CH 18.2

And that night… I was suddenly cut off from my body and the invisible cord that connected me to it. It was a lie told by someone named Lina, and it made Remilia… They all came together to abuse her. Nothing is ever really true…!

「Reconsider her please!!」

「She didn’t do anything to her! Don’t believe her lies!!」

No matter how much I scream, no one can hear me. But Remilia-san looks so sad… I could see her tears about to spill over.「Stop!」I shouted over and over again, but nothing changed. Remilia became a sinner because of the lie that someone named Lina told her, she got hurt, and my body saw it and said,「Suck it up, I’m not going to let you be happy,」and she was the happiest she have ever been… I was so horrified that I rejected my body with all my might.

I hate it, I hate it, this filth… I don’t want this stuff poured down my throat, nooo!!

Noooooo!!!

When I found out that… I was floating far above the royal city, overlooking the castle. At no point did I ever feel like「I was only this far away,」and strangely enough, I knew that「I was no longer connected to my body in any way.」

「Finally… I’m finally freed!」

Not quite the same feeling I had moving my body when it was only mine, but… now I could move freely in the air. I can fly faster or float higher. Did I have no substance? My present body is not swept away when the wind blows around it. I would no longer have to be forced to watch so many disgusting things or listen to people say bad things about me by the person who entered my body. Thinking of that made me so happy that I wanted to cry.

『Star Maiden.』

『You’re finally released.』

『It was really hard for you, so hard.』

「…You guys are?」

I found myself surrounded by multicolored balls of light. Swaying happily, their words reached directly into me like ringing bells.

『We are the guardian spirits of the Star Maidens.』

『We’ve been worried about you ever since the Star Maiden’s soul was sealed and locked away.』

『We were there to protect you.』

I see, I’m sure that when they were… They must be the spirits that the wizard’s sister taught me. I learned that even a magician must have the gift of the genie master to be able to see, but I am sure it has something to do with the fact that I myself am now a ball of light.

I was filled with warmth as I realized that they had been with me all along.

They urged me to fly higher and higher.

It seems that I am now only a soul, a very unstable being, and that when I am not connected to my body, I dissolve into the world and disappear when I am in this life. It sounded more frightening than death, and I flew with them meekly. If they wrap my soul and protect it, they will not disappear, but the spirits say that it is better to stay out of the human world as much as possible.

「Why can’t I stay here?」

『Because the Spirit King says so! It’s going to be a source of conflict.』

『Hmm, you see, he said that just by being around you, people feel happy, have stronger magic powers, better luck, and heal injuries faster. Then people feel too comfortable spending time with those who are with them, and they kind of fall in love with each other.』

『It’s one of the blessings that the spirits give to those he love, like the Star Maidens. Our loved ones were protected by that whole body because the soul of the Star Maiden was connected to them so that they would be cherished by the people around them, but』

『When a Star Maiden is cherished by those around her, the Star Maiden also cherishes those around her, and the power of the Star Prayer increases.』

I wonder if that was the reason why people around me were so easily following what this Lina person was saying, and not just the drugs from that shady store.

We were soaring higher and higher into the sky. The lights of the royal city at night glowed like sparse stars at my feet. As I climbed up to a certain point, I knew that I had crossed some kind of boundary line, and before I knew it, the night sky had suddenly brightened. I am standing in a field of flowers, though I should be above the clouds. I was the light, and I am what I was before I was fourteen years old.

『Rest your soul here, Star Maiden.』

『The next world crisis is still a long way off, so you can relax until then.』

『If you want to be reborn, we’ll go with you again.』

When I arrived at the spirit world, I was welcomed by various spirits who lived there. For the first time in my life, so many people were kind to me and were happy just to be there.

…In the beginning, I was happy and enjoyed just talking with the spirits in that way and learning many things from them. But when I was connected from my body… It was very painful to recall memories of being shown so many unpleasant things.

I despaired when I was told that my memories would never fade away or be forgotten because I, as only a soul, am more like a concept, a being itself.

The people are kind and worry about me every time I remember and suffer, but I feel bad about that too.

I asked them if there was any way to forget.

『So you want to be born once again?』

『If you enter the cycle of reincarnation, you’ll lose all memory of this life.』

I got scared when I heard the details of that too. The genie said that they would follow the spirit of the Star Maiden… What if the next time I am born to someone who beats me again?

Because the spirits told me that from the time I was born, they had given me a blessing that made it easier for people to like me. I wondered because my father had never taken care of me. Then they said,『If it weren’t for us, the Star Maiden would be in worse trouble.』…I was horrified when they said that.

