Chapter 40

I sat on my bed, wrapped up in my blanket, as I thought about what just happened. I felt guilty for leading them to their deaths. Even though they were undead, they felt like people to me. I gripped the blanket tighter and struggled with the guilt that gnawed away at me for quite some time until my notebook landed by me.

My eyes glanced towards it and read over what was written in it.

What is wrong, empress?

I stared at the notebook for some time as my mind put together the right words. "I'm just hurt, and filled with grief, watching the others die, thinking that it would protect me or what I built."

The notebook left my field of view once more, and I pulled the blanket all the tighter as if the pressure from it would keep me from falling apart. It hurt me deeply. Over the last few months, I've grown to see them as my children, and watching them die was devastating. How was it going to feel once the adventures came?

My notebook landed on my bed once more, and a tiny spark of annoyance jolted through me.

Death is a part of the job. We are all aware of it. All of us have already died once before, and it doesn't frighten us. We all know what is at stake for you. Each and every one of us will put our lives on the line in defense of that. We are the warriors of Asteria, and we will embrace death once more with open arms.

I sniffled as I read it. It was much like what Kharon keeps telling me. It was just hard to accept it. "I know. It just hurts. It's all just so surreal, watching them die. I know you're right; I just wish it could be different." I felt pressure on my shoulder, and my body was pulled to the side.

My eyes opened in surprise as I felt my face press against Alessia's body. Well, mainly the clothing, since she was still partially intangible. It was a bit like resting my head against a thin piece of silk that was threatening to break at any time. It was sudden, and it caught me entirely off guard.

I stiffened up for a split second before relaxing. I didn't think she would do something like that. But it was the sweetest gesture someone has done for me in recent memory. I relaxed into her arms and nestled my head against her. I didn't think that a spirit would have a smell, but hers was something unique. It was like the faint scent of vanilla, with a trace of orange.

In a way, it was comforting and helped me feel a lot better. I glanced up and saw that she had my notebook in her hands, and she was writing, which I decided to just read as she wrote instead of just waiting.

I hope you forgive me for doing something like this. It just seemed like you needed it.

I shrugged and relaxed a little more. I was wrapped up in my blanket and was warm. A lot of what was tormenting me was slowly trickling away, though I was still pondering on it as I came to terms with it. What this the cost of my perceived crown? I ruled over all the undead here, yet I could do nothing as they fought and died.

Maybe I just had to let them do what they thought was best. If I tried to lord over them, it would only hurt me in the end. This was a lot harder than I thought it would be. I glanced at the clock and saw that it was a tick over twenty-one hundred hours and decided that I should get some rest. I needed to get back into training and get ready for the funeral in a few days.

I brought my sword up as I blocked a blow from one royal guardsman with my left hand. I channeled Ki through my right along with a portion of my soul and caught the blade of another. The blade smashed into my hand. Initially, I would have never done something like this, but after extensive testing, I discovered that the metal that made up my hand was unnaturally strong.

I kicked my foot out and reinforced it with Ki and caught the skeleton in the legs, knocking out its femur, causing it to collapse. I released its blade, quickly pushed aside the zombie's blade, and threw a punch, which sent the zombie skidding back a few feet. Since I woke up, I've spent the last few hours getting used to how my body was with these upgrades, partially for the desire to train and to bury the pain that was still coiled around my heart.

Even though I was only level one, I was moving faster than I thought possible. I even felt stronger than I ever have before. If this was how I felt at level one, I couldn't even begin to imagine how much better I could be. The only thing stopping me was that I wanted to pack as many things as I could into my class before I hit my milestone. I ducked below another sword and lashed out a Ki infused kick, knocking away another skeleton.

Even though they were the lowest tier undead I had, they put up a fight, though to be fair, they all had a class, and I was fighting multiple at once. The only reason I was doing this well was because of the various proficiencies I had at my disposal. That and they were taking it easy on me as I was working on becoming more coordinated. I was attempting to become more ambidextrous since my medium was on my right hand.

So far, it was working well. The increase of stats from my Ki affinity made it much easier to do stuff like that. I jumped back a short way with shunpo and brought my blade up to block another blade descending towards me. With my opponent's blade blocked, I twisted my body and delivered a punishing backhand with my metal-clad hand, sending the zombie flying back..

My heart raced in my chest as I worked on attacking and defending. I'm thankful that they were taking it easy on me since I was still a beginner, but the way that Alessia taught made it so much easier to learn this stuff. Aaron made me learn through repetition. Alessia thrust me into the midst of things and forced me to learn on the fly while correcting whatever errors I made in the process.

I saw another blade coming from the corner of my eye, and it forced me to use more Ki to dodge it. Which caused my stamina to dip into already dangerous levels. The sound of metal vibrating filled my ears as the ache of exhaustion filled my bones. My muscles screamed in pain as I stepped back. "Enough."

All of my honor guards stopped mid-motion and sheathed their blades. I dropped to the ground as I tried to catch my breath and let my stamina bar refill. My Ki was also dipping below levels that I was comfortable with. My soul, however, still had a fair amount left in reserve. I want to work on that a bit later and see if I can increase my skill.

But first thing first, let's see how my proficiencies were looking. I opened up my menu and saw that I increased my one-handed proficiency by another two levels over the last few hours. I also added another level to my overall endurance and dexterity. I have to hand it to Alessia; she knows what she is doing. Even if her methods are a little harsh.

I stood up and wobbled for a second as my legs grew weak. My body hurt, but I had to keep going. I needed to learn everything I could before I hit my class milestone. I refused to be weak. "Alessia, do we have anything here we can use as target practice?"

I ignored the burning pain in my arms as I opened up my menu and spawned in an Asterian pattern bow along with a few arrows. Eventually, I want to create a bow with my medium, but that would be as soon as I get better with soul manipulation. Alessia stepped behind a small building the undead made here, and I took a second to get acquainted with the bow.

It was pretty much a short recurve bow. One that would give me the most bang for the resources that I spent to create it. The bow itself felt sturdy and didn't weigh all that much. I raised the bow and drew the string back, careful not to let it slip. I learned my lesson the first time and didn't need a repeat.

My muscles screamed in pain as the string fought against me, yet I continued to pull it back. Once I reached the apex, I slowly let the string fall back into place so I wouldn't break it. Yes, this would do for the moment. It was time to add archery proficiency to the list.

Alessia came from behind the shelter, carrying a decently sized wooden log. I reached down and grabbed an arrow, and ran my finger across the tip. Using just wood had to be hell on the soft metal, but it was all that I had for now. She placed it down roughly fifty meters away from me and hurried back towards me.

Common sense told me to wait for her to get out of the firing zone before I attempted to use this weapon. I know that she wouldn't get hurt too badly by it, but it was still the idea. I have never used a bow in my life, and it was dangerous for anyone to be in the firing zone. Hell, it was even dangerous for me to use this weapon. But, a girl had to learn after all.