Chapter 40

The night was ripe. Ashite suddenly thought, a sigh tried to escape, but she barely swallowed it.

Then, she sobered herself up.

There would be nothing more natural than to soothe and comfort herself, but her stomach was rumbling. She looked at the king with a nervous heart.

Lu Havre was concentrating on paperwork.

She had a book in her hand. When she looked down, she could see the letters, but she could barely concentrate on them. She read them without processing them. It was a quite thick book about ancient history, including the ancient era, mythical stories, Monvixo, and more. The pictures were sometimes drawn, and the contents were not difficult. In fact, this reading was only a bit of a re-examining of things that were sleeping somewhere in her memory.

That was why she turned the king down. She could study by herself. She studied language, history, law, and society. It would be hard to learn the current state of affairs only through books, of course, but if she found the proper book, it was not impossible. She had visited Wroclaw so often it was as if she lived there, so finding the right book was not difficult for her. She could check out the newspapers as well.

A voice in her head asked with a strange smile.

Ashite immediately admitted the truth to herself. No, she did so because she knew the king’s gaze. So, she refused. He clearly showed her favor and denying it made no sense. She could hide and suppress her thoughts, but she could not lie forever. That would be true.

So, the only thing that remained at the end was a sigh. She really didn’t know what to do.

At one point, the king stood up. Reflexively, Ashite almost stood up, too. Lu Havre gestured, so she sat down again. Lu Havre came closer to the sofa.

“What book are you reading?” he asked.

“I am reading Basel’s ‘From Monvixo to the Fourth Wall of Moon,'” she told him.

“How far did you read?” he continued to question her.

“I read up to chapter four. I am reading the beginning part of chapter five,” Ashite replied.

Lu Havre looked up like he was thinking for a moment. He then opened his mouth.

“When the Anti-Staple Great War broke out, what was the reason?” he asked.

“The Anti-Staple Great War began in the spring of 67,” she started to answer. “But the cause was not simple, because it was a battle that affected many things. The biggest reason was the Bloody Wedding. There were talks of a marriage between Kalamata I and Reims I, and soon the wedding held in spring. But an armed group broke into the wedding and ruined the ceremony. People were told that the group was a minority group from the south. They claimed that they loved the princess of Monterobis, and it is said that a great war broke out because of them. But in fact, there was a record that there was a movement in Skara to conquer Monterobis at the time.”

“You are correct,” Lu Havre said, “But there is something that needs to be added. Many people said that this was just a rumor, but by now, it is considered to be reliable; one of the Counts of Monterobis instigated that group. He said he wanted to kill the princess. When Reims I figured that out, he sent Etutu to that Court. Almost all of those who joined him were punished. The problem was that he was one of the elder knights leading the three worlds, including the middle one. The king wanted to have it done privately, but the atmosphere of the Knights was spoiled at once. Skara crossed the border in just a few days, so there was no time to fill his position. That was why Monterobis gave up the border quickly.”

Ashite nodded silently. At the time, Monterobis and Skara didn’t share a good relationship. They maintained a peaceful relationship on the surface, but in reality, they were always at each other’s throats. It was the fate of two powerful nations that had similar military power existing on one continent. Even though it was a war started without any declaration, there was the Bloody Wedding. She wondered why Monterobis could not keep a firm hold on the border, and this back story explained that. Even knights would be embarrassed if they lost their eldership without any notice. Moreover, many of the knights that joined him would have been punished. So, the illusion of peace would have been shattered in no time.

Of course, at that time, there would be nothing good to be talked about it. The whole country would be taken over if any armed group had killed the princess. And it had turned out that it was the Count of the country that was behind it. Moreover, he was a knight who led the Knights of the Borders. So, the king at that time probably pressured the historians to keep quiet about the situation. Since there was no official historical document, it would not be connected to Skara. Or maybe Skara had not cared about the story behind it. In fact, it was an awful and terrible story, considering that it was real. Many other historians probably would have shut their mouth, not wanting to leave a record of what happened. So, it would have only been a rumor in Monterobis, or it was secretly recorded after a long time later. So, Ashite had never heard the story.

Ashite bowed her head in gratitude. Her anxious heart and gratitude were two separate things. She was likely to be tested on the Anti-Staple Great War. Of course, they were not going to ask her about the whole backstory, but maybe they would ask for a historical view of the situation. It also helped with smaller questions they might ask. Either way, the king was trying to help.

