Chapter 119 - A Silent Plea

"Is she..." Dane trailed off as he scanned the living room vicinity for his dear wife but sadly caught no sight of her.

Only Cleo was present who sighed and shook his head. "She's sleeping. Prisana spent a good deal studying and immediately fell asleep."

He sighed also in disappointment like a child being unable to play with his lynx. "Thank you for watching over her. You may leave now."

Before Cleo turned to leave he slipped something inside Dane's hands. "...I know you haven't been taking your meds lately but your doctor warned me to give these to you. He said you would need them around this time of the year."

Cleo was right. Around this time of the year...The day when his parents slipped away from his grasp. It was coming close yet again. Whenever their death anniversary approached, Dane was always in disarray with his emotions out of order. Completely a mad beast. He usually just took work off and drunk himself silly but this time should be different.

At least, Dane hoped this year around would be different.

Dane clutched the shirt at his chest, feeling a bit uneasy as he glanced at his meds. His panic attacks were less frequent and he could sleep well all because Prisana was beside him. There hadn't been any problems as of late. And yet he wasn't sure if that meant it would be different when the day approached.

The uneasiness kept gnawing at his bones even when he made his way up the stairs. Each step made his heart beat with anticipation up until the very moment he turned the door handle to their room. The beast found his lynx prey to slumber. She was sleeping on her side peacefully and snoring a storm.

Goodness even this side to her, he found extremely adorable. So at peace with the world, her chest fell and rose with eyes fully closed to regretfully dream of things not about Dane himself. He chuckled watching her brow begin to furrow. So he poked her forehead until a little smile surfaced to immediately warm his stormy heart.

The blanket was halfway to her waist so he tugged it up to her shoulders to fully tuck her in.

And then he played with a lock of her short hair. It slipped through his fingetips.

Dane simply just sat there for a long time to admire her pretty features until finally he could quietly breathe out the words, "Have I told you lately that I love you?"

Of course there was no answer. Just the sound of her snoring filling the entire room.

He paused before whispering more, "I could whisper these sweet nothings to you everyday...Prisana, I love you so much I'd give anything or all that I am if you just wished for it. If you wished for it, I could forget about shedding truths and just run somewhere far away where no one would find us but I know you would never do something so cruel. You're too kind for your own good to ask of something so selfish yet beautiful."

And then he looked away and sighed. "....Prisana oh prisana dearest...It's my parent's death anniversary next week. I'm dying to tell you but some other part of me forbids it because I want you to focus on school and your youth. Not on some brooding beast...who won't be himself. It shouldn't be the end of the world but I'll be avoiding you because I won't be Dane, husband, or beast but a cowering boy resolved to ashes and flames."

Dane blurted out without thinking, "Please, I'm begging you lynx, save me when the time comes."

He shook his head and frantically stood up. What was he saying? How could she save him from his panic attacks or the horrors that lie await in his mind? They were bound to happen as a natural course of his dreaded body would refuse to listen to him. He was asking her the impossible. He was pleading to a sleeping lynx, too coward to confront her waking self.

This had to be too much of a eavy burden for his lynx who had other matters to tend to. Dane hated this part of him. The part which refused to allow anyone inside this stormy heart of his. Even though Prisana was opening him up more and more, there still lay the dormant beast.

Almost suddenly, he recieved that familiar migraine and couldn't fathom how to breathe normally. Why now? His body worked like damn clockwork, knowing that his past would soon come back to haunt him eventually.

His chest hurt. He closed his eyes and desperately fumbled for his meds. Dane left his lynx sound asleep and stalked out of the room to resist it. But his world was growing dark and flashes of that night were beginning to take a hold of his entire being. The flames and the stark horror of watching the crispened bodies of his parents burned his memory forever from that moment on.

And then all over again, he was consumed with so many emotions that it nearly tossed him sideways.

His large stature dramatically staggered against the wall as he clutched at it. He shouldn't do it. Dane shouldn't but his hands fumbled for the cap anyway. He popped in two pills and slowly counted inside his head from ten. Three...two...one. He heaved a long sigh, slumping down against the wall in utter and complete defeat.

How could Dane ever bloody conquer his demons if he couldn't conquer himself? He fisted a handfull of his hair in turmoil and crushed it desperately, "...Mother...Father, I'm lost. Tell me please...How do I forget this anger, pain, and sadness...Where is the right direction to proceed?"

The beast was left with no one to answer him but silence and his own troubling thoughts that englufed him until the pitchest black of night turned sky blue.