Chapter 115：Confession

The anger welled up in Keenan's chest. Grabbing Jacob by his shirt he was ready to punch him but the other four pulled them apart. Theo lied there listening to all this.

From outside the field, their coach who was walking over with the attendant and a few of the other soccer players saw the exchange but didn't know what was happening, but from the aggressive behaviour displayed by Keenan, it must be something serious.

"HEY!!" their coach yelled. Theo opened his eyes turning to look at him. Sitting up he crossed his legs stretching out the knot that formed in his shoulder from lying down.

"What the hell is happening here?" he asked standing between Jacob and Keenan but the two looked away refusing to answer.

Theo was chewing the inside of his cheek listlessly looking around. Pointing his finger at the boys he said, "Answer, what's the reason behind you two arguing?"

The few who came late looked down at Theo, remembering what they'd seen on Facebook and frowned. Keenan caught wind of this.

Glaring at them he asked furiously, "Are you all against Theo too?" Their faces changed hearing his words forgetting that their emotions were playing on their faces.

Looking down at Theo and looking at the players he saw that there was a division and they were standing a distance away from him whereas before they couldn't wait to group around him.

"What's going on?" he asked confused looking at Theo. He got up, looking at his teammates he smiled, shrugging he said, "I'm quitting." Turning around he walked away.

The coach and the players looked at him stunned, "Wait! Why? What happened? What did you all do?"

"We did nothing," mumbled a boy named Chester.

Turning to look at him Keenan shot, "Like hell you did. Coach, I quit!"

He said while jogging to Theo's side.

"THE TWO OF YOU WAIT!! STOP!!!" he yelled but was ignored instead. He turned to the other players on his team. His face turned red from rage, "WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED BETWEEN YOU ALL?"

Hearing their coach yell they knew that they were in trouble. He only ever got this angry when they fucked up during matches and didn't go according to the game plan.

--

Arriving at the showers the two were silent. Keenan was evidently very angry whereas Theo kept yawning but the disappointment was written on his face.

After they got out they heard the others moving around. Getting dressed while ignoring the glares he finished. On his way out he was stopped by the coach.

"Follow me to my office," he said to Theo.

Sighing he followed, grinning at Keenan who had to wait outside.

Seated down coach Martin looked at him still red in his face, "Theo, you're our school's star player. You are attending school on a scholarship, you are basically studying for free, why do you want to suddenly quit?"

Cocking his eyebrow Theo answered, "Paying back that money is no problem for myself and my family."

"Theo, this isn't about the money, it's about your future and the future of this team."

"Coach, I am not willing to stay on this team if I am going to be shit on by my teammates, why should I allow them the chance at victory every game but they can't comply to one of my choices – this team can die for all I care, there's no I in team so I am not needed."

Coach Martin was momentarily stunned, this was the first time Theo showed him no respect and swore in front of him. Coach Martin could see the anger in his eyes… "Is this really your choice, do you not care about your reputation?"

"Coach, I never wanted a reputation nor did I want to be the star player and I didn't want to be popular, that just happened because everyone thought it was fitting of me. If they can think like that then why can't they accept this side of me?"

Theo didn't say what it was but coach Martin knew what he was talking about due to the brief explanation from the others. In fact Coach Martin thought all of this was a joke and wasn't willing to lose his striker and defender for this.

"Theo, please just think this over. All of this, you worked for it, this is your second last year of high school and I know you have been working hard to be the best for this team since you joined. Leaving now would nullify all the time and effort you put into being who you are right now."

Sighing he said, "Look Theo, I'm not against you being gay and liking whoever you do. I just want you to know that I understand where you are coming from, my younger brother came out as being gay and it was hard for me to accept in the beginning but I realized that my brother was still my brother even with the title gay hanging around his neck – there's no difference besides the fact that I now have a brother-in-law instead of a sister-in-law.

You don't have to but I'm just asking you to let your teammates get used to the idea of having the person they look up to, admire and hold high on a pedestal being the same but just with an added bonus. Show them that you are still the star player who they admire and love and bring your boyfriend with you to practice to interact with them and let them get to know him."

Theo looked at Coach Martin solemnly, never in his life did he think this crazy person that drilled them was such a soft person at heart or maybe he wasn't but just understood.

He added, "You can go home now, but I want you at practise tomorrow morning, both you and Keenan… I'll talk some sense into them – you can rest today."

Nodding his head he walked out. His face sank and so did Keenan's, "He's not letting us quit is he." He stated.

Shaking his head looking defeated, Theo walked on. Behind him, he heard Keenan curse, "Fuck!"

