Chapter 75： remember, i'm in

"Why can't you cry?"

Mu Zhixing looked at Jiang Dao with a harsh tone.

"I know that you have memorized all the lines. Every time I met before, I also read your character analysis, and it was well written. You also analyzed this plot well...Since the analysis is in place, why are you crying? not come out?"

Jiang Dao was silent and did not answer.

"I can see that you have worked hard, put in a lot of effort and prepared a lot for this drama." Mu Zhixing said, "But it's not enough. Since you know you can't cry, why haven't you targeted the drama in the past few months?" Intensive training for crying scenes? Knowing that I can't cry, why didn't you ask me for help when we met a few times before? You and Xiao Chu... have such a good relationship, why didn't you ask him to help you?"

Next to him, Chu Yinlong was about to say something, but Mu Zhixing gave him a wink.

So Chu Yinlong understood that Director Mu would probably say something harsh on purpose next time, trying to see if he could make Jiang Dao cry.

"I know you are not from a major, but since you are aware of your shortcomings, why don't you focus on training? Yes, you are my favorite and I forced you to play this role, but since you agreed, you also said You will do your best, and you should do everything you can!"

"Acting is not that simple. Crying scenes are the most difficult, not because crying scenes are difficult to act, but because, in order to be able to cry at any time, actors need to tear apart the pain in their hearts time and time again. Drain emotion."

"You can't cry because you dare not tear your own wounds!"

Jiang Dao still sat there, eyelashes drooping, not speaking.

Director Mu paused for a moment before emphasizing his tone: "Did you ever cry when you grew up? Think about it now, recall what was the saddest time you cried, and why? Think about it now, is it still sad?" ? Wronged? Desperate?"

The saddest time you cried?

In order to protect him and his mother, did his father cut the rope and fall into the abyss?

Was it the mother lying beside him unconsciously, getting cold on that rainy night?

Was it because he was framed and punished when he was nine years old, and his whole body was whipped with blood?

When he was ten years old, seeing his friend who was also a slave soldier dying, he cried and begged the slave owner for medicine but couldn't get it?

Jiang Dao clenched his fingers lightly, but there was neither sadness nor joy in his eyes.

Even thinking of those things, he can't cry now.

It is obviously impossible for Mu Zhixing to know what Jiang Dao has experienced.

"Haven't you ever encountered something that made you feel sad, unfair, hopeless and helpless?" He looked at the expressionless Jiang Dao, feeling powerless, "Actors are professions that want to be cruel to themselves. No matter how painful it is, you still have to recall, uncover your own wounds, and dig out all the sadness, grievance and helplessness in your heart at that time!"

Jiang Dao understood.

So he closes his eyes and tries to find the emotions that drove him to cry.

But... still no use.

Mu Zhixing can also see that Jiang Dao's emotions are actually in place.

He could see that Jiang Dao was trying to remember, and fell into very complicated and sad emotions, but he couldn't shed tears.

Director Mu reprimanded him a few more times, but Chu Yinlong couldn't take it anymore.

He stretched out his hand to grab Jiang Dao's hand, and said to Mu: "Don't force him, it really won't work... use artificial tears."

The pastor stomped his feet: "I have never used fake tears in my movies!"

His head hurts: "You have also made so many movies. You have been a director and an actor. You don't know the difference between fake tears and real tears? Whether people cry or not is not only because they can't shed tears, but the whole facial muscles are slightly The expression will be affected, and you are not unclear."

Chu Yinlong argued hard: "But his emotions are in place, and his micro-expressions can be controlled. If you really don't want to use artificial tears, you can use onions."

The director of the pastor blew his beard and stared: "You just protect him! It's not the only scene in which he cries in this film. This scene is quite peaceful. It's not impossible to find other ways. What about the next few scenes? ? What about the emotional outburst?"

Chu Yinlong didn't know what to do either.

He turned his head to look at Jiang Dao, but Jiang Dao still lowered his eyelashes and remained silent.

