CH 57.1

Warning triggers: Suicide

The timing of Xie Lin entering the room was very coincidental and interrupted Yuan Ye’s words. He didn’t continue talking, instead his eyes fell on Xie Lin, but Xie Lin didn’t look at him, he just walked over to the bed and handed the medicine to Fu Yuanzhou.

“Thank you.”

Fu Yuanzhou took the medicine and looked at the two people standing in the bedroom. Suddenly, he felt some inexplicable emotions. They used to be his friends and they had only friendship between them, but now the two of them… and he too fell in love with Xie Lin, since that was the case, he should make it clear to Yuan Ye and tell him to give up earlier.

But when the words came to his mouth, Fu Yuanzhou didn’t know how to speak. His heart was heavy, because he knew that once he made it clear, his relationship with Yuan Ye would definitely become estranged in the future, and it would be the same with Xiaofei. After all, he would publicly associate with Xie Lin sooner or later.

Fu Yuanzhou had no regrets. Since he had fallen in love with Xie Lin, he had no other choice and he did not want to make any other choice.

He felt uncomfortable and thought silently about what he should say, but Yuan Ye had put down his notes, picked up his schoolbag and started to leave: “I’ll go first, there is a game in the afternoon, I can’t miss it, and I’ll come to see you later.”

“…”

Fu Yuanzhou paused and realized that this was not a good time to explain. He didn’t want to delay Yuan Ye’s game, so he swallowed those words.

When it came to the game, he also wanted to ask how Yuan Ye had been getting along with his father recently, and whether his father’s attitude towards him playing games had changed, which was what he was very concerned about.

In the past two days, he and Yuan Ye’s father had also chatted a few times. The other party was very calm when he mentioned Yuan Ye. It didn’t seem like there was a contradiction, but he didn’t know what the actual situation was. As an outsider, he didn’t feel right asking as well.

Considering the same reason, he was afraid that asking about this matter would affect Yuan Ye’s mood, so in the end he didn’t say anything and simply cheered Yuan Ye on: “Jiayou.”

Yuan Ye smiled: “I’ll win, I’ll invite you to watch the finals, you can rest well.” After speaking, he looked at Xie Lin again, “Senior, then please take good care of him.”

Xie Lin looked at him for a while. Then, he said, “There’s no need for please, it’s my job.”

Yuan Ye smiled and curled the corners of his lips without smiling then he left while waving his hand without turning his head: “See you later.”

“Have a good competition.” Fu Yuanzhou said.

Yuan Ye came and went in a hurry, and Fu Yuanzhou had to admit that he was relieved. He really didn’t know how to explain it, but he also knew that he had to say it, as he didn’t want to make Xie Lin sad.

Suddenly the light in front of him dimmed, and he was kissed by Xie Lin. Fu Yuanzhou raised his head and endured his deep kiss. By the end, both of their breaths had become unstable. Fu Yuanzhou gasped and said with wet eyes, “…Are you jealous?”

Xie Lin stroked his cheek and said nothing. But they had grown up together, and now they were even more connected. So, Fu Yuanzhou felt even more sensitive to his emotional changes. Knowing that he was unhappy, he immediately became soft-hearted, distressed, and a little bit happy. He liked how Xie Lin treated him possessively.

He took the initiative to go up to kiss Xie Lin and said to him: “I will make it clear to Yuan Ye, that the person I like is you, since I like you, I will definitely not be involved with other people, I was just thinking what I should say which would be the most appropriate.”

He hugged Xie Lin’s waist and whispered in his ear: “I like you so much, Xie Lin.”

He would not begrudge his love words, because he wanted Xie Lin to know how much he liked him, Xie Lin’s eyelashes trembled slightly when he heard the words, and he turned his head slightly. Fu Yuanzhou knew exactly what he wanted to do, so he happily greeted him and kissed Xie Lin.

“After the temporary marking subsides, let’s make it public.”

Xie Lin gently kissed the corner of his lips, held him in his arms and said, “This way you don’t need to explain it to anyone.”

Fu Yuanzhou was stunned, he had declined this before. He had once mentioned to Xiaofei when he was showing his favor that he would not date people until he graduated from high school, but if he disclosed his relationship with Xie Lin, Xiaofei would also know, and he would definitely be very sad.

But…

He hugged Xie Lin back, he couldn’t refuse Xie Lin’s proposal. The reason why he said this to Xiaofei at that time was because he thought he would not like anyone, but when he was sure of his love for Xie Lin and after thinking about it, he didn’t want Xie Lin to wait for him, and he himself didn’t want to wait any longer. He wanted Xie Lin to belong to him as soon as possible.

…I’m sorry, Xiaofei.

He closed his eyes and responded to Xie Lin softly: “Okay.”

Finally, they agreed to wait until Fu Yuanzhou’s temporary marking faded to officially start dating and make their relationship public, otherwise even admitting to their parents that they were dating would seem a little awkward.

After recuperating at home for a week, Fu Yuanzhou finally returned to school. During this week, his condition was much better. Although his instinct was still tempting him to dream of Shen Xigou, but because his heart was filled with Xie Lin, he no longer felt pain and fear, and gradually he could look at this matter with a more relaxed state of mind.

Naturally, he paid attention to Shen Xigou’s situation, but not because of pheromones, but because of his former friendship with Shen Xigou.

