119 F

Irade

May 22 3:15 pm BT – 1:15 pm UT, Somewhere In The Tian Shan Mountain Range, China

Irade took in a deep breath.

Despite leaving the cave yesterday, and only being in there for about a day, she still found herself gulping down the fresh mountain air to calm herself. Like the sweet, slightly wet air was a reminder that she was no longer in that dark, muggy place.

"Focus," Black Wind growled.

Irade sighed, and closed her eyes once more. She was on top of Black Wind again, this time coming down from the mountain, and back to the house. Since she had time, she was trying to see if she could connect with the world's magic again.

In the fight with the King of the Mountain, Black Wind had noticed that her core had been acting...strangely. Her magic was flowing erratically, differently than normal.

"Especially when moving," he said. "Did you not notice anything different in how your body moved?"

Not really. Irade hadn't noticed any lag between her body and reaction. If anything, she felt as if she had been at peak performance for that fight.

"Before you summoned the Djinn for your arm," Black Wind had said.

And once he mentioned it, Irade frowned.

She had activated the [Arm] on instinct. She had known that the King had been too fast for her.

But had he actually been?

Sure, it seemed like he had a higher [Strength] stat than her. But now that she thought about it, his speed hadn't been anything she couldn't really handle. The only time he really got momentum over her was when she was caught off guard.

Given how completely she outclassed him in terms of speed with the [Arm] activated, it only made sense that they would be around the same level of speed without it.

So why had he seemed so fast at the beginning of the fight?

Irade thought back, and realized that while she had been able to see him coming, her body's reaction had been delayed. Like she was playing on high ping or something. Which was why she had reflexively activated the [Arm], in some small attempt to combat that delay.

But why was she having that delay in the first place?

The answer was so simple, Irade had a hard time realizing it until Black Wind pointed it out.

"You use magic to boost your body's abilities, don't you?" he snorted. "I think your damaged core is having an effect on that."

Irade had immediately wanted to rebuke that, stating that it was her Stats that were boosting her physical abilities, not her magic. But then she realized that there might be some truth to what he was saying.

Not normal teenage girl could rip the head off a bear with a single hand, no matter how hard they trained. It just wasn't physically possible. And yet, Irade could do it with (somewhat) ease.

And the reason she could was because of the System. The HUD.

Which in itself was...

The Daily Tasks, for example (which she had fallen behind on, kind of) had been a way for her to get to know the way her body worked. In those early days, getting to know the limits of her body had helped her know just how much she had to work on to level up. And now that she had been told about it, she was getting more aware of how the magic surged in her body whenever she ran, or punched, or did anything really.

So now, Black Wind was trying to get her to be more aware of how she used magic in her body, and to see if she could control the flow. Maybe if she was able to better control her internal magic, she would be able to sense magic on the outside.

Maybe.

Because this theory didn't completely explain everything. Sure, it explained the levelling up and all how she gained Skills.

But the Story Missions?

The occasional messages?

What were those?

Irade briefly entertained the idea that since she apparently had a monster core, it might be the Demon Lord sending her messages and tasks. That everything she did was a way for her to play into the Demon Lord's grand scheme.

But if that were the case, then why would the Missions tell her to kill monsters?

She sighed, trying to focus once more. But the more she thought about her core, the more she realized that she had no idea what was going on.

In truth, even Black Wind didn't know what was going on with her core. He had never seen anything like it.

Well, nothing like it in anything from this world.

Urgh. Irade could feel her stomach churning every time she thought about what the King had told her. She didn't care that apparently they were aliens, or from a different dimension or whatever. She even really care that they came to destroy this world.

But she was one of them?

A monster?

Was that why the government had taken her away from her parents?

Were the people she thought were her 'real parents' even her real parents?

Was she even some Uyghur girl stolen from her family? Or a secret monster from another world?

Who the hell was she supposed to be?

Every time she thought about it, all questions always lead her back here. To who she was, as a person. And every time, Irade wanted to smash her head through a tree.

She was sick and tired of having to try and figure out who or what she was. Couldn't she just exist? Was that so difficult? Couldn't she just live her life without having to explain to everyone who she was?

But no. Because they all thought she was Uyghur, they treated her different. And so she had to explain to people that she wasn't the person they thought she was.

Because she wasn't what everyone said she was. Was she?

She wasn't a terrorist. She wasn't a criminal. She wasn't a monster.

...

Right?

She gripped Black Wind's fur tighter, looking down at her hands. These hands had killed monsters before. Easily.

Even as they gasped their last words, mocking her.

Did they deserve to die?

