Chapter 135

135 – Even if it wasn’t a Mistake, it Still Hurt

Wraith, who is sitting in front of me, blinks his eyes in surprise.

clink goes the ice inside his glass.

「I’m surprised. I knew you were a quick thinker, but… how did you know?」

「…If I were you, I’d be doing the same thing.」

「Ahaha.」

Wraith found that hilarious and laughed. And then, he looked happy.

「I see. That’s good. Then, help me out. You get it, right Lem? Even when Mr. Fenix, Uncle Air, I, or any other strong person recognize your abilities, those who doubt it won’t go away. There are always guys who can’t admit someone is strong until they see it for themselves.」

Certainly, when Aerial mentioned inviting me into his party during the Tag Tournament with Berith, the evaluation of the Black Sorcerer Lem didn’t completely change.

It was just enough to make more, if ever so slightly, people acknowledge me.

I am not dissatisfied with this small step forward, but Wraith seems to think otherwise.

The people who deny me also have their own evaluation criteria.

Even if I win, it doesn’t change the fact that I’m plain.

It doesn’t change the fact that Black Magic can’t be seen.

They don’t think that my appearance is impressive in any way, nor that my way of doing things is useful for Clears.

There are so many other reasons to deny me, all lying around.

However, as long as you put yourself in a place where you are exposed to the evaluations of others, criticism is bound to follow.

There are people who say Aerial is getting on in years, and Fenix lacks leadership skills.

There isn’t a single person who is universally praised by everyone.

Even knowing that, it still hurts to be denied.

And if the thing or person that is being denied is important to you, then it surely hurts more than if it was you being denied.

「I can’t help you.」

「I don’t get it. I just don’t get it. You wanna become a hero. You haven’t given up on it, so what do you want…no, what are you doing? I just don’t understand how you’re going about achieving your goal.」

There’s no way he’d think that I went over to the Monster side.

And that’s exactly why my attitude is so incomprehensible to him.

I’m a man who hasn’t entered a new party and declined the invitations of him and Aerial, yet still continuing towards my goal of becoming a hero.

「Well, whatever. If you don’t want to tell me that much. If you see us fight, I’m sure you’ll want to fight with us. It’s fine if Lem just supports me and fights his own battles. If Lem is doing it, I’m sure it’s necessary for the sake of winning.」

He trusts me a lot.

No, that’s not entirely accurate. He simply saw me fight and made that judgment.

My struggle with Berith was all he needed to see to make that judgment.

「I am glad that you feel that way.」

「But you’re refusing, right? I get it, I get it. Well, guess I’ll head back, then. Busy day tomorrow.」

「Wraith.」

「Hm, what is it? Changed your mind? Welcome aboard!」

「No, nothing like that… It’s just… I apologize if it was a misunderstanding.」

「Is that all? You scared me for a second there.」

Wraith shrugged his shoulders while giving a faint smile.

I was hesitating.

When you direct a word at someone, its meaning isn’t the only thing that is important.

The relationship between you and the other person, the circumstances, the other person’s state of mind, and many other things come into play.

I don’t want to be able to just throw out a word and have it reach everyone the same way no matter who says it.

Isn’t what I’m about to say too much? I had this hesitation.

「I believe it’s admirable to want to prove that the person you admired is right.」

「Oh that. Sure, thanks.」

He looked away, inclining his neck as if this was all a big pain.

This probably isn’t a favorite topic of his.

「If you want to become the hero that you admired, then I think that that is a wonderful goal.」

「…I don’t really get what you want to say.」

He is trying to fully understand the meaning behind my words.

Following the flow of the conversation, he knows that these aren’t just words of affirmation.

「Uhm, it’s…it’s fine to become whatever you want to. Well, that is…if-if you are trying to replace the Unyielding Hero…that…isn’t healthy.」

He opens his eyes wide.

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I seem to have hit the mark.

From his statement, I can sense that he did not feel comfortable about the Unyielding Hero retiring to raise a family.

However, he believes that the way his father did things when he was an Adventurer was the right way, and he fights in order to prove that.

Rather than wanting to become like him, he wants to prove that the strong hero is right as his goal.

「…Did you…hear something from someone?」

「No, sorry. It’s all my speculation.」

「I see…you really are fearsome. Or maybe I’m still immature? Anyway, what’s so unhealthy about it.」

「I, too, know what was said about Unyielding Hero after he retired. I was a fan, after all. It was very sad and frustrating. I wondered why such a strong, cool person like him had to have such horrible things said about him.」

「’Cause he had a kid and gave up challenging.」

……

Wraith’s expression distorted as he said that.

「I think that’s wrong.」

「Which part? I don’t know. He should have been able to surpass the Storm Hero in just a year. Could have. Because he didn’t, they say he ran away. In other words, because of me.」

「…It’s not your fault.」

「Heh, I’ve heard it all before, Lem. The same old, same old.『It was all for you.』, etc.」

I’m sure that other people saw that he was suffering and offered such words of encouragement.

None of which were able to save him.

「No, it was for himself.」

「…What do you mean?」

Perhaps because it was an answer he’s never heard before, Wraith listens to me intently.

「For those who are serious about something, that goal is very important, of course. They are willing to sacrifice a lot of things and think about what sort of effort is required to fulfill it, and then actually do it.」

「…In other words, he wasn’t serious?」

「No… Well, I don’t have children so perhaps it isn’t my place to say.」

「It’s fine, let me hear it.」

「Finding something so important that it cannot be sacrificed and then shifting gears in order to protect that thing is not running away. I think he made that decision for himself.」

「…」

「The Unyielding Hero didn’t give up on becoming 1st rank. I believe he didn’t give up his family.」

Therefore, you don’t have to think that it’s your fault.

You can decide what you want to be and fight for it.

That’s what I wanted to tell him.　

I wonder how long had passed?

Wraith let out a sigh.

「Yeah, I think you’re right, Lem. I’ve heard that line before, somewhere. But y’know…」

Wraith smiled with only his lips.

「I hate that line.」

That’s right.

It is not admiration that drives his actions right now.

It’s self-denial. Atonement, you might say.

He thinks that he defiled the strongest hero.

So he at least wants to sweep away that defilement.

Unless he’s made the strongest hero pure again, the world won’t acknowledge him.

He cannot forgive himself.

It is too heavy a burden for a boy of ten years old to carry.

「Wraith.」

「This was fun, Lem. Let’s talk again after the Raid Battle.」

Having said that, he stood up.

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There’s no point in chasing after him.

He clearly rejects that idea.

Sometimes, a person can be saved by just words said during a trivial conversation.

However, his worries may not be of that kind.

In that case, what I can do is…