CH 138

After mother-in-law’s funeral, life returned to normal.

I couldn’t afford to continue being sad and doing nothing.

I knew that, but there were times when tears overflow at random moments.

I tried not to cry in front of my family because it worried them, but before I knew it, they were licking my cheeks with tears streaming down my face.

But no matter how much I held back from crying, the children, who were sensitive to my emotions, stopped playing, and gathered around me.

Even if I told them to go and play without worrying about it, they wouldn’t leave.

It made me happy that my children were growing up with gentle personalities.

But on the other hand, I also thought I’m failing as a mother.

Worrying the children and making them take care of me…

I thought I was disqualified as a parent since I was spoiled by them all the time.

As a parent, I couldn’t scold them like Rodo.

No matter how hard I tried to get angry, I couldn’t get angry when I saw the children saying “I’m sorry” with drooping ears.

For the time being, I would tell them why they shouldn’t do it but then conclude with a “you can’t do it from now on” spiel and ended it like that.

Even when I was young, my parents often told me that I was too spoiled.

Even with Sou, my younger brother.

They were parents who properly scolded him.

That’s why, as a parent, I had the obligation to properly scold my children who did bad things… but I mostly left it to Rodo and father-in-law.

──nowadays, they rarely did bad things.

These days, I just made my kids worry.

As a parent, I wonder how I should feel about this.

Maybe that’s one of the reasons why they’re making me a target of protection?

If it was a peaceful country like Japan, it might have been fine to spoil them a little.

However, this country was not without war, so self-defense was important, and they were even half-Akinsits.

The children must know how to fight.

If I spoiled and overprotected them, when something happened, they wouldn’t be able to fight on their own.

That’s why I also needed to not spoil the children…

Rodo and father-in-law could teach them how to fight.

That’s why I “left” it to Rodo and the others…but they couldn’t do it because I couldn’t stand worrying about it.

I heard a lot about the dangers to Akinists.

I wanted the children to work even harder than Rodo.

…but El was still a 5-year-old child.

He’s still young and it’s too early.

I still thought of things the same way as when I was in Japan.

Back there, children had lessons, but not combat training.

That’s why I kept thinking it was okay to do it after they humanized.

…but I knew it would be too late by then.

In this world, people started working as soon as they become human.

After practicing riding the Sekisva, it was decided that El and the others would work as soldiers.

At that time, saying “I can’t do it” would cause problems.

They couldn’t practice wielding a sword until they transform into a human, but if they could transform into a beast and fight, they’d be sent into battle.

In other words, they could gain more experience than those who hadn’t done anything.

For a soldier who traded with their lives, the more experience they accumulate, the more useful they would become.

That difference changed the odds of survival.

Even though El, Cal, and Dee were half-Akinists, I understood that they had considerable physical ability.

The children inherited Rodo’s blood thicker than mine.

I still don’t know, but it seemed that their Akinists’ auras are quite strong.

I hadn’t found anything that resembled me yet.

Maybe it’s their spoiled parts?

I once thought there might be similarities once they humanized, but this was a world where both men and women were muscular.

If my face became muscular, it’d be too unbalanced to laugh at.

As for me, I wanted them to inherit my magical power.

Even if they got injured, it’d be nice if they could heal themselves.

But all three of them had no magical powers.

Akinists had long been said to be a race without magical powers.

It seemed that many soldiers don’t have magical power, but if they had even a little magical power, there were many who worked safely as magicians rather than soldiers.

On the other hand, those without magic had no choice but to become soldiers or merchants.

Those who lacked business acumen and were unfriendly had no choice but to become soldiers.

…there were also people who wanted to become soldiers from the beginning.

Ren had always wanted to be a soldier.

It wasn’t like Rodo had no choice but to be a soldier.

“Moma…shmile, pwease?”

When I sat on the chair absent-mindedly, I noticed something was on my lap with that voice and turned my gaze.

In front of me was Diadora.

Placed on my knees was a brush for brushing Dee and the others.

Both El and Cal were wandering around me.

…and they were worrying about me again.

Everyone knew what I liked best.

It’s still a blissful moment to brush them.

Rodo’s body was big, so when I brushed it, it was a lot of hard work.

…even so, I liked untangling the tangled hair while being buried in the fur.

“…then, shall we go to a beautiful place?”

“Un.”

I decided where I wanted to brush them.

I did it in a place with a thin carpet since it’s hard to clean up the loose hair in other places, and everyone’s growth was remarkable.

If they were smaller, I could brush them while they’re on my lap, but my legs would go numb if I did that.

It’s better to put nothing on the floor to better clean up the loose hair. However, maybe because it felt too good while brushing, they often scratched the floor with their nails, so I thought we needed a rug.

Nail sharpeners were being sold, but none of them were strong enough for Akinists to use.

Even if I bought it, it would break immediately so it was pointless. Now, I just put a big rock at the front door and in the garden for them to use as a nail sharpener.

After humanizing, their claws wouldn’t grow anymore even if transformed into a beast, so Rodo didn’t need to sharpen his claws.

In other words, it’s only necessary for children in the growing stage.

…even so, when there were three of them, the amount of rock would be half gone.

By the way, the rocks were prepared by Rodo.

Rodo was the pillar that guided the children.

He didn’t spoil them, but that didn’t mean he ignored their existence and never listened to what they said.

He didn’t speak much, but he taught the children important things and scolded them when they did bad things.

“…absolutely protect Ko. Don’t make him sad.” I had doubts when he said that.

Compared to Rodo, I was a bad parent.

I didn’t think pampering was bad, but if I was just pampering them, that would be bad.

To avoid danger, they couldn’t learn if I just pampered and protected them with care.

──I know all that.

“…mahma? …hurtz, where?”

When I hugged them while brushing, I heard a flustered voice in my arms.

…worrying about me again…as expected, I’m a useless parent.

“It doesn’t hurt anywhere, right? Dee is so kind. I’m just happy. …mother, cries a lot even when happy. So you shouldn’t worry, okay?”

I told Dee the truth.

All the children were so good it made me wonder if it was okay for me to be their parent.

I felt like my tear glands were getting weaker every year.

“Sorry for being your mother, okay?”

The way I was raised was not suitable for an Akinist.

I knew that, but I couldn’t do it, so I’m a disqualified parent.

Even though I knew how many times they had been caught up in danger.

Even though I knew what was required of me in the future.

“…my mahma, ish yu?”

I smiled at the words she said while tilting her head with a blank face.

“Mwine, mahma, wong! Mahmah ish my mahma!”

…I smiled, so she got angry.

…no, is this sulking?

“That’s right. Dee’s mother is only me, right? …I’m smiling now because I’m so happy. Thank you.”

I brought our foreheads together and rubbed hers against mine.

My cute, cute children.

For these children, I had to do what I should do.

Also so that no one complained.

So that no one would point a finger behind them.

Because of me, my children shouldn’t say things like, “I can’t do anything without you.”

(I have to become a parent who can say “I’m fine” even if they come home slightly injured…)

…in the past, when Sou fell down and scraped his knee when he was a child, I made a big fuss about applying disinfectant and adhesive plaster, so I wonder if that would be difficult?

Would I be able to act like my parents, who said, “Just smear it with spit” beside me?