Chapter 150: Gaps in knowledge

"You did a good job." 

Just a few moments after the entire senseless slaughter was over, Ayda approached me from the back. While her hands were bloodied, the grin of satisfaction on her face was enough to confirm that, for her own misfortune, the female general was alive and kicking. 

"So did you. But still, it feels kind of surreal to just evaporate such a huge number of people. Like, I don't know if I'm really unfazed by killing them all or if the impact of doing so just have yet to settle in my mind. To a certain degree," rubbing my chin, I looked helplessly in Ayda's eyes before finishing, "I'm worried whether I'm losing my humanity or not."

Staring down at the sorry remains of what used to be a camp, I could feel just that. Absolutely nothing. A bit of cold from the afternoon's winter, intense stares on my back of the witches we saved, pleasant silence… I was capable of experiencing it, but it seemed as if something blocked me from actually feeling them.

"Ah, wait! My bad totally forgot about that."

Suddenly slamming my hand on my face, I took a look at the inner state of my body. And just as expected, I found out the reason behind my strange, apathetic state. 

While it was hard to speak about shapes and paths while discussing stuff like magic, that was the simplest way for me to understand the entire idea of true magic. As aware as I was that clearing the clogs on one's emotion was just a particular ability that true mages had, I still couldn't just figure out how to use the real, true magic. 

But in the current situation, it didn't matter all that much. Just being able to clear the clogs on my emotion was more than enough for me right now. 

After focusing for a short moment, locating the blockades in the flow of my magic was quite easy. Sadly, the same couldn't be said about removing them. While the problem was of exactly the same magnitude as when I did it for the first time, the fact that all my emotions at once were happened, caused all those blockades to turn into quite a difficult puzzle. 

"Something wrong?" 

Noticing a peculiar expression that was bound to appear on my face, Ayda snuggled up to my hand. While others might feel repulsed by the blood that her entire hands were covered with, being unable to solve all those emotional clogs on the go also made me immune to anything that I would otherwise find repulsive.

"It's not that there is something wrong per se… But I'm just surprised that just this single outburst of emotions was enough to dull all of them to such a huge degree. And I was slightly sour because I cannot fix it right away."

Knowing that Ayda was way too attentive to miss anything that would be wrong with me, I decided that rather than letting her guess and worry, telling her the truth would be just better.

"Wait, all of them? You used all of your emotions at once?!"

Surprised by my words, Ayda stood rooted on the spot. Staring at me with her beautiful eyes wide open, it was clear that what I said was for some reason pretty disturbing. 

"Yeah. I didn't want to rely on just a single factor, so I made that lass go through every witchcraft that I can summon."

Shaking my arms as I said that, I looked over Ayda's shoulder to see the effects of her own work. But before I could confirm the state that the female general was in, Ayda reached for my head with her hand, forcing me to look her in the eyes.

"Do you know why I advised you against using this dark knob of emotions that I spotted in your soul all those days ago?" 

Clearly referring to the emotions that she herself bound to a pulling spell, Ayda forced me to think about the topic. With the seriousness in her eyes, I wouldn't dare to just scoff at it. 

"Not really? Since you told me I should not use it, unless it was absolutely necessary, I decided to just follow your words. After all, I might be a true mage, but aren't you the devious witch drinking the blood of newborns and bathing in the blood of virgins? Between the two of us, you are the witchcraft expert, so I think it's only natural for me to listen to you."

Raising my shoulders only to let them fall down right away, I attempted to shift the tone of the topic away from the lecturing one that Ayda enforced.

"Eh… I thought you would figure it out yourself… But actually, it's my bad. I should've just explained it to you rather than assuming. So, listen. The reason why witches need to avoid their deepest emotions and traumas when casting witchcrafts is that the more basic emotions go into the mix, the stronger the dulling effect of using them will be."

Pushing my shoulders away, Ayda fully went into a teaching mode, putting her hands behind her back and starting to walk in circles. 

"If you use a single emotion, then you can consider the speed of said emotion dulling to be linear. The more you use it, the more you are reliant on it, the faster you will sap your natural potential." Stopping for a moment, Ayda turned around only to cast a glance of jealousy. "Unless you are a monster like you, then you don't need to worry about that in the first place. But I'm going off-topic."

Resuming her march around a small circle existing only in her head, Ayda regained her pace in an instant.

"The problems start when you use two emotions simultaneously. While using them in quick succession is not a problem, once you try to drive enough energy to power two witchcrafts… In the easiest possible way, you are not only doubling the speed at which your potential will be sapped but doing so might also result in other problems later on. With three emotions at once, the rate increases to four times the normal, with four, it increases to eight times and so on."

While I had no idea why it was apparently happening like that, I was more than willing to trust in Ayda's words. On the other hand, hearing that the growth rate of one's emotional potential sapping appeared to be quadratic, I couldn't help but get curious whether other kinds of magic could also be quantified in such a precise manner. 

"So what you are trying to say is that our most tangled emotions create those dark spots you mentioned. And the reason why it's taboo to use them is not only because one can go berserk, causing widespread destruction around them, but also accelerating the rate of sapping one's potential, right?"

While I was pretty sure that I already understood everything, I still ended up repeating the crux of the matter. In the end, if I were to misunderstand something, I wouldn't be any wiser about it before someone actually knowledgeable about the problem would notice it. And just like Ayda was now filling one gap in my knowledge, there was no point in letting more gaps appear.

"Yeah. There is one more thing about the berserk state, but hopefully, it doesn't apply to you. But heck, what are we doing here just talking? Our mission is not over yet!"

Suddenly realising, Ayda almost jumped. Turning her head to the side, she wanted to rush towards the still chained witches, only to see most of them already released from their shackles. 

"Could it be…" Suddenly rooted in place, Ayda looked at the crowd of the former prisoners, now tirelessly working their exhausted bones to free everyone. After scanning the area for a moment, her complexion suddenly sank even further.

"What happ…" Before I could even ask, someone dared to interrupt the question I wanted to put forth.

"Isn't that you, Ayda? If you came here to help others, how about spending a bit less time being infatuated with your new dick, and actually doing what you came here for?" 

Stepping out of the crowd, one of the prisoners quickly turned out to be a fake. Just looking at how well-maintained his body was without any signs of torture or exhaustion and I could already tell that he sneaked into the execution. From his words, most likely for the same sake as the two of us. 

"Hubert… I do not recall giving you the right to speak to me like that." Hearing Ayda respond so gently to a clear provocation, I instantly stepped forward. Even if my emotions were mostly dulled right now, I still had more than enough assets to fight anyone daring enough to challenge me.

"What a bitch you…"

This time, I didn't give the man a chance to finish his words, With my hand flying through the air, a crisp sound of the man's face getting slapped shook what was left of the war camp. 

"I have no idea who you are but nor do I care. If I ever hear you bullying, insulting or in any other way or form abusing my woman, I will take my time to explain why it will be a poor choice of the last activity you will perform in this life."

Even though my emotions were mostly dulled, it didn't mean I was indifferent to what was going on right beside me. After all, my love for the girl wasn't only emotional, but over the course of the last few weeks, it already developed into rational love as well.

"How…" On the other hand, the man called Hubert didn't seem to acknowledge what just happened to his face. Placing his own hand on his stinging cheek, he then looked at me before finally voicing his problem out.

"How dare you! Don't you know who I am?!"