Mu Zhixing calmed down for a while, raised his hand and looked at his watch.

"There's still half a day left, let's crave this scene today." After finishing speaking, he looked at Chu Yinlong and gave an order, "I have a task for you, within today, no matter what method you use, you must give it to me Made me cry!"

Chu Yinlong: ...

After the words fell, Director Mu waved his hand and shouted to the staff: "Leave the machine, everyone evacuates, let the two of them stay alone to find the feeling, go for a walk."

Seeing that everyone in the room had left, leaving only him and Jiang Dao sitting half naked on the bed, Chu Yinlong pinched the center of his brows with a headache.

Let him make Jiang Dao cry?

Is he willing!

I don't know what the pastor is thinking.

After a moment of silence, Chu Yinlong took Jiang Dao's hand and interlocked his fingers.

"I know, I can see that you have experienced a lot of sad things, maybe more than all of us have experienced." Chu Yinlong looked into Jiang Dao's eyes, "Although opening the wound is cruel, but... you can tell Listen to me?"

"No." Jiang Dao didn't hesitate at all.

"Why?" Chu Yinlong asked softly.

"I can't say." Jiang Dao said with lowered eyes.

"Can't you tell me?" Chu Yinlong and Jiang Dao's hand tightened slightly, "Why?"

Jiang Dao looked at the two holding hands together and sighed helplessly.

"My past is not important, and it's not good at all." He didn't dare to look up into Chu Yinlong's eyes, and looked aside, "I don't want to tell you, and I won't tell anyone."

Chu Yinlong turned around, held Jiang Dao's cheek with the other hand, frowned and stared at those dark eyes.

"But I want to know." He said in a low voice, "I want to see all of you, and I will accept all of you. Look, I know what you have done to Qin Xiao, and I know what dangerous things you have done but I still like you."

No, you don't know that I once cheated, kidnapped, murdered and set fire.

You don't know that in many cases, if I don't give up some of my persistence as a human being, if I don't treat myself as a beast, it is impossible for me to survive.

If you saw me who was doing everything I could to survive, would you really... like me?

Jiang Dao looked into Chu Yinlong's eyes, and his heart felt cold.

"It's far away." He turned his face away ruthlessly, and shook off Chu Yinlong's hand, "I will try harder to see if I can cry, don't say anything else."

Chu Yinlong curled up his fingers hanging in the air, and slowly retracted them.

He took a breath, suppressed the dull pain in his chest, and tried to bring the topic back to business: "Okay, let's not talk about anything else. I can actually feel that it's not that you don't want to recall sad things. You...look very sad, I I can feel...you are just suppressing and can't let go."

In fact, Jiang Dao also understands that even if many heart-wrenching memories are clearly vivid in his mind, he can't cry. One is because those things have long passed, and the other is that he has long been used to suppressing emotions.

Especially negative emotions, because all negative emotions will expose his weaknesses and weaknesses, which is too dangerous.

"Jiang Dao, you are an actor now." Chu Yinlong said earnestly, "You can no longer suppress your emotions, you must release them. You did a good job before, happiness, anger, sorrow, fear of love and evil desires, except for crying , you can act well in other emotions...why can't you cry?"

"Because crying is useless."

Ejima's tone was too calm.

There was an inconspicuous smile on the corner of his mouth, mockingly: "I also know that it is a good thing to be able to cry and vent your emotions. But crying itself can't solve any problems, and it will also appear weak and deceitful, which will make people feel uncomfortable. See what I care about, let people know how to hurt me, how to cut at my most vulnerable place..."

Chu Yinlong was stunned.

What has this kid been through?

It's not that he can't cry, it's that he doesn't dare to cry.

If it wasn't for acting, Jiang Dao would hardly reveal any negative emotions on weekdays. He always seemed so free and easy and optimistic, as if he didn't care about any misunderstandings and accusations.

…However, no one realizes that Jiang Dao is not incapable of being sad, he just hides all the negative emotions behind a thick shell, and even deceives himself.