He was worried that Shen Xigou might commit suicide and would contact Dr. Sun every day to inquire about Shen Xigou’s condition. Fortunately, the answer he got was that Shen Xigou’s condition was relatively stable, and he did not take any drastic actions. He also cooperated very well with the doctor’s treatment of him.

Fu Yuanzhou breathed a sigh of relief, and then hesitantly asked, “He… did he say anything else?”

“No.” Dr. Sun paused and replied, “He only said that he was sorry for marking you.”

After hanging up, Dr. Sun put away her phone and walked into the nursing home. After Shen Xigou woke up, he was transferred to this private nursing home with better conditions. Dr. Sun sometimes came to visit, not only because of Fu Yuanzhou’s entrustment, but also because of her natural sense of responsibility as a doctor.

She had been a doctor for 30 years and had seen all kinds of patients. She treated them all equally. She would not reject or fear Shen Xigou just because he was mentally ill. On the contrary, she was more sympathetic to such patients.

Shen Xigou’s family conditions should be very good, but Dr. Sun had never seen his family come to visit him these few days. It was true that some people came to take care of Shen Xigou, but these people were only his subordinates. To take care of Shen Xigou for them was just to complete their work, no one really cared about him.

“How do you feel?”

Seeing Shen Xigou sitting in the pavilion by the lake, Dr. Sun stepped forward and asked him.

“It’s okay.” Seeing her coming, Shen Xigou stood up and nodded, “Thank you for your help, I’m sorry for causing you trouble.”

Dr. Sun smiled gently, and Shen Xigou asked again: “How’s Yuanzhou?”

“He’s recovering, and he’s doing well, so you don’t have to worry.”

Dr. Sun replied with a complex look in her eyes.

She couldn’t help thinking that when Shen Xigou woke up, his first sentence was to ask her to keep it a secret, to not tell anyone about his self-harm, especially Fu Yuanzhou.

He said that his self-harm was an act he did when he was mentally unstable, and it had nothing to do with Fu Yuanzhou. He didn’t want Fu Yuanzhou to know, to be more afraid of him, or to feel sympathy and guilt. In the end, it was all his own choice, and Fu Yuanzhou did not need to be responsible for this.

Dr. Sun did not say that she had disclosed his situation to Fu Yuanzhou for safety reasons. She could only keep it a secret for Shen Xigou after that and would not mention anything more to Fu Yuanzhou.

“What are you going to do after this?” Dr. Sun asked.

“I want to compensate Yuanzhou, do something for him in the end, and then leave.” Shen Xigou said.

Originally, he came here to find out why Seven was alienating him for no reason, he wanted to save their friendship, but in the end he still couldn’t get the answer.

It didn’t matter what the answer was, now he knew very well that he couldn’t get anything back by staying here, his Seven would no longer feel any happiness because of him, he would even cause him harm, such that his Seven was now avoiding him. It was the right choice, and anything that hurt Seven shouldn’t be there, including himself.

Shen Xigou raised his hand and touched his chest lightly. The chest under the hospital gown was wrapped with gauze. When he was mentally unstable, he wrote the word “Yuanzhou”, and scabs had already condensed. They may leave some scars in the future.

Whatever Seven gave him, whether it was pain or blood, he was happy with it, but he shouldn’t make Seven feel pain.

He knew that Seven didn’t like the name, so he didn’t dare to engrave “Seven” and only engraved Yuanzhou, but even this name shouldn’t be kept. If Seven knew he did such a thing, he would definitely feel disgusted.

…But if this body was burned to ashes, there would be no scars, right?

Shen Xigou lowered his eyelashes, and the hand that fell into his sight was always so pale, without any blood, just like the sick himself.

After turning to ashes, nothing could be seen.

“Are you going home?” Dr. Sun asked, “Will you take good treatment when you go back?”

Shen Xigou raised his eyes and smiled but did not answer her directly: “I have been receiving treatment, but the effect is not good.”

Dr. Sun knew that this was because Shen Xigou had no will to survive, and this was a very serious problem. With such a mentality, even if he received treatment, the effect would not be very good.

“But no matter what, you should receive good treatment.” Dr. Sun comforted him, “You are still young, and there are many beautiful things waiting for you to discover, you should not miss it.”

“Thank you.” Shen Xigou smiled, “I will.”

Dr. Sun left worriedly, Shen Xigou sat by the lake, staring at the connected water and sky, the lake was sparkling, but there was no shimmer in his eyes.

Beautiful things?

He had found it, and he had missed it.

Shen Xigou took out his mobile phone and swiped his fingertips across the screen. There were a lot of landscape photos in the album. He swiped over them one by one.

He had traveled for many years and had seen countless magnificent, magical and majestic natural landscapes. At first, he and Fu Yuanzhou became acquainted because of the landscape photos he took. He traveled everywhere, and from the beginning to the end, he had only one purpose – to find a place which was the most beautiful and which he could say was his favorite place, as a place to scatter his ashes after his death.

But…there were a few places he should avoid.

Shen Xigou selected and deleted some of the photos. These were the places that Fu Yuanzhou had mentioned that he wanted to see in the future. He thought that Fu Yuanzhou should not want to see him, so he consciously avoided it.

The farther the better.