Chapter 34

“Lucia, is there anything special I have to know for Menang?” Ashite asked.

She was having breakfast in her room. There were 15 days left until Menang. The king asked her to go to Menang with him the day before. Ashite thought it would not be a bad thing to learn about the customs of Menang. So, she asked the chief maid. Lucia, who was standing by the door, walked to the princess with gentle steps.

“It’s not any different from the basic banquet,” she replied.

There would be no problem, then. Ashite nodded slightly. She bit a fresh scented dessert. After filling her stomach enough, she went to the bed and sat down. A few of the maids came over to arrange the seat, but one of the maids, who seemed younger than the others, seemed to hesitate. They always treated Ashite with a friendly voice and polite manner.

“Do you have anything to say?” Ashite smiled and asked.

Lucia scolded the young maid with a stern look. Lena, the young maid, looked at Lucia with a frightened face, then turned toward the princess. Lucia seemed as if she were about to scold Lena.

Ashite laughed lightly. The young maid probably tried to be patient in front of her.

“It’s all right, tell me,” Ashite said with a quiet and soft voice.

Lucia swallowed a sigh, and Lena spoke carefully.

“Your Highness, I am sorry, but may I dare to ask who you are going to Menang with?” Lena asked.

She was curious but also polite.

Ashite answered with a heart of delight. “I’m going with His Majesty.”

At that moment, all the maids in the room looked at her. They were full of curiosity and interest.

Ashite was a little puzzled. There was no special meaning to the king or herself about attending Menang together. They knew that Menang was a night party, but they didn’t say anything.

Then, what were those eyes? Ashite stared Lucia. Lucia looked a little surprised, too.

“Your Grace,” Lucia called her and hesitated with what to say next.

What would be a proper way to say what was on her mind? She thought the princess wasn’t aware of the true meaning of Menang.

That would be why she looked so innocent. Well, the princess had stayed in Monterobis a while, but she was not from this country.

Ashite waited with patience. The maid had always been calm and polite when she spoke to Ashite, so she was probably still choosing her words.

“Do you know what Menang means?” Lucia finally opened her mouth and asked.

“Isn’t it a banquet for young men and women?” Ashite said, as that was what she knew.

“Yes, but as Menang has been around for a very long time, it has been given a different meaning,” Lucia said.

Terre Sunds, Theheras, and Menang were considered to be the great annual feasts of the castle. There were times that Theheras hadn’t been held properly during the war, but still, they held the ceremony. Even if things were not pleasant, Monterobis had always held big banquets. That was the tradition.

Among them, Menang had gained a special meaning over the years. It was a secret that somebody wouldn’t know if they were not familiar with Menang.

“What is that?” Ashite asked.

Lucia swallowed subconsciously.

“Menang is a place where couples and engaged men and women are together, or young men and women who are in a relationship.” Lucia checked Ashite’s face and continued. “There’s only one other case. That is when they have an attraction to each other. So, applying for a Menang escort has a special meaning.”

Ashite realized something.

There would be no way the king did not know about the special meaning.

The intense shock made her head pound. It was like someone pouring cold water down her head and letting the water run down her back, down her toes.

“No way! The king would never see me as a woman,” Ashite screamed to herself.

She had never had a girl’s romantic imagination. She had never even dared to think about it. There were no signs. He never said anything like that. His goodwill, consideration, and respect were about basic human decency. She was sure that she didn’t misunderstand his intentions.

There were exceptions for everything. Even though Menang was a banquet with people who had an affinity for each other, there could be exceptions. So, the king just invited her in a pure sense. He was not a king who sought carnal pleasures. He was interested in me as a human being, not a woman.

“Why would the king have taken a liking to me? He would never like a person like me,” she told herself.

For a long time, Ashite knew something. She was finally admitting this awful thing. It was a wiggling instinct from deep within, but she didn’t distrust love. She had a mother. But the mother who had whispered about love to her had eventually left.

So, in her mind, her way of thinking was that a heart was much darker and damper than the bitter solitude; that nobody would ever really love her.

That was terrible, indeed. Obviously, it was not true that she didn’t love herself. She wanted to live. She had enough confidence in her dancing, but that was a separate matter. She was confident of lovingly doing her best, but she was not confident enough to love anybody else. It was a terrible frustration, but Ashite knew it.

She knew that very few people had ever loved and cared for her.

She never wanted to deny her mother. It was not that she didn’t trust anyone. If she didn’t trust anyone, it wouldn’t make sense for her to believe in the king. She didn’t mean love was not necessary. She did not intend to survive alone for the rest of her life without favor. After all, she had let Lante in her mind.

