Chapter 32: The Door.

Chapter 32: The Door.

'This is... new.'

I had woken up once again in the undead asylum. Normally, I would be having a heart attack by now, but I was suspiciously conscious considering where I was standing. After all, I usually end up in the asylum in most of my nightmares.

But this isn't one of my nightmares I'm sure of it. I am far too ''concious''. But at the same time, I know this isn't reality as I can't open my status. But the most confusing part was the fact that this wasn't exactly the asylum I knew.

But...

This didn't feel like a dream either.

I felt, smelt, and everything in between. I was far, far too lucid for this to be a simple dream. But then why...

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I looked at my half-naked body bar a loincloth and it was one I was and wasn't used to at the same time.

Unlike my muscular and trained body filled with scars. This one was just slightly athletic with a bit of fat hanging off it. My hair was shorter as well only reaching my neck.

This was John Moore.

My old body. One I hadn't seen in what felt like forever ago.

It felt unusual, to say the least. I wasn't used to feeling so... weak. But regardless, being in this body made me feel some things that I couldn't really describe. Something like nostalgia and melancholy as well as a bit of happiness at the sight of the normalcy that had been taken away from me.

But enough of that, it was time to address the elephant in the room. That being the huge fucking door that usually led up to the Asylum Demon's arena that had somehow completely transformed and was bound shut by multitudes of chains.

But that wasn't all. This door was completely different. The material was seemingly weaved from the night itself. Engraved on it were hundreds of faces wailing in anguish and agony as they shed tears of blood. The most defining feature of it however was the giant darksign in the middle, painted with blood and some black substance. The gaps in the door emitted some kind of black-and-white smoke.

Just even looking at the gate gave me a sense of existential dread. A feeling even the mightiest foes in Lordran hadn't given. The sense of danger wasn't physical. The threat to me...

It was to my sense of self.

I feel like I would lose a very essential part of myself if I ever were to ever open that door.

I didn't know why I didn't know _how_ I knew this but...

The moment I open that door...

I don't think I will be able to call myself human anymore.

Just what the hell is that door? And why did it feel so familiar yet dangerous? Where was I? Why was I here? All I can remember is Solaire's phantom perishing and myself getting irrationally angry even though I knew Solaire would be virtually unharmed thanks to being undead.

I can only vaguely remember myself killing the last gargoyle. And even that is blurry.

Just what is happening...?

...

Then I ''woke up''.

With a splitting headache mind you.

I groggily dragged myself up and out of the rubble and looked around. The church roof was completely, for the lack of a better word, _Fucked_. It was burnt, bashed, crushed, and slashed with everything in between. But even worse than that were the corpses of the gargoyles littered around.

'_Fuck_ that's disgusting.'

Even for a man as jaded as me, that is disgusting as all hell. One of them was missing both arms and had a black knight sword impaling its chest and pinning it to the wall. And that was the one who had it the best.

Another one's head was just straight-up popped like a goddam balloon. Or like putting rubber bands around a watermelon. Brain matter and skull shards everywhere.

The one next to him looked like a used condom with all of his bones turned to mush. And his beheaded head next to my foot didn't make it any prettier.

And the last one...

_Fucking hell_

Just... wow.

I don't think I even want to know.

It was just... gone. Barely any trace of it left.

The only thing left behind were a few scraps of discarded flesh and bone along with its equipment. And the taste in my mo-

I'M GOING TO STOP YOU RIGHT THERE.

Whelp. I refuse to continue that line of thought. And I shove any trace of it down the deepest darkest part of my brain where it will never resurface again.

My armor was tattered and charred beyond recognition. To the point where repair powder wouldn't do shit for it. Which meant I had to spend hours fixing it manually.

>:(

After storing away the gargoyle corpses(hoarder mindset) I started making the long climb up. A long, long climb up. But at least the scenery was divine. You could see most of the relevant parts of lordran from up here.

I'd say the scenery is the one and only thing good about Lordran.

After climbing the frankly absurd amount of ladders(seriously the floor below here has an elevator so why not here!?) I got up to the bell and rang it using the lever.

*Ding dong ding dong*

The sound of the bell traveled all across Lordran yet he felt nothing. No accomplishment, no glory just emptiness.

He just felt like he had checked a task off a to-do list and nothing more.

After admiring the scenery for a bit I went down to the main church building and opened the shortcut to fire link and took the elevator back to the Firelink shrine.

I greeted everybody(Including Solaire who had recovered from death quite well) and sat down to think.

I need help.

Not mentally, of course, I am as sane as one could be in Lordran.

But what happened at the gargoyle fight shed some light on my situation. Although I may not remember much about I can distinctly remember the feeling of helplessness and desperation.

If I keep going alone I am sure I will crumble before I reach the finish line.

Even now I have to rely on absurd methods just to keep up. And if the same thing that happened when I fought the gargoyles happened again I don't think I could handle it.

I need friends.

People I can rely on.

After all, that's how I took down the drake no?

/Do we really?/

I felt the air around me get colder as something sat in front of me.

'Huh, last time I checked you were a centipede no? Inconsistent much? And what do you mean by that.'

It grinned, its mouth filled with jagged teeth stretching far beyond its cheeks.

/ We are much stronger than we think. After all, how could we brutalize the gargoyles like that and raise our stats independently without souls if we weren't?/

'...What do you mean by that?'

/It doesn't make sense to me. Why do you shackle yourself with your humanity? If you just let loose, stopped restricting yourself, purposefully hindering it. We could contend with the lords. No, surpass them even./

'...I don't understand what you are talking about...'

/Do not act like a fool. We both know I'm you, I can't be aware of what you aren't, and vice versa. Tell me, do you enjoy the feeling of helplessness?/

It got up from its seated position and loomed over me. It's borderline feral gaze boring into me.

/Why do you persist on this path?/

...

/Fine./

/It is inevitable anyway. Even with help, a mere human cannot reach the first flame./

And then it disappeared, along with the suffocating pressure.

*Sigh.*

Whelp, that sure was encouraging. Gotta remember. I can't give up just because some beastlike apparition of myself told me to do so. After all.

'It's always the darkest before the soul.'

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