Chapter 95

A glass of milk, a piece of sugar. This is for Anna herself.

A bowl of thin porridge, with a piece of sugar, is for Karenin.

Anna woke up before dawn.

She had been squinting in bed for a while, not really sleeping. It all boils down to the fact that Anna has rarely been so close to anyone else.

Illness always means fatigue. When people are tired, people are at home. It's not a literal home. Most people will be accompanied and cared for by their families.

Anna didn't.

She knows what a person needs most at the moment, even if that person is her husband.

Taking care of others is not about listening to their heart as ordinary friends do and reaching out when they say they need your help, but more intimate. Before he says anything, ask him to think about it.

One obvious advantage of Karenin is that he doesn't like to rely on others. He is always used to solving problems by himself. This is due to his stubborn character, but also because he lost his parents too early.

At the beginning, his life experience was guided by his parents, and he had a brother. But when he needed their company most, he suddenly lost it.

Anna sometimes thought, maybe Karenin's heart needs more care than her. After all, a person who has been loved and cared for is always more difficult to give up those feelings.

She knows that feeling.

Because there is no dependence, so we always need to explore and undertake independently.

Maybe that's what she thinks he's different from others.

Anna likes strong and independent people, who attract her because she can hardly be counted as such. If they were just close friends, Anna would always appreciate that.

What's strange is that when you change a character, the qualities you appreciate will always change a little.

For example, Anna hopes from the bottom of her heart that she can get the dependence of Karenin.

She remembered the comprehensive care she had received from Karenin when she was ill. It moved her a lot. Sometimes it's incredible that people are vulnerable, and Anna understands that. Therefore, when Karenin was ill, she always hoped that the other party would trust her more.

"Madame, just let me come." Sasha's voice calls Anna back from some thoughts and waves her hand.

"I'll do it."

Seeing Anna insist, Sasha can only give up. She was preparing breakfast for Anna and said, "it's too much time. Are you sure you don't want some meat in it?"

"No, Sasha."

Sasha, stirring mashed potatoes, said, "Sir, it's rare to get sick. He couldn't eat much when he was ill, but fortunately he recovered very quickly She looked a little happier in the latter half of the sentence, the kind of sincere pleasure in a person's recovery.

"That sounds good." Anna said with a smile.

"Good?" Sasha chuckled bluntly. "Oh yes, that's what you can use to describe him."

"Even when he was still young, I didn't want to say that about him. Not to mention how tall he is now

Anna laughs. She tries to imagine that Karenin is still young. She always has a cool look like now. Only when he really doesn't understand, she will frown slightly, or just look at you, which means "you will give me the answer, right?".

It's so cute!

With such a mood, Anna had just brought the porridge out of the kitchen when she met Karenin, who had already got up, and was rarely wearing a dressing gown.

Different from the previous blue brocade dressing gown, it looks more thick and warm, covering Karenin's slightly thin body. The lighter color makes him look OK, not as bad as last night.

"You will rest at home, won't you?" Anna asked as she put things down.

Karenin hesitated for a moment: "there is a meeting at half past ten that I have to attend."

"It's important. Anna. " He stressed that he tried to find a proper reason for his behavior to defend himself, and that kind of stubbornness was fully displayed. It's almost irritating.

Most of the wives will be angry at this.

Most of this anger comes from loving each other, while others come from the failure of trust, with the issue of identity control.

The reaction to anger is similar to that of most people.

Or a voice of disappointment or apathy.

Almost all of this can be forgiven. Although it is not handled perfectly, it comes from human instinct.

But Anna didn't get angry immediately. Instead, she kept bending, raised her face slightly, frowned slightly, and said, "I thought we reached an agreement last night."She was very calm and occasionally with a characteristic softness. It's as if a mother is treating a stubborn child with all her patience, who even refuses to take medicine when she is ill.

So unreasonable behavior, but she gently to resolve.

The client, like a little angry boy, is like a big official in Petersburg with a guilty look. He can't refute his little thoughts.

So the "mother" wife will show her forgiveness once again.

Anna approached Karenin and stuck it on his forehead. She felt that he was better than last night, so she spoke.

"Although I still think you should have a good rest at home."

"But I know you don't want to."

Anna put the silver spoon in Karenin's hand.

"At least you need to eat more in order to maintain your physical strength."

Karenin's eyes moved away from the thick white gas. He looked at his wife, who, after touching his eyes, showed his usual smile.

The corners of the mouth slightly upward, the curvature of the eyes will not be too big, you can clearly see the gray pupil, which is the kind of smile that seems to belong to Karenin alone.

Thinking of this, although the skin is still hotter than usual due to illness, the tongue is numb, and even breathing is not smooth, Karenin felt that the heart was comforted by this smile.

Become at ease, calm.

