Chapter 121：Part Two – You Matter

After ending the call, I head to my en-suite bathroom and take off my flees polar neck jersey. Although I'm dark in complexion the marks of her fingers are still visible. I rub at my neck and trace the marks of her fingers. I can't believe she choked me but Vanessa, she's always been so dominant but this is the first time that she's laid her hands on me… ah, no wait, last time we had our play time, I asked her to spank me.

Pulling off my underwear, I pull on a tight white shorts that make my ass stick out underneath and a grey vest. Clipping on my necklace I close the bathroom door behind me and make to clean my room. Once I'm done, I see that it's been around forty minutes so I lay on my bed and grab my phone.

Scrolling through my contacts list, I dial Mehcad's number.

"Hey sexy," she answers my call making me slightly happy before I realize why I called her.

"Hey look, I need you to take down those pictures of me that you posted," I say.

"What? Why?" she asks confused.

"Answer my question's first Mickyle, you did give me permission to upload it so why should I suddenly take it down?" she asks and I can hear the annoyance in her tone.

"Because it's wrong Mehcad. I got too involved with you and I don't want this ruining my relationship with Vanessa, so please, take it down," I say while trying to hide my own annoyance.

"You know Mickyle, I've been meaning to ask about your relationship with her. Why is it that the two of you are still together yet there has been no progress in your relationship, oh and I don't get you, you're gay and she's not even lesbian but the two of you are together. Why don't you leave her for me, I'm sure I can please you in many ways she can't," she says and the sheer fact that she thinks she's better than Nikki pisses me off.

I don't know how I fell for her but for some time, I was in love with her even though I was with Vanessa at the time… I still am… to be honest, Mehcad wasn't the only one I cheated on her with. I've done it with a couple of guy's online during our time together.

Mehcad goes on and on until I've had enough and switch the call off. Scrolling through my Instagram, I see that I have many follow requests and messages and I'm sure it's all Mehcad's doing. She tries phoning me but I block her number in the process while flagging all the pictures she posts of me, "If you're not going to take them off, I might as well let Instagram do its job no?"

I sigh as I lay on my bed with nothing to do and suddenly smile thinking of what we did last night. I'm surprised that I never noticed she had that huge cock between her legs and I've sat between her legs many a times. Just thinking about her turns me on and want her right back inside me.

Sliding my hands down my body, I slide down my shorts and work my member with my left hand while I rub my thighs and slide my fingers over my entrance with my right hand. Sticking two fingers in, I imagine her moving in and out of me as she did last night, bringing me to the point of ecstasy, floating on cloud nine.

As I cum in my hands, my back arches forward and I let out a low gasp. As I'm left heaving on my bed, I open my eyes and something in the corner of my eyes catches my attention. I turn to look and there she is. Her eyes narrowed on me as she stares with lust.

I bring my hands drenched in my cum to my lips and suck it off slowly while staring at. I want her to want me as much as I want her now. As I tease her, I let my eyes slide down her body and notice the erection she has standing at attention.

I move my hips as I get up off the bed and she closes the door behind her while I make my way over to her. Her hands drop to her side as I turn myself around, facing my bed and bed at the waist, while slowly winding against her erection.

Her hand squeezes my butt cheeks as she grinds herself against me. Tracing my legs, I slowly move my body in a little dance and feel her hands at my waist when fling my arms up and over my head.

Turning around, I meet her lustful gaze, head on and smirk at her, "Fuck, if I knew you'd be this slutty I should have shown you what's inside my pants a long time ago." I turn and move my hips against her and bring her arms up to wrap around me then my hands fall down and hold her sides forcing her to move side to side with me.

We dance in a slow rhythm to no beat as we move slowly to the bed. "I'll be your whore if you want me to," I tell her and hear her growl lowly in my ear and bite my earlobe. I lean my neck to the side giving her access to my neck and she takes the invitation, knowing at my neck and kissing up my neck.

"I want you inside me," I moan. She answers me with a hum and slowly dips me over the edge of the bed and the nudge I feel against my entrance tells me that she's just as excited as I am.

I feel her slide in and stretch my walls to fit her while the inside of me screams in pain but milks her wanting to be filled with her once again. She moans beside my ear and grunts from time to time while I scream at the top of my lungs as she makes me feel good.

From her slow movements to her fast paced movements to her dominating grip on my waist and the sheer force of her thrusts. My mind blanks at the pleasure she brings me and once again, the feeling of her warm liquid inside of me has me releasing my own after so many times already.

She gets off me as I lay face down into the pillow and plops down beside me. The tears of love and joy burn my eyes and I sob into my pillow. She pulls me into a hug and lays me on her chest that I love so dearly.

Rubbing my back with a gentle stroke each time, she shushes me. I've wrong her in so many ways and to feel guilt now only after being sexually intimate with her is so wrong in many ways. I love Vanessa so why did I do it? Why did I betray her but why did she never show me this side of her until now, only after I betrayed her.

