Volume 1 - CH 5.8

And as I watch the spinning parasol, I think of that day over and over.

The cherry blossoms had begun to bloom. As on other days, Azaka-sama was taking a stroll in the garden with her mother. For some reason, her mother was staring at Azaka-sama with brooding eyes. Oblivious to her gaze, Azaka-sama walked gracefully through the garden.

The woman glaring at Azaka-sama with snake-like eyes was the Mayuzumi Azaka of her time. She raised her daughter—the girl chosen to be the next Azaka—strictly while she was still alive. It was as if she hated her for being special, for she was a Mayuzumi Azaka by birth.

For me, there is only one Mayuzumi Azaka, and that is Azaka-sama. That is why I have never called her mother Azaka-sama. I could not help but wonder why her mother held the title of Azaka when Azaka-sama existed.

Every time the parasol twirled, I felt intoxicated. Azaka-sama was smiling happily. But suddenly she slipped and fell into the pond. Fortunately, she was not injured. She did not cry. Drenched, she only hung her head down. I was amazed by how tough she was, but I also hated myself for not being able to help her. I really don’t deserve to live. Someday I will die for Azaka-sama. That was my only wish.

With a demonic look, her mother grabbed Azaka-sama’s hand. Her mother—no, that woman suddenly began shouting.

The heir to the Azaka name should not be falling into water.

Can’t you behave more gracefully?

Your conduct is inexcusable.

Her comments were utterly ridiculous. From the time of her birth, Azaka-sama had acquired the regality befitting an Azaka. That is why even when the current Azaka was still alive, Azaka-sama was already chosen to be the next Azaka. It was also decided that there would be no ceremony of selecting the next Azaka from among the girls of the family. That was how special Azaka-sama was. From the moment she gave birth to Azaka-sama, that woman was nothing more than a used-up womb. How dare she speak to her like that?

Hurling a stream of insults at Azaka-sama, the woman tossed her into a room. I crawled out of the bushes and jumped under the floor to listen. I could hear the woman’s ugly voice, and the sound of flesh hitting flesh.

Do you know how much I’ve spent on you?! You know how much effort I’ve put to make you into an Azaka! Why can’t you act more like a girl?! Stop making a fool of your mother!

The pig kept on squealing. I could hear the sound of flesh being beaten. I vomited on the spot. That woman hit Azaka-sama’s beautiful face. How dare she do that to her! I’m going to kill her, rip her guts out, and feed her to the pigs.

I sensed the woman leave. I could not kill her. She was the Mayuzumi Azaka during that time. If I killed her, I would be banished from the Mayuzumi family and would never be able to see Azaka-sama’s face ever again. I said I was willing to die for her, but I hesitated to kill to save myself. What an ugly creature I am! I crawled out from under the floor and peered into the room where Azaka-sama was. Azaka-sama was staring blankly at the ceiling. Poor Azaka-sama. Shedding tears, I lamented my lack of power. Then suddenly, Azaka-sama moved her head like a broken puppet and looked at me. A smile slowly appeared on her face.

Her bewitching, beautiful lips arched. “Come here,” she said in a mesmerizing tone.

I felt as if I was struck by lightning. My whole body trembled. I thought I would collapse on the spot and die. Azaka-sama talked to me.

“Come here,” Azaka-sama repeated, extending a pale hand.

As if controlled by a string, I opened the sliding door. Azaka-sama slowly raised herself up. Her beautiful eyes, like those of a noble cat, looked down at me. I knelt down in front of her.

“You’ve been watching me, haven’t you?”

Azaka-sama smiled at me. Shedding tears of joy, I nodded. Her white hand touched my cheek. Caressing my skin gently and tenderly, she said, “How ugly.”

That’s right. I am an ugly pig, a worm. Yet she caressed me. What joy. What bliss.

Then, Azaka-sama whispered in my ear. “Be mine.”

I nodded. I nodded again and again. Azaka-sama smiled. At that moment, I became hers.

I became Azaka-sama’s—body, mind, and soul.

Even now, I still belonged to her.

And so he became hers.

I couldn’t believe the madness in his mind.

I shook my head furiously. Staring into the gray darkness, I calmed my mind down. What were those memories just now? It had nothing to do with the images of the past showing in front of me. I couldn’t figure out who owned those memories filled with twisted emotions. Azaka. Azaka, Azaka. The name that the man was calling like crazy reverberated in my brain. But it soon dissipated and vanished. My stomach gurgled. The thing in my stomach was devouring the memories with delight. I wanted it to stop. My past and an unfamiliar man’s memories intermingled, and now images of an unfamiliar girl was added. I felt as if I was slowly disappearing. I had had enough. I was beginning to forget who I was. Two ugly memories, and then another.

Memories of a black girl.

Who was she?

It bothered me all of a sudden.

I wanted to see ****-san.

I wanted to ask ****-san. She said she would not get mad no matter how silly the question. I didn’t know if she would give me an answer, but I was sure just talking to her would ease my mind.

Where is ****-san I wonder?

Why am I not by her side?

My ears caught a sound. My chest burned. Intense pain, as if I was set afire, jolted through me. In this place where everything felt indistinct, the pain alone gave me comfort.

Then my vision switched again.

A girl in gothic lolita fashion appeared in my field of vision. Still chained with a collar, she stretched like a cat. Next to her, a boy was chomping on a chocolate bar. A man was lying at his feet. He was smiling while snoring, like he was having a nice dream.

I could see the moon and the branches of cherry trees through the broken window.

The flowers, which had almost fully bloomed, bore a color similar to moonlight.

“Aren’t you sleepy?” the boy asked.

The girl shrugged. “There is no need for concern. If I want to sleep, I’ll sleep. I’d rather have you take off this chain. I’m not an ornamental doll. My joints will break if I keep sitting like this.”

The boy chuckled. “I’m sorry, but I can’t do that. Orders. Asato-san told me not to let you hold your parasol.”

He straightened his back for some reason. Perhaps he was keeping the girl company. His carefree tone belied a diligent attitude.

“I know it’s a bit late to ask,” the girl said, “but what have you done with Odagiri-kun?”

For some reason, my name came up. The boy slapped his knee and burst out laughing.

“Yeah, it’s really late for that. Ah, apologies for laughing, but I can’t tell you that either. Sorry.”

“I see. I expected as much.”

Another silence descended. The girl stopped talking, as if she had lost interest. If she didn’t blink, her doll-like face would look like an intricately-carved piece of art.

Can’t you act more concerned?

Strangely enough, words rose to my throat. But I closed my mouth without uttering them. Even if I said them out loud, they wouldn’t reach her. And I didn’t know why I suddenly wanted to say those words.

“Speaking of which, doesn’t Odagiri-san talk weird?” the boy said out of nowhere.

I wished they would stop talking about me.