Chapter 104: the guilt

Cassius POV

I ran towards my chamber with hurried footsteps.

"Ian, go and call the physician. And take him with you to Marianne.'' I yelled, he could see my anxiousness and left running, without asking further questions.

I closed my eyes and I slumped on my bed. Were they all right, have I been turned into a beast? What had I done? I closed my eyes and touched my lips, no she was wrong, i did not kiss her out of lust or hatred, it was, it was pure. 

If i would have lust then i would have taken her in the past when she tried to seduce me multiple times, i had always tried to maintain her innocence no matter how heartless i had to behave so that one day when we would divorce, she could start a better life. I tried my best to not bind her in the shackles of children and keep her innocence. And i did not hate her, i knew i had been indifferent to her but these days something was changing.

I tried to deny it, but when I saw the blood in my hands, I felt pain, a pain I never even felt watching Elizabeth hurt, as if the wound was on my body. But the hate in her eyes told me it was too late for me, I had already lost her. She would never give me another chance.

I punched my fist into the wall multiple times, the wall turned red, and i could see cracks there, my hands started bleeding making the carpet and wall red, but i didn't feel a thing, what i felt was her hatred. The hatred she had for me.

It was suffocating, I loosen my shirt but I was still not able to breathe. How I became like that, I was not this, I used to be a warm, caring person, I used to help every needy person, but my parents' death and Elizabeth's betrayal changed me into a beast.

"Your highness, what happened to you, oh my, your hands are bleeding" Ian came in shouting, and only then did I open my eyes, the same anxiousness was there.

"How is Marianne?" I asked and he looked at me shocked.

He walked out of the room and after 10 minutes he came back with the first aid, but I did not give my hand to him.

"Ian, I asked how Marianne is?" my voice was louder this time and he sighed, 

"Her highness is fine, the physician has treated her wound and she is sleeping now. I had talked to the physician, she may get some fever but she will be fine in 2 days." he then looked at me, "but look at you, your hand is hurt badly, and your face is red, your whole chest has marks of scratches. What have you done?" he said and only then did I see various marks over my body. 

My face was red and burning with sting, but I only felt it now when he pointed it out. But it was nothing in comparison to what I had done to her.

"I.. I kissed her." i said and his eyes widened.

"To punish her?" he asked, his voice had an unnoticed shock and I shook my head.

"I felt something more Ian, it was not hatred, not anger, i don't know how to describe it.'' I said, it was strange to discuss this with a boy younger than you for 4 years, but I only have him in my life.

"You have started to like her highness" he asked me but there was certainly in his voice and I just sighed.

"She hates me Ian, and i deserve it, i am a beast.'' I added and he shook his head.

"Someone broke you and you created a shell on your body.

Her highness tried to force her way to the shell and failed, it was not your mistake, your highness.

You did not give her the rights of a wife, it was not your mistake, second marriages need time but the way you explained it to her was a mistake.

You gave testament in her support, you always helped her behind the scenes, your highness, you always supported her when she entered in the arguments. but she did not know, it was a mistake.

You tried to wield a sword with her, and hurt her. It was your mistake and the biggest mistake you had made was to kiss her without her permission. explain her what you are feeling, and apologise to her, things would improve.'' Ian kept telling me, but he was wrong.

The hatred in her eyes was much more than these mistakes. 

She said i killed her, but when, i had even sent my relatives away who would have taunted her or tried to hurt her, no matter how rude i was towards her but i had always given priority to her safety and well being. Thn why? Was she talking about the wound she had?

I ran a hand in my hair.

"I will apologise to her, and give her choice whether she wanted to leave or stay would be her choice.'' I said and Ian shook his head again.

"If you asked her now, she would choose to leave you, your highness, she is hurt. Why not just apologise for now and ask her about leaving and staying on your anniversary day as you had planned. Till then try to win her heart.

Do small things she cares for '' he explained.

"But i am not sure if i love her." i said, wasn't he going very speedy here?

"It's alright, at least you are not suspicious anymore, love is not something that could be developed in a day, it's a building you need to put stones slowly and carefully to make a strong relationship." he explained and I sighed.

"Let her decide, Ian. She had suffered a lot" i told him but he shook his head.