Chapter 11: Too Much Darkness for my Tastes.

Chapter 11: Too Much Darkness for my Tastes.

Disappointment.

That was the most intense feeling I had as memories of my past rushed before me.

My first audition. I did my best and executed everything I learned from my instructors. The scouts seemed to have liked me, even giving me praises for my singing. They told me I could have done better with my dance choreography, but that I was a natural when it came to my vocals.

I was slightly annoyed at myself, but I knew I never was the best dancer. Still, I had hope. I was excited to hear them accept me as a trainee. I was too hasty. Far too hasty. Too naive to believe it was a done deal.

I was rejected. When I asked the judges what happened, they only told me that the other contestants were better. But, how?! I shouted, only for them to explain that they moved more gracefully and their voices had an impact. They could see the hard work they put into their training.

Then, what did I do all that time?

Its ok to cry, mein Schatz. Failure is all part of becoming the best, so learn from the ones who were better and become better yourself.

Y- huek! Y-Yes, Papa. I cried too much that day, but little did I know this was just one of many.

I mean, I totally trusted my Papa. He was a veteran in the music industry, so he should have known. Of course, there were more auditions. If Papa believed in me, then I must become an idol!

Sadness

Three more auditions. Three more rejections.

I was losing trust in myself. What was I doing wrong? I was working hard, listening to everything my instructors and mentor told me to do. I took their criticism, and turned it into improvements. I did everything to make my dream come true.

But, once again, all I could see was other girls getting accepted. They would go and join the industry. Becoming another idol in the future and making their dream come true. Meanwhile, I would stay in my room, hugging my plushies and cry into the night.

Oh, how about we write a song together, honey? Traditional singers write their own songs, so lets do it together!

That might work, Mama! Ill sit on the piano!

Playing music with my parents. I felt happy whenever we could do it.

But, all the other contestants also performed covers of songs. The older I got, the more the judges expected from you. All I did was follow the formalities. Would an original song really be the deciding factor?

Still, I learned how to write my first few songs. Learning how to structure the verses while maintaining a good rhythm was hard at first. Singing helped songwriting, but I neglected school for my idol training. I had to study.

However, I also needed to plan my own choreography. I was planning on becoming a pop idol. I wasn't that good with dancing, but I was decent enough to think of something. Still, my goal was to impress through my voice and visual. My looks.

Frustration All I felt was frustration!

Nein. Nein. Nein.

WhyWHY?!

Mama, why?! Why cant I do it?! I remembered myself crying again. The frustration was making it so hard to concentrate. Where was I and why was I remembering all of it now?

Its hurted so much.

I-Its ok, honey. Its ok, youre doing well. Mama and Papa will always be proud of your effort.

You are doing your best to make your dream come true. That is enough to make us proud, mein Schatz. We believe in you.

Butb-but, Im not good

Hush my little babyIt will be alright.

Mama. Papa. I failed them. I wanted to apologize to them so much, but I couldnt through all my tears. They had to have been worried! I couldnt watch them be so sad. I didnt want them to believe I was a failure!

Thats why I was alright.

There was always a next time. I just had to get better. Blood or sweat, it didnt matter. My body could break for what I cared.

Are you alright, honey?

Yup, I am, Mama. I just have to get better next time. Anyways, how about we cook something good for Papa tonight?

I could remember all the pain. All the anguish I felt from one failure to the next. So why?

Why were these memories so hazy? Why couldnt I see my Mamas face? Was she sad? Angry? Disappointed? WWhat did she feel back then?

Why couldnt I remember?

Honey, are you sad?

What? Nein! Look at this smile, Mama. Does this look like something I could do if I were sad about it? Another failure wont disturb me anymore.

I wanted to cry. I just wanted to let the floodgates out. My chest felt heavier and heavier every time I lied to them.

After all, I swore to not cry anymore.

Mama and Papa. They worried about me too much. Crying made them sad. Crying reminded me of how I stubbornly kept on this path despite realizing the suffering I was causing them. They loved me. I loved them.

Thats why crying only reminded me of how much of a failure I was.