He saw Anna sitting in the chair next to him, eating breakfast that healthy adults should have, and silver cutlery moving slowly between her delicate fingers until Karenin realized what he had done before the other party could see it.

His body began to move when he was immersed in some kind of thought.

"What's the matter?"

Karenin heard Anna's inquiry. And the sight on the table.

His left hand did not know when to boldly disobey the instructions of the brain, took the lead in making a movement, gently grasped the other party's hand, and obviously, full of attachment.

"Let go." The brain commands the hand calmly.

The hand not only does not loosen, also shakes, seems to be saying some cold witticism: "I am only the hand, the hand above has no ear."

Karenin was a little uneasy, especially when his wife was looking at him suspiciously.

It seems that it is more important to know why he did it than to be taken by her husband so suddenly that she couldn't enjoy breakfast.

Letting go is clearly the best way to deal with it at the moment.

But Karenin ignored the rational reminder, because he did not want to let go.

He continued to maintain this movement, and clenched a little, felt the other side's finger belly with his finger pulp.

Men's long, bony fingers, with quill pens, pistols and thin cocoon marks left all year round, are so rough compared with women's smooth fingers.

"It's itchy." Anna laughed, winced, tried to pull her hand back, but was refused.

Karenin exerted a little force and put the other's hand between his fingers again, and his thumb moved gently on the fingernail of the latter's index finger.

"Thank you, Anna."

Anna listened, stunned for a moment, then lowered her head and continued to smile.

"I can eat with my left hand." She said childishly.

After she said that, Karenin intended to release the hand with a little strength, continue to pull each other.

Sasha, who wanted to see if his husband needed to change his breakfast, came in to see the "handle" and quickly backed back.

Sasha looks at the neglected housekeeper, corney.

The latter had been calm and calm looking at the eyes in front of him, turned a direction, and tried a color for Sasha, so the latter went back to the kitchen with several maids.

There are still some scattered sounds in the air, such as "Sir", "I don't believe it", "this is a little sweet", etc.

In short, Karenin's residence, as usual, opened in the morning light. Although it was no longer the summer heat, there seemed to be more sunshine.

The 10:30 meeting lasted three hours from the beginning to the end.

If it was normal, Karenin would not feel too tired, but this time he confirmed that he was a little unable to support. But stubbornness, like him, can never be shown at this moment.

Karenin should be used to this feeling.

When he was younger, he experienced more difficult times than this, even if he was dizzy, he had to be so calm that one could not see a drop of his cold sweat.

Slouding is a careful young man. Although he likes to watch jokes on weekdays, as Karenin and Anna said, when working, he is quite competent.

The young man, who was Karenin's backup, reminded him of those who passed him to make sure he was always decent, and, if allowed, or created opportunities for Karenin to eat and drink less.This is the value of slythin. In his twenty-three-year-old life, in addition to some dispensable talents, it was his diligence and integrity that made him more attractive and convinced Karenin that this young man had a greater and brighter future.

A man of complete integrity can't go too far in his official career, but a man without integrity and with contempt for the world is unlikely to have any future.

After the last fatal event, Karenin seemed to have been drained of his strength.

He sat in his armchair, a little letting sweat seep out of his pores.

"Drink some water first." Sloudin quickly poured the water over, and then led the doctor into Karenin's separate office from nowhere.

The stethoscopes were moving in Karenin's lungs, and the doctor's calm words.

Karenin held his breath, frowned, and answered every feeling carefully.

They struggled for a while until Karenin thought he was better.

Sloudin arranged for the carriage, which he had intended to accompany Karenin back, but the latter implied that he would not.

If he was the kind of person who had just graduated from college, he would probably ask him why, but he had been working for a while, so he didn't insist on it.

After the driver drove away, Karenin did not sit straight as usual, but frowned and leaned against him.

The corners of his mouth puckered and his thick long eyebrows frowned, but he didn't feel better. It's just that even if you're in your office and you're surrounded by your own people, you need to be a bit reserved. It's not about trust, it's just a habit over the years.

Karenin fell asleep for a while, though he was ill.

In the dream, he seems to have returned to his childhood long ago.

In the big house, it was mother's piano.

Karenin's mother was a good musician. She seemed to want to train all three children to be like her, who had high attainments in music. Unfortunately, Karenin did not meet her expectations.

As for music, now Karenin can talk about it, and even make people think that he is an expert, but in fact, he did not like them from the bottom of his heart.

He doesn't love music, just as he can appreciate paintings and works of art, but he usually only talks about them instead of enjoying them from the bottom of his heart.

But long ago, when he was only seven or eight years old, he liked to listen to his mother's music.

He always remembers that.

Sometimes she would "catch" him out of the study and let him sit on the stool obediently and listen to her play not far from her.

And Karenin always kept holding books, sitting upright on the stool, doing those "forced", but not really annoying things.