Irade almost laughed at the question. Why was she questioning this now? She had already killed the monsters. What point was there is crying about it afterwards?

Not to mention, they had been trying to kill her.

She took solace in that fact, repeating it to herself as she tried to focus on her magic once more. She breathed out, feeling the wind flow through her hair, Black Wind's powerful body moving quickly underneath her.

Focus on the magic. On her magic. Not on the monsters that tried to kill her. The monsters that...she had sought out. That had done nothing to her until she came to kill them.

No, wait. That wasn't true either. She'd been doing nothing but eat at the hotel. They'd attacked her there only because she had knowingly trespassed onto their territory. Could it really be considered their fault, given the fact that she had basically broken into their home?

Irade shook her head, frowning. No, that was stupid. That was really stupid.

The HUD basically told her it was fine for her to kill all those monsters. They were monsters. If a game told you to kill a bunch of things, then tell you that it was your choice to kill them, that wasn't a good game. It was a cheap attempt to make you feel like a bad person.

So why was she second guessing herself now?

It was just a ga-

...

Irade blinked. She felt her stomach twist as another, obvious realization set in.

This wasn't a game.

The HUD was just something she had that made it look like a game. That didn't mean that all the people she met were NPCs, or that all the monsters she met were just lumps of EXP.

It meant that if she wanted to, she could simply not do anything. She could simply not engage with the monsters, and just leave them alone.

Except...she tried that once, hadn't she?

And then the government had come after her for...some reason?

Why exactly were they after her?

Was it because she was a monster?

No, that didn't seem to be right. Irade's frown deepened as she remembered what the SWAT members had said back at the hotel. They were very aware that she was Uyghur.

But didn't they also call her the "Invader" too? What was that about?

Did...did that have something to do...with the fact that monsters came from another world?

That they were basically invading this world?

And if Irade was one of them...then being called an Invader...

Suddenly, Black Wind came to a halt. Irade almost fell off due to inertia; thankfully she caught herself in time. She looked down at Black Wind, annoyed, and opened her mouth.

"Something's wrong," he growled, his low voice full of tension. "Do you smell that?"

"Smell wha..." Irade's sentence trailed off as she indeed started to smell something. She narrowed her eyes, sniffing the wind.

It smelled like...

"...something's burning," said Irade, sniffing once more.

Wood, specifically. Tinged with...something else.

"Is a tree on fire?" she wondered aloud.

"...No," said Black Wind, somewhat reluctantly. His hackles were raised, but he didn't seem afraid or angry.

No. He did seem angry. But there was something...off about it.

Like he knew what was burning, but didn't want to talk about it.

...no. No, that couldn't be. Irade's heart-rate slowly increased, and she tried to keep her breathing steady.

"Black Wind," she asked slowly. "Do you know what's burning?"

"...do you recognize where we are?" he answered.

Irade looked around. To her surprise, she did. It was one of the few places she had hunted with Käwsär.

Käwsär.

She had to make sure.

Irade leaped off Black Wind, and started running down the mountain. She immediately stumbled and fell, landing face-first on the hard mountain ground. She pushed herself up, ignoring the pain in her nose and the wetness the felt dripping from it.

She activated [Flight] and started zipping through the trees, remembering the way back to the house. The small, but cozy house, with Käwsär's mom cooking food in the kitchen, his dad on the kitchen table sharpening his knives while Käwsär did his schoolwork next to him.

A small, but happy home.

She burst into the clearing where the house was.

...

Irade's legs wobbled, and her eyes widened. She slowly walked closer to her goal, unable to come to terms with what she was seeing.

This was where the house had been.

And technically, it still was.

It was just on fire.

Irade didn't know how house made of mostly stone could burn, but she could definitely see that it was burning. The moat they had built was dry, the wall that had put up was in pieces, and the entire front of the house had collapsed, giving Irade full view of the insides of the house burning.

As she got closer, she could see the table where she had shared food with them burned to cinders. The bed where she had slept, was on fire, as were the sheets and tapestries that had covered the walls.

No. No it couldn't. It couldn't...

It was a trick. A lie. This wasn't. This couldn't be...

Irade stopped in front of the house, just before it got too hot for her to handle, right in front of the moat. She looked down, to find a bunch of monster bodies, immobile.

They weren't supposed to be here. She killed the King. That should've stopped the attack.

If this were a game, it would've stopped the attack.

But it wasn't.

This was real life.

It was simple: the King had ordered an attack, and the monsters carried it out.

But the HUD said it was happening later, much later.

So why did they attack now?

...

No.

None of that mattered.

Because they...Käwsär...Käwsär was...