Mama and Papa were successful musicians. I was born with a silver spoon cause they were talented, awesome, and cool enough to make it work. We lived a happy life since they managed to impress the correct people and got the right position to become successful. Good enough to become famous. Good enough to make their dream come true.

So, what have I achieved?

And the darkness consumed me.

Urgh

Dazed. Groggy. Huuuuungry.

That dream why did I have to have that fucking dream?

Talk about a terrible morning. Well, I supposed it was morning, but it could also be nighttime. Everything was pitch black for me.

How long did I sleep?

Looking around, I wondered where the light switch was, only to remember I had magic.

Light.

[Light] was a pretty disappointing level five [Holy Magic] that only created a small, floating light ball. Compared to [Shine], it couldnt do any damage outside of maybe blinding somebody, but it also couldnt act as a flashbang like its counterpart. It was entirely useless to me, but at the very least, it could float around like a firefly while I moved around.

Once the small light illuminated my surroundings, I noticed from the brown and gray around me that I was inside a cave. Realizing this, I began to remember everything that happened to me before I landed in this place.

The kobols, the garms, and then my evolution in hopes it could prevent my Health from dropping to zero. From the looks of it, I guess I was right on the mark. However, thinking about it more, was pretty sure I didnt give a decisive answer to System voice. As such, how did I evolve?

But, if I had survived, then I should have evolved! I also remembered [Mana Stress] preventing me from using magic, but look at the [Light] I cast. I also couldnt feel the pain in my body and I could even stand up at this point.

I should be grateful for even deciding on an evolution at all, but choosing something while not clear-headed sounded like a recipe for disaster. Those garms really showed me how weak I still was. I was still not even close to the top of the food chain yet, but, honestly, who could have guessed some boss type monsters from appearing in a newbie area. A random D rank when all I fought up until then were G or F rank.

It was pure misfortune I had to meet them, but I guess I still had some luck on my side by surviving that encounter. I remembered the second garm suddenly attacking the first garm, helping me survive, but why did it do that?

At the same time, why did I care? I couldnt understand them. It was due to my inability to speak with others that those kobolds thought I was a threat. Really, the sooner I became a human again, the better. That night reinforced my need to find a way to communicate with others.

Regardless, it wasnt good to believe I could have charisma-ed my way out of those situations. At the end of the day, all I could rely on was my own strength. My levels, my stats, and my choice of evolution. Murphys Law knew how to spit into your face, and with how bad my luck has been, having a plan B was paramount.

Whatever, lets first check my evolution. What did I evolve into?Profile.

Profile:

Name: *

Level: 0

Race:

Young Spark Fire Dragon

Age: 1 Month

Status:

Health: 245/245(+65) Mana: 670/687(+137)

Strength: 155 (+40) Intelligence: 141(+54)

Vitality: 106 (+37) Wisdom: 111 (+28)

Agility: 303 (+58) Stamina: 163/163(+49)

Effects: [Starvation (Minor)]

Skill Points: 1700 (+50)

Unique Skill:

[Spark Fire Dragon Lv. 1] (New)

Skill:

Magic skills and related:

[Mana Control Lv. 4] [Holy Magic Lv. 6] [Fire Magic Lv. 3]

[Earth Magic Lv. 3] [Space-Time Magic Lv. 2]

[Primal Magics]

Physical skills and related:

[Mana Strike Lv. 3]

[Enhanced Claws Lv. 4] (+1) [Enhanced Fangs Lv. 3] (+1)

Senses and movement skills:

I looked over all my skills and what their requirements were and just thought OMG, this is gonna take forever. The [Skill Upgrade System] was literally a time saver.

In addition, the description of the requirements were all so vague. Take [Spark Fire Dragon] for an example. Why didnt it tell me the exact amount of Mana and Stamina I had to expend using its abilities to break through? It seemed like whoever designed this system wanted people to be confused about it.

Or, if I were bit more optimistic, maybe the designer thought it was better to not think of the numbers and just do it. After all, the requirements revolved around using the skills. The more often you used them, the faster you would increase them, similar to how [Enhanced Enemy Sense] broke through while that garm was stalking me.

