Chapter 37

Ashite closed the book. She could not focus on it. She yawned for a long moment.

She wondered if she had danced too long yesterday. She didn’t know while she was dancing, but she realized now that she had danced all day. She danced almost every day, but yesterday was a little too much. Moreover, it had been a long time since she had gone out, so it made her tired. Was the wind outside too cold? The day was definitely sunny.

Ashite massaged her eyes with her fingers. She just wanted to rest because of the fatigue of the past couple of days. It was still early, but she just wanted to sleep without thinking about anything.

The sun was already setting, the red and yellow light enchanted the room. The thought of sleeping was getting stronger, but the servant had just given her the king’s message. Ashite swallowed a small sigh.

Soon, three or four of the maids came over and arranged Ashite’s dress.

“Your Highness, would you like to go to the dining room now?” one of the maids asked.

“I will,” she replied.

She decided to eat as soon as possible and return to her room. Ashite yawned languorously again.

She walked without thought and quickly arrived at the dining room. The servant announced her entrance and slowly opened the door.

The king was already there.

Ashite greeted him. “I see you, Your Majesty.”

On the way back, the king said nothing. Ashite felt a little tired, so she didn’t say much, either. The wagon had been quiet, and so was the dining room at the moment.

Ashite checked the king’s face. He was looking at her. Was there something wrong in Ramon Chater? Ashite wondered why he was not saying anything. But he looked the same as usual. His red eyes were shining, purplish-blue hair hanging around his forehead, his mouth tight, a careless but calm expression on his face.

Even if she wanted to guess what was on his mind, it would not be easy.

Ashite began to eat the steamy soup. The soup felt more savory and warmer at the moment since she was tired.

“Ashite. You look… Are you okay?” Lu Havre asked.

Ashite looked up. The king was not even eating the soup. All the food before the king remained the same as if he had not touched any of it.

Nothing had changed. From the moment she had entered the dining room, he had stared at her the whole time. He was not saying anything, and as soon as she realized this, Ashite was wide awake.

Lu Havre, from the beginning, was only looking at Ashite.

Lu Havre thought carefully. He recollected some memories and thought about the past.

How could he reach her heart? He had never felt the love of a man and a woman, so he had no idea what to do. Of course, he experienced the worst type of affection and insult. So, he knew he could do something opposite of those. Beginning a long time ago, the time when he considered emotions to be a luxury, he still remembered the worst form of love. As such, the king and the mother were not a good example at all.

If nothing special happened or disturbed life, he didn’t want to make other people feel that way, either. It was trivial, but an unpleasant experience.

Then, what would be the most proper affection? He wasn’t ashamed to say he wanted her honestly, but he worried it would be too much burden for her. He didn’t want her scared of him.

So, he had to be more careful and deliberate. She had his heart, like the rain soaking down slowly but surely.

“So, what would be the opposite of that type of feeling? How can I win her heart?” Lu Havre asked himself.

At that moment, something came to mind, the second prince. He had treated his little lover like a glass craft. He was not interested in it, but he still had memories about it. Since he did not have any energy left to think about something useless, he just pushed those thoughts to the corner of his consciousness.

The past that he hadn’t thought about for a long time surely had continued.

The reason that Lu Havre had knelt at the first prince’s coming-of-age ceremony was, indeed, a terrible thing. That time, he had a brief formal greeting with that woman, and Tarenoa was watching him. He didn’t hide his discomfort. Then, she spilled her glass. It was her, not him.

But as if such a matter was not important, the young woman quickly turned pale, ran to the second prince, and whispered a few words. Then, Tarenoa came to him and demanded an apology with a fierce face.

“Oh well, that happened,” Lu Havre thought. It was too trivial of a memory to recall.

The laugh tried to come out suddenly, but he swallowed it. “Seriously, I just realized that I wanted to have her, and how? How did I change this much? I couldn’t help myself,” he thought.

But he could not help it. The thought that he would not miss her was that important.

Would that much care be enough? Since he knew the worst example of love, he decided to be cautious and not do that. Lu Havre recalled some more memories and tried to think of good ways to act.

The servant announced her admission, and she entered. That face, that white face.

In a flash, all thoughts collapsed, broke, and blurred.

Those were all useless. Worrying about how he could manage the love, reflecting on the past that was too faded already and trivial by this time, all of those things.

It was only her that filled his eyes.

He realized he could treat her as he had done so far. That would be enough. Would there be a better way? She always said she was pleased and thanked him for his treatment.

Yes, that would be enough.

Lu Havre even thought, “I have learned over the years that I should not be rude to a woman, and insults are very petty and unpleasant.” Too many of them had taught him this lesson, but he was grateful now because at least she didn’t hate or feel bad about him because of his behavior.

Lu Havre kept watching her. She was a woman who did not lose her light, even under bright lamps.

Her hair that looked like it was dyed with pink flowers was shining. The pinkish-purple color was attractive, and the yellow eyes shined under her black eyelashes were sweet colors.

He didn’t even have an appetite. He saw her little pink lips. She was chewing while she gracefully ate. Her chin looked thinner. Her lips looked thinner, too.

When his train of thought came to that point, he was awakened.