So, she had to overcome these terrible and negative thoughts.

“Ashite-Ploca. Did you just say you are my sister? Everybody in this country knows your mother’s status, and you said that?” her sister had once asked her.

She remembered that, too.

“You’re saying you are my sister? You should know your place. You are the blood of a vulgar g*psy. You’re already sitting in a position too high for you. Don’t you dare, Ashite-Ploca.” Ashite could read her sister’s intention.

Even with the blood of the royal family, everybody treated her so coldly. They cut their ties with her; they abandoned her. All the relationships she had were like this.

So, the little child finally came to believe, “I don’t dare ask for anyone now. The end of the relationship is just a pit of death and fever, frustration and emptiness. I just want to live alone. I won’t expect any goodwill or consideration.”

She prayed hundreds of times in her room, saying, “I hope I would not like anyone deeply. I hope I would not think anyone likes me. I would never dare to expect or mistake that anyone would care for or love me. The end is too scary. So please.”

Of course, not all the people she had ever experienced had been vulgar.

Elena, L’avenant, Del Monte III, and some nobles during Theheras showed their favor to her. The maids in Monterobis were genuinely polite to her as well.

But it would always involve a simple heart and a light attachment. They were just ‘good’ people, and it was ‘only’ relationships.

So, a romantic relationship would be nothing but nonsense to her.

She had never experienced a good example of the love between a man and a woman, directly or indirectly. She dared herself to exchange a deep love just like other good couples. The love that was eager, deep, wide, generous, wholehearted; she could never do that.

She never did. She didn’t know how because she had never experienced or learned it. Even if she had gained extensive and in-depth knowledge of love through books, her mind grew slowly. In the beginning, emotions were not something that could be learned from books.

So, she was sure that she couldn’t have such love.

That king would not wish to have somebody like her as a queen. She didn’t dare want to misunderstand. She would not think about the possibility.

That was terrible thinking indeed.

Nevertheless, Ashite thought, “He’s not that kind of guy. No way. I am not supposed to be mistaken like this. With this little thing.” She clenched her teeth. “With this little thing? What has happened so far? He has done me so many favors since the first day I saw him. Since he treats me well, other people naturally treat me well, too. It was lucky that I met him. I really appreciate him. This can’t be right.”

She couldn’t completely embrace the idea that it should not be true. She thought that perhaps, maybe, possibly it could happen.

But it should not happen. She shook her head. “No way. Surely…”

***

Lu Havre was reading the papers carefully.

It was already half a year since the war had ended, and it was about time to tour the country. The Monterobis kings had traditionally visited many places. Even during the war, the king traveled around the southern region. Although a king would know about what was happening in an area, there were definite reasons to check them himself.

But the king’s steps could not be light. Although he hid his identity and went around in a casual outfit, he would be accompanied by servants, guards, and so on. There were so many other things to do and documents to check. Even if he put Karbala in charge of the castle, he could not stay out of the palace for long. So, he decided to go and check out only the important places from the capital, from the inside of the city wall.

Lu Havre read through the words on the documents. His eyes suddenly stopped at the word Ramon Chater. He remembered that Yeref reported a few months ago that there were some rebellious rumors spread about the Prince of Skara. There he was. Of course, he did not have any interest in him but he, naturally, thought about the Princess of Skara. He heard the princess had close ties to the prince. It was an inspection, but it would be no problem accompanying her. It would not be harmful to let her meet the prince briefly while he checked around Ramon Chater.

Lu Havre underlined the word, and after a few more choices, he rose from his seat. He was about to go tell the princess about it. When he left the office, the sun had already fallen, and the only light came from a few lanterns in the hallway.

As he climbed the stairs, he heard a song like a dream. It was a faint sound, but he heard it for sure. It was a soft voice but not too weak. A gentle song was spreading calmly through the quiet royal palace. It sounded sad at first.

Lu Havre took a quick step. He naturally had a full stride. He made it to the singing soon. The third floor was as dark as the outside. There was only one light leaking through the door. No servant was guarding it. Lu Havre knocked. The song stopped, but there was no answer. He knocked again. There was still no word. He knocked one more time, but there was still no response.

Lu Havre spoke as if he had drawn a deep breath from his mouth. “Ashite, are you there?”

The answer was a bit slow, but it finally came after he had knocked two or three times and called her name in a deep, low voice.

“—yes, Your Majesty,” Ashite answered. He could not tell if she was crying or laughing.