Chapter 35: Understanding

He looked up at his friend's face. Evan nodded softly, slowly, large nods. Leo watched him waiting to see what he had to say. After all, Evan had been through this all before, and at a younger time, one of the most confusing times in his life, too.

Leo remembered it. And remembered he hadn't known how to help Evan then, but now... Well, now Evan could help him understand what was going on now.

"Experimentation is normal when you are first figuring out your sexuality."

Evan grimaced. "I know it hurts, but it's better he figures it out first, then figure it out later. It can really hurt a lot, especially after feelings have already fully bloomed. This is better than when you are in a more emotionally complicated stage together than this young, fresh love thing you two have going on." Evan stated. Nodding gently to himself while puzzling out his explanation.

"That is much worse."

"Trust me... Much... Much worse." Evan grimaced in pain, his eyes lost in his own memories for a moment.

Leo stared, almost enthralled.

'Evan had kept to himself so much at first, back then when they had first met. He didn't know why he just remembered that slowly Evan had opened up to him more.'

'He felt bad. He had never noticed it was a pain and not shyness.'

'He had always assumed Evan was much like him, too shy to talk much to people.'

'That Evan had felt some very horrible pain, all alone, with no one to be there for him. Had never even crossed his mind.'

'Leo wished he could go back and meet Evan sooner and stop it from ever happening.' He sighed and turned his face up at Evan.

'I'm sorry I have been such a bad friend Evan.' He opened his mouth to say the words he was thinking aloud.

Evan sighed and pinched his cheek, smiling. The pain erased from his eyes and face. He looked down at Leo gently.

"Having uncertain feelings, hurts everyone," Evan breathed. Leo shut his mouth and nodded softly instead.

"And do you think I am a bad person?" Evan continued to pet Leo's hair soothingly. Cuddling him into his lap.

"No, you are not a bad person," Leo responded warmly.

"Right, I have made mistakes. But you still trust me?"

Leo nodded. Evan squeezed Leo's shoulder gently, something small, a tiny reassurance, and then ruffled Leo's hair.

Evan was right. Leo thought. 'He needed to forgive him. Just because Max had said he wasn't sure if Leo was some sort of walking pheromone emitter turning him on everywhere he went. It had to have been hard to admit that he was just trying to make sure he was gay, that he wasn't a playboy, and that he really wanted to pursue those feelings further. It really didn't mean that Leo couldn't trust him, it meant he should have given him a better chance than he had. Still... No, he should try to fix things with Max.'

"I feel horrible and I know he is feeling it too. But I don't have any idea how to fix it." Leo said in an almost whisper.

"I dunno if we can fix it." He said softly, then sniffled loudly through his stuffy nose. He lifted his head to try to sit up but gave up and laid back into Evan's lap unhappily.

"Anything can be fixed, it just might not be the exact same as before. But I am sure everything will be okay, in the end. We grow from pain, it strengthens us, it makes us better and eventually we grow ready to accept love again. This is such a small bump. I am sure if you explain things he will understand." Evan said and ruffled Leo's hair once more, like before.

"Want to watch some TV?" he asked, changing the subject. As a way to show he had said all he had to say on the matter, and that they should move on and enjoy the rest of their night.

Leo nodded and handed the remotes to Evan.

'He would apologize later. Emotions are a hard thing to manage, and when they are at their highest was not always the best time to re-approach the subject.'