Lu Havre smiled lightly. Ashite was still smiling in gratitude. Lu Havre, who felt light-hearted, sat down on the couch across from her. He thought about a few other topics that might be on the test. He opened his mouth.

“Next… When did Polly independence happen, and who led it?” Lu Havre asked Ashite.

The next day was the same, too. Ashite went to the office at night. She read a book while the king attended to official affairs and asked her questions in between. Ashite answered thoroughly, and Lu Havre sometimes sat on the couch opposite her, adding information as if he were telling old stories. Sometimes what he added was an unofficial history, while sometimes it was helpful advice. It was a leisurely conversation.

A sigh that was not reaching Ashite hovered on the tip of his tongue. The king laughed as if he were satisfied, and Ashite bowed her head with gratitude.

The same thing happened the next day, and the day after that as well.

Their next meeting happened just after lunch. Ashite stayed in the office all afternoon. At sunset, the king went to eat separately. She assumed he must have had special business to attend to.

Ashite returned slowly to the room. Her usually light steps were heavy. Her heart leaped up into her throat. She felt like she was floating on waves.

“Waves?” A giggle escaped from her.

She had never seen the sea herself. She had only heard about it from her mother, or seen pictures in the books she read. Like the horizon, the water spread out to the end of one’s view, so people naturally would be stricken speechless by the overwhelming nature. Her mother then shook a glass of water and told her the waves swayed the same way and shone under the sun just like the water shined with the light from the lamps. She also said it smelled salty.

The view Ashite pictured from just hearing about the sea did not touch her heart. To that a little child, her mother was the whole world itself. So, the child trusted her mother’s words and constantly imagined the sea. Her mother could not be wrong. Of course, the romantic imaginations were all broken up in total disarray when she was 13.

And again, her thoughts reached their end. Thinking about her mother was not something new. Ashite’s mother was always with her. She did not have any keepsakes or a will, but since every breath of her mother had settled down within her, she did not need such things. She did not even need her grave.

The tiny tombstone right next to the splendid royal tombs; she did not go to see it often, it was true. Thinking about it made her heart ache. But she imagined her mother was still with her rather than feeling the guilt. She was no longer with Ashite, but she really hated to realize that. She didn’t need any more reasoning for her terrible feelings. So, she could not see the tombstone for long.

She had to brood over the past to think about her mother. Whenever she thought about her mother, she smiled back at her just like a ray of spring sunshine, even in the bitter, cold winter. Suddenly she felt like she wanted to cry. When she felt like that, she went to the dance room.

Even though she had only just returned to her room, she headed to the dance room. It was in a different area than Lotte Bishel. The day passed while she danced, sang, and played the piano in the dance room. Then, the distracting thoughts that had swayed and floated like the waves sank. The night was peaceful. It was different from the nights when sin was committed. The calm nights sometimes comforted her, asking what was so scary. The darkness subsided and touched her cheeks.

Her mother whispered, “It’s okay, Ashi. I know.” It was more effective than her soothing and abusing herself. Ashite did that often. There were days where she would do it all day.

“Because… the king…” She could not finish the sentence. She felt a little nervous and didn’t remember when that had started, and she was also worried that day. Ashite rolled her foot.

Red, orange, and yellow light bathed the ivory room. White was the easiest color to paint over. The sunset dyed the room without any time for the room to resist.

Her pinkish-purple hair, colored as if it was dyed with flowers, fluttered. Like the flight of a butterfly, she danced lightly. It was a bit of a passionate dance. Just like the traditional dances, she turned her head quickly, stretched her arms, and moved her legs. She bent down her back and bent back up. Her feet were not touching the ground, like a butterfly that flew away when someone drew too close. Ashite’s face seemed to cry and smile. Her eyes were staring somewhere outside of the window. It was already dark.

She heard a clapping sound that broke her thoughts. It was clearly admiration.

“Still—” Ashite heard a voice begin.

Ashite turned around quickly and saw Lu Havre was standing at the door. How long had he been there?

“—it is such a beautiful dance, Ashite,” Lu Havre finished saying.

It was a soft voice. It sounded like a whisper, like trying to tell someone a secret.

Ashite was surprised and had no idea where to begin. <> Ashite thought to herself.

Indeed, the king had not given any attention to other women during Terre Sunds or Theheras. Several dancers had danced at the banquet. The king, however, only applauded formally. She could feel the distance in his applause. Although she had an innocent heart, she was not a fool and noticed it well. It was a face that everybody could recognize.

<> she told herself.

Ashite greeted him, confused, with trembling fingertips.

