017 : Love Is Painful

He never thought that the reason why Lin Mian Mian avoided him is that the ger is afraid of him.

Yan JinLong reigned over the whole kingdom for years and he was tagged as a wise ruler of all. He is kind when handling people's affairs and ruthless to the criminals that deserved to be punished. His slate is clean and pure, but only tainted with the fact that he has a number of concubines to warm his bed.

This one is already part of the tradition so the older people did not comment on how he handled such occasion. After all, he is the emperor and he needed a few people to support him. Also, having a number of concubines on the sides ensures the continuation of the bloodline. More sons mean more fortune so nobody judged him by that.

In addition, his one-month romance syndrome is not something that can destroy his image. There are some officials who have seven wives and have each woman warm their bed each night, which is in a course far worse than Yan JinLong is. At least, the emperor wanted one woman per month that is in a sense better enough than changing woman every night.

But the main problem is not because of that.

Yan JinLong somehow knows that he was looking for someone but he did not know who it is.

He was working on his study like usual as he read the documents about the number of people coming to join the army. He had a very good night rest last time so he was doing his work pretty quickly. This efficiency was then added with the thought that Lin Mian Mian would also come over to visit him. He can’t wait to see that man that he left senseless early this morning.

The ink and brushed moved on its way marking the documents in a good pace. Each stroke is clean and sharp, describing the personality of the person holding. The letters were written on forms creating sentences and phrases. These are the documents for the allocation of the soldiers joining the war and the few states that will be handled in the future.

Minister Chang watched on the sidelines as he reviewed the contents of each document. He was having a good day today, feeling pleased that the bastard emperor is working on his usual way again. Ever since he got married with the new wife, this emperor somehow declined on his work, would rather have him work than taking the affairs by his self. Minister Chang holds a certain power but his authority is only limited. He can never take advantage of his position as the emperor’s close confidant.

So to see this lazy person work, Minister Chang Jie could only celebrate. Lin Mian Mian is the cause of Yan JinLong’s fall so he will also use him to motivate this man. He will eat all the dog food this idiot couple will give just to have the ideal work pace that he wanted. And he did not fail to do it. A few words and action made it through and Lin Mian Mian is coming to visit to help him tame the dragon.

They are working silently when suddenly both men heard a sound coming from the outside. That small voice is enough for Yan JinLong to recognize his beloved. He immediately stopped writing and stood up to march out and meet the ger. But Minister Chang stopped him saying that the emperor should not show inferiority. Even though the other person is his wife, the emperor should act compose and disciplined.

Don’t show that you’re desperate for love ba!

Yan JinLong did not want Lin Mian Mian to think that he is a kid ready to lick the candy so he let the Minister handle the work and waited to his study. He watched the figure of his trusted man left and stared at the door wide open. The figure did not arrive immediately so he returned to his work. He picked his brush again and continued reading the documents. Though, his mind wasn't entirely on the contents but was only thinking on how to impress Lin Mian Mian and act like a serious regent.

He adjusted his sitting position, trying different poses to see which will make him look good and cool. First, he would clasped both of his hands and rest his chin above it while looking straight to the door. He will watch that person with intensity while sending love signals through his eyes. Though, Yan JinLong almost forgotten than despite his good looks, that action will only bring Lin Mian Mian think that he was intimidating him.

Yan JinLong thought that this position is a bit stiff and feels like he was waiting for his subjects than his wife so he changed his position quickly. This time, he tried to become mysterious, moving his chair to face on the opposite direction so anyone entering could see the back of the chair. He will play like a boss (A/N: Yes, Yan JinLong thinks that he’s a mafia boss) and only turn around when the people recognize his presence. He would turn around…

It’s just that turning chairs was not yet invented in this time so it would be awkward for him to stand up and turn the chair over again. Scratch that idea!

On his third position, he tried doing a lax pose. He would lean sideways on the chair with his one hand holding the document while the other propped on his chin. This look would appear very lazy as if he was taking the luxury of time. This pose could be good on the normal times because it really highlighted his sexiness as well as the deep look of his eyes. However…

Will not Lin Mian Mian think that he was slacking around despite the war happening? No good, no good. That pose is also bad for the health.

He has been trying all positions but all only gave him bad results. So he returned to his usual position and only thought of a good opening than to be wary on his sitting posture. Now, how should he appear before his wife? What words should he say to easily capture those enticing lips?

This time, he practiced on how to look up the moment his wife appears. He thought of acting like a King – he is indeed, why should he act like one? – and give off an imposing aura. When Lin Mian Mian comes, he would raise his head up and look at him seriously. He would say ‘good day, how may I help you?” and might as well ‘what is your order sir-‘

This isn’t a fast food chain ba!

Maybe the king pose is a bit imposing for a delicate jade like Lin Mian Mian so how about he pretend to be working then look up just on time to catch the eyes watching him? Yan JinLong will look over the documents then slowly glance up. This is to show that he was really working hard yet lax enough to give a heart to his beloved. Lin Mian Mian will surely appreciate such action and maybe praise him a few good words.

But would not Lin Mian Mian think that he was disturbing him on his work?

He did not want the wife to see him like that, so he thought of another solution. What if he pretends to be looking for a book from the shelf then turn around when Lin Mian Mian will appear? This look will give of a scholarly image than that of a regent, which is according to his little spy Fu Xing, is Lin Mian Mian's favorite look. He can also just go over to give a greeting and maybe earn a warm hug if luck comes by.