Looking closely, her eyes didn’t look right, either. Her face was not as bright as usual. He noticed these things with his sharp sense, and it made his neck chill. He worried that she might be sick.

He thought back to his past quickly. They were both quiet in the wagon. He didn’t sense anything at that time. Something might have happened in the room. She might have bumped or hit something.

Although he could not tell her what was on his mind because he was afraid of being rejected, he really could not bear if she was sick. He was still a little worried about whether or not she was okay.

Lu Havre knew the pain. He had experienced and suffered through the war. Even a large man would feel severe pain, and she was just a delicate lady; he could tell she was a little tired and sick.

He was getting more and more thoughtful. He even felt lost in his mind. He thought the idea he had was right. The wind was so strong he could not do anything, this greed was new to him, so he could not control it. He fell into his emotions because he didn’t know anything about it. When he realized what was happening, it was already at the level where it was irreversible.

She was not just a weak and delicate woman. If she figured it out, he was worried that she might really feel burdened.

Lu Havre tried to calm down as usual, so that way she wouldn’t refuse.

“Ashite. You look… Are you okay?” Lu Havre asked.

But the mind was not something that was easily suppressed. The words that came from his mouth were softer than he had thought. Lu Havre himself was even surprised. Ashite raised her head. Lu Havre managed to keep his face straight with great effort. He didn’t want to express too much; he should be moderate.

But in Lu Havre’s eyes, there was only Ashite. He could not turn his eyes away or stop his thoughts, and he could not swallow his words or actions.

Ashite swallowed subconsciously. She felt like her throat was burning. The king leaned closer to her and looked at her. His eyes skimmed over her hair, eyes, nose, cheeks, neck, and shoulders like a gentle touch. Almost like a mother carefully taking care of her baby. He looked her over thoughtfully with his bright red eyes.

She felt something instinctively.

She wanted to avoid him, but she couldn’t.

It was as if time had stopped; his eyes, his face, his deep concern, and his soft voice were like warm sunshine, soaking her like a soft breath.

Ashite felt as if her spirit escaped her.

She noticed him, stupidly, after finishing her soup. “Stupid, really stupid,” Ashite thought. “How did I not notice his that hot stare, face, caution, and the attention?”

That was because he was not that kind of man. He couldn’t be interested in women. So, she did not imagine that at all. No matter how well he treated her as a prisoner.

“Somewhat well?” she thought to herself.

She felt like she had been soaked in cold water and pulled back out. “Come on, Ashite,” she thought. It was not just somewhat well. It was the greatest courtesy the king of a country could offer to another country’s dowdy royalty. She was actually so grateful she didn’t know what to do.

But Del Monte III was surely known for his cruelty and indifference to women. All the care she received from him must have been due to regular human decency.

But she wondered why the king had shown her such a moment of defenselessness. Where had his polite face and hard tone gone?

Her whole body was burning up as if a fever had started. She could not calm down easily, so Ashite looked away from him. She put her hands on her face as if she didn’t want to show it. She knew it was rude, but she still did it. A shallow shadow faded on her face, and she felt like a deep sigh would come out from under her hand. What on Earth. Why would the noblest man in the country do this to her?

“Ashite. You are sick, right?” he asked again.

“How is he so kind like this, and showing generous interest in me?” she thought. “Is this real?”

Lu Havre frowned slightly, looking slightly concerned. Then, Ashite shook her head instinctively.

“No… No. Your Majesty,” she answered.

He didn’t seem to believe it. But his eyes, no, his face itself, still seemed sweet. Ashite did not have an appetite anymore. She placed her spoon on the table with a sigh.

“Eat some more,” he said.

“It’s ok,” she answered.

Lu Havre leaned forward more. Their faces were getting closer. “I don’t have an appetite,” Ashite added hastily.

It was the same thing she had said on the first day, the situation now completely different. Lu Havre didn’t ask again. He just kept staring her face, holding his spoon. The soup was still warm.

Lu Havre finished his meal quickly, so Ashite was able to get back to the room as soon as she could. Ashite immediately closed the door. She stopped the maids who were about to follow her in. She wanted to be alone. Her legs felt weak.

She felt a shiver. She sat on the bed and soon laid down. Her thick hair was spread across the bed and the covers. Her cheeks were still flushed. She buried her face in the pillow. Her warm breath spread across it.

Her thoughts drifted like the clouds.

Naturally, her denial was quick. “No, it must be not true. No one would love me deeply. Even though I love someone, eventually, only solitude will remain for me.” She had those terrible thoughts not that long ago.

But for the first time, she was experiencing something that she had never experienced before, and it made her shake. It was too intense. All of her thoughts had shattered, just like they did when she was in the dance room.

Her thoughts waved, shook, scattered, broke, and eventually bloomed away.

What was all this about? She felt restless, like a child that had no idea what to do because everything was new to her. She wondered what she should do with such a defenseless face, such a pure heart, and a limitless mind.

She did not know what to do. She had never learned. She had never… experienced.

Of course, she remembered what her mother had told her. Not all men would be like Hanus II. So, she was not afraid of men because her mother told her not to be.

“But why would he act this way… to me?” Ashite thought.