He quickly caught up to him, "I don't wanna waste my holiday practising." He said earning him a nod from Theo, 'I don't wanna be here too, I want to cuddle Reign T~T'

~~

At the Mc Kenzi residence, Reign sat facing his family.

They were sitting across him on the couches while he sat on the wooden chair hugging his legs to himself. He was conflicted because he didn't know where to start. His family could see that he was finding it very hard to explain what's been going on.

The younger siblings were surprisingly quiet unlike usual. The room was silent and the silence seem to go on for longer than it should due to Reign spacing out.

"Reign, why don't you start from the very beginning when you saw the changes." Asked Sturgeon a little worried.

Looking at him, Reign nodded slowly. Biting his lip he started, "When I was six I found out that I was doing something that I shouldn't. It was the day of Sturgeon's birthday when his party was held here by the house for him and his friends.

Sturgeon called me over to sit with him and his friends and I found myself staring at your friend Ethan. After that day I got excited every time he came over and I always hung around him; then one day when it was just him and I alone I told him that I liked him and he frowned. He pushed me away saying that he had no time to hang out with gays…

I didn't know what gay was so I asked ma and she yelled at me saying that I shouldn't speak about stuff like that at home, still not answering my question. I figured that it must be something bad and I never asked about it again. I… I tried to forget about it but the older I got the more I saw that I wasn't like other boys.

In middle school one of the teachers were accused of being gay and suddenly stopped coming to school to teach and through that, I found out what gay was. The people connected gay with demons and I started panicking.

At church I prayed so that the demons would go away but it never and it only got worse. I became paranoid making sure that I don't show any signs and it worked on the outside." I say as the tears started falling from my eyes.

Wiping them away I looked at the floor continuing, "I kept having nightmares of being beaten to death and kicked out of the house. Falling into a void, being outcast by everyone. Some nights I couldn't sleep and I would go to school without sleeping for days because I was scared that my dreams would come to life."

"In the seventh grade I stole a couple of ma's sleeping pills when I couldn't take it anymore ready to overdose myself – I didn't want to live anymore but as I took the pills I don't know what happened but I ended up vomiting them out."

"I-I was angry that it didn't work and ended up hitting my hand against the wall. I found that this helped slightly and started hitting the walls, that's why my hand was fractured back then. After that, I decided that physically hurting myself where everyone couldn't see so I started cutting… myself," I trailed as I thought back to then.

Looking at my family that had this look of disbelief on their faces. I sighed; wiping away my tears I got up and lifted my jacket up, folding my tracksuit pants over itself I showed them what it was covering.

The scars on my body I made before my pubic area traced all around my body, the Astrix marks weren't deep but back then cutting my so many times relieved much of my pain and it circled all the way around me. Sighing I fixed my pants and jacket. Lifting up the elastic part of the tracksuit at my ankle those same marks were there on both legs.

My tears were falling and the only thing I could do was wipe them away. I'd made a resolution to tell them and I couldn't stop here, I had to continue. I was afraid of meeting eyes with them and I didn't want to see their faces for the time being.

I hugged my head between my legs trying to swallow the cry that wanted to escape. Continuing I said, "C-cutting m-myself wasn't enough and I needed to cope with all of this so I started thinking of new ways to hurt myself.

When I was home alone I climbed the back tree and threw myself off it… this only help a few times and I needed a stronger pain so I went to the hardware store and bought rope planning to kill myself because it was beginning to get too much and I couldn't survive on momentary pain that lasted for a few seconds.

I tied the rope around the pillar in the garage and didn't think twice about hanging myself. I tied the rope around my neck and kicked away the chair. As my vision faded and I was on my last breath the rope broke; hitting the cold cemented floor I closed my eyes. I don't know how long I was knocked out but I woke up with blood stuck to the side of my mouth; I cleaned it up and myself before everyone got home and pretended that nothing happened."

Reign started crying as he finished because he couldn't hold back anymore. Mr Mc Kenzi was staring at his son in disbelief with tears falling from his eyes. Mrs Mc Kenzi was leaning against her husband's shoulder crying but he never took notice of her because he was still trying to process what he heard - all of this happened and he wasn't aware of it.

Sturgeon was on the floor against the wall sitting crossed legged looking at Reign with red eyes while Skye sat between his legs not taking in what was being said or the strange atmosphere.

