20 ??She broke my heart. Again.??

ZAYN

All the breath left my body. "What the hell does that mean?"

She looked away. "Nothing."

I was up and kneeling in front of her in a second. My eyes met her sad ones. "I asked. What. Do. You. Mean?"

This time when her eyes met mine, I saw the same shadow of grief that been lining her eyes the whole day. Ten seconds passed. I waited. And waited.

"Leia?" I probed.

"I'm married," She blurted.

"I—what—" I shook my head.

"His name is Ammar. We've been married for a long time."

I stared at her. Laughed dryly. "What the heck are you saying?"

"I don't know why I'm even bothering to tell you this. Just go away." She turned her head to the left. "I can't even look at you right now."

I didn't get up. I couldn't. It's like my feet were stuck to the ground in front of her. I didn't know what I felt or whether my brain had the ability to function properly or not. I know for sure that my knees gave out and I wasn't looking at Leia anymore.

I couldn't remember the last time I'd felt this way. Probably never.

I couldn't even imagine Leia—my Leia—with another guy. I always thought she was mine. Never had I imagined her with another person. I didn't want anyone else to be the reason behind her smile. Didn't want her to have another man's love in her heart.

Shit.

I couldn't do this. I couldn't face all these feelings at once. All I could think was: I need to run. There wasn't enough oxygen for me to breathe in. Maybe my lungs were at fault here. The thing was, I didn't want to breathe anymore.

I wish she'd never told me any of this.

She's in love with another guy. My Leia is in love with another guy.

"Tell me you're kidding," I pleaded. "Tell me this is some sick joke, Leia."

Whatever she saw in my expression had her ice thawing. Her gaze softened and she almost looked at me in pity.

I didn't like that look one bit.

"It shouldn't matter to you Zayn," Her words didn't match her expression or tone. "None of this should be of any concern to you."

I shook my head, unable to take this. "You have a husband?"

"Yeah,"

"And children?" I wouldn't be surprised if she said yes. I was storing this information in my head to process it all later.

She shook her head.

She loves another man.

My sweet, sweet Leia wasn't so innocent after all. Someone had already taken her—

I switched off the disturbing thought but it didn't help the anger that rose to the surface. Didn't help with anything really because my mind was processing everything too soon. I clenched my hands by my sides and got up. Leia followed suit.

I raked a hand through my hair and let out a breathy laugh. "Damn, Leia. Who knew the innocent girl act was just for show. I never would've thought . . ." I shook my head. "You were never like this. How could you do this to me?"

She looked confused. Not guilty. Not hurt. Maybe I wasn't trying hard enough.

"You know how many girls throw themselves at me? You know how hard it was to refuse them each time? I was—God—I was saving myself for you. You promised, Leia. You promised you'd marry me when we grew up. How could you—" I sputtered, unable to let out the correct words in my fury.

"You can't be serious," she spit out, rage etched across her features. "You don't know anything about me, Zayn! You don't know what I've been through; what I'm still going through! So don't just stand there telling me how you've saved yourself for me! God. I can't believe we're having this conversation. It's like you have all the wrong reasons for everything you do."

Fury danced through my veins and I slipped my hands into my pockets before I let the anger take over and destroy the entirety of the hallway. I'd done things for the wrong reasons? That was not the reaction I expected. She said it like it meant nothing to her. Maybe I didn't mean anything to her either because even though against all hope I was waiting for her, she had already given herself to another man.

For the split of a second, I wondered what the bastard looked like. What could be so special about him that Leia would marry him? Maybe it's his heart. Or maybe . . . No. My Leia was not a gold-digger. She would never marry for money. Never.

"Why?" It was a small word, barely took any effort to say it but the meaning it carried, the worth it had was very significant.

"What why?"

I licked my lips and tried to look her in the eye. "Why did you marry him?"

Uncertainty flashed across her eyes and the honey colour turned a shade or two dark. For a moment I thought she wouldn't tell me. Heck, there was something weird going on in those irises. Something that seemed a lot like sadness. No. Not sadness. Something deeper, far more profound. Melancholy. Grief. Hate.

Shit, she was so not okay. "Leia, what—"

"I can't tell you," I couldn't stand looking her in the eye. They were begging for something. "I wish I could. I wish someone knew, Zayn. But I just can't." Tears coated the underline of her eyes, soaking her eyelashes.

I couldn't bear looking at them without being able to swipe my hand across her face and wiping them off. She would hate for me to do that so I just clenched the fabric of my pants to prevent reaching out.

"Does he make you sad?" I asked, voice almost a whisper. "Because if he does, Leia, I swear I won't let him live." Nobody could treat sweet Leia like that. She didn't deserve it. "Does he—Does he force you to wear that clothing?"

A spark of anger. Of resentment. "Are you crazy? That's the only thing that gives me freedom—dressing up in a way that pleases God. I get to choose what I wear, Zayn. Nobody forces it upon me. I can't believe you'd ask that question. I've made myself pretty clear since the day I came back."

It's like I'd lost the ability to do anything correctly. I was just pissing her off and making us fight. "I didn't mean it like that. I was just—God, Leia." I scoured a hand down my face. "You should've told me sooner."

So that I wouldn't have fallen for you. Again.

I was falling deeper and deeper into the abyss that I was all too familiar with. I knew the darkness like I knew the back of my hand. The monsters that lurked in the obscurity were my enemies but they never stopped chasing me. They invited me to evil but I wouldn't go there. Because deep in the jungle there was a greater darkness. I'd seen what it did to people around me. How it shaped their lives.

I wanted nothing to do with it.

Part of the reason why I never lost my virginity or so much as went near a girl was because of Leia. But the other major reason I never went down that road was because it never felt right.

I could remember Anas's words from only about six months back. They all say it's fun, that you get something out of it but I honestly didn't feel a thing. Nothing. It was a moment of pleasure and years of regret. Don't go there, Zayn. You're better than me. Better than this. Get married to the girl you love. Give her children. Don't get into this like me. It's addictive. Once the monster gets ahold of you, it's hard to let go. Impossible, really.

I couldn't get married to her, though. We would never have children. And it was impossible for me to fall in love with another girl. This one had ruined me for everyone.

Why, why, why?

I realised that Leia was still talking and I hadn't heard most of it. "—we shouldn't be talking. Just stay away from me, Zayn. Please. Don't make this harder than it already is."

Hard? Things were hard for her? What about me and the heart she had oh-so-easily broken?

"Okay," I found myself whispering. "Whatever you want."

She looked at me for a second—waiting for a reaction, maybe—before averting her gaze and walking off and downstairs. I stared after her, to the place that was now empty, just like my heart.