He liked the fingers that his mother turned on the black and white keys in the morning or afternoon, and the eyes that occasionally looked at him. They were so focused and soft that they belonged only to Karenin himself, some small, secret happiness.

Karenin's father warned him not to indulge in gentleness, and he always listened.

However, just as human instinct wants to pursue the light, so does the attachment to tenderness.

In Karenin's restrained childhood, mother and piano sound are the feelings hidden in the bottom of his heart and don't want to be erased

"Sir?"

The voice of the coachman Peter woke Karenin from his shallow sleep.

There was a lump in his throat, astringent, and Karenin gave a slight cough.

He gathered up his overcoat, put on his top hat, and took his civilized walking stick, and then went down.

After getting out of the carriage, a gust of cold wind made Karenin unconsciously shake his right hand. He was dizzy, steady, heard the sound of footsteps, and as he looked up, a warm little hand held his hand.

"You're terribly hot."

After that, Anna quickly touched Karenin's skin with her forehead on tiptoe. She watched each other carefully, and her slender eyebrows twisted.

"Come on, I'll hold you," Anna said, pausing, assessing the weight and strength of the two men for a moment, and then confirming, "yes, I'll hold you."

Throughout the process, until Karenin lay on a soft bed, he had little choice.

This is really rare, because Karenin is not the type who can deliver himself to others. But that's what he did, a little bit dull, but always sober, watching Anna's behavior, including the way she finally stopped and put her hand on his forehead.

"How do you feel now? Alexis. " Anna asked, in a soft voice, a little different from the neat look before.

"Much better." Karenin replied in a low voice. He was leaning against the pillow, in a posture that could be said to be not very decent. His hands were well placed under the bedding, and he was still wearing a thick nightgown. He drank water and took medicine, waiting only for the call of sleep. To be honest, he was taken care of so well that he couldn't sleep at once."You should have a rest."

Yes, of course Karenin knew that he had better go to rest now. His eyelids have been a little heavy, but there is always a warm feeling in his heart, as if it has not been expressed.

"You've been waiting for me."

This is not a question, but a statement.

Anna was stunned and said, "I just guess you should be back now. I didn't wait long." She then touched his forehead again, as if not at ease, and confirmed again.

"What else do you want me to do for you?"

I don't know if it's medicine or other reasons. Karenin's thinking is a little slow at the moment.

When Anna repeated the second time, he did not continue to look at his wife with that kind of confused eyes. He understood the meaning of the words, but Anna patiently explained it again, kissing his forehead.

"You look like a deer falling into a sheep pen."

"It's kind of cute."

Anna smile, a pair of eyes become bright, the previous point of anxiety seems to have changed the same.

"No, I'm not cute." Karenin murmured to himself, still stubbornly persevered.

"Don't worry. Nothing has changed. You just need someone to take care of you." Anna said thoughtfully.

"I'm here. I'll take care of you."

Anna adjusted the pillow for Karenin.

"It's time for you to sleep, Alexis."

"I'll wake you up at dinner. This time you really have to listen to me." She said, with no sense of reproach.

Karenin's mind was in a dilemma, and his blue eyes, always calm and sharp, were now slowly blinking his eyelashes.

He looked at his wife, in a high heat swept by the situation, feel her figure hazy but soft, a little memory of the shadow. But the still struggling mind reminded him that it was not true.

Karenin's mother was not as strict as her father's, but there should be no tender memory about illness. He was surrounded by nannies and servants who had followed him since he was born. Warmth from his mother was not always skin touching and kissing.

Human memory will gradually decline with age, even for a rational person like Karenin.

So in the recollection, some memories will unconsciously add some unreal desire.

Karenin fell asleep.

He frowned in his dream, and his muscles sometimes twitched unconsciously. He pursed his mouth and sometimes sighed bitterly.

In fact, the sound is not audible in such a big house. Even the busy maids in the next room won't hear it, but someone always cares.

Anna is like a bound butterfly. Even if she flutters her wings, she still stays beside the flower. She is so young, usually waiting for her should be innumerable banquets and let down ball activities, but she completely loves the man in front of her from the heart, so, to stay has become willing.

"You'll be fine."

After another murmur from Karenin, Anna leaned down, put the skin in her palm on her partner's sweaty cheeks, and gently soothed her.

She wanted to kiss him.

Kiss his cheek, his brow, and his lips.

But Anna knew she shouldn't do it, so instead, she just used the palm of her hand, her fingers, or the skin on the back of her hand to gently touch the hot skin.

She knew that when she was sick, there was pain flowing through the blood under her skin.

She also knows how much comfort touch and language can bring to a person.

Time is ticking along.

Anuska comes in midway and asks Anna if she needs a meal. The latter looks at the sleeping man, thinks for a moment, and whispers that she doesn't need it.

She went out for a moment, ate something, and then continued to watch.

