the urge to reach down and soothe out the knots.

But Xuelan was still young. His jawline not yet as sharp as it became in later years and he didn't have that harsh edge yet, the edge that had women swooning at his feet no matter how insane he became.

Though Liu Sumeng was an awkward person who didn't know how to convey his feelings well, he only wished that Xuelan could find happiness in this life. That he might live freely from the torment that haunted him to his grave.

Peng Jipei sure made that difficult.

Liu Sumeng's heart felt cold, his grip tightening around his sword sheath.

He would not let Yuan Xuelan tread down the same path in this life. And in this life…he should try harder to make Yuan Xuelan smile.

A deep sigh escaped his lips. He truly thought that canceling his own wedding with Chen Anyue would eventually sort that problem out… But clearly he'd been naive. It was more complicated than that. He would have to try harder.

And so Liu Sumeng stepped out of the room and went to find a good place to practice his sword. And with each slash, each lunge the chaos that brewed within could simmer down and become more distant, less defined.

Inside the inn, Yuan Xuelan had been lucky enough to fall asleep but his dreams were not restful.

He liked to believe that he was used to it by now but…

He was always older in these dreams and could tell just by looking down at his hands. Gone was any boyish softness and instead there were rough edges with pronounced veins and callouses.

It took a moment for Yuan Xuelan to realize he was dreaming, for in his dream he was also in bed and darkness was abound. There was twilight spilling in through the window and he, who couldn't sleep, sat up on his bed.

There was someone sleeping next to him.

This older Yuan Xuelan no longer went by such a name and instead called himself emperor.

"General Liu," he spat venomously, "how dare you sleep while I am suffering from insomnia?"

Liu Sumeng slept on his side, his face turned away. His hair was covering most of his profile and even in the dark, one could make out the myriad of marks on his skin. Some new, some old.

The emperor reached down and peeled away the veil of long black strands to reveal a pale neck and shoulder, full of marks and bruises. No doubt, General Liu would wear his collar especially high the next day.

A sick pride filled his chest and pulled a smirk across his face.

He might have been no better than a dog marking his territory but who would even dare to scold him now? Aside from this annoying general of his who would dare try his luck on occasion.

But the emperor had learned that even the cold-hearted Liu Sumeng could be put into his place.

He only needed a little bit of persuasion. A bit of force.

The results were spectacular.

He traced his fingers down Liu Sumeng's face, from his cheekbone to the shell of his ear. His neck. And the divot where the jugular meets the collar bone.

Flowering marks of reds and purples sat on top of old scars. The emperor wished for all these marks to be colored by him. He wished to possess the entirety of the person below him, from Liu Sumeng's body to his mind and also his soul.

His hand traced the curve of Sumeng's bicep and then back to his chest, slipping the sheets downward.

But soon he noticed one major, offending problem. Liu Sumeng was not reacting to his touch. Not even a flinch or a subtle groan. And when he observed closer, his general's breathing was light as well.

His throat closed. An annoying feeling pricked at his core.

"Sumeng."

Nothing.

"Sumeng," he said louder and pinched the skin beneath his fingers. Not even a twitch.

And he gulped, feeling ridiculous. Stupid. Idiotic. Useless and--

No, no, no, the emperor had long stopped with those useless emotions like fear and dread. Guilt? That wasn't even in his vocabulary! Luckily there were no mirrors around him to show him the strained smile on his face.

"Sumeng, your emperor commands you to wake," he said, voice oddly soft as he dipped in closer to the person below him.

His hands traced the length of Liu Sumeng's arm, pushing down the silken sheets to reveal more of his body. He could sit there for ages counting old scars. Many of which he was responsible for.

"If you do not wake, I will have to punish you." He gripped that milky pelvic bone and dug his fingers in with enough strength to bruise. "You wouldn't want that, right?"

Finally, Liu Sumeng shifted ever so slightly, curling in on himself.

The emperor let go of a breath he didn't know he was holding. He pressed his face against Liu Sumeng's neck and breathed in his scent. And like a dumb beast who had no self-control, he nibbled on that expanse of skin. He loved feeling the way Liu Sumeng's throat would vibrate under his jaws.

Heavens, he wanted to ruin this person even more.

"If you don't wake up then I will…" He lazily thought of a punishment as he caressed the expanse of Liu Sumeng's skin, warming cool flesh beneath his palm and fingers. He traced little circles in Liu Sumeng's inner thigh, knowing that he was sensitive there. Ah, there were so many terrible things he inflicted on this person and he couldn't wait for excuses to try them out.

"I might call you Liu Chao, instead."

"..."

Well, that sounded silly even to his own ears but the emperor wasn't in the mood to admit his blunders.

So he ignored the throbbing awkwardness in his chest and tried again, "Liu Chao. Why won't you wake up?"

And there was still that weirdness. Emotions that made him feel stuffy and claustrophobia without good reason.

He chalked it up to impatience and flipped Liu Sumeng onto his back and loomed above him, caging him in with strong arms. "Liu Chao, I command you to wake at this moment!"

And despite his raging mood, Liu Sumeng was calm underneath him, his long lashes peeled open slowly.

So pretty.

The Ivory Sword Saint sighed and looked away, "I am awake." His eyes were hollow and he seemed too tired. Exhausted. That terrible feeling only grew in size. The emperor did not want to admit that he was speechless.

But after a moment it became clear that he had nothing to say. So Liu Sumeng opened his mouth again, "Don't call me that."

The feeling in his chest was sharp. The emperor sneered, "I will call you what I want, Consort Liu."

And he hated-

No, he loved the way Liu Sumeng paled under him. And his mind was racing, "I can even make you my empress. What do you think?"

Liu Sumeng was quiet and didn't say a word. The emperor had proven enough that his threats were not empty.

He placed his hand on Liu Sumeng's throat and fanned out his fingers to feel the way his Adam's Apple bobbed.

All the blood was rushing to his groin. The emperor licked his lips and pressed down on that delicate neck, feeling the way the muscles strained to breath and the pulse quicken under the pressure.

Liu Sumeng didn't do anything and held eye contact even as his brows furrowed from pain and discomfort.

And then he grabbed Sumeng's jaw and descended upon him like a starved beast, claiming those lips for his own. Liu Sumeng gasped, which only gave him the opportunity to invade and claim his conquest.

This was his.

All of this was his.

And even if it was only a temporary cure to the terrible things that clawed at him from his heart, he didn't care…

He didn't care at all…

When Yuan Xuelan woke, he felt disgusting.

Sick.