He may be really not afraid of pain, and he doesn't care about pain, but that doesn't mean he doesn't feel pain.

Chu Yinlong reached out and took Jiang Dao into his arms, and hugged him tightly.

His eyes were red, and his throat was so tight that he could hardly make a sound: "...Stop talking."

Jiang Dao raised his hand, put his arm around Chu Yinlong's shoulder, and pushed him away slightly.

"I've thought of a way." He looked at Chu Yinlong, "If you hit my weak spot with a knife, I'll want to cry. Now, here... I can try... let go of my emotions, maybe I can cry of."

Chu Yinlong's heart trembled violently: "...a knife aimed at your weakness?"

Jiang Dao hummed: "So, scold me."

Chu Yinlong had a bad feeling: "Calling you?"

Jiang Dao nodded: "Yes. You can scold me whatever you want, don't just use the most vicious and hurtful words you can think of, wrong me, insult me... You can learn from those people on the Internet, what do you think? You can say anything about me, I'll try to see if I can... catch a little emotion."

Chu Yinlong looked into Jiang Dao's eyes, and his heart trembled more and more.

He suddenly remembered that he had actually seen Jiang Dao's emotions on the verge of losing control.

The first time he almost had an accident on the set, Jiang Dao hugged his waist, trembling all over.

The second time, when he came out of Qin Xiao's villa, Jiang Dao said with red eyes that he didn't want to lose him.

Chu Yinlong suddenly understood.

—He is Jiang Dao's weakness.

Here, only he can make Jiang Dao cry.

"But I..." Chu Yinlong hesitated.

"You are an actor, and so am I." Jiang Dao grabbed Chu Yinlong's finger and shook it lightly, "We are filming, and I need to cry, so be more professional and scold me."

Chu Yinlong was silent for a long time, took a deep breath, and then exhaled slowly.

He reached out and hugged Jiang Dao, kissed the corner of the teenager's lips lightly, and then stood up: "Give me some time, I'll prepare."

Ejima nodded.

Chu Yinlong turned and left the bedroom where the filming site was located, turned into the bathroom under the gaze of everyone in the living room rest area, and stood for a while with the sink propped up.

The pastor knocked on the door outside: "What's going on?"

Chu Yinlong pushed the door and went out: "He still can't cry, but we have found a way, and we are going to try... Wait a little longer, if it doesn't work, I can't help it."

Mu Zhixing had no choice but to say, "Okay, try your best. There is really no other way, this time I can only use artificial tears."

Finally adjusted his state, Chu Yinlong returned to the bedroom, closed the door with his backhand, and cut off all prying eyes.

He walked to the bed, dragged a staff member's folding chair, and placed it opposite Jiangdao.

Then he sat on a chair and assumed the scrutiny posture of a superior.

"Let's continue talking about what happened just now." Chu Yinlong's line skills have always been good, his voice was lowered, deliberately revealing a trace of coldness, "Why can't you tell me about your past? It's to hide some ulterior secret ?"

Jiang Dao lowered his eyelashes, trying hard to feel the depression and grievance from this sentence.

"Love is a matter between two people, and it should be open and honest without reservation. But you are unwilling to tell me your past. How can I have the confidence to face the future with you?"

Chu Yinlong folded his arms and tightly clenched his hands hidden in the dark into fists, trying his best to keep his tone cold.

"You hide so many secrets that I don't understand. You dare to trample on the law and break into the villa at night. You can avoid all surveillance along the way and make a perfect sneak... Where did you learn these skills? I don't know Have you ever done anything more flouting the law, more immoral?"

Ejima closed his eyes and pulled the edge of the bed with his fingers.

Chu Yinlong looked away, focused on the void behind Jiang Dao, and took a short, deep breath.

Then he went on to read the lines: "Jiang Dao, you scare me like this. I am afraid that you are a spy sent by other countries, and I am afraid that you will steal something that is extremely important to me; I am afraid that one day I will wake up. , found blood on your hands..."