Wiping the tears and mucus away he said, "I-I-I h-hated m-myself f-for b-being l-like this, I-I w-w-wanted t-to d-die b-b-but d-didn't and, and i-it w-was t-torturing m-me. I went to the bathroom during the day and opened the bleach bottle. As the liquid entered my mouth I wasn't able to swallow it because something stopped it from going down. I ended up vomiting and messed the bleach all over the floor.

Ma came in and yelled at me when she saw that it was lying on the floor, she told me that I should stop what I was doing and clean up my mess. She didn't stop to see why I was leaning over the toilet bowl.

My mouth started bleeding and for that whole week and the next I couldn't eat my food and I was yelled at for wasting food."

Calming down after saying this I balled my fists shaking my head trying to clear my mind and make the anger subside. Taking in a deep breath I looked up and saw this scene before me, they were all crying as if they were the ones who were hurt.

I suddenly felt a huge amount of anger well up in my chest! Getting up I glared at them, "WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU ALL CRYING? I'M THE ONE WHO WAS HURT AND YOU ALL DIDN'T SEE IT; YOU PRETENDED TO BE PERFECT NOT GIVING A SHIT ABOUT ME. I WAS FUCKING TOLD I SHOULD SIT PROPERLY FOR WHAT? JUST BECAUSE IT LOOKED STRANG TO YOU (he said pointing to his mother) AND YOU! YOU CALL YOURSELF MY FATHER BUT YOU DIDN'T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT ME UNTIL YOU FOUND OUT I RAN AWAY… WHY DID I HAVE TO RUN AWAY FOR YOU ALL TO REMEMBER THAT I EXISTED HUH? THE FOUR OF YOU ARE CRYING NOW BECAUSE YOU FEEL SORRY FOR WHO, FOR ME???

YOU KNOW WHAT? DO YOURSELF A FAVOUR AND DON'T FEEL SORRY FOR ME, JUST GO ON AND PRETEND THAT OUR FAMILY IS OKAY, THAT WE ARE HAPPY; FORGET THAT I LEFT AND I DON'T LOOK LIKE THIS! DO THAT AND SEE IF YOU'LL BE HAPPY – I FUCKING HATE BEING A PART OF THIS SHITTY FAMILY THAT DOESN'T GIVE TWO SHITS ABOUT ME AND JUST EXPECTS ME TO NOT FUCK UP, I'M TIRED OF IT!!

YOUR TEARS MEAN NOTHING TO ME AS MINE MEANT FUCK'ALL TO YOU."I yelled with my hands clenched into a fist.

"I'm not some you can pity anymore, I'm no longer going to pretend that I'm someone who I am not."

I walked away, I could feel my medication was wearing off. If it was still in my system I wouldn't have had an outburst.

I sat on my bed that Sturgeon made up roughly. I'd taken my medication but it would take some time to kick in. The door was locked and I had multiple visitors trying to enter and talk to me.

My mind was not in a good state right now and I had to sit still looking at nothing or else I might get triggered by something. My fucking phone was buzzing continuously too, I don't know who it is but I'm not getting up to answer it – fuck! I just wished that it could die – I want to die!

Opening my eyes I found himself sitting up on the bed leaning against the wall. Stretching the ache in my neck out, I got up off the bed. Looking out the window, it's dark out. How long have I been asleep?

Opening my door, the lights it the house was off. Checking the time on my mobile it was already after eleven. Everyone is asleep.

Thinking back to this morning's conversation with my family I remembered the outburst. A pain struck my heart… I actually feel shit.

Going down the stairs, I reached the kitchen, pouring myself a glass of water. I can feel the void envelop me again… I need my pills.

Taking them I sat on the bed plugging the charger into my mobile, I guess it really died. After a moment it switched on and the notifications flooded in. Taking in a deep breath I connected my earphones – playing my favourite Youtube artist's latest song on repeat: Karliene - The unquiet grave.

Why does thou sit upon my grave

And will dead lips to speak?

Why does thou weep upon my grave

And will not let me sleep?

My breast it is as cold as clay

My breath is earthly strong

And if you kiss my cold clay lips

Your days they won't be long

How oft on yonder grave, sweetheart

Where we were won't to walk

The fairest flower that e'er I saw

Has withered to a stalk

When will we meet again, sweetheart?

When will we meet again?

When the Autumn leaves that fall from trees

Are green and spring up again

How oft on yonder grave, sweetheart

Where we were won't to walk

The fairest flower that e'er I saw

Has withered to a stalk

~This song truly fits the me in the void.

BUZZ BUZZ BUZZ

I woke up to the sound of my mobile vibrating like crazy. I reached for it without opening my eyes, "Hello?" I answered.

"Reign?"

"Theo?" I asked recognizing his voice.

