1 Internal Dialogue

It's dark.

Not the soft cozy dark of a familiar bedroom, or the intimidating dark of a street at night.

This isn't normal darkness.

It's oppressive darkness.

Absolute.

I can't see. I can't even tell if my eyes are open!

I can't hear. Rather than the faint whispering wind of blocked ears or the faint ringing of tinnitus, there is only a dead and awful silence. Not even the sound of a heartbeat-

Heartbeat?

No.

Where?

No!

Where is my heartbeat?

Panic!

I'm panicking now and my heart should be hammering but

still

no

heartbeat!

Where is my heart?

I can't see. I can't hear. Can I breathe? Am I breathing?

No.

There's no wind entering my lungs to expand my chest.

There's no feeling of a chest at all.

There's no feeling of air around me, hot or cold or humid or dry.

I can't move. I can't feel my limbs. I can't open my mouth to scream.

Nothing.

There is only nothing.

Scary.

Scary scary scary scary scary scary scary scary scary scary scary!

I don't like it!

No, no, don't panic. Don't panic! Calm down.

Deep breaths.

No wait, not that.

Trying to breathe will just remind me I can't and then I'll panic again and that's the opposite of what I want!

Calm down.

Calm down and think!

Okay. Okay. I can do this.

I'm calm.

This is strange. It's really strange!

I don't understand what's happening. I'm not panicked anymore but I'm still really confused.

Where am I? What's going on?

None of my senses are working. I've never been in a sensory deprivation chamber but I imagine it feels something like this.

Why?

Why me?

Calm. Calm down. Think harder.

I admit I'm not a good person.

I try when I can, but it doesn't come naturally. Rather, a feeling of 'I will survive at all costs' is what seems to be my base driving instinct.

Above my family, above my friends, above my lover, there is me.

Why wouldn't I place myself first? Why is it heartless to want to make sure I always come out of every situation on top?

As long as I exist, so exists infinite potential for future happiness.

I'm selfish. Self-centered. Maybe a little conceited. Someone as talented and clever as me is bound to be a little conceited sometimes.

Maybe my sense of morality is weird as far as common society is concerned, since I don't mind stealing from people who won't miss it, and justice through violence is absolutely acceptable.

If a man is beating his child to death, who wouldn't step in and hit the man in the back of the skull with a crowbar they found lying on the ground nearby?

But I certainly try very hard not to be a bad person. I control my terrible temper as much as possible, I don't seek to hurt anyone just for the sake of hurting them, and I recycle my trash for the good of the environment.

I haven't lived a comfortable and sheltered life. I've done things even I consider bad as a means to keep my existence moving forward, but I didn't do them because I enjoyed doing them. The fact that I did them doesn't change, but the intent behind the action is vastly different!

Still, I don't think I've done anything worth the punishment of losing my senses entirely. This really is too cruel.

No, no, first of all, thinking of it as a punishment is wrong. That implies someone made a judgement that I deserved this, and I certainly don't. I'm really not a very bad person! I just sometimes do bad things, but who doesn't? At the very least, I've never killed anyone or anything. Personally. Except insects.

I eat meat, but someone else does the killing for that.

Indirect murder.

But that implies killing livestock is murder! Is it murder of they don't have self-awareness? Do they have a self-awareness that we're not aware of? What constitutes murder in the first place?

Ah, no, I'm getting off track.

Not that there's really a track to get off. I mean, I still have no idea what's going on. And despite the frantic wandering of my thoughts, nothing seems to be clearing up any time soon.

Is this a new permanent state for me?

Am I just gonna live like this?

Forever?

Alone with my thoughts? There's worse company to keep, for sure, but...

It's really not making any sense.

I wonder if I can sleep...

...

...

...

Nope.

No sense of sleepiness or fatigue or anything, and I can't seem to become unconscious in any way. And my senses don't start to come back either, even after I count to a thousand and wait for a long pause between each number.

Maybe I'm a vegetable in a hospital bed. Is this what happens when someone's in a coma? Instead of dreaming they're just trapped in their own head?

Hm. I don't like that.

My most recent memories before The Darkness just involve normal everyday life. I was taking a cooking class at the local community college to try and improve my diet and monthly spending by not going out as much.

Honestly, the idea of making fancy dinners for myself was immensely appealing. I really wanted to do it! Like the pretty plates of ornate food on the high-end cooking shows! Since affording a personal chef was out of the question, I'd just become my own personal chef!

Nothing out of the ordinary happened there. Cooking class, the handsome teacher was demonstrating how to knead bread dough while also showing off the powerful muscles in his arms.

Half the class was drooling over the teacher, the other half was drooling over the bread samples he'd handed out before class began.

And then...

Mm. And then The Darkness.

What happened between then and now?

If I can't remember it I can't remember it, but that's annoying.

Before the class I'd been at work, where nothing weird happened. A manager at a bookstore doesn't usually have to deal with too many outrageous situations, just stocking shelves and checking inventory mostly. The owner does most of the hard work so I get to slack off and just be the store's friendly greeting face.

I'm very charismatic. Probably thanks to my natural humble demeanor. Thanks to that I never get troublesome customers, so it's an easy job. Almost a free paycheck, really!