“I am sorry. I greet you, Your Majesty,” she said.

Lu Havre laughed. There was a pause.

“Will you dance more?” he asked.

But at that moment, Ashite was only thinking about how she should leave. Her heart was ringing. This was how it would feel if she were thrown into the sea. It felt like she was drowning in cold water.

She wanted to calm herself, but it didn’t work. She naturally was parched with thirst. The man who gave her the dance room was standing in front of her.

“No. I was about to go out,” Ashite answered.

Lu Havre’s smile was blurred. It was not that he had stopped smiling; it had just naturally faded. Ashite felt dizzy. She didn’t know what to do. Lu Havre opened his mouth slightly and then closed it. He opened his mouth again. The silence was broken.

“Is that so?” he asked.

He did not hide his sad expression.

The moment Ashite noticed, she stiffened. Her toes felt numb and her hands felt like they were on pins and needles thinking about how, from the moment he had entered the dance room, he had been watching her dance. <> Ashite silently questioned herself.

<> The voice in her head laughed as it answered. She had denied it, but the reason was apparent. Ashite realized the truth at that moment. It was as if someone had smacked her head. Her heart sank.

Ashite understood the reason why she had turned her head and avoided him subconsciously whenever she noticed his hot gaze. The reason why she waited for him in the office like a child stamping her feet. The reason why she felt so thirsty the last time he had knocked on the dance room door. Why her heart had pounded like that. Even she didn’t know if she wanted to cry or not. Once, twice, then three times, he had knocked. She tried to suppress, hide, and destroy the truth, but she was too shy to try that anymore. She felt so ashamed that he looked at her with those eyes. She could not easily bring herself to make eye contact.

Even now, she had never felt ashamed of the opposite gender.

The opposite gender. So, already the king was a man to her. Ashite felt dizzy from this revelation. She didn’t know what to do. She couldn’t know what to do. She clenched her fists. Her fingernails dug into her palms, but there was no time for her to feel the pain. She only felt more dizziness.

“Your Majesty, I’m going to leave now,” Ashite said.

She gestured almost unconsciously. She murmured her departures in a small voice as she left. Of course, Lu Havre heard her. He tried to open his mouth as if to answer, but Ashite left the room at a quick pace. She was focused on leaving, and she had almost reached the door.

“Ashite,” he said.

His voice. It was calm but impatient. Soft but passionate and warm. It was more than calling just her name. Ashite spoke impulsively.

“Your Majesty,

“Do you…

“Do you… really… me…” she trailed off.

Lu Havre turned and looked straight at her. The two locked eyes as Ashite stood at the door.

Ashite tried to drop her eyes, but clenched her teeth. She slightly bit her red lips. She did not dare to speak anymore. What would she do even if she had asked? She could not avoid his eyes. She did not want to show anything to that man. She was too ashamed and wanted to turn her head under his gaze, but she didn’t want to be rude. Then, it would really be a shameful situation.

The shame made her teeth chatter. Her eyes shook and her fingertips numbed. She had foggy eyes. Only Lu Havre and herself appeared clear. She wanted to get out of the room, as the room was brilliant, and the hallway was already dark.

She wanted to be swallowed by that restful darkness.

Lu Havre raised his hand lightly. He spread it like a butterfly spreading its wings. His hand almost reached Ashite’s shoulder, and he hesitated.

The silence continued. He pulled his hand back.

<> He was not surprised at himself being swept away by an impulse anymore. He could not afford to think about someone else. Lu Havre squeezed his hand slowly.

Lu Havre left the room.

Ashite tried to lean on the door frame. She clenched her teeth again, gripping and releasing her hands as she slowly fell down. She fell like a child collapsing from exhaustion. She finally let out the sigh that had lingered at the tip of her tongue.

Even though she hoped the time passed by quickly, she also hoped it would remain stopped like this. She was not sure if she managed to have any rational thoughts. What was certain was that her state of mind could not be defined simply.

Ashite laid on her bed and continued thinking about various things when she returned to her room. All kinds of thoughts rose like thick clouds, but they scattered with one gesture and a word. She remembered everyone who had made that gesture and spoken that word, but eventually, she only was thinking of one person; the king of this country.

Sometimes, the past intermittently stuck out its head out. It was like it had sat down on the edge of her bed, just like her mother used to. The past was as dim as the light of dawn and as dark as terrible nothingness. It spoke to her said, “What should you do? What will be the right course of action?”

Of course, Ashite could not answer. Eventually, she slept fitfully.