Thinking about it logically, it was a trade-off. Do I think long-term or short-term? If I werent in such a dire situation like being trapped in this cave inside a murderous forest, I probably would choose the long-term option and not opt to upgrade my skills, but I couldnt afford it. Every advantage was important. SP was meant to be spent to become stronger.

Time was more important to me right now, and I didnt have the time to waste it on chores.

Do you wish to upgrade [Fire Magic Lv. 3] for 100 SP?

Ja~

Proficiency requirement fulfilled. [Fire Magic Lv. 3] evolved into [Fire Magic Lv. 4]. 1500 SP remaining

Magic gained: [Fire Ball]

By paying one level worth of SP, I avoided using up more of my time practicing this skill.

Of course, I wasnt about to waste all my SP to bring this skill to ten or whatever. Yes, I couldnt wait to get the higher leveled spells, but I also didnt think using it all up impulsively was smart. At the end of the day, I didnt want to do the breakpoint requirements. That was it.

Practice makes perfect. Outside of leveling and evolving, the only other ways I knew how to increase my mana capacity was through expending mana, or as I believed, leveling up [Enhanced Mana Growth]. Still, practicing magic casting probably would bring me further in life than using this cheat of a system all the time.

And, yes, I did believe this shit was a cheat. Just think about the exclusivity of this system. What was needed to upgrade skills? Skill Points. How do you get the [Skill Upgrade System] to appear in your Profile?

With [Otherworldly Reincarnator].

Otherworldly Reincarnator

A title granted to a soul who has reincarnated with memories from its previous life. Enables the Skill Point function

Skill points werent freely available and from looking at the profiles of all the monsters I met up until now, I could confirm I was the only one with this system. I had such a huge advantage and I almost died thrice at this point. I wanted to call myself a failure, but more self-deprecation at this point would just bring me down.

Regardless, due to this revelation, I was seriously pondering on my future usage of my SP. What was more important? Gaining skills or leveling them up?

With this system, I could gain rare and powerful skills and also level them up. The stat growth skills like [Enhanced Intelligence Growth] were future-proof and the more I leveled and evolved, the more they became worth the expenditure. But, at the same time, I risked having no SP savings in case I needed them.

For now, I decided on reserving my SP to bypass those breakpoint requirements. Those were worth my SP, while I prioritized leveling my skills up without SP. This opened up options to buy interesting or skills I needed like [Humanize].

Suddenly, a rumble echoed throughout this cave while I was thinking of my SP. I squinted and looked down to my stomach.

Huuuuuuuungry

In a way, I was glad I left those kobold bodies behind. However, now, I wish I hadnt. I felt famished. I was forced to take out the remaining meat, fruits, and berries I had in my storage and began devouring them without looking how much I had. Sadly, it wasnt enough to get rid of [Starvation (Minor)].

Gosh, I was hungry.

Guess, its time to look for food

About time you finally thought of eating, Original Mind.

Who?!

And that was the day I finally began talking with myself. Solitude really got to me. Who knew I would become crazy this soon.

You arent going crazy.

Shut up, let me be dramatic!

A note from AbyssRaven

MC's current appearance is slightly inspired by Glavenus' design from the game franchise "Monster Hunter".

About the breakpoint requirement, it's my idea of having a limiter/balancing mechanic for the general populace of this world. It might seem tedious for MC, cause of her ridiculous mana, but a normal person or monster won't have that crazy amount of mana or practice targets like hers.

You can clearly distinguish the lazy from the hard-working people if you don't have the skill point system to work with.

Just a bit of world-building. Don't mind me~

Edit: Edited to match my current writing style. Jeez, doing all these tables again with every new rewrite is seriously annoying!

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About the author

1 Fictions 7 Posts 1 Threads

Sunday, January 12, 2020 5:26:33 PM Germany [Member of Zard Skwad]

Bio: Hey there, AbyssRaven here. I'm just an avid Light Novel and Fantasy story reader who randomly thought of a story and began writing about it.

I eventually found out that I've been spending a bit too much time with building, planning, and researching for the story, that I've decided to just share it with others.

Writing is mostly a hobby for me, but I would still love any kind of criticism to improve on it.

I'm also german, so please excuse anything that sounds a bit weird...I wouldn't mind you pointing it out though.

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