My favorite kind of money: the effortless kind.

Not that I particularly mind working hard, but it's best if I don't have to in the first place, right?

Breakfast was a parfait at the cafe across the street from my apartment, and after I went for a brisk morning jog around the nearest park. A long, hot bath with lots of bubbles and aromatherapy candles. Then to work until evening, after which I attended the cooking class.

A very normal day. Absolutely no hints or clues toward my current situation.

Mm. Mm-hm. This is bad.

There's nothing I can do about it, but it's still bad.

[ Testing, 1, 2, 3. Testing. Can you hear me, Li Mei? ]

Who's calling me?

[ Good, good! You can hear me, excellent! So you haven't lost your consciousness. ]

Why am I hearing a voice? I can't hear anything else, and I still can't see anything or move around, so why this one voice?

[ Well, you don't have any senses right now because you don't have a body. ]

Oh, I see.

What?

[ You're dead. You're a soul, specifically. A lump of consciousness just free-drifting! There was a problem with processing you, see. ]

Processing? Problem? And what do you mean I'm dead?!

[ Dead means dead, right? You probably don't remember it, it wasn't a traumatic or violent death or anything. Don't worry about it. ]

How can I not worry about that?! And how are you reading my mind?!

[ That's easy for someone like me. It's magic, you know? Magic! ]

Bullshit.

[ Do you really think you have the luxury to be skeptical right now? ]

Mm, that's a fair point. Besides, I'm clever and excellent. I wouldn't just suddenly descend into madness, so this being a hallucination is unlikely. It being a prank of some sort is even more unlikely.

Being dead would explain why I can't even feel my own heartbeat.

[ Bingo! Your original world's magic was called 'science' wasn't it? Science is a very subtle magic so it makes sense you wouldn't be used to telepathy or anything. ]

Science isn't magic.

[ Puh-lease, science is completely magic. Using formulas and rules to manipulate existing natural laws to get desired and occasionally unusual results, thus achieving understanding of the universe around you! ]

Well when you put it like that.

Anyway, who are you?

[ Top secret. ]

That's annoying. Are you going to claim to be God? Or Death itself?

[ You're not qualified to speak to someone that high on the food chain. I'm at a more... Accessible level for mortals. ]

Oh. So you're an intern.

[ Look, I can only tell you some things to brace you for what's about to happen. See, you slipped through the cracks a little. An accident happened. It's not unforseen or unheard of or anything, but it's unusual. ]

You're not explaining much so far. Please be more concise.

[ You died and your soul wiggled its way into another universe instead of entering your origin universe's cycle of rebirth. It's happened before, but it's a big problem every time. ]

Ah, reincarnation. So will I just enter the new universe's cycle?

[ It's not that simple. There's not a queue for you to cut in. Each soul carries a signature, a code that the universe reads when you die so it knows what to do with your soul during the rebirth process. It basically determines what your next life will be. Since you're from a different universe your code is a different format, so to speak. So you have to be reconfigured a little so the universe understands you.]

Will it hurt?

[ Ah? Oh, I have no idea. I don't actually feel or understand pain. It might be painless, or it could be the worst thing you've ever experienced. I haven't the faintest clue. ]

I see.

[ We'll find you an empty vessel, someone who just died. The instant their soul leaves their body you'll take over, and their physical form will help reconfigure your soul code. Think of it like molding you into the right shape. Just a forewarning, you might not be human. Or even human-shaped. Or even the same physical sex. Be prepared for that. ]

Oh? Rather than being a problem, that sounds interesting.

[ And any wounds or what have you that resulted in the original soul's death will be reversed once you take over so you won't just immediately die again. ]

Thanks for that.

[ We're just about done here, I think... Ah, yes! In your memories, I saw something I'd like to implement. Just to try it out and see how I like it for future transmigrators, you see. ]

My memories? Were you just sifting around in my head in addition to overhearing my thoughts? How rude.

[ You're just a soul right now, you don't have a head. ]

You know what I meant, don't be facetious!

[ You're just a soul with a cloud of memories floating around like a messy little atmosphere. It's hard not to read them! There's stories of people going to other worlds or being reincarnated in your world's fantasy fiction, yes? ]

Oh. Stories like that have gotten really popular lately, haven't they? Even I've enjoyed a few.

[ Yes, so I'd like to try that. It might make transitioning between lives a little easier if you can use a game interface to keep track of data. ]

Yes, yes, that would make things a lot easier and at least two times more interesting. Isn't the game interface like a cheat in itself? That would be a huge advantage for me! I'll take it! How will I use the interface? I doubt there'll be a button to press somewhere.

[ Thinking the words 'Open Interface' will open up the screen, and 'Close Interface' will close it again. From there you'll be able to figure things out on your own. Aren't you exceptionally clever? ]

This is true. As long as I have a place to start from, I'll get the hang of it.

[ As a special service you'll also always have access to the Archive and Scan skills, as well as Storage magic. You'll have to figure those out too, but I'm sure it'll be fine. Since you're clever. ]

Hm, I feel like you're repeating your praise a bit suspiciously.

[ So there you have it. Good luck, Li Mei! ]

Wait what do y-