Yan JinLong thought that he is so smart and should be given an award but he was again filled with doubt. What will he do with the book he was holding? If he return it, Lin Mian Mian will realize that he was just pretending and would leave a bad impression. And if he will go back to his seat and place the book on the table, Lin Mian Mian will also think that Yan JinLong is really busy but was forced to accommodate him.

These two reasons are really not the type Lin Mian Mian will think but Yan JinLong has been long paranoid that he thought his actions will always give the negative effect.

Also, when Lin Mian Mian comes, what should he address him? He already told the ger to call him Jin and Lin Mian Mian did it without objecting. He was also calling him Mian Mian to which he always find very intimate. But their recent interaction made things a bit awkward.

Lin Mian Mian wanted to leave the palace, there's no doubt with that. He heard the words very clearly feeling remorse as it echoed inside his mind. He never thought that Lin Mian Mian is thinking that way about him and not really loved him from the start. That must be the reason why Lin Mian Mian did not allow him to touch him despite their sanction with marriage. The ger did not want to have any connection that will tie them together.

For this thought, Yan JinLong could not blame the ger. After all, their marriage was rather rushed. They only met once when they are still young but that was just a simple interaction that did not create any spark. Who would ever think that after they grow up they would eventually be tangled again and get married? Plus, Lin Mian Mian is still recovering from the death of his father and taking him to another house is like a slap to the old man.

Yan JinLong respected General Lin so much, like how his father treated the man as his best friend. He became his second father after the death of the previous emperor. Never did once General Lin left his post until he knows that Yan JinLong can finally stand on his own to become the proper regent that will rule the country with prosperity. With this kind of man, Yan JinLong will accept whatever wishes the old man has to show their deep relation.

When he was told that he would marry his son who is a ger, Yan JinLong was a bit at loss. He only met the son once so he did not know what kind of person Lin Mian Mian was. But knowing that he was the child General Lin take good care off, maybe this son is also as good at him. And that thought did not disappoint him the moment he saw Lin Mian Mian on their wedding day.

The moment he saw the bride hidden under the red veil, Yan JinLong's heart skipped for the first time.

He can remember that very few moments as he watched the delicate jade walk down from the carriage. His heart was beating loudly and his ears buzzing. He can feel his blood rushing as the hairs in his skin rose up. Things started to go insane as his mind only marked the precious event, recording every second in clear details. He was star stricken and killed by the cupids in the moment.

He never felt this kind of feeling before. Suddenly, he has the instinct of grabbing the ger and toss him in the bed. His sense of mating arose in his body; his want of marking this person as his is very high. He wanted to hold him, to hug him, to touch him, eat him, and devour him completely until there's nothing left but his love to this man. He wanted to lock him inside a chest and keep him by his self forever.

Yan JinLong was defeated and it was game over for him.

That's why he was almost shaken to know that Lin Mian Mian did not like him... yet. He knows Lin Mian Mian is still confused and surprised when he was suddenly thrown to the den of lions from the comfort of his home. That is why he was so determined to give all of his self to this person to show how he cherished him. To show that his love is deep that Lin Mian Mian could drown from it.

It's just that the timing is not really right.

With the war brewing, Yan JinLong is afraid that he has to leave Lin Mian Mian alone for a while. This reason made his heart broken, as he wanted to always remain on the side of the ger. But sacrificing this time just to keep the safety of his beloved is enough to keep him going. After this, we will make sure to pamper Lin Mian Mian more until he can no longer survive without him.

Yan JinLong has been standing beside to shelf. He opened one book, then another book, and then another until stacks of book was formed beside him. The time that took Minister Chang to bring Lin Mian Mian seems to be taking time so he decided to just come over and look. He was the leader after all and the likes of Minister Chang are easy to defeat.

He just walked out from the room when heard more noises. He did not rush forward but instead remained on the side where a curtain is covering their view. He stood up there, looking on the other way as he listened to a few familiar voices. The one talking is Lin Mian Mian and a favored concubine called Yin Mei Mei. He can't seem to detect Chang Jie's voice though.

They are discussing about the concubines Yan JinLong punished. The concubines were sent to the cold palace when they somehow offended Yan JinLong. The emperor was not really thinking straight on that time and just wanted to see Lin Mian Mian. He did not like the feeling of expecting but receiving different on one end. Yan JinLong also knows that this is a scheme used by one of his harem members to which he was very aware of from the start.

He made the rash decision of placing these women to the cold palace to show that he is not interested with them. But he never thought that this will also bring Lin Mian Mian to think that he is not allowed to go. This instilled fear inside the heart of the ger and so did not opt to visit him. Yan JinLong cursed his carelessness. He was stupid to think that Lin Mian Mian will share the same thoughts as him.

He wanted to listen but as the commotion goes further; his heart breaks more into pieces. When he heard Chang Jie to conclude the decision, he returned to his study with a stuffy feeling. All the things that he thought will give glory to him backfired with no good results.

Why does it seem that every time he does something good for Lin Mian Mian will always return as a misfortune?

He closed the door. He is now more determined to lock Lin Mian Mian on his side and never let him go again. Seeing that things will constantly keep them separate made him decide to do things that nobody has ever done before. What is tradition ba? If it this one will ensure Lin Mian Mian's safety then he will go against the will of the gods.

What is the meaning of a long life for a mortal if all he can experience is this miserable things? He'd rather trade immortality just to gain the love of his beloved. Even if it is painful, he will endure until that person will give up on him. He will sacrifice everything just to change to fate. And all else. Yan JinLong knows it very well.

Love is very painful ah.