Chapter 195 - 195)Is It In Noel...or Is It Noel...

TRIGGER WARNING//Blood and Grief

(A/N: The chapter might be a little heavy for a few, so if you're not in a good mental state right now then I really wouldn't recommend the first half. Instead just maybe skip to the last few paras. There are no obvious triggers other than the loss of a loved one and the ones mentioned above. I'm not sure if this warning was necessary but I didn't want to take any risks so ; )

With that being said, whoever skipped the first half(Its more to do with the feels and less to do with the story progression, the ending does tho)and went to the end, I hope you're okay, stay safe and take care ^-^ )

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Balance. Value. Does a good deed justify a bad one? Does the life of one justify the death of another? The water that gently trickles down ones face, the smile that slowly spreads across. Blood that drips down, wounds that heal over time.

The silence of being surrounded, the buzzing sound of loneliness. Are the mutters and chatters of those around you louder than the screams you hear when you're by yourself? The whispers, as overwhelming as the ones from the Forest of Silence, the empty gaze into nothingness.

How does one deal with feelings? Do we put it aside and hope for the best? Do we march on forward and stand tall in the face of a thousand arrows? Are the arrows even real? are they physical and material? What does being real mean? 

Contradictions. Spiralling. Anxiety. Ambivalence. When a person is overwhelmed, their thoughts aren't particularly "understandable", as mentioned, they're usually all over the place and confusing.

Noel was on his knees, in the corner of his room. The door was sealed off from the inside, furniture pushed to block anyone from coming inside. Of course, it could easily be broken, but just the fact that such a thing was done, meant the person inside needed privacy.

"B-lade....." he gripped his heart, the fabric of his top slowly began tearing apart. The room was empty and sounds of whimpering echoed throughout. All the furniture was either stacked to barricade the door, or destroyed into nothingness. "I'm sor-...." he choked on his own tears before he could finish.

Was it wrong for a grown man to show emotions? He was married and his wife was now pregnant. As much as he wanted to celebrate the news and spend every second by Cassandra's side, he couldn't. He was overwhelmed by guilt and there was nothing he could do about it,

Visions of the past slowly flashed through his eyes. Except it wasn't any memory of Blade, it was a very recent one, it was the first time Night had met the members of the royal family. It was just when everyone had discovered the identity of the being inside him.

'None of that matters. No matter who lays in him, I do not care as long as they don't harm him in any way. He is a disciple of mine, and nobody, I repeat, NOBODY gets away with hurting my students,'

Back when he claimed such a thing, his voice was filled with confidence and power. However, the current Noel could barely look at Noel from a few months ago. Was it pitiful? Perhaps. Anybody in the room would have their hands over their mouths as they looked at the Legendary Grandmaster, on the floor, helpless. The one thing that bothered him the most was the last line from that vision that constantly echoed in his mind. 

'He is a disciple of mine, and nobody, I repeat, NOBODY gets away with hurting my students,'

'He is a disciple of mine, and nobody, I repeat, NOBODY gets away with hurting my students,'

'He is a disciple of mine, and nobody, I repeat, NOBODY gets away with hurting my students,'

"St...op....." Noel cried as he pulled at his hair. He fell and leaned back against the wall, the sound of his head hitting the surface was minimal compared to the heavy sound of the drops splashing against the ground.

'Master! Please! Be more careful!'

"I'm sorry....."

'You always try and show off! Which is why Mother Cassandra is always yelling at you because you hurt yourself again!'

"Pl..ease...I really...am..."

'Let me guess Master, you nearly destroyed another village didn't you??'

"It's...m-..my fault..."

With every sentence that was brought back from the past, Noel's heart felt heavier and heavier. His throat hurt every time he took a breath. His blackhole-like eyes were strained and looked worn out. His nose was red, and his cheeks were covered in bruises from when he punched himself out of remorse.

Noel regretted not going all out against Neo Thallius. He was a grandmaster, the very essence of the class was the ability to control weapon aura and the ability to wield every single weapon. He was capable of dual-wielding weapons like halberds and spears. Swords were obvious weapons but nobody would expect something like two polearms. It was a level Night aspired to reach.

Could Noel use his Void style without his katana? The answer is yes. Yes, he could. It was something he developed on his own, after all, the original style was only a sword technique. Naturally, the skills were slightly weaker than when used with a Katana or a sword.

It wasn't delusion. Thinking back, Noel knew the chances of him beating Neo were slim, however, he could've taken advantage of the fact that the Myth was underestimating him. Even if he didn't put an end to his life, he could've at least dealt a fatal strike.

"Haah....haaaah...." he was out of breath. Or was it just that he found it hard to breathe? Blade was family, he was closer to a son than a student. But what made it harder was the fact that he gave himself away to save Noel. Be it directly or indirectly.

Just the fact that Blade gave his life away, simply so his Master's child wouldn't be fatherless was enough. Blade was an orphan and there was no way he would let his sibling live a life without a parent. He gave his life away for the one who poured it into him.

Blade was more than happy to do what he did. If he could, he would do it a hundred times. He was alone for most of his childhood, this was until Noel and Cassandra took him in. To him, his death couldn't be more fitting. His life was saved by them, and he gave it up for the happiness of their child.

"Tha-..ank you....Thank you for everything...." he looked up at the ceiling and could feel that there was something different about him. His eyes hurt, his vision was blurry, but why? What was the reason? It couldn't be the tears, he had none left. Something made his vision distorted and it only further agitated him.

Perhaps it was because of his current mental state he couldn't guess what it was, but if anyone else were present then they would immediately point out the obvious phenomenon that so blatantly stood out.

Noel looked at his hands and pondered upon whether he truly deserved to inherit the sword style. His master often reassured him that, regardless of what he felt, one can only learn the Void Style if it chooses you. It was what made it so unique.

Besides, what was a Void? The literal meaning was nothingness or invalid. But the word itself was used to convey the concept of a never-ending space that consumed all. There were many meanings, but these were perhaps the most popular ones.

Legends, known throughout the lands as skillful heroes who overcame many adversities. They had exceptional control over their abilities and were considered to be gods to the common folk. In most cases, they were protectors, there were some who strayed from this "righteous" path but the majority of them chose order and not chaos.

Noel was a Grandmaster. A Legendary Grandmaster at that. A Legendary Grandmaster of the Void Style. The sword technique he inherited from his master. Amongst all his peers, Noel was the most free-spirited yet talented and passionate one. The Void Style, the sword technique that allowed users to tap into the void. In a way, it could be said that he had some control over voids. 

It was ironic, how he was probably the only mortal who could control voids or at the least influence them and yet for some reason, he was powerless when it came to the one in him. He thought back to something his master would often say, he always thought it to be the most random of things, but at some point, the saying had become something they shared. However, it made sense now, the feeling of heaviness in him, the feeling of something sinister. It was as if something was growing. It was what his master always spoke about.

"The Void that consumes everything,"