"Ira...de..."

Irade blinked, then immediately looked down the moat, scanning it rapidly. She had heard a voice. A very familiar voice. Could it be...

There!

A small hand, under the pile of monsters, reaching out and moving. Irade's heart leaped out of her chest as she flew forward, reaching out for the hand.

She grabbed the hand, and pulled the broken, battered body of Käwsär out from under the monsters. He immediately started coughing and hacking, and Irade lay him down on the grass beside the moat.

"They came...sooner..." he coughed as Irade checked his body. One arm and leg seemed broken, and probably some ribs too. She immediately cast [Heal].

"They said...the King...is dead..." he coughed, looking up at Irade. She felt her chest tighten; her heart being squeezed with guilt.

Did...did the monsters come because...she had killed the king?

But Käwsär wasn't done, and his eyes didn't hold any trace of anger.

"...I...tried...to follow..."

Another round of coughing, this time with some blood. Irade held him down, comforting him.

"Shhhhh," she said gently. "Rest...just rest for now..."

"...couldn't...save..."

Tears welled up in his eyes as he tried to keep from falling into unconsciousness, but in the end, Irade's magic overtook him. His tears fell as he did into unconsciousness, Irade's healing lulling him to sleep.

She looked up once more at the burning building. The fire raged on, unaware of the scene that had unfolded in front of it. Slowly, she noticed the bodies of monsters burning in the fire.

Her eyes fell onto a couple of bodies at the back of the house, near the kitchen. One was holding something that had long since burned up, and the other was next to her, holding something vaguely familiar.

For a moment, Irade couldn't process what the she was seeing. Those didn't look like monsters. Those looked human.

Human.

It was only then that she noticed that one of them was holding the melted remains of a rifle.

And it was only then that she finally accepted the scene her eyes were telling her.

The monsters had attacked. Käwsär's family fought them and lost.

And she hadn't been here to stop it.

Worse, she had probably caused it.

No, she had caused it. Käwsär had pretty much said so.

It was all her fault.

The one thing she had found that didn't completely reject her...and she ruined it.

Like she ruined everything.

This was just like when she ran from the HUD and the story.

It had been her fault there too; all she needed to do was follow the mission and she probably would've been fine.

But no.

She had to do her own thing.

She had to let her stupid feelings get in the way.

She looked up at the sky. It was filled with smoke and ash, the air itself burnt from the heat.

She caused this. Her. A little, fifteen year old girl, had basically destroyed a family.

It was almost funny.

Right?

How could a stupid girl like her have this much impact on the world?

Was she some kind of OP protagonist in a stupid anime or something?

If something like this happened in one of those anime, she'd be laughing her head off. So overdramatic, so dumb, so stupid.

The protagonist was so powerful, yet they couldn't even protect the one thing they wanted to protect.

That was kind of funny, right?

So it wasn't bad that she was laughing, right?

Irade was doubling over with laughter now, so much so that tears were falling from her eyes.

"Irade," said a familiar, low voice.

Irade turned, and found Black Wind staring at her like she was crazy.

"No...you don't understand," she giggled. "I'm just...isn't it funny?"

"...funny?"

"I tried to save them!" she continued, giggling. "But I messed up so bad, I killed them!"

Black Wind continued to stare at her as she giggled.

That's right. She messed up so bad, she ended up doing the one thing she didn't want to do!

She hurt the people she cared about!

She really was a monster!

She deserved to die!

Especially for laughing about all this! Laughing so hard that tears were falling!

Tears...tears of...tears of...

Irade looked down at her sleeve, surprised. When had her laughter turned to crying? And when had Black Wind gotten so close?

His face was right up in front of hers, and he went on to go over her shoulder. He placed a paw on her other shoulder, basically pulling her into a hug. Irade was surprised at how warm and soft Black Wind's fur was.

"It's okay," he growled. "It's not your fault."

"N-no," said Irade. "I-It's c-c-c-com-"

"It's not your fault for doing what you thought was right," said Black Wind. Irade could feel his deep voice vibrating across his body, soothing her.

"You did your best," he said. "And it didn't work."

Irade sobbed, her chest tightening once more. It felt as if her heart had been ripped out of her, the nerves and muscle it had been attached to all aching with loss and emptiness.

"But it was your best," said Black Wind. "So it's not your fault."

Irade couldn't take it anymore. She broke down, unable to hold back the pain welling up inside her.

She did her best, but it wasn't enough.

She wasn't strong enough. She wasn't smart enough.

She failed.

She cried her heart out, grabbing onto Black Wind as the house she loved burned to ash in front of her.