During these hours, she read a small section of the book, read several manuscripts, and observed a deep fold between Karenin's eyebrows.

Anna tried to smooth it down, but she felt a little funny.

This disease is torturing the man in front of her, and is also torturing Anna's heart.

She prayed that Karenin would get better soon.

When the clock struck again, Karenin moved his eyelids and woke up.

His eyes were a little stunned. He didn't look like the smart 30-year-old official. He seemed to be a young man between youth and youth.

The way he looked at Anna as if he had seen her for the first time made her a little nervous.

"Are you all right?" Anna asked involuntarily, her fingertips touching Karenin's sweaty hair."I hope you know me," Anna joked. "Do you know where you are?"

Karenin's eyes blinked for a moment, and then he looked around, and his expression became clear.

Anna was relieved. She was about to speak, but her right hand was held.

Within the day, the little hand was held again.

Anna blinked her eyes, and called Karenin's name awkwardly.

"Alexis?"

Instead of getting an answer, she got a kiss.

The lips are hot and fall on the knuckles on the back of the hand.

"I'm at home."

"I'm fine."

Karenin's voice was a little hoarse, his words were short but clear.

"Here you are."

"So I'm fine, Anna."

Anna listened, slightly side of the head, half ring, a little shy smile in the corner of her mouth bloom.

"Oh, I can see that."

After she said that, she looked up at Karenin. Under the candlelight, the tenderness in her blue eyes seemed to overflow.

"Do you want water?" Anna asked and handed the water over.

Karenin took it and sipped it. The sweetness of the water moistened his throat.

His eyes were still on his wife, from the latter's watery eyes to the smile on the corner of his mouth, he said, his voice soft and slow: "I dream of my mother."

"Ah..." Anna uttered an exclamatory syllable and then assumed a listening posture. Every time Karenin wanted to share something like this with her, she always felt like a flower in her heart.

"She likes playing the piano and sometimes she lets us listen to her play."

After finishing this sentence, Karenin stopped for a moment, his eyes were a little confused: "I can't remember her appearance now."

"I seldom dream of her."

"People say that in times of vulnerability, humans bring courage to themselves by thinking about those who are gentle to them." Anna whispered.

Karenin lowered his eyes and fell on his wife's little hand.

"Anna, I mean

He raised his head again and gently pinched the back of his wife's hand with his fingers.

He seemed to be hesitating, and he seemed to be weighing his words. There are not many problems that can defeat Karenin in the world, but feelings always make him feel at a loss.

It is not the feeling that needs to be released and restrained for the sake of political interests, but it is simply the emotion sprouting from Karenin's heart.

They always seem so shy, just like a trembling bud, so fragile, need to be carefully cared for, or it will disappear into the soil.

But when you think so, always want to love it, unknowingly, it grew up again, roots in the soil, very strong, even if the wind can not blow it away.

"The deeper the memories are, the more attached they are to their feelings. I used to think I could be what my father expected, but after my brother died, I knew I would never be able to surpass him. "

"I couldn't be satisfied with my father's expectations, so my memories of my mother became more and more tender. But in fact, the memories that my mother gave me, I mean those that are real and I can recall, can't say how much I care about them

The man's fingers rub the back of his wife's hand, the heat of the skin is obvious, but it is much better than in the daytime.

"In fact, mother preferred Matvey to me," Karenin said slowly after a pause. "Of the three of us, only Matvey has inherited his mother's fingers and his sense of music."

"I'm not the one who often sits around listening to my mother play. Sometimes it's the three of us, and more often it's Matt and his mother."

"I always do," Karenin pauses, as if to remove the dim memory, and finally see the truth. His tone still maintained a certain low and gentle tone, but his blue eyes seemed to be a little wet.

What a surprise if ordinary people saw it!

But Karenin was such a man. Under his calm and self-sustaining appearance, his heart is the most can not see women or children's tears.

This tough man, in this silent night, for the first time, exposed his vulnerability.

In those memories, including the second son of the extended family, as well as the unfair treatment suffered by those who were not too sociable, too clever and industrious, on this night, in a kind of gentle feelings, overflowed.

"I'm always in my study."

"I should," Karenin said slowly, with a slow blink in his eyes. "I never heard my mother play music alone."

"I don't have one." He said in a low voice.

"Sometimes I miss her, but then less and less. I still remember her voice, but I don't remember her appearance any more. ""She loves you." Anna whispered, "she loves you all."

"Yes, I never doubt it." Karenin said his blue eyes were looking at his wife for a long time, and he said, "so you're here, good."

"Anna, you are here, my eyes can see you, my hands can touch you."

Karenin's mouth slightly raised, showing a somewhat relieved smile. Even if he was pale at the moment, the whole person was not as meticulous and sharp as usual, but Anna still loved him.

Because he said:

"I love you, Anna."

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