445 Doubts

What even was a human? Why did I fall in love with Eve? While obviously at first it was her physical features that attracted me, but the more time we spend together, the longer I was subjected to the warmth that she injected into my life with every last bit of her soul, the lesser the actual importance of her looks became, slowly turning into nothing else but an icing on the cake of her adorable smile and cheerful, yet calm personality.

That's why when I got the chance to suddenly speak with her, not as if we were given the chance to say our last goodbyes, but rather to report her about my own growth and reassure her that I was working hard to make sure I would fix my mistake of being unable to protect her back then, the whole world felt like it would collapse on top of my head.

While the situation was insanely enjoyable, to the point where anyone would think that I would drop every single other thing and focus on this god-sent opportunity, the meaning behind Bonger's words finally struck me.

Would that reunion be warm, or filled with grief?

During my adventures that propelled me on the way of my dao (a/n: Yea, way of my way, but it sounds nice so deal with it), I was ejected into new, strange reality with only the rush to save Eve from her critical state. But as the situation developed into more and more complex problems, decisions and the power struggle between me and literally everyone else, constantly forcing my hand, forcing me to make decisions that pushed the boundaries of my own moral code further with every next opportunity… I wasn't that sure whether I was still the same man that Eve graced with her own affection!

Even thinking about all the women I slept with while she was confined to her suspended in time state, unable to do anything, maybe even unable to think at all, or what might be even worse, maybe completely conscious ever since she entered her frozen coffin!

While losing the opportunity to make use of the time that was originally prescribed for her was already harsh, doing so while completely alone with nothing else but her own thoughts… At this point, I couldn't even think what would she feel if all my rotten excursion left a mark on her soul, constantly reminding her of the happy and pleasant parts of life that she might be forever barred from enjoying!

*Okay, can you do it?*

But now came the time to lower my head, rethink my behaviour and ask for her forgiveness, and if her heart would turn out to be big enough to still have some space for my overgrown guilty consciousness, maybe then I could once again soothe my mind in her warmth.

"I see that you have grown up, a bit at least. If you want to have a talk with her, just press any part of your body against her forehead, but remember, while the time is relative and the subspaces deprived of the real matter tends to seem to flow slower than the normal planes… I can't guarantee how strong Eve is to maintain the connection with you, especially how great the difference in your and hers power level are."

Hearing Bonger's warning-advice, I only nodded my head, and slowly trodded forward, once again forcing my hand inside the icy Eve's coffin. Just as I was about to feel the cold skin of her forehead with my forefinger, I hesitated. 

Not because of the overwhelming, physical pain, that even my insane stats were unable to mitigate. I hesitated because at that very moment, all the doubts that I just pushed aside, returned once again, with the prospect of Eve's disappointed eyes looking down on my bare soul.

But just as suddenly it struck me, I managed to overcome it as swiftly. Would doubts stop me from talking to my beloved one for the first time since she considered herself dying? Would my doubts stop me from reassuring her that no matter how low I have fallen, I will do my very best to save her?!

WOULD MY DOUBTS STOP ME FROM SEEING HER ONCE AGAIN?!

No, they would not!

With my resolve returning, I pushed my hand even deeper inside the freezing environment, finally touching Eve's skin.

In an instant, all the pain of my freezing arm, all the sensory experiences that my body could feel, all the signs of the normal world, simply disappeared.

Looking around, as far as one could call a motion of perceiving one's surroundings without even possessing a sight in an ethernal, mist form, I could only see endless stretches of darkness, lit up by the powerful flame of my soul. Amongst this neverending abyss, there was only my own light, and a dim spark, as tiny as a light of candle would be when compared to a spotlight, burning in a small distance.

With no arms or legs to speak off, I was unable to walk towards this strange flame, yet it didn't stop me from simply floating over to it. Lacking human form made it impossible to probe what that fire really was capable of with my finger, yet the moment a part of my blaze extended towards this small kindling, I felt as if the entire world suddenly exploded in size. 

Despite not having anything to compare with, I could feel how either the plane that I was in right now experienced an increase of its size, several magnitudes big, or it was me who suddenly shrank down, to match the size of the small spark in front of me.

"Bart? What are you doing here?"