I had one sister before me, but she was more beaten up than I was, and she was sold to a place called『brothel』 when I was little.

I know I was better than my sister, whom I had never met, but… Just the thought that even if I lost my memory and was reborn, maybe I would be the child of the same kind of person again made me very scared.

Besides… My body was being used by a man named Lina, who was doing a lot of very disgusting and embarrassing things with a lot of different men. I was being shown it, and once again… I didn’t even want to think about being reborn as a girl who might do something like that to me.

I don’t want to continue to suffer from the bad memories. But I am also afraid of being reborn. I don’t want to be a girl again. I was so scared of everything that I couldn’t do anything, so I cowered in the flower garden and started to cry, even though the spirits were worried about me. My tears just won’t stop, and the bad memories that are etched in my mind because of this person, Lina, will torment me over and over again.

I wondered how much I had cried, and in this field of flowers, where only the genie should be, there stood a very beautiful woman accompanied by a genie.

「Uhh, good morning… I guess? Miss Star Maiden.」

「Ehh!?! Ah, ah, nice to meet you……!」

I had been looking at the place with a blank stare, thinking that it was a goddess, but I hurriedly stood up and bowed my head. She has shining dark golden hair and clear blue eyes like the clear blue sky. Her eyes are kind and she is the most beautiful person I know. The goddess who gave blessings to the heroes in the picture book must have been someone like him.

「Fufufu, It’s not a pleasure to meet you. I know you. You know me, too, even though we never spoke…」

「Ah, eh…? H–Huh!!」

Then I realized for the first time that I was not the one who had done so many terrible things to my body. A person who had done terrible things to my body, lied to me, made me a sinner, and hurt me a lot. She was a beautiful girl then, and she had become a beautiful woman, like a goddess.

「I–I’m sorry, I…」

「Oh, why is that? You have not done anything, have you?」

「Eh…?」

I began to tremble with fear and guilt, and the goddess gently wrapped her hands around me… Remilia-san looked into my face.

「I–I, I could only watch from the inside…」

「You must have seen a lot of nasty things, poor thing.」

「I wanted her to stop lying to you.」

「You tried to stop her, didn’t you? That was a very brave and right thing to do.」

「There’s nothing… I couldn’t do anything, I’m sorry…」

「No, I know you had to endure this alone… It must have been hard for you, you’ve worked hard enough. You did great.」

「Ahh, ah… ahhhh…!!!」

I, who had not grown up as a little girl, was hugged by Remilia in the flower garden and started to cry out loud. It was the first time I ever got a hug from someone, or a pat on the head. Tears were flowing one after another, and Remilia didn’t even know what she was saying,「You didn’t do anything wrong.」「It must’ve been hard for you.」「It’s already okay.」Each time she said this, the heavy stagnation that had been causing pain in my heart dissolved and disappeared one by one.

After a while, I finally calmed down and Remilia-san told me what had happened while I was cowering and crying in the spirit world. The woman who was using my body to do bad things was apparently a demon, and now she is being punished. I didn’t understand about the evil gods and the demon world, but I was glad to hear that people who did bad things were punished as much as they deserved and that many people are happier now than before.

「So, you see, I’ve been looking for you.」

「For me…?」

「Yes, I was looking for you, and the Spirits and the Spirit King, who were worried about you, asked me to help you.」

Remilia was given an oracle from God when she was a child, telling her that the world was in danger and giving her the knowledge to save it. Inside, it seems that I was actually one of the group that was on a journey to save the world. Remilia-san, who I only saw in that oracle, believed that「A Star Maiden would never do such a thing,」and even after she punished the demon that had taken over my body after I was falsely accused and banished, she was still worried about my original whereabouts and was searching for me. Remilia smiles as if she is troubled, saying that she shouldn’t be found in this world, and I start to cry again.

I felt sorry that I had been crying here and causing all the spirits to worry. I tell Remilia again that I am suffering from the memories I was shown when I was chained to my body, and that I am afraid of being reborn. I’m like a child who annoys its parents by saying “I’m afraid of this and I’m afraid of that.”

