Chapter 77 - I Got Your Back

Lewis took a deep breath as he held on to the doorknob of their bed, hesitating to enter, as he really had to apologize first. It was the basic human decency he could show her and maybe… just maybe, he could explain himself more.

'That's right, apologize first and bribe her tomorrow.' He told himself as Lewis slowly opened the door and unknowingly tiptoed his way in. He didn't know what Devon liked, so he should ask her first.

His eyes landed on the hill-like bump on the bed, with Devon under the thick blanket. A shallow breath slipped past his lips as she seemed truly upset.

He marched towards her and perched on the edge of the bed. She was using the entire blanket as if it was her little act of revenge as to let him sleep without a blanket. 

"I'm…" Lewis trailed off as he noticed the blanket flinch. "I'm sorry." He cleared his throat as he apologized in one go. 

Devon, who wrapped herself with the thick blanket, pouted. She had been trying to sleep, but she was too upset she couldn't. Still, she remained quiet when she heard the door opened and felt his weight on the other side of the bed. When he apologized, she peeked her head out.

"What for?" she asked, narrowing her eyes suspiciously at him. 

Lewis pursed his lips, licking them, and then he answered, "For scaring you with my actions. I went overboard." He sighed as he stared at her. "Although I really mean it when I said you should be careful around me since I'm also a man." He added with a sigh, not planning on denying that part. 

If Devon kept getting closer to him without caution, he might just lose his mind one of these days and do something despicable. He could control himself, he knew that, but it was better if she could be aware of that, too.

Devon pursed her lips in a thin line before she pulled down the blanket and sat upright in irritation. Her eyes glinting as she looked at him squarely.

"What?" he asked, furrowing his brows under her intense gaze.

"What kind of being careful are we talking about here?"

Lewis pondered for a moment. "Careful on too much physical contact?"

"Why?" she asked almost immediately. Before he could answer, she added, "Do you hate my touches?"

Her straightforwardness momentarily rendered him speechless. Of course, he didn't hate them. In fact, he liked, loved it to the point he couldn't explain it in words. That was why he had to limit them before he becomes too greedy for more.

"No," He answered and hung his head low. "I don't hate them, it's the opposite." 

"Then why are you restricting me if you like it?" 

Lewis didn't answer immediately as he raised his gaze and locked eyes with her. "Don't you feel anything when you touch me?" he asked, and her breath suddenly hitched. "I already promised you I will protect you, and will always do, but what about me, Miss Lin?" 

Although there was no rush in this relationship, the seed of uncertainty in his heart started growing into anxiety after meeting Quentin. Lewis was currently free falling and there's no way he could stop it. There were only two endings for him. One was someone waiting to catch him or a devastating crash. 

He meant it when he said he wasn't in the rush. It was just that he was very calculative all his life and always knew every risk of every gamble he took. But this was the biggest gamble he stakes his life and heart on, and also a gamble he was uncertain of his chances of winning.

It was not that he didn't trust her. It was just that he needed something to keep a small piece of his heart for himself. So that if Devon couldn't reciprocate his growing feelings, he still had that piece of his heart to recover. 

"You should rest now, Miss Lin," Lewis said, breaking the prolonged silence between them. "Don't mind me too much. It's just the wine…" Lewis lifted his legs up to the bed and laid on his side. "Yes, just the wine." 

Lewis said he would apologize, but now he just felt like running away. Who wouldn't? When she stayed silent for a long time with a complicated expression in her eyes, it only made him not want to hear her answer. 

Devon watched him as he laid on his side, his back facing her. How could she answer him if she didn't know the answer herself?

'What about him?' she asked internally, thinking of Lewis' character since the beginning. Now that she thought about it, Lewis and Ghost Lin had this kind of defense mechanism, which they were also unaware of. Or rather, they were aware, but it was the only way to protect themselves.

She pulled the blanket away from her and tossed it to him, landing, covering the lower half of his body. Even though he had a great physique, his back looked very vulnerable at this moment. 

Her heart clenched a little. The slight pain in her heart wasn't out of pity, it was something else. 

"I…" she trailed off as she recalled Ghost Lin's words. Ghost Lin wanted her to live this life to the fullest and never bottle up her feelings, no matter what they were.

'Ghost Lin, what should I say in this situation? He apologized, but I kept berating him.' Devon sighed, hoping Ghost Lin was around to teach her, but she figured she had to decide on her own. She couldn't keep on depending on Ghost Lin, especially since this was her emotion.

Devon shook her head to clear up her mind. She didn't need to use her head too much or calculate things. What she needed was to take a leap of faith, courage. 

'Just do what I want!' She nodded, resolve flickering across her eyes. 'That's what Ghost Lin told me.' She shot Lewis's back a look and before she could hesitate, she jumped towards him, embracing him from behind. He stiffened.

Shy, she buried her face in his back and muttered, "You asked, 'what about me?'?" Her face immediately burned up as her grip tightened. "I say, 'fret not, for I got your back.'"

Lewis let out a shallow sigh. 'She wouldn't listen to me, would she?' he thought, as he just told her to be careful, but she didn't take it to the heart.

Devon continued after a deep breath. "Do I feel anything when I touch you? Well, my heart races uncontrollably and I feel a sense of security, which I hope you feel with my presence as well. Did you know that even when I was with your brother earlier, you never, not even for a second, left my mind? Your absence makes me anxious. I do not know these feelings, but what I know is I want nothing but your happiness. So, don't be too hard on yourself."

Lewis's eyes softened as he listened to her soft voice. He reached for her hand, which was planted on his chest, squeezing it lightly before he closed his eyes. 

"Mhm," He hummed a low tune, smiling subtly. Lewis didn't turn around to face her like usual, afraid he couldn't control himself after she spouted all those words. 

The two of them stayed like that until they both fell asleep. Did they resolve the matter? They were unsure. It was not like it was a huge misunderstanding. In fact, it was the complete opposite. They were too aware of their situation that they didn't know what to do with it.

Courage and trust, their greatest hurdle.. She needed more courage to continue on stepping forward to meet him halfway, and he needed to trust the process.