62 ??Ugh, I was getting fat??

LEIA

Over the next couple of days, my routine significantly changed. I was discharged from the hospital two days later than the initial date and it had been a month at home now. A month of sleepless nights. A month of exhaustion.

I couldn't complain, though. Not when I saw Abdar Rahman's face and some strange light flicked open inside me. Not when he was this cute ball of chubbiness; the fat-creases between his arms and legs were quite obvious and his cheeks were hued a deep pink. Believe it or not, he had occasionally—very occasionally—opened his eyes and they were larger than life and a brown so beautiful, it stole my breath away each time.

Everyone in the house had fallen in love with him.

Even now, Labeeb held him somewhere in the house. I wouldn't know; I hadn't been able to get up from the bed. My routine consisted of eating, barely sleeping and feeding.

Just this morning, I looked at myself in the mirror and I was shocked. My face seemed drained of all blood—which, by the way, the entirety of my body was facing. I had a feeling I was low on iron. Again. But I wasn't going to ask Dad to get me a few shots of it because let's be honest, it was expensive and buying diapers was already quite costly. My needs could be fulfilled later.

That wasn't the shocker. It was this . . . thing I had become. I had always been thin and now, my body was all over the place.

I groaned.

How would I even lose all this fat now? I had never thought of myself ever dieting.

I sure needed it though.

You just want to look pretty for Zayn, my conscience taunted.

It was true. I couldn't deny that I was disappointed Zayn hadn't appeared yet. Maybe he was just giving me space, knowing the kind of pain I was in. Most days, I could barely cope and it had been impossible to allow close contact with anyone. Mom literally hadn't bothered hugging me for comfort anymore.

All in all, I was a total mess. A fat one at that.

After that, I decided to go on a diet and it lasted for about two hours before I found myself gobbling down food like a freak.

Huh.

Whatever.

Food was life.

I was still counting the days. How long would Zayn take? Was he in trouble? If not, why wasn't he here yet? It had been forty-two already.

By now, I could walk around and be comforted without a lot of pain. My back still felt sore and I had a feeling it would be that way for a long time.

I was flicking the phone between my hand, thoughts far away when Labeeb came running and dumped Abdar Rahman into my lap.

That could only mean one thing.

"Clean him, Api," he looked annoyed. "Why does keep doing . . . that?"

I made a disgruntled noise, telling him to fetch wet wipes and clean diapers. He flicked up his nose and ran away.

Only parents could handle their kids' worst parts. Not that this was bad. It was natural, and well, it would take some getting used to.

After my son was all clean, he grinned happily and I rubbed his tummy in affection. I was still playing with him when Dad came into the living room with Mom's support.