Jiang Dao slowly took a breath, trembling uncontrollably.

Chu Yinlong clenched his teeth tightly, and finally said: "I can't accept you by my side like this."

Jiang Dao closed his eyes, pursed the corners of his mouth, bit his lips with the tip of his teeth, his face turned pale.

The silence lasted for a long time, and the room was so quiet that the abnormal breathing of both of them could be heard.

until-

Chu Yinlong suddenly rushed to Jiang Dao's side, stretched out his hand to pinch his chin, and pressed his thumb against Jiang Dao's clenched teeth: "Let go! You are bleeding! Let go, Xiao Dao, don't bite yourself!"

Jiang Dao looked up at Chu Yinlong.

Those eyes were as black as a deep cold pool, seeming to be able to freeze all emotions and sink them into the deepest water, never to see the light.

Chu Yinlong's eyes turned red instantly, and he eagerly kissed the corner of Jiang Dao's mouth, his voice trembling and incoherent: "Xiao Dao... loose mouth, okay? Don't hurt yourself... Those words just now are all lies, don't believe them, Xiao Dao, don't Believe...don't bite yourself, let go...I am, I am all made up, I lied to you. How could I not accept you, I like you...No matter what you are, I like you..."

He put his forehead against Jiang Dao's eyebrows, rubbed the tip of his nose against Jiang Dao's nose, and kissed away the blood oozing from Jiang Dao's lips.

A drop of warm tears fell into the cleft between the lips of the two, Jiang Dao suddenly came back to his senses, his eyes widened in shock.

Chu Yinlong...could actually cry?

Jiang Dao was in a state of confusion, he unconsciously raised his hand to hold Chu Yinlong's face, and wiped away the tears from the corners of the man's eyes.

"You, why are you crying?" Jiang Dao's throat tightened slightly, "Obviously I should cry."

With both hands, Chu Yinlong hugged Jiang Dao into his arms, and whispered in his ear: "My heart hurts."

Taking a slow breath, he said again: "I'm sorry, those words hurt you just now... Those are not true, they are all made up by me, how can I be willing to drive you away..."

After a moment of silence, Jiang Dao whispered, "...But I'm really not a good person."

His hands are not only stained with blood, the evil things he has done are probably more cruel than the cruelest things Chu Yinlong can imagine. Although those are all choices made by you, it is undeniable that he made them himself.

He knew that there was a beast hidden in his heart, and even, if he hadn't been really reluctant to part with this beautiful world, if he hadn't been reluctant to implicate Chu Yinlong, there would not have been a single person left alive in Qin Xiao's villa that night.

"Jiang Dao," Chu Yinlong looked into the boy's eyes seriously, "I can tell whether you are a good person or not."

As he spoke, he stroked Jiang Dao's eye ends with his fingers, paused for a moment at the thin red, and then said:

"You probably had a bad past. You don't want people to see your weaknesses and weaknesses. You may have raised a vicious dog in your heart, guarding your most precious and cherished things... To me, those are A part of you, no matter it is unbearable or cruel, I accept it completely. Even if one day you can't shut up the vicious dog in your heart, hurt others, hurt me... I may be sad, but I will still love you .”

Hearing Chu Yinlong's gentle and solemn voice, Jiang Dao felt his eyes warm and his heart sour, and the world in front of him was scattered by a little water.

"And, trust me, I'll tie that vicious dog for you."

Chu Yinlong whispered in Jiang Dao's ear.

"I will also guard your most precious and cherished things with it. You are no longer alone, I am here. You can vent your emotions wantonly, you can be sad, you can be wronged and complain, you can make trouble for no reason..."

"You can cry too. You don't have to be afraid of being found out about your weakness. Remember, I'm here."

The world in front of him became more and more fragmented, but the love in Chu Yinlong's eyes was so clear, as if a ray of light shot straight into Jiang Dao's eyes.