「Yes, that is why. I’m here to make a proposal to you… Are you not interested in becoming my child?」

「Eh…!?」

「The King of Spirits, he said, wished I could provide you with a family that would make you happy in your rebirth. The Goddess of Purification, who has been blessing me, sent me to you.」

「Remilia-san did…?」

「Of course, my happiness and your idea of happiness may differ… I don’t intend to be the kind of parent you’re worried about, the kind who beats their kids or makes them anxious with their own mood swings.」

「…Is it okay, Remilia-san? When I became your family member…」

「I’m so glad to have a nice, kind, hard-working girl like you in my family.」

She stroked my tear-stained cheeks and hugged me again, and I cried again.

「But, wouldn’t that be taking away someone else’s body…?」

「You are so kind. Don’t worry, a newborn baby’s soul is not born until six months after it begins to grow inside my belly. No baby is going to be deprived of a body because you were there before that.」

「Can I forget everything and be born again?」

「Not all of them, exactly. Unlike the cycle of reincarnation, this time the Spirit King helps the souls to be reborn, but even after reincarnation, they will still remember things like,『I feel like I’ve had this pastry before,』or『I feel like I’ve been here before.』」

Then it seemed like a very nice thing to do. Finally, I would be free of this painful memory. I was too scared to move, but I also wanted to stop thinking about it, and I was relieved that the end was finally in sight.

I wanted to be friends with Remilia, then… I wonder if that thought will remain. I hope so.

「Rest in peace until the birth. See you again in a while, my dear child.」

The spirits flying anxiously around me touch me.「Good night.」「Good night, Star Maiden.」「We’ll see you around.」「We’ll be always here for you.」I close my eyes, reassured by the sound of their voices. I never knew how happy I am to know that I am not alone.

She patted me on the head and my body was sucked into Remilia’s body as a small particle of light. My ego gradually melted away, but I wasn’t scared at all, and I couldn’t remember anything bad that had happened to me, so I just stayed myself, lost everything, and fell asleep peacefully.

「So, I look forward to seeing you again in this life, dear spirits.」

The research on dealing with souls was a success. And yet, even after I could see them directly, I should have been looking for her, but I couldn’t find her, she must have been protected in the spirit world. I was worried that she might not be a person anymore because she wasn’t inside Pina, so she should have already been reborn, but she’s nowhere to be found, so I’m glad to hear that.

「Yes, I will do my best to make my precious Star Maiden happy.」

Emi also loved the main character… The Star Maiden. She said she was happy just to see her favorite and her favorite getting along and being happy because of it, so I… Emi will be happy if I love and adore the Star Maiden that was born and make her happy.

「I was also worried about the original Star Maiden. Don’t thank me so much… It’s what I would have wanted, too.」

Because if it was Emi’s「Remilia,」I would be worried about the Star Maiden from the bottom of my heart. What Emi wants is also my sincere wish.

That’s good. I’ve learned to handle souls at will, but… I was having trouble with my soul「breaking」no matter how much I practiced. I tried again and again with the women who were Emi’s attendants and the men who were her bodyguards. I’m sure there are things that only God can do, and yet I didn’t give up and repeated the experiment over and over again, and it scarred their souls. It seems that the memories of those five people that have been imprinted on me will remain even if they cross the cycle of reincarnation forever from now on. No matter how many times they are reborn in the future, they will never escape the pain of being killed by me, having their souls taken out of them, and having their souls treated like a toy as if I am trying out a new recipe. It was very nice.

The quality of the soul doesn’t change, so it doesn’t hurt their hearts to be reborn, because the garbage is definite. You see, sometimes parents are decent but their children grow up to be jerks. It’s partly because of the quality of their souls. It’s a disaster for the parents.

It’s a fitting end for those scum who betrayed their own masters, but maybe it’s a little too soon to let them go? Should I have carved the wound a little deeper into their souls?

But I didn’t want to have those filthy things on hand to carry life in their bellies. The「tools」used for soul research are locked up in a hidden room in a dungeon that has been trudged through so that people don’t know about them, and they are usually not in plain sight, but that doesn’t matter. I can’t show them something dirty with a baby in my belly, can I? There was also the word prenatal in Emi’s memory.

Still, I’m glad she got this approach right after I showed her my concern for the whereabouts of the Star Maiden. I was worried because I didn’t know how many decades it would take for me to be able to handle my own soul at will, or even if I would be able to do it if I didn’t. I’m glad that by ingratiating myself this time, the King of Spirits has promised to help me with Emi, and I’m glad that I was able to make sure that this was safe before Emi as well. I also wanted to “practice” parenting. After all, there are many things I will never know unless I give birth to a child myself, not a child from an orphanage.

「Let’s be a happy family. You’ll be a great big brother.」