Do I really know who this person is underneath me? Does she know who I am? Do we belong together?

"Will you be crying this hard after every time we make love?" she asks me making me chuckle.

I shake my head, "No, I just feel so horrible for getting involved with us," I say and feel her body tense underneath me.

"There's others?" she asks and I nod. I sit up and straddle her; looking down at her I wipe away me tears but just end up sobbing in my hands. "I've been chatting online with many men and woman during this year, forming relationships with them. Sexting them, flirting and thinking about them before I fall asleep," I confess as I break down and cry with my forehead against her chest.

She doesn't say anything nor does she move. She leaves me to cry on her chest until I can't cry any longer. I raise my head and see her staring at the ceiling looking past me as though I'm not in the room.

The longer I stare at her, the terrified she makes me.

Her eyes suddenly snap to me and I'm left chocking on my words as she turns me over and locks my hands behind my back. She presses down on me, hurting me as she makes sure that I can't get away or even try to struggle.

She forcefully spreads my legs open and lines herself up with me then rams inside me. Moving in and out with a force I've never felt before and wish I wasn't experiencing. Unlike before, I don't scream in pleasure but muffle my cry as I bite into my pillow. I don't know if I deserve this but I now she doesn't deserve what I did to her.

My eyes role back into my head as the once painful thrusts that lasted how long end and turn to pleasure that has me on cloud nine. I don't enjoy it long as the black dots before me take over and I succumb to the sleep pulling me in.

I slowly come too but as I move, the pain I feel is excruciating on a different level. I can't move much or it will just hurt me further. My mouth is dry and my eyes burn. What did I do to deserve this, for her to take her anger out on me in such a way?

Oh right, I betrayed her love and trust.

Days turned into a week.

Weeks turned into a month.

That day was the last day I saw her. Why she hasn't returned, well it's probably because she hates me… I'd hate me too. She doesn't answer my texts, nor my calls but she still reads them at least.

"Vanessa, I hope that this time you answer me because it will be my last. I want to see you again, I love you and I hope that you love me too but I can't be without you any longer. You're the love of my life and I know you love me too. I don't know why you fell for me because you never told me why but I only fell for you when I realized that you meant the world to me.

I get it. I know I fucked up but I just want you to know that when I spent my time with them, I was living in a world that wasn't earth. It was an imaginary place that made me feel needed especially when you'd go days without being at school or answered my calls and text. You're my first love and I want you to be my only but I can't fix things if you don't come to me – I can't visit you Nikki because I've never been to your place, why? I don't know… there's many things about you I don't know but you know everything of me and isn't that unfair?

It's been a month since we were last together and I miss you. I miss everything about you and no it's not because I want your dick up my ass but because you matter to me.

You matter to me Vanessa, you always have and always will but I need you to come see me. I don't know how else to get hold of you beside text or phone call but you aren't answering me at all. How am I supposed to make it all up to you if I can't be with you? How am I supposed to spend the rest of my life with you if you won't reach me?

How am I supposed to stop crying when the one who makes me cry isn't here to stop my tears?

How am I supposed to stop choking when the tears won't stop?

How am I supposed to live?

Vanessa do you know something? I just realized that you're practically imaginary and I've been living in my own fantasy world that you rule?

It really seems like you're imaginary but I know you are not since my family keeps asking about you.

I need you in my life Nikki, so please come back to me.

I'll be alone at home for the next five days. My parents are going off on a trip with my brothers and since I'm not in the right space I didn't want to be a spoil sport.

You matter Vanessa, just remember that.

I love you always."

She matters to me…

I place my phone down on the coffee table and lay down on the couch while watching DC's Harley Quinn cartoon or well I can bet you that Harley is watching me instead. After that day, I stayed home the whole week crying. I needed to go back to school and I saw Mehcad who still wanted questions from me. I told her that I loved Vanessa but she spat the word 'Delusional' at me.

I've been like a corpse since then I guess. I'm depressed and stressed, miserable is another word and it's all my own fault.

The familiar feeling of being wrapped in her arms encapsulates me. I wrap my arms around her neck and squeeze as hard as I can. I open my eyes slowly, the view of my room enters my vision and so does her beautiful black hair.

I lift myself up slightly and meet her gaze. My heart rate speeds up; I raise my hand and trace her beautiful features with my index finger. Her beautiful mixed skin colour, the nose ring in her nose. The piercing in her ears, her plump pink lips, the long eyelashes that fan her cheeks, the freckles that dance across her face above her cheeks and under her eyes.

Cupping her cheeks I lean my forehead against hers and close my eyes. I feel her move under me and lean up; our lips press together which make me tremble. Her hands run over my skin and she hugs me tightly to herself.

Resting my head in the crook of her neck, I say, "Thank you for coming back."

"You matter Mickyle," she says to me softly and wipes away my tears.

"You matter Vanessa," I say in return and add, "You matter to me."