Chapter 40

“I didn’t know my expression was so scary. I’m sorry. I’m not mad at you.”

“I don’t care, I’m not scared. I understand.”

It really didn’t matter. Rosen didn’t need Ian’s apology. She was just trying to make him feel a little guilty.

“Hold me, Ian Kerner. I will die soon. And I helped you earlier. I’m going to die soon, but I’m scared to sleep alone. I think I’m going to have a nightmare.”

Rosen made excuses shamelessly. However, he had been asking such straightforward questions that she was beginning to think he really had the ability to read minds.

“You want to do it with me?”

“…What?”

“Why do you want to do it with me?”

When he asked outright, Rosen was rather confused. Thanks to him, she faced a question she had never thought about before.

“You’re the most handsome person I’ve ever seen, and you’re in good shape. Anyway, I’m going to die soon, and I want to sleep with a man like you one last time…”

Rosen frowned as she gave a vague reason.

‘Why the hell is he asking why?’

‘He gets too obsessed with useless things.’

“Damn, what’s the point in asking? I’m scared of sleeping! If we just take off our clothes and hug each other, I can do everything on my own. You haven’t tried it, so you don’t know, but it’s so good that it makes you faint.”

“Did you do that, too?”

“…What?”

“Was it ever good enough to make you faint?”

The vulgar words that came out of his mouth were so unfamiliar that it took Rosen a while to process. She must’ve been a bad influence on him.

She shrugged. That was a very difficult question. It was true that she did it voluntarily, but she didn’t do it because she liked it… 

She wanted more food, a spoon, or his autograph. 

There was always a reason.

“I don’t think so. The men did it all.”

“Did you do it because you liked it?”

Everything she did was purposeful and still was, but she couldn’t answer him honestly.

“I want to sleep with you because I really like you.”

When Rosen saw Ian’s expression after hearing that, she realized that her plan had completely failed. He looked depressed rather than excited, and seemed to be angry at something unknown. She licked her lips nervously.

He was a very difficult person to understand, like a complex puzzle with no hints. 

Why? 

Was it because she was serious with him? 

Was it because he was a complicated person?

Or maybe he was thinking too much… 

After he openly refused, the road ahead became bleak. Unfortunately, she didn’t have the strength to pin him down. If he pushed her away, she would have to step back. She sighed as he sat her down on his lap and stroked her hair.

“I don’t know. Did you go through a lot of hardship and become an old woman, or did you stop growing at 17 because you were in prison?”

“What does that mean?”

“You need someone to hold you, but it doesn’t have to be a man.”

“Then it can be you. All I need is someone to hold me. It doesn’t matter who. So what if that person is a man? What’s wrong with that if we just sleep?”

“…”

“Let’s say you’re right. What does it matter now? You said you felt sorry for me. Can’t you just do what I want? I mean… Unless you don’t like me very much. But we even kissed…”

“I don’t hate you. Maybe if we met normally, we could have spent Walpurgis Night together.”

Rosen couldn’t believe her ears. It wasn’t because he was too naïve to say no. It was because he was treating her like a normal person. She was a prisoner, something he could trample on at will like a rat.

Ian quietly rolled up Rosen’s sleeves. Numerous scars were exposed before his eyes. He gently grabbed her wrist and continued.

“But you’re too thin. You have so many wounds. I could cruelly chain you, and you wouldn’t even mind. You’re used to people treating you carelessly. It’s just my greed, but…”

“You-“

“…I don’t want to be that kind of person to you.”

“…”

“Because you said you like me.”

“Oh, My God. You really loved Leoarton.”

At that moment, that was all Rosen could say. Otherwise, the way he looked at her couldn’t be explained. Unless he was looking at his hometown through her, he wouldn’t be able to hug her so tightly.

‘If we met normally…’ 

‘Did he just say that?’

Rosen thought about it without realizing it. 

Young Rosen and Ian Kerner, running into each other in a busy square. A scruffy orphan and a cadet in a crisp uniform.

It was not a good combination, but he danced with her. He was a good person, so he wouldn’t let a little child enamored by him cry. 

‘If I had met him like that, if he had just passed by, at least I wouldn’t have had to deceive him.’

Ian took something out of a drawer under the bed.

“What’s this?”

“Cake.”

“Why?”

“I remember it meant something to you.”

He calmly stuck a candle into the cake and held it out to her. It flickered in the darkness. It hurt her heart to see it. 

Was it because of guilt? Or was it that her last thread of innocence, which did not want to deceive Ian Kerner, pierced her heart?

Rosen raised her head and looked at Ian. 

If she had been a little younger, she would have cried and hugged him at that moment.

– What was the first spell that Emily succeeded in casting after becoming a witch?

-…I made a cake.

She was wrong. The government and military seemed to have no eyes for people. He was too good a person to watch a prisoner like her. He genuinely listened to her.

Just because she was from Leoarton. 

Just for that reason…

“Would you like to make a wish?”

“Sure.”

She kneeled next to the bed. He didn’t stop her. He just stared at her with eyes that didn’t know how to treat her.

In the past, she would have begged him to love her. Unless she borrowed the power of Walpurg, there was no way that a person who shone like him could truly love her.

But she was different now. She knew that love didn’t mean anything. She knew how weak one had to be to be obsessed with being loved.

“I…”

Rosen stared at the candles for a long time and made a wish, different from before.

‘Walpurg, give me strength. I don’t need love anymore. Give me the strength to face all my troubles, the courage to forsake comfort, and the will to stand alone in this harsh world. I want to be unbreakable.’

“What did you wish for?”

“…A peaceful death.”

Rosen lied and pushed the cake toward him.

“Come on, Sir Kerner. You too.”

“It’s no use. Walpurg only grants girl’s wishes.”

“Make a wish. Do you know for sure that’s how she is?”

Curious, Rosen waited for words to fall from his mouth. But he only looked at the cake and blew out the candles. The only light left in the cabin was the gas lamp. She tried to get away, but he didn’t let her go and lay in bed holding her.

“Tell me your story.”

“I did last night.”

“Tell me more.”

“I have nothing left to say”

“If you think, there will be more.”

‘This is useless.’

‘No matter what we talk about now, nothing will change.’

Rosen nevertheless opened her mouth. It was because he was staring at her with his deep gray eyes, speaking with her favorite broadcast voice. Those eyes seemed warm now. She grabbed his hand and smiled mischievously.

“Are you going to listen to what I have to say?”

“Yes. So don’t lie.”