"What happened to you, you didn't answer my calls the whole day and when I asked your sister about it she said that you were asleep? Why'd you sleep so long, are you feeling sick?" he asked, I could hear the concern in his voice.

"I-I was tired that's all."

"Are you sure its nothing serious?"

"I am."

I heard him sigh. "If that's the case then I'll believe you… I know it's early but I was wondering if you'd like to come with me to soccer practice and after that, we could go out… I didn't see you yesterday so … I wanted to spend time with you today to make up for yesterday," he asked.

"What time is it?" I asked too lazy to look.

"It's five forty-five."

"O-o-o-okay… let me get ready."

"See you in fifteen." He said ending the call. Stretching my body across my bed I yawned. I've been sleeping nonstop due to skipping my pill cycle – ah this really is shitty~

Getting up, I opened my eyes, the door was open. Did I leave it open?

Opening the curtains I took out my black skinny jeans and a black tank top, red hoodie and my red sneakers.

Getting out of the shower I walked into my room catching Sturgeon on my bed messing it up. He looked at me who entered with the towel around my waist. "Morning," I greeted.

"Mhn," he hummed.

I got dressed while he watched me going from stark naked to fully dressed, yawning ever minute. My yawning must be contagious because he too started yawning.

Brushing my hair and hooking a black nose ring in, I took my mobile and walked out of my room to my parents.

Opening the door, they were both up looking at me… they must have been talking about something, maybe about me.

"Theo's coming over to pick me up. I'll be with him if you are looking for me," I said guiltily. I didn't wait for them to say anything and just walked on to Reegon's room. Shaking him a few times he woke up, "Reign?"

"Mn, listen, I'm going out with Theo, he'll pick me up in a few minutes alright?"

"Where are you going?"

"I'ma watch him practice then we are going to hang out, I'll come home after that okay."

"mhn," he hummed getting up to hug me. The teddy bear didn't want to let go so I ended up prying his hands open. He laughed as he plopped on the bed. I kissed him on the cheek closing him and headed out.

Theo was outside already. Getting in he looked at me noticing the tired look on my face. Cupping my face he looked me over, "Are you sure you are alright?"

Moving his hand I nodded. He sighed and kissed my forehead then lips.

We arrived at the school's field out back. He walked me to the bleachers. Undressing he took off his jacket wrapping it around me and putting his green practice jersey on. We were the only ones here and it was peaceful.

Staring at him I asked, "How long are we going to be here?"

"Two to three hours, depending on the coaches mood," he answered shrugging. I frowned hearing this.

"What's wrong?" He questioned seeing my frown.

"I'm hungry," I said. His face twisted. He pulled out his phone. Seated down beside me, he waited for the one on the other end to answer.

"Yo!"

"Do me a favour please," he asked.

"Yeah?"

"Bring something for Reign to eat, I'll pay you."

"Why, aren't you at the soccer field? Did you take him with?"

"Yeah."

"Alright!"

The call ended. "Who was that?" I asked not believing that he'd actually trust someone else to get me food.

"Keenan," he answered offhandedly. He ruffled my hair and pecked my lips.

Doing his stretches while occasionally looking my way giving me a toothy grin – I want to know how much he really likes me. Just telling me he loves me and kissing me is not enough for me – I'm too needy – I should stop.

Pulling out my mobile from my pocket, I sneakily took a photo of him dribbling the soccer ball. "Theo, look here," I called out to him. He looked over confused and I took a photo of him. He suddenly realized why I called him and smiled – I took another one.

He ran over to me. Running a hand through his hair he said while leaning in, "Take one of us kissing," our lips touched and the flash went off ten times; our kiss was deep and I wanted more but he pulled away to kiss my neck on his claimed spot!

Grinning he went back to practising. Leaning my head over, I wiped away the tears that forced their way out – my neediness is all over the place.

Looking at the pictures I took the second one of him smiling made its way onto my wallpaper. Sighing I clicked on the Facebook icon. I accepted another round of friend requests from who the fuck – I don't know.

Clicking on the notification tab I saw a bunch of likes that were on images that I was tagged in. Clicking on the first one it was one from Marcus. Ah, I remember this one. It was three days after I met him.

He'd asked me to hang out and I said yes. I had on a yellow and white checked short with a grey and black long-sleeved shirt accompanied by a white cap and white sneakers. I was leaning against a brick wall that framed me perfectly but there was no smile on my face and the look in my eyes was hollow.

Marcus captioned it, "I am grateful that the dead look in his eyes is long gone, I can't wait to see you this weekend my love :) "