Chapter 685 - Auction IV

Why am I even born?

From my previous life, I had asked myself many times how existing was ever a crime? My mother never gave me the slightest affection, and her drug addicted husband who looked away every time Beth beat me until I'm barely breathing.

Right.. I was unwanted the second their sin bore fruit; I am that sin. The unwanted sin from the very beginning.

It may be cruel, but I was secretly happy when they died in that accident. However, life never wanted me to stay in a state of bliss for far too long. 

The person who killed them, my biological father, had ordered people to kill me. I survived that day. But to be honest, I didn't.

I died.

I died the second I met Nikolai. I died taking that shot for him. I was already dead when the Silva Family took my corpse under their wing.

The only time this walking corpse had hope of living was when he told me it wasn't my fault. He… The only person who was humane in the cruel crime family. That guy whom I wanted to kill and the person who has wanted me dead for two lifetimes: Inigo. 

Because of that person I thought I hated the most, I had the courage to search for the meaning of life before he comes and kills me. To search for a clear answer from that question I had for a long time before meeting death.

I did everything. I didn't waste a second.

I lived my life from rags to riches. Built a company to help others. Experienced a heart break from the man I was forced to believe was the love of my life. And built a few but beautiful friendships along the way.

But to be honest, even from the love I had from those selected friends I had; even after bickering and pressing Richard "Jerk" Sun's nerves which led to countless court battles -- God, how I missed those entertaining years, and even after countless dates, I never felt I was completely alive.

Just barely and desperately alive.

For 29 years, the question remained unanswered. There was always something missing… 

Until he came to my life.

Matty, my darling, my love, my sunshine, my sanctuary, my home. I could go on and on and wouldn't stop calling him all endearments I could think of. 

Matthew had given more than what I asked for. He didn't just answer my question, but also treasured my pathetic life.

How puzzling that it only took one person to complete me. That one person could make you realize that life is… beautiful and a blessing. That living and loving was never wrong. 

That maybe, just maybe, life was not as cruel as I thought.

But that maybe was never enough. Because life was cruel to begin with. Matthew died; his meaningful life was cut short because of me. Even the life that he left inside me died.

I was delusional to think I got the answer for that question. Because only when he died was the time I got it; that my mere existence was a curse, a crime.

If not for me, he wouldn't have to die.

So, to atone for living, I had to endure a year of torment. I never truthfully killed myself to get back on Inigo. Deep down, I've always known I pulled that trigger just to end this curse called life. I had no reason anymore.

But, here I am, alive again.

Why does life keep killing me and reviving me back to life? This would be all over if not for that damn dumpling giving me another chance in life.

Another chance… which I'm failing once again. I failed him again because I was greedy and delusional to even think I could change this cursed life.

If only I went by my initial plans, Matthew wouldn't be here. He wouldn't have to put his life on the line just to save this pathetic life of mine.

If only I wasn't greedy, we would have not been in this situation. 

It is my fault.

I shouldn't have wished to live for even a second just to be with him. 

I shouldn't have made myself believe that I could do it.

I couldn't. No matter how hard I try, I would always be that fruit of sin.

That's why I should take responsibility. Atone for the sin of living, atone for the sin of wanting more, atone for the sin of existing... and atone for not truly being sorry for all of that.

I'm just as cruel as life, aren't I?

"Going once, going twice, sold!" Zoey snapped back from her thoughts upon the loud pang of the gavel as a signal that the bidding was closed.

As the auctioneer spoke through the microphone, Zoey glanced at the next item coming in. Despite seeing the next items were humans, Zoey didn't even bat an eye. 

She listened to the auctioneer for their purpose -- selling organs and such. This didn't surprise her as the night was only starting. As the night got darker, so was this auction.

Zoey turned to Nikolai. "I'll go to the bathroom."

Nikolai cocked his head to her, his brows raised behind his mask. Before he could speak, Zoey smirked and reassured.

"Even if I bump into him, I'd come back."

"And why should I trust your words?"

"Because if I didn't, you'd kill him. Before that happens, I'd rather take his finger or two myself so he'd leave me alone." Zoey coldly responded, not bulging as she had decided.

If Nikolai would hurt them, Zoey would rather do it herself before Nikolai could land his hands on them. 

"Oh…" Nikolai nodded as he slowly rested his jaw on his knuckles. "Sure. Make sure you come back, sweetheart."

Zoey smirked at him before she stood up to go to the bathroom. No guards followed Zoey as Nikolai was confident that even if she tried, she wouldn't escape. 

Zoey was aware of that. Hence, she didn't plan to. She just needed some air to breathe for a bit. Just a bit of air before she suffocates to death.

When Zoey entered the bathroom which was half as spacious as restrooms in the malls, she rested her palms on the sink. Raising her head as she removed her mask.

She looked at the reflection in silence before she heard the door open. Yet, Zoey didn't turn her head in that direction.

"You should leave, Mister Xi." Zoey coldly uttered without giving him a glance.. "You're wasting your time here."