Jiang Dao hurriedly closed his eyes, but the hot tears still rolled out of his eyes, slid down his cheeks, and then were gently wiped away by a warm hand.

Tears flowed more and more, as if to vent all the grief and despair that I had endured and swallowed all these years...

Jiang Dao hugged Chu Yinlong tightly, so strong that Chu Yinlong couldn't help frowning. But he didn't make a sound, he only raised his hand to gently caress the back of Jiang Dao's neck, and gently patted Jiang Dao's back.

It's been a long time... a long time...

Jiang Dao couldn't stop crying, the tears flowed down the tight body and wet the skin of both of them.

Chu Yinlong was originally relieved that Jiang Dao finally cried out, but he didn't expect the result to become more and more out of control, and he panicked all over.

"Don't cry." He tried to wipe away Jiang Dao's tears, but his hands were already soaked with tears, "Stop, don't... well, I will feel bad for you. Adjust your breathing, or you will have to convulse in a while It's hard."

"I...well, I don't know..." Jiang Dao choked, unable to hold back his tears, "I don't know why...why...can't stop..."

"Think about happy things?" Chu Yinlong felt distressed and funny, and rubbed Jiang Dao's face, "You worked hard today, so let Director Mu give you a chicken leg for lunch? Or, do you want to drink milk tea?"

"Noon, uh, lunch...it's past time." Jiang Dao said in a heavy nasal voice, with tears in his eyes, "I'll cry, cry...go call Director Mu..."

After a few words of persuasion, but to no avail, Chu Yinlong got up helplessly, opened the door and called Mu Zhixing in.

Seeing Jiang Dao crying uncontrollably, Director Mu became depressed.

He gave Chu Yinlong a blank look: "I told you to make him cry, but I didn't let you bully him like this. Look how you are crying! How did you torture him, and you are so cruel? Hey, you return-"

While talking, Director Mu glanced at the door, seeing no one watching, lowered his voice and said in shock: "You actually bit his mouth open! What kind of habit do you have?!"

Chu Yinlong: ...

Why does this scene seem familiar?

"No...not him," Jiang Dao cried and wanted to defend Chu Yinlong, "Yes, um, I... bit it myself."

Mu Zhixing: "Do you think I believe it?"

Jiang Dao: "Really!"

Mu Zhixing was speechless, turned around and took a pack of tissues from the outside and handed it to Jiang Dao: "Wipe it. The ordered lunch has arrived, please calm down and eat first."

With the presence of outsiders, Jiang Dao quickly suppressed his emotions, and the tears stopped flowing, but he couldn't stop his sobs.

The two wiped away the tears that dripped from their bodies, put on their coats, walked side by side into the living room that was temporarily used as a lounge, and had dinner with the film crew.

"Hurry up in the afternoon and finish this crying scene while you are emotional." Director Mu said, and then turned to the coordinator, "Jiang Dao's eyes will definitely be swollen tomorrow, adjust it, arrange a scene that does not require close-ups, or give Xiao Chu a single People, Group B is also fine."

The coordinator nodded, quickly finished the last bite of rice, picked up the laptop and started to prepare.

After lunch, there was not much rest time. Jiang Dao and Chu Yinlong were dragged to touch up makeup and reshape their styles, and then the shooting began in full swing.

After venting his emotions once, Jiang Dao didn't cry so hard this time.

Under the lens, the boy's crow-like eyelashes trembled, casting a shadow on his cheek. He bit his lip, his face was pale, but there was an astonishing touch of pink at the end of his eyes, accompanied by teardrops in his eyes that couldn't be shed, making him look distressing.

As the two moved closer, the little gray wolf's fingers on Xia Tian's back suddenly tightened, crinkling the thin clothing.

The long eyelashes trembled suddenly, and the teardrops in the boy's eyes suddenly rolled down. Then, with trembling lips, he closed his eyes in despair.

"Cut!"

Director Mu stared at the camera monitor, and finally showed a smile on his face after being silent for a long time: "It's over."